Should You Leave Your Husband? 3 Signs It’s Time to Go
First, remember how difficult divorce is.
“A divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you.” ~ Margaret Atwood.
If you’re thinking about leaving your husband, you need to learn as much about separation and divorce as possible. Read books like Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go. Talk to a marriage counselor or marriage coach. See your pastor or spiritual leader.
You’re not looking for someone to tell you what you should do; you’re looking for wise counsel to help you make the right decision.
And, these signs that a marriage is worth fighting for may help you make a decision…
Should You Leave Your Husband?
“There are certain factors that suggest a relationship is workable and salvageable,” writes Susan Pease Gadoua in Contemplating Divorce. “There are other factors in marriages that, if present, indicate a low probability that the relationship will be healthy or fulfilling. I call these workability factors.”
Here’s a list of Gadoua’s signs of unhappy marriages, specifically related to safety, love, and esteem needs (based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs).
You might leave the marriage if your safety needs aren’t being met because of…
- Lack of trust
- Pathological dishonesty
- Lack of mental, emotional, physical, or financial safety
- Mistreatment
- Lack of communication
You might stay in your marriage if your trust was broken but is reparable, if there’s a mutual desire to create a safe environment, if there is care, concern, and communication.
It may be time to leave your husband if your love needs aren’t being met because of…
- Absence of mutual love
- Infidelity
- No shared interests
- One or both spouses aren’t fully committed to the marriage
- One-sided relationship
If you’re considering divorce, you might think about fighting for your marriage if there is a foundation of mutual love, if both partners are willing to work through physical or emotional infidelity, and if both spouses are willing to recommit to staying married.
You might leave the marriage if your esteem needs aren’t being met because of…
- No esteem from self or spouse, and no desire to change
- No respect at all from spouse
- No common goals
- Unwillingness of at least one spouse to work on marriage
Does your marriage have a foundation of respect, some common goals, and a willingness to work on esteem and marriage issues on the part of both partners? If so, it might be worthwhile to fight for your marriage. If you and your husband respect each other, you may want to focus less on if you should leave your husband and more on fighting for your marriage.
There are no quick and easy answers for the “should I leave my husband?” question – and even the surest signs that it’s time to leave your husband can be complicated and confusing.
“I’ve had countless clients tell me that they don’t want to divorce because they are afraid of losing the co-parenting relationship or their spouse’s income, only to eventually realize that they alone already carry the load of responsibilities,” says Gadoua. “The spouse doesn’t contribute to the marriage but, rather, takes from it.”
For more tips, read You’re Not Happy Married, But Don’t Know If Divorce Is the Answer.
Love doesn’t conquer all
I’m sorry to say that love doesn’t conquer all! You can love your husband with all your heart, but not be able to build a strong, happy marriage together – especially if you’ve lost your personal identity. The lack of romantic love may not always lead to divorce, and the presence of love doesn’t lead to a happy marriage.
As Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.”
If you don’t want to leave because you invested time in your marriage, read Was My Marriage a Waste of Time? The Silver Lining of Breakups.
Do you want to leave your husband? I welcome your thoughts below…
Category: Breaking Up, Emotional Affairs, Separation & Divorce
been having control issues with my spouse for seven years it did not get real harsh till after the kids were born but he exerted lots of jealousy while i was in school always saying how id never finish because i was always missing for something important like i was pregnant and fighting severe sickness all day and migraines that would make me puke and pass out. pre-eclampsia and diabetes made for a not feel good the whole pregnancy but i still finished at the top ten percent of my class and turned around and had the baby only to get pregnant again. he lost his job but that was my fault for having him get a tax payer id number not to mention that we had to do so and file taxes so he could get his greencard but told me the greencard didnt matter but soon as i got pregnant it became the only thing that mattered… he is a great father but a lousy husband he does scream and i suspect he cheats. want to leave him but not sure if i can. wondering would others in this situation leave or would they stay. not sure if i love him or not and the sex is definitely not fullfilling as it once was (since the kids were born) he does not hit me but how he treat me in front of others and things he has said make me feel as if he has hit me right in the chest…
NIKKI,
I’m sure you have been told the obvious reasons to death by everyone, why you shouldn’t be with him.
Not going there (personally speaking), it sucks to love rodents. One tip about rodents, they stay in cages for a reason.
To love a rodent or not to love. “quote from me”
1. If he bites back (beats you) you have your answer on talking.
Don’t bother, just turn away and walk away, it sucks. Your son is worth every step and breath you take as his mom.
2. If he doesn’t bite back, ask him if he’s a man or mouse.
Go back to ABCs and 123s, remembering is fun. Make the marriage work.
CHINA,
Do you have any children or friends that are more close to you or spouse?
Other than that, here is a few tidbits…
1. Some could be medication you might be on. (confusion, emotional, illness ect.) I love Wal-Greens pharmacy. Most are friendly and will give you time of day. Check out your prescriptions, take them in. Most would be more than happy to ease your mind.
2. Honestly, I have a safety lock on my smart phone. I keep a lot of personal information stored there.
3. Sometimes life may seem hopeless or even not worth staying. Please don’t give up and knowing that life can give you a bad hand, like poker. But bluffing can always be played. So don’t fold, keep bluffing!
Lynn, your story was very touching and in ways it feels similar to a situation I recalled, by listening to both sides objectively. Granted I’m not a professional from any means.
For a lot of stress in marriages is finances, plain and simple.
Anything outside of this bubble is sacrifices, either by good choices or not.
Staying in a relationship for money has advantages but just because its there, abusing it for self gain and not improving your situation is foolish.
1. If you truly love the children, don’t be hasty. Google is a powerful tool.
2. Be calm and get ALL information on children from birth to now. EVERY DOCTOR they ever had.
2. Video is a powerful stuff in attorney hands if want to be a parent and show flakes, kids should be treated with love, respect, and guidance.
I have been married for 2 years with him for 5. We have one son. The relationship has been hard from the beginning. I’m a stay at home mom and becoming fed up. I am a junior at a university but it’s on hold to be with baby. My husband just graduated from a univ. himself. Now it’s my turn to go again. I feel that my husband is a narcissist and materialistic and it’s the opposite of me and drives me insane. We have shared one car meaning my schedule revolves aground his. Everytime I bring up getting a job or going to school (I the past) he almost throws fits and gets me not to do it. He’s kept me from interviews and accepting jobs. He’s compulsive when it comes to cleaning. He yells and puts me down. I’m never good enough. The main issue is he keeps me from my family forcing me to go behind his back to see them. He has not said one positive thing about them in over a year. We never go out…. Grandmas are not even allowed to babysit leaving me with out a break ever! Should I leave? I’m so confused. I’m tired of his bad temper and controlling ways.
My husband and I were together for a year before we got married. He is a few years younger than me but that has never made a difference. We had been engaged for a few short months when he started talking to a woman he works with, two exes, and one old fling. He hid this from me for a month, I ended up finding out by luck. Despite what my heart wanted I was going to be done with him, he cried told me I was all he ever wanted and he was just being stupid with his actions, wanted to make sure I was all he wanted before we got married. The pain I felt from his many betrayals got so intense I ended up being numb. Just kind of went through the motions, forgave him and we moved in together. Months later we got married. We have been married for three months now and I fear our marriage was over before it began. I have major trust issues and it doesnt help that he still works with the woman he attempted to sleep with ( I to this day do not know if they ever did) I argue with myself daily on whether or not to believe anything he says. He has lied so much, it’s hard. He gets angry with me, says hes tired of not being trusted, but shouldn’t he earn that back? I didn’t damage our relationship/marriage and yet it seems as though I am the one suffering, trying to move past the past, trying to fix the present and survive the future.He used to try now he doesnt. Now he just gets angry and says “we shouldnt be together, its not what I want though” but he does nothing to change ANYthing and then says all he does is try. I convince myself my marriage is not a good one but I love this man, I truly adore him. My 5 year old son whose father is not in his life adores my husband as well. How can I leave when I dont want to, when I dont want to put my son or myself through a divorce? All I want is my marriage to work, doesnt have to be perfect, I’d settle for ok. I am still hurt by the past and I know that is a lot of our issues, but I am not hurt enough to want to leave my husband. I wonder if I can leave, I doubt I could make myself. I love him too much. I meant what I said when we got married, I made a choice. I chose him for the rest of my life. I couldnt imagine touching another man or DATING again (ugh) but we have trust issues, we cant communicate and it hurts me hes not more understanding to what he put me through. I dont know what to do where to start.
IM GOING THOUGH IT RIGHT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN LOCKED UP FOR THE PAST 4YEARS AND I HAVE BEEN THERE ALL THE WAY WE A CHILD TOGETHER HE COMES HOME IN 5 MONTHS AND HE IS PUTTING THROUGH HELL ABOUT TRUST. NOW HES SAYING I HAVE TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST IF HE WANTS US TO WORK.I CANT BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS,THIS IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME I NEVER GAVE HIM REASON TO DOUBT ME IT HURTS AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT.WHAT SHOULD I DO??????
Dear Catherine,
You’ve been through so much lately! You’re a strong woman – a survivor – and I hope you can see how resilient and courageous you are.
I can’t give you the help you need and deserve. You need to reach out to someone in person, and talk about whether or not you should leave your husband and how to survive this situation. I wish I could give you all the answers and support you need, but I can’t.
Please call a distress line or counselor. You deserve to get the help you need – please reach out in person, and let me know how it goes, okay? I welcome you to keep coming back and letting me know how you are – I’d love to know how you’re doing.
Remember: you CAN survive this, and be happy again. Healing is on the way…but you need to go halfway out to meet it.
Blessings,
Laurie
I would love some advice, I am currently married with 2 teenage kids 18 and 17 and have been for 20 years. I am 39 years old this year, 5 weeks ago my male best friend of 5 years was going through some very personal family issues with abuse that happened to him as a child and I was supportive by listening and hugging him when he broke down.One night he was in tears because of the abuse he suffered as a child I reached out and hugged him, he kissed me. My husband found out and my life has been a living nightmare since. I am made to check in everywhere I go, I must provide proof of where I am all the time yet he has accused me of meeting my male best friend, and lying etc. He come clean about a trip away he had with 10 mates to Vegas which I asked him about when he returned as I had one of his friends come over and get drunk and and what he told me astounded me he said my husband was with someone in Vegas and he swore on his dads life back then that simply wasn’t the case. I confronted him and he swore yet again he done nothing wrong, I asked him not to say anything or cause an issue with his friend. He promised he wouldn’t say anything. He lied and I found out. He has hidden phone calls with his brother and work colleges and makes a habit of telling his mates about my best friend and I. Any friends I thought I had have walked away from me, I have no family and left for 3 weeks to stay in a hotel. I attempted to take my life twice but failed.
I returned home as he begged and pleaded he loved me to give us another chance, I agreed as I love him dearly.
Since I have been back home he has hidden, lied, accussed me of things that I didn’t do. He told me his dead grandfather whom he has never met came to him whilst he was asleep and told him I was doing wrong again. Now he has told his friend which is or was our friends the whole male best friend incident. Not only do I deal with these friends on a work level I also have to deal with them on holidays as we have our house on the river next to theirs.
I am in despair I have no one to reach out to, or support me. I have paid dearly for my error and now I am made to suffer every waking moment. Please help?
Girl from Indonesia: welcome to American men. What you did was not a good idea, it would be better for you to return to your country and to your family.
I’ve been reading all your stories and I must admit that I’ve taken away a little piece of strength and surety from each of them. I am currently married to the man I need to leave. We’ve been married for almost 3 years but together for 6. He also was in the military. I dedicated my entire being to support, encourage, and remain loyal to him. I of coarse did these things based on the simple fact- “he would do the same for me!” Right? WRONG!! 2 days after returning from Iraq, while I was 8 months pregnant with our first child, I caught him talking to another woman. Although he’s yet to admit it, he carried on a full blown emotional relationship with this woman for who knows how long? A “friend” from high school. He would say things to her that were so sweet and considerate. Things I hadn’t been told for a long time. I think what hurt me the most was when I saw the message where he told her “happy mothers” day, I had to remind him to wish ME (the mother of his own child) a happy mothers day!! I guess that’s the point in our relationship I no longer felt safe. I was miserable and depressed. I felt as though I could never trust him again. But for the sake of our unborn child, I forced myself to accept what happened and offer our family another chance. Its been 2 years since that incident and although I trust he is not seeing or talking to someone else,our marriage has turned into an arrangement. I feel as though we “stick” around for all the wrong reasons. But the most important obviously being for our son. I can’t allow that to be my excuse anymore. I am so unhappy as a wife, as a woman. I think that some time apart would do us both some good. Maybe it will rekindle those feelings we’ve lost along the way? Or maybe it will confirm our inevitable dissolution?? I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know I no longer want to pretend what we have is great! I don’t want to settle for mediocre!! I want to be in love and receive genuine love in return. I don’t necessarily want our relationship to end in divorce, I want a wake up call!! I want to feel safe!! I want him to appreciate all the good he has NOW before its too late!! Like they say, “someone else’s trash, is another’s mans treasure”
Hello,
I have a question about my marriage, i have been married for 6 years and together with him for 14 he was in the Army for 8 years and i was theri the whole time for him. He wanted to stay at home with our kids do i did since i wanted to have time for them to get older. Now we have three kids youngest 3 im in college again and doing well he wont say that hes pround of me or ever around i feel all alone and have told him many times but he doesnt care. i tell him thing over and over things that bother me and he has told me he doesnt care. how am i to feel about that? ex. this weekend he comes into town because he goes to school 2 hours away he just got out the Army and i had class on saterday he leaves our elder kids with my sisters and goes to his parents i took my younest with me, he was to watch him but never woke up anyways he took off to his parents and came back home around 10pm. now its sunday and i take the kids to church like i always do unless we are at his parents house like we have the past month, now i come home around 1pm from church and hes away all he does is tell me things that need to be done and put me down for not doing things before i left he didnt heklp me get the kids dressed or anything i did it my self like always then i take the kids to our pool and he takes a nap with our 3 year old he calls me at the pool and tells me i need to come to wacth him so that he can leave to go back to his schhol. can anyone tell me what the hell to do im lot i tell him i want more time together and he tells me he doesnt see what the problem is. can someone help please?
@ashley..oh my honey has be beat u down..you have given up your power to him. He has scared you into believing that without him your incapable of doing anything. But sweetheart it seem like it cant get anyworst without him. FEAR is your we feel that i would never amount to anything without himrst enemy! I left my ex husband who was abusive he always made me feel that i would never be anything without him on top of it all i was so scared of leaving affriad that he would catch me in the act and kill me! Well i found the courage in my sons eyes
for him i swore that i had to give him my everything that he desevered so much more than seeing his mother being beaten to the ground and stabbed with an ice pick not to mention raped! Ok! I took my child 2 shopping bags one of his clothes another of mine and while he was at work i just left!, i took a greyhound bus out of that state and left to my parents beaten, humiliated, i felt like a failure…girl i went to the welfare dept. for help yes food stamps school i took advantage of everything the system huad to offer i even got a year worth of rent! I swore that i would leave the system get a training at anything and get a job, and so i did…fast forward to now..i remarred my son is on his second year at penn state university i own my home and he came down here once looking for me at first my entire family was there and guess what he wasnt the macho man he used to he he was a coward who took advantage of a young beaten down woman! He had all the power until i decided to take it back! So you can live without him, you can be the woman you dream of being and you should be the mother that you truly want to be inside and leave! You can do it! You just have to decide that you can! My heart is with you and im praying that you will find the strenght to do what is right in your babies eyes…
If your husband makes you homeless 3x, should you go when it was his lack of stability to cause it and not the economy?
If you husband racks up debt year after year where you have to file bankruptcy because he wants to live lavishly when he cannot afford any of it, is it time to go?
When he allows his family, your family to critisize you, belittle you, abuse you, trash talk about the children, is it time to go?
If you feel like you are more his maid, cook, lawyer, banker, saleswomen, assistant, babysitter then his wife, is it time to go?
These are among the long list of questions I ask myself everyday for the last 2 years of an 8 year marriage. We have 4 kids, he threatens to take them if I leave. I just dont know what to do anymore. He has scared me to stay and I feel I cannot leave and raise them without him. He has the career, he has made sure all I can do is minimum wage but isolating me from everyone. Its just mortifying to see my dreams die along with the childrens too.
I have 4 kids, been married 8 years. I am at the point where I am just fed up but cannot seem to go. He says he will take the kids if I do yet he does nothing for them. He has managed to make us bankrupt twice, homeless 3x and its not because of the economy. He just wont keep a job and keep out of getting us in debt by buying things we cannot afford. He wants to live off the system but in a rich home surrounded by lavish things. I am embarrased by him. He makes me feel unwanted, fat, worthless. I get a job to do better, he does something that makes me have to chose between working or being with the kids. I failed school because he had use in a new zip code every month, I cant say or do anything because I am scared I will lose the kids. But then again, how can I care for 4 children on my own with just my income as he has the career and all I can get is minimum wage. I am just so depressed that staying in misery seems to be my only options. And there is no intimacy so I have been living as if I were a nun for a year now. I really dont think I have any choice but to stay and stick it out till the kids are all grown so he cannot take the one thing i care most about away, The children!
Hello all…I’ve been with my husband 11 yrs, married 2. I am in the sad, sad process of making my getaway plans…he is just above all else, a narcissist, uncaring, unemotional…I’m total opposite…Not sure why I’ve stayed…No physical abuse but emotional abuse/verbal abuse on top of mental issues on my side, I am beside myself…One too many times for me…he calls me all but a child of God, I can’t do anything right, stupid, unattractive (not to boast or brag but I’m no hag), just horrible things…it used to really hurt me, now it’s pissing me off…he’s lied to my family, borrowed money then said, not my family, haha..just mean as a snake, always putting me down, nothing is ever good enough, clean enough, spicy enough, blah blah…what has scared me into making a plan to leave is because I’m getting over the being “hurt” and I’m “pissed off”…Don’t let your situations come to this….I’m doing the best I can, (as he has managed to isolate me) away from all I know, to hang in here for few more days….I am beside myself with anger, anxiety, panic, fear not sure theres enough space to say it all or the want to on my part…..Get out is the best thing I can say…with or witout money….it doesn’t get better…this is my second go round with abuse…only difference with this one is not physical….seriously emotional and verbal…very vindictive.
I love my husband we been together for 10 yrs. I feel like I’ve let him down I’ve got a mental illness and struggled with this for many years. I be lost respect for my self and confidence I dont think I am the wife he married I love this man I can’t bear we’re I am and I feel like I’m nothing so I willing to walk away hopefully to find myself. If I recover me who knows but I’m no good to him thoughts.
hi. i am on the other side. i am a man in his 40′s who has just lost the love of my life. i was good person once, the guy she met and fell in love with and married, but along the way my self-esteem issues drove me into depression and anxiety, and i turned to drugs and alcohol to cope. i created a secret life that i lived apart from my wife, whom i neglected emotionally in every respect. there have been issues over the years, and she has called me out on the drinking, the drugs, the porn, the lack of attention and respect. i would try to fix things, and while it would be ok for awhile i would always go back, because that’s all i knew. once things seemed settled i would gradually go back to my old habits, without regard to her. i never set out for it to happen this way. i never stopped loving her, but i never was there for her, i always took her for granted. i would take out my frustrations on her. i resented her for keeping me from my drugs, from keeping me from my selfishness, and now, after this last episode where she has told me its over, i finally understand what i have been doing all these years. i finally realize that i can’t control the drugs, they only control me. the only answer is, and has always been, total abstinence. the cruelest irony is that i had to lose everything to understand what i needed to do to change myself, and become again the man she fell in love with and married. and now that i am on the path to recovering myself, i find myself alone, facing a life without her. there is no bigger pain than realizing too late what a gift you have. i had a beautiful diamond in my hand, and in a drunken, ignorant rage i threw it into the ocean. and now i stand on the shore, looking out at the water, in agony and despair at what i have done. and even though i know its hopeless, even though i no there is no chance, the only thing i have left is to try and regain what i have lost.
Oh Mercy,
You are 25!! Your life isnt over – it hasnt even begun.So you made a mistake. Hey, dont pay for it a second longer. Leave. Tomorrow. On the bus or train or in any vehicle that has gas in it. Change the chip in your cell fone and dont look back. You were smart enough to find this site, youll be smart enough to go to Tijuana or anywhere else you want to go. Rent a room. Get any job for the short term. Tell yourself youre Jerry Hall leaving Nowhere Texas for work in paris {she was 17} or anyone else you want to be. Do not have contact with this man child again. He does not love you. He doesnt make you happy He abuses you. Leave a piece of paper with a middle finger salute on it.Then meet decent people who know how to relate to other decent people. Have some fun with other 25 year olds {mixed crowds, hang out, go to a night class or two. } Smile and hold your head up and vow that no one will ever make you this unhappy again. good luck and post a reply when you get where youre going, cos it will be fab and all us oldies who waited far too long to take that huge step will be rooting for you.
Hello,
I’m 26 my husband is 30 we have been together for 12 yrs and I’m unhappy. He has a drinking problem well at least I think he does. He leaves me and his children to go drink with his friends. On new years we made plans and me and my family were waiting for him after work but he never showed up until 2 days later, I was embarrassed with my family. I kicked him out of the house for a few days then took him back. He is a good dad and good husband but I feel sad and unwanted because he always chooses his friends before us. I always tell him if he leaves again, I will leave him but he doesn’t seem to care and keeps doing it, he will stop drinking for a few months then leave and not come back, I don’t think he is cheating. Am I being over dramatic. He tells me he wants to be able to hang out with his friends every once in awhile because he needs his boy time. I understand that but once he starts drinking he doesn’t stop and gets aggressive towards me and scares me. I also forgot to mention we have 2 kids my daughter is 10 and cries every time he comes home drunk, he promises her he won’t do it again, but eventually does , she is so upset now that she tells me not to forgive her father, it hurts me to hear our own daughter say that. He just got home right now from drinking with his friends. When I asked him what happend he says he is sorry and it won’t happen again, he told me that him and his coworkers went drinking and they all jumped in a river and that’s why he was all wet, he said he just wanted to have a little fun. I feel bad because I feel like I’m making unhappy by pressuring him not to drink.. I also have to add that I’m a bitchy wife but I have done everything for him. He is a illegal alien and has no future here in America he can’t keep a job and I feel like I can never rely on him. I work I’m very independent for the reason I never want to ask him for anything. Plz help me. I am very confused
hi all…
can you help me out
i met my husband online, after a year dating online, we got engaged n then the next year we got married. i was 30 and he was 39. i come from indonesia.
after we were married, we didnt see each other (only on skype) for a year because i have to stay in my country to wait for the permanent resident card. Short story, I got my pr card n we got together in canada. I admitted when i was in the airport first time to meet him i was kind of confused n lost. I have never been away from my home country n i am also tired after almost 20 hours flight. So i didnt gave him the warm love that he expected in the airport.
After that We lived in a small town where he bought us a house n work.
Everything was ok…yes, he was sometimes ‘rude’ in his words, but thats ok because i love him. Then, couple weeks before Christmas I was checking our mail box when i found a pink christmas card, theres no name of sender on it so i opened it, thinking it was from the kids in quebec (he has already 3 kids from his ex). It was from a girl named maria, it was a love christmas card with love words n pics of them together.
So when he came home I confronted him, but he denied everything, calling the girl crazy n the pic is fake. i know the pic is not fake cause i am not blind about technology. But I let it go, because I was thinking he was lonely while i was not there so he needed a woman.
But then on christmas, I was playing his iphone with his kids in Quebec when I found skype with different name n the only contact that he had is that girl, Maria. i was very angry, he erased it n said to me that he love me, n that night he made love to me n made me a baby.
Soon, i got pregnant, but in the end of january, i found out that he has been texting with a woman, saying love words. so i wrote down the woman’s name n called her. my heart beat so fast when i asked: are you maria? n she said ‘yes, who is this?’
i told her that i am martin wife. she hung up the phone then he texted me n asked me where i have been last year, n i told her everything about the pr card. she said she didnt know he was married n ahe was sorry n she will not contacted him anymore. i was relieved that she understood.
But thats not true, they were still texting together even calling. I found the voice message from her saying: hi martini, you called me all the times made my inbox full. I was very angry, i was pregnant n they did this to me (i told maria before that i am pregnant). so when he came home, i told him that i wanted to see our telus bills, n i wanted him to called her n told her that its finish between them. i told him, if you want her then its ok, we go get divorce. but he didnt want he said he love me.
short story, maria gone but then the facebook women were there, he was sending message to women (filifine, he love filifine). love message. he told me he only played around. i told him that i disagree, that i think what he did is emotionally cheating on our marriage n love. so he stopped. but then maria came again. they texting again. i was frustated, he wrote a letter sign by him that he will not have any comunication with maria anymore.
then i found out he joined dating site n paid member. i cant believe my eyes. we just had a baby girl n he did this to our little family.
he said he is sorry n deleted the account. but it didnt end there, there were some dating sites again n facebook women…we fought almost everyday.
when our baby was 3 months i went home to visit my family in indonesia. at the airport, he told me that he was sorry n he said he will deleted all the dating sites. but when i was waiting the plane boarding, i checked his email, n he was already joining new dating site half hour before we said good bye.
in indonesia, i found out i am pregnant again, because of i feel insecure, i checked our bills of phone, n i foud out maria n him are texting n calling. he made me a promised on paper that he will not have any communication with this woman. so i asked for divorce. but he refused. he said he will do anything to saved our marriage. so we talked n we made up.
then on february 2012 i found out he joined zoosks local dating site. n i found women phone numbers in his contact (i can see his contact through his email) i called the women n they said they didnt know he is married. two of them lived in our city n one of them said he asked to meet her. i was again having depression. i cant sleep, my head keeps on thinking. I asked him to divorce me. but again he refused to do that. he deleted his account n said he will not do stupid thing anymore.
For one month theres nothing in his email or phone bills. But then couple days ago i found out he has been texting with a filifine woman from zoosks (i recognize the numbers) in our city. they have been texting for 1300 text message. i was very angry. he kept on broken his words to me n lied. So I asked divorce. He told me he love his family n he will not divorce me. He changed his password on telus phone n i was angry. he gave the password to me n told me not to be panic, he told me that in telus bills i am going to see ‘maria’ phone numbers that they have been texting. he told me that he only replied maria text, n they only talked about her over weight baby. (she was pregnant with another man’s baby while texting my husband before)
I texted maria, n she said yes they have been texting.
Her words are: yep, we are texting but my conviction is still the same, i will not coming back to him. he will be happy though ythat u will divorce him, cause he is crazy guy. lol. like what i said martini is a good actor, no guilt, no sense of concience. i will not be surprised if he lied about me to you. i knew theres something wrong with him, how he treat you n not feeling sorry about losing his family at all.
Now we are in the cold. he said i dont trust him n i dont know what to do, i want to divorce him but i am afraid losing my family…i am so confused…can you help me???
I have been with my husband since I was 18. I am 50 now. I am in the first stage of alzheimer, I forget things all the time. But sometime what I forget comes back to me. I’ll ask him , do you know what I did with that money? Or didn’t I set down my bag and leave in someone ca or at someone house, he’ll say I didn’t have any money or we wasn’t at that person house. But then the next time we are with that person what I left always comes up, someone will bring it up or show it to me, to see if I remember. He let them keep my things. I think the money he spit it with them he is always texting someone on the phone,the phone be lock so I can’t go on the web. He want tell me how to unlock it. I think the things i forget he use to give other women. I have lost some much. But them things mean nothing, I just want the pain to go away. I do not think he is in love with me, or love me. Not the way I love him. I think I should have left him when he came home with something that sent me to the doctor. Whith my health beening the way it is I’m scare to leave and be on my own, and scare to stay, or be around anyone. There no hope for me. I’m all alone, on one to talk to. Everyone I know use me because they know I’m going to forget, they don’t care about the fact that I remember sometimes. It hurts so. What can I do? All I know to do is pray. God is all I got. I should be happy with that. My God forgive me for so little faith
Mercy, call a shelter. They can help you figure out your options, even if you don’t go to the shelter itself. You are a worthwhile person, who deserves a good life. Your partner is abusive emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.
I’ve known my husband since we were in high school, fooled around a lot then right after I graduated I moved away for 11 years. When I came back it was supposed to be for a visit but we ran into each other and hooked up & I never left. We’ve been together basically since the day I got to town 4 & a half years, married for 3 & a half. Well, he used to drink very heavily and would physically hurt me, after some time he quit the heavy drinking and started using pills. At first it didn’t bother me, even though I hate pills, but then it got to be too much. He’s been off them a couple weeks now but hasn’t changed with the emotional abuse, always saying the meanest things & saying I don’t love him, trust him, or respect him & that I just want to fight. I don’t want to fight. I never want to fight but he’s so convinced that it’s always my fault. He actually says that all of our fights are because of me! I’m afraid of him, I walk on egg shells. He breaks my things and spits on my car windows for me to find. I know I would have left long ago if it weren’t for my step children. I love them so much & their “mom” isn’t in the picture because she abused them and abuses drugs and is a total mental case. My husband loves his kids but I’m the one who takes them to the doctor, dentist, school, etc. I do all of my husband’s paperwork for him, do everything for him. I really believe the kids belong with him but I’d miss them so much & I know he’ll cut me off from them if I go. He owes people in my family money, which is another reason I’ve stayed, hoping he’ll pay them back these thousands and thousands of dollars. He can’t hold a job & I feel embarrassed making up lies to people about why he quit his job. I’m working now but not much & he owes me a lot of money too. I feel so trapped. I used to be free & never thought I’d settle down. How could I settle for this guy? How do I leave the kids? Life is so unfair. Please help me figure this one out. I could just get my things & go but I want the $ he owes me & my family. I feel like I love him but it’s never going to work & I will have wasted my time. Soon I’ll be too old to have kids of my own and then what? If I wait & then we divorce anyways then I’ll miss my chance. Ugh. So much more to this but maybe someone has so
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