All husbands keep secrets from their wives, says Dr Oz. These secrets men hide from women are based on a Men’s Health magazine poll, and include explanations of why husbands aren’t completely honest with their wives.
“How well do you really know your husband?” asks Dr Oz. “Probably not as well as you think. Polls from Men’s Health and Women’s Health magazines reveal what’s really going on with your husband. And, the secrets husbands keep from their wives directly affect their health and relationships – for better or worse.”
Below, editor-in-chief David Zinczenko and sex therapist Dr Laura Berman explain why husbands keep secrets from their wives. She’s the author of It’s Not Him, It’s You! How to Take Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve and the host of a new TV show on love, sex, and relationships. I love this book because it’s for women who want to take control of their love lives and the relationship she deserves. If you find yourself unnerved or even scared about the secrets husbands keep, you’ll be able to re-establish yourself with this book. It’ll help you identify damaging thought patterns, overcome self-blame and lack of confidence, and acknowledge bad relationship choices so you never repeat them.
Here are five secrets men keep in relationships…
What Secrets Do Husbands Hide From Their Wives?
They think about other women during sex
It’s their coping mechanism for being in a monogamous relationship, says Dr Berman. Men are programmed to spread their seed and be with different partners. Monogamy for life doesn’t come naturally to us, and variety is the spice of life and of a healthy love relationship. The fantasizing is a coping mechanism for being monogamous, and wives shouldn’t be offended by or worried about it. If it’s about an abstract person, it’s not a secret that wives should worry about. But it husbands are secretly thinking about their wives’ sister or best friend, it could become a problem in the marriage.
Husbands have solo sex in secret
Almost half of all husbands keep this secret from their wives: they are intimate with themselves regularly. Zinczenko said men don’t want to show weakness, and it’s natural to perform the solo act because men have more testosterone. It’s nature’s way to make sure the mechanisms are in good working order. Husbands keep this type of physical intimacy a secret because wives are offended by it. But, it’s a natural, normal part of life — and it’s good for men’s health, says Dr Oz. It lowers their risk of prostate cancer.
Husbands snoop through their wives’ emails and phones
Almost half of all husbands are curious about their wives’ lives, and check their wives’ computers and phones. Why? Because they feel unsure about where the relationship is going sometimes, and they’re uncertain about asking, says Zinczenko. Dr Berman says it’s about trust. Both husbands and wives snoop, and it’s not necessary. Instead, married couples should have no secrets – they should have complete, total access to each others’ bank accounts, telephones, emails, etc.
Husbands think they are smarter than their wives
More than half of husbands think they’re smarter than their wives – and this is a secret husbands don’t want their wives to know! But, there are different types of intelligence and brain matter, which mean and women have different amounts of. Men have more gray brain matter, which allows them to focus on one thing. Women have more white brain matter, which allows them to communicate better and process information faster. This makes women better at relationships.
Husbands wish their wives brought home more money
Some husbands wish their wives were spending less money and contributing more money to the household. Women who stay home and take care of the kids are sorely underpaid, says Dr Berman. But, financial stress hits husbands right in the core of their manhood and can damage their sense of self. Money can tear your marriage apart, so you have to sit down together on a regular basis to talk about how money affects your marriage.
According to David Zinczenko, editor-in-chief of Men’s Health magazine, husbands keep secrets from their wives for several reasons. They’re embarrassed, they don’t want to show weakness, and they don’t want to upset or anger their wives.
Dr Oz’s Tips for a Better Marriage
- Couples who are affectionate (hugging, holding hands, calling each other by pet names) are happier and healthier.
- Wives, take responsibility for communicating regularly. Men don’t do this naturally, so women need to initiate conversations.
- Arguing is good for marriages. Open fights keep couples together and happy – so let your anger out!
- Couples should engage in foreplay for at least ten minutes before sex, to increase sexual intimacy.
If you think your husband is hiding his life from you, you may find When You Feel Alone in Your Marriage – Emotional Disconnection helpful.
What do you think of these secrets husbands keep from their wives? Comments welcome below! I can’t offer advice or help you figure out if your husband is keeping these secrets from you, but I believe that writing about your thoughts helps you gain wisdom and insight.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.