How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Another Woman
When Your Husband Leaves for Another Woman, You Feel Shattered
It’s time to start feeling better yourself, your life, and your future. It won’t be easy, but you WILL survive!
Here’s what one famous wife said, when her husband left:
“I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Nicole Kidman. “As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”
It is what it is, my friend. It’s the worst betrayal in marriage, it may be the worst thing your husband could ever do to you…but it’s what happened. The sooner you can accept that it is what it is, the sooner you can move on and create a better, more meaningful, happier life!
If you think you’ll never survive the end of your marriage, read When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives.
And, here are six tips on how to cope when your husband ends your marriage…
When Your Husband Leaves You for Another Woman…
Realize that his leaving isn’t a direct reflection on you
No matter how beautiful, successful, slim, or rich their wives are, some husbands will be unfaithful. Men cheat and leave their marriages for a wide variety of reasons – many of which have nothing to do with their wives. To learn more about cheating husbands, read Why Men Cheat on Their Wives.
More importantly, remember that your husband left you for another woman because of his problems – which aren’t a reflection of you! It’s not that you’re not good enough, or she’s a better woman. To survive your breakup, keep reminding yourself that your husband left you because he has his own issues.
Stop comparing yourself to the other woman
She probably has strengths that you don’t have and weaknesses that you don’t have. If it makes you feel better, make a list of your strengths and her weaknesses, and read them when you feel down on yourself. But, I think it’s better not to compare yourself to the other woman at all. Surviving a breakup is about moving onwards and upwards, about healing and personal growth. It doesn’t matter who or what she is…what matters is that you have a life to recreate!
Spend time with women who survived their marriage breakups
Ask your friends and family members if they know a woman whose husband left her. If she survived her breakup – and is stronger, happier, and healthier – spend time with her. Ask if you can buy her a coffee; learn how she overcame pain of his cheating. Soak up her courage, health, and wisdom!
One of my favorite breakup survival tips is to gain strength and healing from women who have survived similar problems in life.
Let go of your old hopes and dreams for your marriage
If your husband left you for another woman, you’re not just mourning the loss of him as a man…you’re mourning the end of something real, something you believed in and thought would last. You’re mourning the end of the marriage you hoped to have (or that you thought you had). You’ve been betrayed, and you aren’t as innocent and trusting as you were before. Mourn not just your loss of a husband, but the loss of your marriage, the loss of the things you hoped for on your wedding day.
Get professional help if don’t think you can survive the breakup
Counseling is about making sense of your life, and figuring out how to move on after betrayals, heartaches, and heartbreaks. Talking through your problems with an objective counselor, spiritual leader, or psychologist can help you let go. An objective professional can help you see your big life picture and your more detailed personality characteristics.
If you feel lost and helpless because your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t spin your wheels alone. Invest in yourself emotionally and spiritually — a counselor can help you make sense of what why your husband left and how to pick up the pieces of your life.
Start something new in your life
This is your chance to embark on a new chapter in your social, professional, personal, or spiritual life! Volunteer, take a solo or group vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, go back to school. Surviving a breakup can be about growing into the woman you were meant to be – and about exploring a different part of your life and personality. This may be the end of one stage of your life…but it can be the beginning of a whole new era! It’s up to you…
For more tips, read How to Be Happy Without Your Husband’s Money or Love.
If you need to talk about why your husband left you for another woman, please share below! Sometimes writing is the healthiest thing you can do…
Category: Breaking Up, Physical Affairs, Separation & Divorce
Im so sorry to hear of all the hurt everyone is feeling, I to have a story to tell. 10 years ago I was a happy divorced single mom had a great well paying job didnt want for anything. He was married lived around the corner wasnt happy i guess wife was running around with everything but the mailman.I had a son they had a son that played together at times,well she up and left him one day out of the blue..He was devestated turned to the church for help,because they partied all the time before so i guess he wanted to repent his sins.well he and i strted seeing each other it lasted 10 years. Now shes back in the pic he told me dec.7 that he wants her to move in with him cause his mother is sick and she is going to help take care of her but she lives alone. not with him.Is he having a mid life crisis or what? Any help?
I have cried most of Christmas Day. How are we going to get through this & pick up the pieces?
I can empathize with all of these stories. I was married 20 years, still technically am. In 2010 I ask my husband to leave because he was gone all the time and being selfish, he slept with his ex best friends girlfriend who is 12 years younger than him, they were separated at the time and I wasn’t aware of the affair. He came home in July and I thought things were going well, Jan 2011 we were out celebrating the New Year and he was texting her telling her he loved her. I ask if he wanted a divorce, he said no. Fast forward to April I found out they were texting and spending time together, and he was leaving our home to sleep with her. He decided he wanted her and kicked me and our children 18 and 15 at the time out, he owns several properties so we were put up in one of his apts which was very small and nasty, had pot smokers on one side, child molester on the other. About 5 weeks later he moved her and her two small children into our home their 3 and 8. Her kids now live in my kids’ bedrooms, she has posted this all over FB they go on dates, it has been made very public in our small community. My children will not have anything to do with him because of her and he continually chooses her over them. I told him the kids said they would come spend time with him at the house if he ask her to move out, but he said no~ He texts them about once a month, but other than that in 8 mths they have spent no time with him, Our divorce goes to court in January and they are engaged to be married June 23rd 2012. He has allowed her to call me ugly, fat, lazy, and said I could only lose weight thru surgery I had the lap band a year ago. It has been a nightmare and I have said some pretty nasty things to him as well out of hurt and frustration,this man allowed us to go on welfare and stopped all forms of support even holding up child support and isn’t willing to help us at all, if I go for alimony he threatens to take my son, who he knows does not want to live in that house with her. Both my kids were around this woman for 4 years, my daughter babysat for her and my son was in karate class with her, my stbxh runs a school, he wont go back there either, I know I have rambled and have been all over the page with this, but the hurts still real and still deep and I am trying to move on and focus on me and my kids, but I miss my husband and I never wanted a divorce, he had me believing he wasn’t leaving, he just needed to have the affair and said he did love me and to hang on, and I did for over a month, now she is going to marry my husband and have more kids with him….lost!~
I found out my husband was on facebood, texting and talking to a woman he dated in highschool with 2 years ago. We decided to give our marriage another try. Well I tried he treated me like crap. I have given everything to this marriage, but in July of this year I just couldn’t do it anymore and asked him to leave. He lived in my basement not helping me with bills until a week ago when I made him leave. I miss having him around and keep hoping he will figure out he misses me and ask to come back. (I know this won’t happen) I know this is for the best but just can’t get myself to move on. I am a survivor though and I will get through it. Hope you all do too. Thanks for listening.
My husband had an affair 5 years ago & I forgave him & worked through it, only to find out 18 months ago, that he never stopped seeing her all of that time. He then confessed & said he wanted out of the affair because it was me he loved. Fast forward to September of this year when I was in the hospital almost dead. He started his “friendship” relationship up with her again. Then on November 29th, we had a fight & he said he wanted to leave, but wouldn’t if I just said the word. He said we could work it out but he didn’t really want to. But I wanted to see where he would go if we ended it, so I told him he could leave. Plus, I didn’t want him to stay if he didn’t really want to be here. So he left & went straight to her house. He’s been there ever since. I regret letting him go. I feel it’s all my fault. I could have stopped him. But I also feel like this was bound to happen because he let her back into his life. I’ve begged him to come back, but he’s filed for divorce & plans on marrying her when it’s final. If I could turn back time, I would ask him to stay. I’m just so torn.
My husband of 6 yrs had an affair with his boss at the bar he has been working at and wants a divorce and says he’s in love with her. I just found out about the affair from one of my co-workers the 10th of this month. He has been taking our three children around this woman who was no remorse whatsoever about bbreaking up our family. He has been pushing her at the kids for a week now. He wants to take her, her son and our children to a movie. My daughter does not want to go. She hates her and not just because she stole her dad but she sees what this woman really is and that’s a very bad person. I can’t seem to eat but a couple of bites of found at meals and have been sick to my stomach since I found out. Unfortunately, I am still very much in love with him. I keep hoping he will come to his senses but it doesn’t happen. Now I just want to get over this pain in my heart.
Hi i believe the power of prayer keep the faith hold on tight it’s only a test so just believe you can make it.
DO RIGHT BY YOUR HUSBAND IF HE STILL LEAVES HE WILL BE BACK SOON.
Wow Kellie that sounds just like my story. To add to it, my husband of 10 years left me a few days for her former boss who is 25 years younger than he is and whom he claimed at his company’s HR that she was sexually harassing him and he was concerned she would come to our house and kill my dog or me (just like the movie “Fatal Attraction”)She was fired but he kept answering her calls and texts. He eventually fell in love with her, and I found out after reading all the texts which he never deleted. He wanted to be roommate with me til he could save some money and move out. During that time, he would talk to her in the evening, midnight, and morning from his bedroom but still I could listen the conversation. When he asked me to pay his credit card online, I saw all the hotel charges and shopping charges. It was horrible! I could never thought someone you trusted for 10 years was indeed a monster.
BTW: the company filed a restraining order against her after she came to the company to threatened the HR manager
On halloween of this year I told my husband to leave after bringing a broad to my house, after fully knowing she wasn’t welcomed. myself and certain people have been on to them when they witnessed her kissing him at a buck n doe a prior month…apparently accidental..but then finding the text messages about going out, having sex and sprouting words of love afterward. I have no idea if I have the capacity to ever forgive him even if he was going through a period of not knowing what love was or not knowing the man he has become(yes we married young, we had large responsibilities when we had kids and one with special needs). I had my doubts too at points but never went so far as to what he has done or went to the point where I ran to another man and moved in for a few weeks. After weeks of trying to fight for this marriage. He still declines going to a counselor I thought he had come back to work it out and then a couple days ago I find her with him out of town. she does work with him and he has put his business first before family. for a man who can’t say no to anyone and then still tells me nothing physical happened….would anyone of you still fight for your marriage and forgive the wrongdoings to fight for a love you once did have?
Hi 2 all, reading most of these stories makes me feel so sad, well im not the only 1. My husband left me in the beginning of January of this year and i do at times feel sad and i have tried to move on but im having a hard time trusting anyone. The man i gave my heart too, never was unfaithful and looked after him, had his 3 kids & he did this 2 me whats 2 say another man wont do the same. I want to move on but i cant & i don’t think i could settle down that easily ever again but i do believe that GOD will help me through this and there is light at the end of the tunnel. He left me in a financial mess ive picked myself up and worked my way out of it, invested in my kids education, have money 2 spend on myself, ive had support from family & my work colleagues and love the freedom (having time for myself) but i do feel lonely sometimes. I hope & pray it gets better for myself & every1…
my husband left me on november 26 this year i caught him sexting 770 times in 2 days he wrote her she wrote him saying where to meet and what they were gonna do.! how could he he had been doing that for over a month i questioned him who he had been with begged him not to go we could work this out but he said he was done he said he loved her more walked out on me at 8:30 at night in the pouring rain we had been married 12 1/2 years never fought or anything oh how it hurts i feel alone and ugly and worthless and i know this is not true so i am torn i want to know he is being taken care of and then on the second hand shouldnt care right? what to do?
My fiance left me for another woman. We had been together 4 years. For four years I listened to how he couldn’t stand to be around people who smoked, drinked excessively and slept around with different partners. This woman he left me for has all 3 of these qualities. I’m not just saying this because I’m hurt. She works where I work, so I know all about her. I asked him how he could be with someone like that, I don’t even remember what he said. I have never been so devastated in my life. I want to die. Sometimes the pain seems to much to endure. I just don’t know how I will continue to go on. Right this second I feel like a knife is in my heart twisting around. It’s unbearable. I just don’t know how to go on.
My husband left me for another woman he met on Facebook – supposedly he went to high school with her and now believes himself to be in love with her (that he never stopped loving her). We have been married 13 years and have 2 amazing kids. I am not going to say we did not have our share of problems, especially the last couple of years; however, up until 2 months ago when I caught him cheating things were good. He has always been actively involved in our childrens lives, but now he doesn’t even bother to call them. He calls once in while and talks to them for a whole minute. I am so angry at him for hurting our children – they are completely innocent in this!! I don’t know how to get control of myself, one minute I am extremely angry for what he is doing to the kids and the next I am sobbing like a kid myself because of how much he has hurt me. The last two years have been difficult we have had to face many hardships and through it all my husband got more and more depressed. He blamed himself for what was happening and saw no way to improve the situation and in turn completely withdrew from me. At first I tried to stay positive and be his personal cheerleader but that took its toll on me. Not once in two years was he there for me, never a shoulder I could lean on – and now he does this to me. I don’t know what to say to my children when they want to know why daddy hasn’t called them, why daddy doesn’t want to see them. I think he is going to see a lawyer tomorrow about filing for divorce – just when I think he can’t hurt me anymore he does. I don’t even know why that hurts – he is sleeping with another woman, deserting his kids, left me in a complete financial ruin (we just filed bankruptcy and are in the middle of losing our house) – why does him filing for divorce hurt? I shouldn’t want him back, I honestly don’t think I could take him back – divorce is the next step. I need help only I don’t know where to start – Counselor for me, counselor for the kids, a divorce lawyer, need to find a sitter for the kids so I don’t loose my job, need to find an apartment (hopefully one that allows dogs), do christmas shopping, do st nick shopping, by the way I not only work full time but I am also in school, so do homework, do yard work, and he list goes on and on.How do I begin to try to heal??
Hello there my husband is seein a workcollague for 2years I dint no abt it I just had a baby girl 3months a go he gave me a tough time the hole time I was pregnant I lost my mum when I was 2weeks preg and the my nan at7months I needed him the most he lied to me all the time the women he is seein is married to and has a 9 year son I have caught them together in the car and asked him abt it he said there is nothin I have seen her msg at 2 in the monin and then he deletes it all now he said he does not love me anymore and has left me a week ago he says he wants out left me wit a empty house and got him a new house says he wants nothin to do wit me I really love this man but he has so much hate for me everyone in his office nows that he is seein this women now he says that if her home breaks she says that she will move in with him what does that mean . He got this women to our house when I had our baby and was in hospital took her to a hotel on my bday dint come home and came home with sperm all over his pants but has nothin to say abt that how can he do this to me and our baby I don’t no what to do I have been wit him for six years and givin him all my love care time he says hurt full things to bring me down he wants my baby . She is all I have I can’t let him take her he blames me for everything also now my inlaws hate me too and believe him coz they don’t live wit us and don’t no what he is up too should I let the womens husband no abt this or should I just wait for karma to take over I have lost my husband am miss him we have had some gud times I miss all that love he had for me but now he says am a shit wife and will not be a gud mum and that really hurts someone who loved u can hate u so much ,,, plz help me what should I do should I let him go easly ,, thanks for takin ur time to read my story !,
My ex left me after 20 years for another man. It could be worse. I was just too good to him. He took my kids for child support and left me with a stack of bills. He is a very mean, abusive, sick individual and he abuses kids. Please pray this stops. He worships the Devil and is out of his mind. He is very obese now too.
I have heard that helping others will help you to heal. This is my story…hope it helps someone.
When we met it seemed to good to be true. He did for me all of the things that no man had ever done, he said the things no man had ever said. I opened up and shared with him all of my dreams and my fears, something that I had never done with anyone in my life. I gave him all of my trust, again something that I had never done before. One of the biggest things that I had a hard time with was telling people that I couldn’t have children. Some people think that, that is so easy to say, but as a woman it makes you feel incomplete. I shared this with him, and his response was “It will be okay, my kids will be our kids.” Even though I didn’t give birth to them I loved them as if I did. The day that I became his wife and there step-mom was one of the happiest days of my life, there have only been three happy days in my life, the second was when my step-son told me “happy mother’s day” and the third was when my step-daughter asked me if she could call me mommy.
After the honeymoon phase was over, he began to become mentally abusive, he would say things to purposly make me cry and instantly apologize, making light of it by saying he was only playing, reassuring me that if anyone else ever made me cry like that he would hurt them. Next came the verbal abuse, I was called every name under the sun. Then the physical abuse started. Nothing could get any worse right…wrong! I found out that he was having an affair. And even though I had endured all of the pain from the mental, verbal and physical abuse this pain was unbearable. But what I didn’t know was that I hadn’t even experienced the worst of it. That would come the day that the other woman called our home to tell me that they were trying to concieve a baby because he told her that I couldn’t have any. I felt like dying right at that moment. I was listening to the words that I had confided in my husband come out of the mouth of the woman that he was cheating with. You would think that after all of this I left him right…wrong again. He left me. After convincing me that he had made a mistake and wanted to make things right I stayed. In reality all he was doing was getting everything stable on the “other side of town”, as he was pretending that he had changed and I was believing that he had. The day that he left he kissed me good-bye, told me that he loved me and would see me in couple of days, our kids kissed me and said “bye mommy”. Something in my gut told me he was leaving me but I refused to believe it. That was the last time I saw my family. He left me for her.
Even as I am typing these words, I’m crying because it still hurts. But I know that I am getting stronger, because now I am able to share this with others. I know the pain that you are feeling and trust me when I say that I know at times it seems unbearable, but each day will get easier. I haven’t found happiness yet but I have faith that it is out there. Faith is believing in what you cannot see.
hello, i was with my boyfriend for 6 years and was pregnant with my son who is now 1 and a 4 year old daughter when i found out he was cheating on me for a year while i was pregnant. i kicked him out as soon as i found out and he went to live with this homewreaker and her two kids, this is turly the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. how does a man cheat on his pregnant girlfriend. its just real hard doing it all on my own.
HI, I wanted to share my story on here…I met this guy two years ago he was living in a camper, no job, no vehicle, no driver’s license……. big red flag…right? I ignored it becausee I was lonely hurt from a previous relationship and desperate. He moved in with me along with his twelve year old son. We had problems one after another he raped me twice while he was drunk and was abusive as well when he was drunk…….He would always cry and apologize so I would forgive him. Well 7 weeks ago we had a fight one of many……. he left and moved in with my neighbor and her three kids…….. I know I am so much better off without him but it hurt pretty bad for a while. But I have made changes in my life and learned important lessons. The best thing about a break up is getting your life back and realizing that you made a bad judgement and you can learn from the mistakes you make. I will always trust my gut feeling about a man now. I will not ignore warning signs.
My husband announced a couple of months ago that he would be leaving. We were married for 30 years. Through some strange sequence of events he admitted to me that he was in love with a women he met online and that they were going to be moving in as soon as he could find an apartment for them (including her 2 kids) We have 2 children as well, and he has never been involved in thier lives, although he has always lived under the same roof. In alot of ways I cannot wait for him to leave so I can start to heal. He is still living with us because the “love of his life” lives 3 hours away. I have been told to be happy that I am rid of him (he is verbally abusive) but I cannot afford to stay in my house. Our kids are in their 20s and are still in school and really not able to financially assist me yet. I am trying to look forward, but the idea of my children having to drop out of school so close the finishing, and incurring so much debt makes me sick. I just need him to contribute to the financial end of the household for another year or so.
2 nights ago my husband announced that we needed time apart and when i asked why and starting crying, he quickly started packing his clothes and then told me he was done. I begged him to stay til after the holidays and he said nope I am done…….i didn’t know until after he left that he had drained our bank account and left .02 in there right before all the bills were due to be paid. i am so hurt and i can not stop crying.
My 75 year old husband left me for a prostitute who is 15 years younger than he is. She works from a casino bingo room. Whatever does she want from him? $$$$$$$ He is without conscience and she probably is also. I didn’t know how unhappy I was until he left. I’m sad because of all the years we had together are lost. I don’t know how I will cope but I know I will.
My husband has met another woman. This happened months ago. I have been hospitalized, gone to therapy, spent time with friends but I feel so tore up inside. It will not go away. I suppose I will always have some kind of love for him but I can never trust him again and don’t want him back. I hate what he has done to our lives. I live with my sister as I cannot stand to be alone. He still thinks we are best friends. I am civil to him but that is as far as I can take it. I am just so tired of feeling this way, of crying, shaking, not eating for gorging myself. I have never been hurt this bad.
Dear Mia,
I have no answers – I can’t believe your husband left you for another woman and only texted you. It’s devastating, and I don’t know how he could do that.
I think men who leave their wives do feel bad — I have to believe that they bad about the pain they caused. I think that’s why your husband texted you, because he couldn’t bear to face you in person and say he’s leaving for another woman. It’s cowardly and weak, but I think it shows that he does feel ashamed and guilty.
Thank you for sharing your experience here. I hope your heart heals faster than you expect, and that you soon experience the happiness and joy you deserve.
Blessings,
Laurie
I too am having so much trouble coming to terms with my recent break up. We had been together for 4 years and I believed it was a Forever relationship. I had no idea he thought otherwise. He never indicated he was unhappy or didn’t love me. He often said he loved me and we often spoke about our future together. Then 3 weeks ago, out of nowhere he text me to say he didn’t feel the same and I did. A text message! I phoned him to clarify the meaning of it all and he just said he didn’t know where he was at. Soon after I found out his was having an online emotional affair on FB. With an old school friend from 30 years ago. She is in a relationship as well. They spoke about their desires, what could have been, what should have been and what they would like to have happen. I don’t understand nor does any of it make sense. He has cut me out of his life like I never existed, so cold hearted. He was unable to come face to face with me and on the occasion we had to he couldn’t even look at me. I have my days where I feel ok but the majority I just exist. The pain is such a physical feeling, like your heart has been ripped out through your chest. Do they not feel bad for how they have treated you? Do they feel upset for the loss of the relationship as well? Do they feel hurt too? It does feel like he got off lightly and doesn’t care for the trauma he left behind.
Dear Ann,
I’m so sorry to hear about how your husband left you. That’s unbelievable, that he could just walk out! He must be too scared or unable to face you, to tell you to your face that he wanted to leave.
I wish you all the best as you heal, and I hope you find the right people and resources to support you.
Blessings,
Laurie