Here’s what Alexa (not her real name) says:
“I know in my brain he is not good to me or for me but in my heart I love him more than I love anything in this world,” writes Alexa or “Broken By Bill” on Tips for Healing When a Relationship Ends. “Please explain! How can I move on when I’ve been left in the dark and he has run away and left me in such a mess?”
Healing after a breakup depends on your specific situation, personality, lifestyle, and social network. If you’re alone in a new country or city, you may have a more difficult time bouncing back than if you’re surround by your familiar family, friends, neighborhood, and coworkers.
But one thing is for sure: when he leaves you to pick up the pieces, it’ll take time to feel like “yourself” again.
One of the most popular breakup books on Amazon is Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Check it out – it may help you figure out not only how to he could leave you in such as mess, but also how to move on.
Tips for Moving On When He Leaves You to Pick up the Pieces
I don’t have any solid answers, but I do have a few thoughts…
Remember that you’re not alone
I’m taking several social work courses in university, and they keep teaching me that the more “normalized” women feel, the less alone and the stronger they’ll be. How does this relate to moving on after he leaves or betrays you? It’s supposed to show you that your relationship problems and breakup don’t mean that something is wrong with YOU. Couples break up all the time, and the more you realize that you’re not dealing with anything that hasn’t been dealt with before, the stronger and healthier you’ll be.
He left you for reasons he may not be able to explain to you, or reasons he may not even know himself. You may be left in the dark, but you have to trust that this is the best thing that could have happened.
One of my most popular articles is Letting Go of Someone You Love. The 650 comments will show you you’re not alone – unfortunately, too many men have left women to pick up the pieces.
Trust that this breakup was meant to be
Have you read Eckart Tolle’s Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises From The Power of Now? One of his messages is that you need to accept everything in your life as if it was something you chose. So, if you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on even when you know he’s not good for you – even if he left you to pick up the pieces of your family’s life – then you need to reframe your thoughts.
Here’s an example: my husband and I can’t have kids (which is why I created Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility). Instead of mourning and being miserable and focusing on how sad life is without kids, I’ve chosen to believe that not having kids is meant to be. For some reason, our life together is better off the way we are. I trust that our marriage is meant to be this way.
Can you trust God or the universe or your guardian angel that your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is not good for you, and that it’s better for you to move on even though he’s left you to pick up the pieces?
Bless him – and let him go
“I don’t know whether to feel free and relish in the possibility of where I will go and what I will do, and finally enjoy the interests that I had set aside, or feel sad for the man who proposed to me and made me think about having children that looked just like him,” says Sarah on Healing Without Saying Good-Bye. “I suppose in the larger picture, there are hungry, scared people around the world who would love to have my problems, and its not as if we invented some new scenario…It was nice having such a good friend, better than I’d ever had, for the last few years. I will stand by saying that he says really mean things, though. All in all, I wish him happiness and a good wife in someone else.”
One of the healthiest ways to move on when he leave you is to bless his life. It may be the most difficult thing you do, but you have to set him free. Pining and begging him to come back will only decrease your self-respect and make you feel terrible about yourself…but blessing him and his future relationships will help you feel strong, healthy, and focused on the future.
I know these tips for moving on when he’s left you to pick up the pieces are much easier said than done, but trust me…if you practice them, you will heal faster than you think.
For more tips on moving on after a breakup, read How to Get Out of a Relationship When You Have Nowhere to Go.
I welcome your thoughts below, especially if you’ve moved on after heartbreak. If you’re still struggling to move on, you may feel better after telling your story!
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.