Marriage Max

How to Move On After He Leaves You

Written by on March 23, 2012 in Breaking Up, Letting Go, Separation & Divorce with 3 Comments

moving on after a breakupHe’s not good for you, yet you can’t seem to move on after he’s left you to pick up the pieces of your heart, a broken life, and shattered family relationships.

Here’s what Alexa (not her real name) says:

“I know in my brain he is not good to me or for me but in my heart I love him more than I love anything in this world,” writes Alexa or “Broken By Bill” on Tips for Healing When a Relationship Ends. “Please explain! How can I move on when I’ve been left in the dark and he has run away and left me in such a mess?”

Healing after a breakup depends on your specific situation, personality, lifestyle, and social network. If you’re alone in a new country or city, you may have a more difficult time bouncing back than if you’re surround by your familiar family, friends, neighborhood, and coworkers.

But one thing is for sure: when he leaves you to pick up the pieces, it’ll take time to feel like “yourself” again.

One of the most popular breakup books on Amazon is Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Check it out – it may help you figure out not only how to he could leave you in such as mess, but also how to move on.

Tips for Moving On When He Leaves You to Pick up the Pieces

I don’t have any solid answers, but I do have a few thoughts…

Remember that you’re not alone

I’m taking several social work courses in university, and they keep teaching me that the more “normalized” women feel, the less alone and the stronger they’ll be. How does this relate to moving on after he leaves or betrays you? It’s supposed to show you that your relationship problems and breakup don’t mean that something is wrong with YOU. Couples break up all the time, and the more you realize that you’re not dealing with anything that hasn’t been dealt with before, the stronger and healthier you’ll be.

He left you for reasons he may not be able to explain to you, or reasons he may not even know himself. You may be left in the dark, but you have to trust that this is the best thing that could have happened.

One of my most popular articles is Letting Go of Someone You Love. The 650 comments will show you you’re not alone – unfortunately, too many men have left women to pick up the pieces.

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Trust that this breakup was meant to be

Have you read Eckart Tolle’s Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises From The Power of Now? One of his messages is that you need to accept everything in your life as if it was something you chose. So, if you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on even when you know he’s not good for you – even if he left you to pick up the pieces of your family’s life – then you need to reframe your thoughts.

Here’s an example: my husband and I can’t have kids (which is why I created Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility). Instead of mourning and being miserable and focusing on how sad life is without kids, I’ve chosen to believe that not having kids is meant to be. For some reason, our life together is better off the way we are. I trust that our marriage is meant to be this way.

Can you trust God or the universe or your guardian angel that your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is not good for you, and that it’s better for you to move on even though he’s left you to pick up the pieces?

Bless him – and let him go

“I don’t know whether to feel free and relish in the possibility of where I will go and what I will do, and finally enjoy the interests that I had set aside, or feel sad for the man who proposed to me and made me think about having children that looked just like him,” says Sarah on Healing Without Saying Good-Bye. “I suppose in the larger picture, there are hungry, scared people around the world who would love to have my problems, and its not as if we invented some new scenario…It was nice having such a good friend, better than I’d ever had, for the last few years. I will stand by saying that he says really mean things, though. All in all, I wish him happiness and a good wife in someone else.”

One of the healthiest ways to move on when he leave you is to bless his life. It may be the most difficult thing you do, but you have to set him free. Pining and begging him to come back will only decrease your self-respect and make you feel terrible about yourself…but blessing him and his future relationships will help you feel strong, healthy, and focused on the future.

I know these tips for moving on when he’s left you to pick up the pieces are much easier said than done, but trust me…if you practice them, you will heal faster than you think.

For more tips on moving on after a breakup, read How to Get Out of a Relationship When You Have Nowhere to Go.

Are you stuck in the past?
How to Let Go of Someone You Love

I welcome your thoughts below, especially if you’ve moved on after heartbreak. If you’re still struggling to move on, you may feel better after telling your story!

laurie blowing kiss

How are you? All comments welcome!
I can't give you advice,
but writing can help you gain insight.
Peace and blessings,
Laurie

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  1. Laurie says:

    Hi Girl25,

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/ways-to-stop-begging-ex-partner-to-come-back/

    It is time to move on! He left you to pick up the pieces – and you CAN pull yourself together and rebuild your life. Start now!!!

  2. Girl25 says:

    Help me: I’m 25 female, an auditor. Read many relationship books and understanding men, but relationship always doomed.

    My bf of 7 months has decided on the 10th March 2013, midnight, that our relationship is over (thru text). I asked if we’re over n he sent a brief reply, “Yes”.

    The starting of our relationship was great, we see a future together. But as months passed, I found out that he lies a lot (esp whereabouts). But it’s nothing of contacting other women. 

    Towards the 6th month of our relationship, I found out dt he lied some more n i do not like his silence when I talked to him abt him not giving me enough quality time together. 

    I understand he’s not financially stable n dt he needed some time. He did say, be patient with him a little, he loves me. N things will get better in time.

    As my insecurities n stress arises over time (bcos of the lies n him always going out with friends n not me), I became obsessed with checking his hp to see if there’s anything else dt he lied to me. (at d beginning of our rs, we do check each other’s hp, jz simple checkin n not the investigative kind.) 

    He was d one who wud always check mine, on d other hand, I was the one more laid back who TRUSTS her bf n seldom checks his hp. Until d point of time when I found out he lied abt his whereabouts, I became more careful n observant abt what he says to d point of being insecure at an increasing rate n increasing obsession with his movements. 

    Reason y I did that, probably bcos I hate to be lied at. There were several times where I wanted to call the rs quits, but I had faith in the rs n decided to stay on. My love for him is more than I want to leave.
    But I popped out the qns of breaking up in Feb for d first time cz I jz can’t seem to believe him n his words anymore.

    When we had an argument, he wud keep himself distant n I was d one wanting to talk it out. (initial stage of rs, he wud b d one comforting me n reassuring me dt he loves me very much). 

    Frustrated with how things hv gotten in d rs, I decided to end it (but at a moment of anger). Only to realise I didn’t really meant it. We tried to make things better again, a couple of times. 

    On d 7th March 13, things seemed to b taking off on d right track. Both of us knew it. We threw a mini surprise for a friend, we cud sense the happiness in us. Not till d next morning. 

    Since it was a Friday, I thought y not take d day off from work n jz stay home n perhaps spend d time with him. (D reason was mostly bcos I was having a lil struggle at work too coping, cz I’m new in audit work). 

    Dt night after the mini bdae celebration, we headed home n spent d night till d next morning where he has to run his errands n go for a job interview. (jz fyi, we’re not living together).

    Dt morning, I had wanted him to stay a lil bit longer since I’m not working. But he explained to me dt he’s got to go. Somehow in dt moment, i had the hunch of wanting to check his hp.

    I realise dt he’s been keeping his hp away frm me. He’s not as open as  before with his hp. (he used to willingly allow me to look at his hp cz he assured me dt he has nothing to hide).

    But this time round there’s a change, where he decided dt he doesn’t want checking of hp to b d basis of trust. It jz came down to me as there’s something dt his hiding. N I insisted to check. I took his hp away n checked it.

    He was standing there with disappointment. Even when his friend called, I let it ring until it stops n check again. (he’s friend rings only 1 time b4 I returned back his hp).

    He was at the door wanting to leave, n said he can’t take this anymore. I asked what does he mean by dt n he didn’t ans. He asked for his hp politely n I gave it to him.

    So what do I found in his hp? Another lie abt his whereabout. A convo with his guy friend, dt he doesn’t wanna entertain my text bcos he’s not at work n hv told me he was. Reason cz he dun feel gd having to go out with me without money. 

    Another thing was, I had stumbled upon a snapshot of his whatsapp with his ex b4 n asked what’s with d snapshot. He said he wanted to show it to his friend but I cudn’t find any of such conversation.

    He did explained b4 dt she’s engaged n wants to confide in him abt her problems in her rs. N dt he explained dt there’s no reason for me to worry. (this is a one off case where I found out dt his ex contacts him n he deleting dt msg. He claims dt there is nothing n dt many ppl including his exes know how much he loves me. N had even mentioned dt he wants to make me his last gf).

    So dt morning, he went off n said dt he thought things wud get better but it’s still d same. After he left, i texted him what I saw in his hp n asked him to explain. I told him I don’t know what I did to deserve this. N after no response, I told him I was feeling stress n dt I still hv d urge to check his hp, I’ve tried not to n I can’t go thru this alone. I had ask to talk things out even if we had done it 2 or 3 times b4.

    I gave it a day till midnight. My gut feeling wasn’t a gd one so I asked, does it mean dt we’re over? N briefly he answered, Yes.

    He has told me dt he doesn’t like me checking his hp anymore n bringing up the topic of breaking up. I hate to plead but I have. I’ve asked for him to recall how we got together n not waste it n called him many times. I also asked not to do this to us n give d rs 1 last try. But it doesn’t seem to work. His silent till now.

    I’m feeling the weight right now, dt very heavy feeling of having to pick up d pieces n moving on. I feel devastated (I understand many wud feel d same during a break up). I jz cudn’t believe what’s happening n I feel at lost. I love him, n I feel heart broken. Do advise me.

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