Comments on: Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair

By: Amber Rose

Amber Rose — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 18:07:56 +0000

Me and my fiancé have been together for 2 and half years, if you don’t count the three months we was split up. When we was together for the first part of our relationship there was this girl who I considered a good friend and all of us went to church together. I started to noticed how he acted around her and that they would always flirt and I constantly asked him if he was interested in her and every time he said no. Well we was together for a little over a year and during this time he kept it up with this girl and it had gotten so bad that I told him that he needed to either stop talking to her and flirting or just break up with me instead of leading me on. He slowly stopped talking to her so much and I thought things where getting better but then it seemed like out of the blue he broke up with me. I was heart broken. We didn’t talk for about 2 weeks then he started sending me messages on facebook asking how I was doing and stuff like that. Well to speed things along in my story, he eventually asked if we could get back together and I said no I was still to hurt over him leaving me. But after 3 months I gave him another chance and because of some other personal things his mom asked me to live with them because I had no where else to go. We where together for about 2 months when I was snooping on his facebook page cause I noticed he had been messaging the same girl from our church again reading through their messages all the way back to when we was first together I saw that he had indeed cheated on my with her before we had broke up. So we went through a bump but sorted it out, I forgave him because it was in the past and we stayed together. well now we are expecting a baby girl next month on the 20th of July and we are engaged, but I’m worried if he is cheating on me again because I ran across a condom in his wallet and well I hate condoms so we never used them after the first couple of months when we became sexually active in our relationship. I of course questioned him about it and he said he got it just in case, without any hesitation. when I asked just in case for what he just shrugged and said you and me and went back to what he was doing. Now he is talking to this girl he sees at work who babysits his bosses kids. I haven’t met her but I am scared it will be like last time. I am very paranoid with him around any female now but I don’t want to ruin what we have again. So I don’t know if he is cheating on me or not, I know my details suck and I probably left some important things out but can you at least tell if I am being overly paranoid or not?

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 17:28:53 +0000

Dear Denise,

It sounds like you can’t trust your husband — and you’re right to feel paranoid and suspicious! You’ve caught him cheating three times. He lied to your face about it, which is just as bad.

It’s not easy to pick up and leave, is it? It’s like parenting: everything is easy in theory, but in real life it’s complicated and messy. There are so many shades of grey and complications that make decisions very difficult.

And, your children will be devastated. They’ll survive and bounce back – kids are resilient – especially if you maintain a healthy, strong attitude.

I encourage you to get help. Find someone you trust, and talk through your options. I’d talk to a counselor and divorce lawyer as soon as possible, just to start thinking about what lies ahead if you decide to leave.

I think counseling is a good idea even if you decide to stay, because you need to learn how to live with a husband you don’t trust.

What do you think?

Blessings,
Laurie

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 29 May 2013 23:14:24 +0000

Dear Alisha,

Thank you for being here! I’m sorry you had to be, though – I wish you and your husband were having no problems to write about.

I wrote this article for you:

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/is-your-spouse-cheating-stds/

The bottom line is that I think he’s lying about cheating, and I think it has to do with not having conflict in your marriage. That is, if you and he have never (or rarely) fought about anything, then you don’t know how to deal with something as big and scary as cheating.

Not fighting doesn’t mean you have a healthy marriage. It means you’re avoiding problems.

Also, I believe most wives are shocked to find out their husbands are cheating on them. Men who cheat don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m having an affair” — they are often good, upstanding, respectable men who are missing something in their marriages.

Anyway, read the article I wrote for you. I welcome your thoughts.

Blessings,
Laurie

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 27 May 2013 05:32:27 +0000

Hello,
I have been married for 11 years now. My husband and I have 3 kids, the youngest is 2 years old now. 6 years ago I caught my husband talking to another woman on the cell phone. It lasted about 2 or 3 months. He would only call her at night while he was at work or during the day when I wasn’t home. I discovered it because I was the one paying the cell phone bill and it had been a bit high during that time. Anyway, I confronted him because it made me feel uncomfortable. He said she was a long time friend and he was only talking to her because her father had recently passed away. but he did stop talking to her because he knew it made me feel uncomfortable. Then last year on Facebook, he met another longtime friend, which he sent Facebook messages to. I was able to read those because I knew his password. I noticed he was acting different so I logged on one day and confirmed my suspicion. He was flirting with her basically saying he wished he had met her a few years earlier because he thought she looked hot. When I confronted him about that he laughed saying I was over-reacting. Luckily the woman didn’t respond to my husbands messages. After that we had a long talk about our marriage, we listed the things we liked and didn’t like about our marriage, and agreed to change. Now, a few months ago, I noticed he was acting different again. I looked through the cell phone company and noticed a particular phone number repeating everyday. only during times when I was not at home, or while he was at work. I confronted him, and he said it was a longtime friend and they were only catching up. I even called this woman and politely asked if there was anything going on between my husband and her. I also told her how I felt and tried to explain my perspective. Still feeling uneasy, I investigated the cell phone bill further and noticed they were also texting and sending pictures to each other. Then my husband finally confessed that they were having virtual sex (he swears nothing physical happened). I was really upset because he made me feel as a crazy person at first for even accusing him of cheating. I also later learned she was his ex, and he had at one point during when they were dating wanted to marry her.
I feel really betrayed, since this is the 3rd time. He apologized and swears he would never do it again. Our intimate life had always been great, and I know we were bunting heads for a little while before this last incident. The hardest part for me right now is letting it go. I love him, but I feel so betrayed. I want to leave because I feel so angry of what he has done to me. I always felt and believed in being faithful to your partner, and always told myself if anyone ever cheated on me I would waste my time with them…yet here I am with him because I love him, and feeling miserable and paranoid at times when he is not with me. I feel like he will cheat again.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 26 May 2013 15:36:18 +0000

Dear Ruby,

You’re too good for that man! He is treating you like dirt, he’s taking you for granted, and he will make your life more and more miserable.

I know you love him, but he is not treating you with love or respect. He is treating you like garbage.

How long will you let him treat you like that? Will you teach your son that this is how to treat a woman?

Yes, it will be hard to leave. Yes, you will struggle financially — and your heart will be broken because you have to let go of someone you love.

But you will gain SO MUCH!!

I wrote this article for you:

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-find-a-good-husband/

And here’s an article I wrote for another reader, who is in the same boat as you:

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/why-doesnt-he-love-me-the-way-i-love-him/

What do you think of all this??

Blessings,
Laurie

By: Alisha

Alisha — Sat, 25 May 2013 15:56:07 +0000

I have been with my husband for 13 years. We have four kids, our youngest 8months old. I recently went to the dr for an infection and I was possatice for chlamydia. I have never cheated and my husband swears he hasn’t either. Our relationship is amazing. Emotionally, sexually, every aspect. We are always together and never like being apart. We have a great family life and we both seem very happy. I don’t think I’m being nieve but he just isn’t the type of person to cheat on me. It doesn’t fit his personality at all. There aren’t any of the “signs” of cheating and nothing has changed between us. We never fight and we just never have any issues. I know chlamydia is and std and I even went to a specialist to see if there was any explanation other than cheating. All she could say that it’s highly unlikely that it could be anything else but there is always that >1% or freak chance that isn’t documented. I just don’t know what to do and what to believe its killing me. I am having panic attacks all the time. When we talk about it he seems completely open and honest no strange body language or voice changes or anything. I love him with all of my heart and I know he loves me and we have such an amazing family. I have told him that no matter what I want to work this out because I believe we and our kids are worth it and he sill says he innocent….please if you have time I could use some help. Thank you

By: Ruby

Ruby — Tue, 21 May 2013 13:27:12 +0000

Hello, just letting you know that I have never done this before. But I am at a lose. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 4yrs now. The very first couple of weeks that we were together. His ex gf posted pics of my bf and her on facebook holding each other. I forgave him for that because we were not a sure thing just yet. We do have an 8 month old baby boy btw. Anyway, for the last 3yrs he kept talking and texting the girl that posted pics of them kissing and being together on facebook. Well I didn’t like that one bit mostly because I knew she was his ex and I just never felt comfortable with it, and no matter what I said or did he would still talk and text her, I told him that I felt like he was disrespecting me which he would shrug at. He would even try and hide it, but I loved him soo much I didn’t see what may never change with him. I don’t see us ever getting merried, because hes never there for me, or our son. I literaly have to beg him for a little extra money from him for our child, he works for the rail road, so I know he has the little bit of money that I ask for from him which normaly I don’t ever ask for no more than maybe 50 dollors, but I only ask because he uses the car when he gets home and when he goes to work he leaves me with no emergency money and leaves the car with no gas, and with a baby thats just not good for either of us. Mind you he is extremley greedy, and selfish which I’m just getting to know this about him. He doesn’t put his family first at all, I have even had to go into hocking my belongings to get my little man the diapers and clothes that he needs, I don’t make nearly as much money as my bf does and I love him soo much but I feel like there is no winning with him, I know that its got to be hard on him, but goodness I wasn’t the only one who had a child here. Well, just recently he decides to come up to me and say that he thinks we should have an open realationship. Ok I’m plum dumb founded at this point, so I couldn’t ansrew. As he walks away he tells me to think about it. What in the heck can I say to that? When hes home hes texting women all the time, I don’t know who they are, Nither me nor my son gets to see him very often because hes always gone to work for weeks at a time which i find strange sence his boss lets him choose his own work schedule, and lately hes been working even more, so really we never see him. Than when he comes home he leaves, he’ll go to his mothers or go where ever he can go to get away from me. And I swear I never nag him, I never tell him what he can and can’t do, I’m guessing by now he probably is cheating on me. Because all hes done sence we been together is lie to my face. I guess love really is blind, its just im on a fixed income i don’t make much money, I get government help, but if I leave him, How on earth will me and my baby make it? I am extremly heart broken and lost. I have done everything in the world that I can think of to make him happy, I’m a complete mess. I mean he has never had to do anything for himself when he comes home, i’ll have his house clean his son taken care of, I always have dinner on the table right when he walks through the door. Jeeze am I making things to easy for him? Oh I just don’t know anymore. Please give me your insight on this. Thank you so much for your time ma’am.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 13:44:14 +0000

The bad news is that I can’t respond personally to everyone’s comments, because I just don’t have the time. The good news is that you’re not alone — look how many women are struggling with the same issues!

You are not alone.

Here’s a question for you: if I waved a magic wand and changed your life, how would it be different? What is your perfect life?

And another question:

What is one thing you can do today to start creating that life?

By: ???

??? — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 08:59:49 +0000

Im a 25 year old male and have been in a strange relationship for 4 years and 5 months. All is not well and reading the comments of the ladys, I feel angry of what`s happening in their relationships. Im not sure where to begin becuase there are so manny points. My fiance cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship and i forgave her, this relationship was never steady…always rocking back and forth. I loved going out with her, dancing and having fun. She had a problem with this becuase where ever we went, there were people that knew me, so i decided to take her out of town where this would hopefully not be a problem. after a few times she didnt whant to do this anymore. So now there`s none of that. She would critesise me on things like…If i see someone doing somthing wrong and I talk to her about it, she replies with something els I did wrong. That makes me feel like a target and that she cant stand by me. I dont want to talk about my feelings if i feel the need to tell her how it makes me feel because previos times it started a huge fight where she started beating me “AGAIN”. She cuts conversations short and shows no intrest in me what so ever. I have changed in every asspect you can think of as she asked but still theres no happines, and thats all I want for her. The one good thing that came out of this relationship is our beutifull and perfect duaghter which is the only reason why i`m stil in the relationship( I gues ), but I fear that whats going on between me and her mother has a negative impact on her. Im not always rite and I know that….BUT THIS I DO NOT DESERVE!!!.Last night we had another fight and I relised that this is never going to change. What do I do now……….?. Why keep on trying when nothing gets better.
I`m now at breaking point because even Couples Therapy didnt work.
I am now sleeping on the couch.
INTRESR COMPLETELY LOST

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 14:50:38 +0000

Dear Barbara, It sounds like you and your daughter are very close! That's great that she can talk to you about her husband, but it must be hard for you to not know how to help her. I wrote this article for you: How to Support Your Daughter in a Difficult Marriage I don't have all the answers, but I do have a few tips! I hope they help, and welcome your thoughts. Blessings, Laurie