Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair
How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating and Lying
How do you know if your man is cheating and lying about it? These signs your husband or boyfriend is having an affair are from marriage counselor Gary Neuman.
On the Dr Oz show, Neuman revealed the signs a man is cheating, plus four ways to spot a lying husband.
“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience that day, 30% of women think they’ve been cheated on…but not everyone knows for sure.
I’m so glad I watched the Dr Oz show today – his tips for love relationships were fascinating! And his guest was M Gary Neuman, the author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, who described five signs a man is cheating.
And, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shared four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.
Gary Neuman and Dr Oz Talk About Husbands Who Cheat
Here are several reasons men cheat:
- Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
- Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
- Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
- Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
- Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives or partners, so they cheat.
How Do You Know If Your Marriage is in Danger?
M. Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating
This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy. A whopping 48% say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives.
The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.
Surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that the friends men have can make or break a love relationship.
5 Signs Your Man is Having an Affair
- He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
- He avoids physical and emotional contact
- He criticizes you more often
- He picks fights or starts arguments with you
- He stays away from home
According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s gut is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.
Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.
4 Ways to Tell if He is Lying About Cheating
Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it.
1. Ways of talking can indicate that he’s lying. Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something.
2. Specific statements are indications of lying about cheating. When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying. When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).
3. Nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating. Driver calls this the “belly button rule.” When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them. When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating! If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement. Driver said to never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.
4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying. If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.
For more relationship tips, read Is Your Marriage Good or Bad? 3 Myths About Being Married.
Do you think your man is cheating — and lying about having an affair? Comments welcome below.
Category: Emotional Affairs, Marital Infidelity
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Sites That Link to this Post
- Rebuilding Your Relationship After an Affair - Ann Landers | June 28, 2010
Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now. He’s cheated on me before, he was drunk (no excuse though) and then he lied to me about it for a while, finally told me, and I forgave him. He was great, best boyfriend ever after that up until about a week or two ago. This other woman saw him, they used to be friends. And they have been talking to eachother for the past week. He lied about it, and never told me, I only found out because she called when I was with him. Then he still lied, about not seeing her. But i found out through a friend that they did see eachother, while i was out of town. He says he’s devoted to me, and if I give him another chance he’d be the best man he can possibly be. I still don’t know if I can trust him though. What do you think?
Amy,
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you’re staying with this man. You’re at the end of your rope, it doesn’t seem like he does anything for you or your marriage…I don’t know what I can do to help you.
Other than to say this: if you’re unhappy in your marriage and your husband won’t do anything to help improve the relationship, then you need to leave him.
hi there im wondering if im just being paranoid or is he cheating on me again
this is the situation ive been with my spouse for 9 years about 5 years ago he cheated on me and told me him self i really love him alot so ive tryed really hard to regain the trust but i find that he is arguing with me over anything and everything and does things to make me feel like he is cheating again he says he learned his lesson the first time and that he never wants to feel that way again but i dont feel like that is the truth he will make comments like im going out to the bar when its something he has never done or he shaves before going to work, or he talk to someone ie a women and tells me about monthes down the road that she came on to him but he said no really what i guess im asking is how do i find out if he is truly cheating again or im just super paranoid because he has already done it before .
Honestly, I don’t know where to start. I have been married almost 2 years. Our sex life is non-existent. That has been going on for a year. He went to have his testosterone checked and it was normal. He is out of work and says it’s not “working” but it’s not me. He says he loves me, needs me, wants me but “things just aren’t working”. He cuddles with me at night for about 5 minutes, never leads to anything sexual. I have had many talks with him about how this is making me feel inside. Over the past three months, he has become defensive over things that don’t make sense. He has become more absent minded. He calls me during the day and seems to want to be with me every second. When I get home from work, I have no privacy at all. I have to shut the bathroom door to be alone. I have lost respect for him. I have needs and he is not attempting to satisfy them. He says he is looking for work, but has not had an interview at all in over 2 years. He subtly gets onto me for every dime I spend that he thinks is not necessary. I am not buying things I don’t need. I have to have clothes that are within my company’s dress code. He lost it with me during a discussion about something he said he read to me, that I had no memory of hearing. He ripped off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere and began to yell, and said “I’m sick of this….” I asked if he is sick of me and he said yes. However, after he calmed down, he apologized and said he is not sick of me. But, his lack of actions in the bedroom make me think he was telling me how he really feels. What do I do? I don’t know. We went to a marriage seminar and it did nothing to help. We combined two households and his stuff is everywhere and we are not going to buy a home anytime soon. I had a condo and he sold his home. He brought two dogs into the marriage that get more attention that I do. I can get past the junk everywhere and the dogs, but, I can’t get past his lack of diligence in his job search and what I believe to be deception and lies to me now. Help!
Hello, I’ve been married for 18 years and recently found out that my husband has been carrying on an affair with an ex-high school girlfriend whom he’d gotten pregnant while they were still in high school but she lost the baby due to his mother’s interference. I’ve recently lost my third pregnancy in late December early January. Now he tells me that he feels empty and without purpose; and blames me for failing him. That he wants children and I can’t give him that. I’ve gone through fertility treatments and that is how I’ve been able to get pregnant. Now I’m 41 years old and I’m at high risk and he doesn’t want to adopt or try another fertility treatment. I don’t know what to do and looking for advise on how to save my marriage. I recently moved out of our house and back with my parents house.
DEAR MAM
MY HUSBAND IS LESS ROMANTICE HE PULLS AWAY FROM ME WE ARE CONSTANLY ARGUING AND FIGHTING WE DONT HAVE ANYTHING PHYSICAL ANY MORE WELL AT LEAST NOT AS MUCH AS WE US TO I LOVE HIM BUT I FEEL LIKE HES CHEATING I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO HELP PLEASE
SINCERLY
HURT AND CONFUSED
Im not sure what to do. Im 32 weeks pregnant and from the beginning my boyfriend has cheated on me. Twice that i know of. Once when i was on the bus ride to meet him *im from florida and i moved to Va to be with him* in NC and with some girl of a dating website. He says he never touched this girl in NC but i was pretending to be him on istant messanger and she spilld the beans. And the girl from the website i saw txt and emails *naughty pictures sent back and forth* and i did confront him about it because areound that time i found out i was pregnant. Given my boy friend and i got together bsck in july 2010 and i got pregnant as soon as we got together. *didnt knwo i could get pregnant* apparently he has a daughter he said died a few days after she was born which i know for a fact is lie but he is sticking to his story, the same about the girl from NC he said he didnt have sex with her. Which i know is a lie because she thought i was him. I do go threw hos emails and txt when i can ive also caught him talking to some girl about how he really did love her and what they use to do in dressing rooms and stuff. While he was talking to her he was sitting next to me the whole time telling me he was talking to ppl about baby stuff…. ive tried talking to one of his exes but he got super mad and blocked her from anything and everything but he still talks to her. He gets pissy when i go threw his stuff but if i get a txt he will snatch my phone and go threw the whole thing. And if i have been talking to any guy friends he blows up on me. I have done nothing to him ive never cheated on him never flirted with guys. I lied to him once about having sex with an ex because my ex is black and he had a problem with it. But he constantly lies to me and i know he does even when i catch him and he knows he has been caught he finds away to turn it around and make me look like the bad guy. Lately he has been talking to this girl via txt and i see him talking to her but i can never get ahold of his phone before he deleted their conversation. He only deletes txt he doesnt want me to see and it makes it hard for me to move past the whole cheating in the beginning. Not only that i looked at his internet history and it has him searching a bunch of girls trying to find what websites they are on. Thats what i think anyways. He has these blow up sessions where he will freak out on me when he finds out ive been threw his stuff. He tells me things like you need to pack your shit and go back to florida and ill sign my rights away for our son. We even got in to a fight about weed and alchol i dont have a problem with either one i smoke weed but i do not do any other drugs he asked me to stop because he doesnt like it. So for the past 7 months i havent done it for him. He saw a conversation i had with on of my guy friends about smoking and took my phone away from me and told me i wasnt allowed to speak to him ever again or else he will take me to court to get custody of our child. Now i wasnt talking to my friend about going out and smoking with him we were just talking about stuff from the past and stuff in general. And i told him that alochol was just as much a drug as weed is and he and i do not see eye to eye on this. He told me he doesnt want that stuff around his child and i told him to stop drinking and as soon as i said that he said show me where to sign my rights away and you can go back to flolrida….. then i cry blah blah blah he gets over but i didnt and he is nice to me. Its almost like he is bipolar *he is a marine and has been over seas* but that doesnt give him the right to drink or treat me like that. Sorry this is long but i have no idea what to do, im scared he is cheating on me even if it is just txt messgaes. I love him to death and i feel like i cant trust myself on this. I cant tell if it just me being crazy hormonal or if im right. Lately ive felt like he hasnt done anything tht he is just talking to these girls but i dont want to let my self be luled into false sense of security. Ive always had trust issues woth anyone and everyone there are very few ppl i trust when i say few i mean like only two ppl come to mind. Im just not sure what to do about any of it. So if there is any advice i would be ever so greatful.
HEllo, I need advice, I am so hurt and confused I dont know what to do! you see my fiance was searching for his ex on googele the other day and when i taslked to him about it this morning he told me he wanted to see her fail at life and I asked him why and he told me because she rejected him when they were younger and the thing it that as far as I know him and and her was 12 years ago and him and i have been together now for 8 years and i dont see how it should matter to him whether or not she fails at life because she has nothing to do with us unless this happened recently and the way i see it is he is with me he has kids with me so why should she matter to him? I dunno what to think my gut tells me he has been unfaithful to me and i dunno what to do or whether to believe my gut or not 1 I dont understand?
Song Title: “What did I do?”
hear @ URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZp8u_vGgYo
My hubby is chreating,I know he is lieing to my face.I know I been cheating on him. He has a lack in the bedroom. I’m still having sex with him,I know I should be using condoms..I’m cheating. I’m not happy. Here for the kids. help me. I’m not sure why I’m with him. long story. He is cheating,so Am I. I need out. help me sarah
Hi!
Now it has been almost a year that my husband do not show felings, he doesnt tell me he loves me, we dont do any kind of activity together. Whenever i ask him what is wrong, why he is showing cold shoulder to me? his answer will be i am disconnected with my feelings!! something that i really do not understand?! anyway this was a year ago, but now recent months we have had so much quarrels and argues and that has made him to be even more passive when it comes to our relationship. I have started to ask if he is involeved with some other woman and the answer is always no, but i can not believe his answer, i just cant! when he comes home the first ting he does to kiss my cheak, but the rest of the evening he is making himslef busy with the computer or tv or his Iphone, he doesnt do much at home inspite of we both work (something he used to be more helpful before)and if i ask him do something he deosnt like it! i have been checking everything his computer, his mobile, his pockets, but i do not find anything! he knows i am extreamly suspicious on him and i think if does something he will make sure that he removes all the evidence. He has onces mentioned divorce but i guess i was putting a big pressure on him! i really dont know what to do or what to belive, i wish somebody could give me some advices..
Yes, I’ve heard that if you think your husband is lying about cheating, then he probably is cheating. It’s sad…but the sooner you start dealing with it, the better.
Hi,
Let’s make a deal – You listen to what i have to say REAL carefully, and i will help you get your relationship issues together.
So, first of all, here is a shocking statistic for you -
— 60%-70% of all people who suspect their spouse of cheating ARE RIGHT! —
Now, i don’t mean to scare you even more.. what i’m saying is that you have to be aware of that and take in mind that this is
not so far from reality as it may seem to you right now. In fact, I deal with tens of couples just like you on weekly basis,
and i KNOW that the statistic which i told you about before is unfortunately, correct.
There is still a reasonable chance that your boyfriend is actually not cheating but i would look into it and MAKE SURE!
what i would advise you to do is to definitely read more about the subject and do your research before you convince yourself that
you’re just being a paranoind..
You can start by clicking on my nickname in the comment headline (Spouse Cheat) right now…
Good Luck,
Anik.
P.S
D O N T T A L K T O H I M A B O U T I T ! ! !
(you can see the explenation if you click on my nickname as well..)
Thanks for your comments.
I’ve just finished writing a book about saying “I love you”, and one of the chapters is about rebuilding your marriage after an affair. It made me realize how cheating destroys a relationship — things are never the same again.
It is possible to rebuild your marriage after cheating, but it’s just so heartbreaking.
Another sign of cheating can be that your husband starts to pay more attention to his looks. He will buy a new fragrance or go shopping for new clothes. Maybe he’ll even hit the gym to lose those extra pounds!
Hi Karen,
Listen carefuly, i don’t want to disappoint you but you have to face the cold facts – 70% out of all people who suspect their partners to be cheating turn out to be RIGHT. This is based on an actual research.
You have to learn how to deal with the situation and find out FOR SURE if he is cheating or not.
you were right in your approach of not asking him directly, this could bring to the end of your relationship, no joke.
if you would like to get some more information about how to deal with these kind of situation just click on my nickname in the title of the comment.
Good Luck.
Hi, Thank you! i’m currently doing a research for my new website on the subject and this was a great article! very straight forward and informative..
Dear Amanda,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and marriage. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy, or that you trust your husband.
Do you have someone to rely on for help and support?
Laurie
Hi I’m 28weeks pregnant and my husband and I have not slept in the same bed or even same room for months. If I ask him something he doesn’t want to answer he will try and make me feel bad. I have to show every sign of happiness towards him or he will try to make me feel bad. I don’t like his job because he has accepted gifts from other women and is a server at an asian restaurant. but he doesn’t bother looking for a new job. And I’m helping him start college soon and I’m totally afraid. After work his excuse to get drunk is that its my fault.
Hi dt,
Well…I have no way of knowing if your husband and sister are both lying about cheating…but I think you need to listen to your gut instincts.
If you’re really confused and worried about it, I encourage you to talk to a counselor in person. I don’t know anything about you, your relationship with your sister, or your marriage. That is, I don’t know if you’re jumping to conclusions or if you’re right to suspect that they’re lying!
Give a counselor a call — you may need only an hour to talk things through and get some clarity. Then, believe whatever it is you think is true….and don’t second guess yourself.
I hope this helps a little….I’m sorry I can’t give you the answers you need!
Blessings,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…Money Skills – Tips for Teaching Financial Literacy to Kids =-.
Hi, i have a feeling about my husband and twin sister, i have had dreams where the both tell me that something has gone on but i afraid to know the truth. a few yrs ago she move in with us and right after they were a alillte bit to close . when i would ask husband whats going on he would say he was only being nice. what do you think, could it have happend.
Dear Sandra,
I’m sorry to hear that your relationship has taken this turn, and you can’t trust your husband…it sounds like you’re hurt and confused.
If you’re confused about whether your husband is lying about cheating, then you need to believe his ACTIONS over his words. If you don’t feel secure, safe, and settled in your relationship, then there’s something wrong. Trust your gut instincts, even though the answer might be painful.
I think you need to decide what resolution you need before you can walk away. Do you need to know for sure that he’s lying about cheating on you? Do you need to know for sure that he might hurt you worse than he already has?
Or, maybe all you need to know is that your marriage needs help. If your husband isn’t willing to be honest with you or perhaps even try marriage counseling…then maybe that’s all the information you need…
If he’s not willing to work on your marriage, you can’t save it yourself. You need to find the strength and courage to decide what to do, even if it’s the last thing in the world you want.
My thoughts and prayers are with you,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…10 Tips for Impressing a First Date by Cooking Dinner at Home =-.
My life has become 1 big nightmare! I’m left sitting here for 3 or so months now feelin the fool and like I’ve lost my mind.
I made a choice to envite another woman into my bed. Since then they have both been very sneaky and then some… I ask Him why this and why that then? Each time I have been met with angry words and even flying fist. I know I should trust my instincts but after 20 yrs?
I am so lost and need resolution I think before I can walk away? I don’t know what to do. I HAVE NIGHTMARES OF IT ALL..but because I don’t know the truth they are only assumptions.
what now if I cannot get the truth? He says he loves me but his actions till now say otherwise. ????
Hi Karen,
I think you know as well as I do that I can’t tell you if your boyfriend is cheating on you! You’ve known him for four years, you’ve been intimate with him, you’ve probably heard him lie, and you know that he gets away with everything….and maybe you know the truth about whether he’s cheating, but you don’t want to admit it to yourself.
What does your gut tell you about your boyfriend? According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s gut instinct is the best way to tell if her man is having an affair…but I think most (if not all) women don’t want to face the truth.
My number one suggestion for finding out the truth is to ask him about it. I know you’ve already shot this idea down, but that’s the whole point of this article! To teach women how to tell if their partners are lying about cheating.
Another suggestion is to check his phone, and call his last incoming and outgoing numbers. I don’t even like saying that because I think it’s sneaky and deceptive, but women have found out about affairs that way.
Or, you could hire a private detective, ask a friend to follow your boyfriend, or follow him around yourself. Again, it’s sneaky, but I can’t think of anything else!
Karen, I really think you need to ask him about his odd behavior. Watch his reaction — and be aware that he can talk himself out of a wet paper bag — and then listen to your gut.
Let me know how it goes….I hope you’re misreading his behavior…but your instincts will lead you to the truth.
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…11 Differences in the Way Husbands and Wives Handle Money =-.
Hi
I am not married, but i have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now. My Boyfriend left for a few days for vacation with his friends, then when he came back he started being a little bit mysterious. We don’t live together, but (two times ) when we’re talking on the phone while everything is so crazily amazing his phone rang and he did not pick up the phone, which is odd since sometimes he does. Anyways, today I returned his call and found out that he was on the phone when he answered the call, when i asked him if he was busy, he didn’t answer me directly, spoke to me as if i was a guy and then he said i’ll call u in a minute or two.
my questions are, is he cheating or not? what is the best way to find out the truth?
Please don’t tell me to ask him because this guy has the sweetest tongue and he gets away with everything with his words.