Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair
How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating and Lying
How do you know if your man is cheating and lying about it? These signs your husband or boyfriend is having an affair are from marriage counselor Gary Neuman.
On the Dr Oz show, Neuman revealed the signs a man is cheating, plus four ways to spot a lying husband.
“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience that day, 30% of women think they’ve been cheated on…but not everyone knows for sure.
I’m so glad I watched the Dr Oz show today – his tips for love relationships were fascinating! And his guest was M Gary Neuman, the author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, who described five signs a man is cheating.
And, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shared four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.
Gary Neuman and Dr Oz Talk About Husbands Who Cheat
Here are several reasons men cheat:
- Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
- Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
- Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
- Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
- Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives or partners, so they cheat.
How Do You Know If Your Marriage is in Danger?
M. Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating
This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy. A whopping 48% say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives.
The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.
Surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that the friends men have can make or break a love relationship.
5 Signs Your Man is Having an Affair
- He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
- He avoids physical and emotional contact
- He criticizes you more often
- He picks fights or starts arguments with you
- He stays away from home
According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s gut is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.
Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.
4 Ways to Tell if He is Lying About Cheating
Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it.
1. Ways of talking can indicate that he’s lying. Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something.
2. Specific statements are indications of lying about cheating. When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying. When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).
3. Nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating. Driver calls this the “belly button rule.” When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them. When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating! If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement. Driver said to never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.
4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying. If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.
For more relationship tips, read Is Your Marriage Good or Bad? 3 Myths About Being Married.
Do you think your man is cheating — and lying about having an affair? Comments welcome below.
Category: Emotional Affairs, Marital Infidelity
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Sites That Link to this Post
- Rebuilding Your Relationship After an Affair - Ann Landers | June 28, 2010
The other night my husband and I were leaving a party,he of coarse had too much too drink and I don’t drink at all.He instantly started calling me names,telling me how fun I’m not and how he can’t stand me.I didn’t say anything thinking he would settle down.But seems that made him more angry.Then he blurted out that he cheats on me all the time and stuck his fist through the window.Well then he tried to take the comment back by saying nobody would want him.I would not find it hard to believe if he were haveing a fling or some one nighters as I would think.He goes to the bar alot with his buddies and sometimes I don’t see him until morning.I just need to know if he is and figure out how to catch him in the act…I have checked his phone and can’t find a thing.I am stummped on this one.But I also have been emotionally abused by him for the past 18 years it may be time for me to just give up.
A year ago my husband received an email from a female worker with a bikini picture attached. The email said meet me in the gym at 12.15..you own me a pilates class. I confronted her and him with the email and they claimed it was a big joke. The road to mistrust started there and a year later I still don’t trust them. I had checked his phone log and found a call to her house 15 minutes long and once again I confronted her and him with it and they claimed it was all business. I have been keeping track of my husbands erectile dysfunction meds and today discovered one was gone and he is planning a business trip to Calgary. I confronted him with this and he got angry and defensive and claims I am paranoid and suspicious. The red flags seem to always be explained away somehow and it’s my paranoid mind that is inventing all of this. I have come to realize he is a weak pathetic person who can’t build any trust in his marriage and frequently puts our marriage on the line for a piece of tail and to get his ego stroked. I plan on divorcing him and won’t waste any more time with someone who has no respect for our marriage. Infidelity is a sign of no respect for the spouse who is hurt by it, the relationship and the cheating husband has absolutely no respect for himself.
To Livi, clearly your story has nothing really to do with the topic here, your husband is not cheating, nor is he lying to you.
Think of porn as drinking coffee. sure too much is bad, but in most cases it does no harm.
having friends (and family) send me pron is a little on the “I’d rather not” side, but there’s nothing really wrong with it.
why he deleted some and not all? same reason I don’t delete ANY of my SMS on the phone, it take too long, and it’s pointless.
you want proof that your husband is not cheating on you? tell him something like this:”I noticed the other day you have a whole bunch of msg’s in the phone, I bet it’s a hastle to delete them, while you go have your shower/watch tv/something, would you like me to help you in deleting your read msg’s?”
I bet he won’t mind (proving that he doesn’t care if you “find out” about thoes msg’s) and after you delete about 10, you’d realize why he didn’t delete them all, it’s just too frustrating.
so in short, relex.
Im 27 and married 7 years, have 3 young children (6,4 &3). My oldest just had surgery and my husband and I stayed with him at the hospital. When my husband finally left for work he forgot his phone. I decided to look through his mesages and the only thing I found was his friends/coworkers sending him pornographic photos of women a couple days before our son was sick. And I realized we had sex on that day. Then I saw he was texing the pictures to other friends right after getting them (work hours). So I decided to look through everything and I found more photos and videos from his brother who is engaged to my sister. What bothers me most is that he never erased them and that he is sending them out too and making coments to his friends about being with them. He also has his friends sent him womens number, none of which I found on his call history. A couple days later I asked him if he was thinkin about being with someone else. And he said no that he only wants to be with me but that I always ask the same thing and that one day I might push him to do it. We hadnt had sex for three weeks and that night we had sex. The next day he accidentally left his phone and I checked and he had erased some of the most recent pictures but he haad left the older one. It makes me think if he didnt erased the before why now after I ask. So later also in workig hours he gets a text from his brother, I open it and its more pornographic videos. What should I do about it? Should I comfront him about it or should I dismised as a guy thing? And what about my sister, do I tell her what her fiance is sending to my husband? I really love my husband but I dont want to be an idiot. I dont know what to do , i’m a stay at home mom of 3 young children, I need to make the right decision for me and for them.
Hello,
I am not married. My boy friend and I were seeing each other for a little over a month, and he asked me out about 3 weeks ago. I have a hard time reading him, and he jokes around a lot. I know that I have a lot of insecurities, and he picks on me about them. He jokes with me about things, nothing specific, but I just have this feeling that he hides talking to other girls from me. I think he thinks I will be mad if he’s talking to girls, but I don’t care if it isn’t inappropriate, but I think he’s been in bad relationships. I can’t really explain it, and I don’t know if he makes comments to test me or to try to get me to stop talking about exs and making him uncomfortable, but I wish he could just tell me how he feels. For instance, the other day I was going to go lay down in his room, and he said, hold on I need to go in there first. He’s had a cold, so I don’t know if he was cleaning up or what. I don’t know what to think. One time I was at his house, and he told me to go upstairs and go lay down. He said he was going to eat and be up in a minute, but then he was on the computer. He was being very weird about it. I went to the bathroom 5 minutes later, and I came down to ask him a question, and he was chatting with someone on facebook. He seemed really nervous about it. I was ready to leave, but he drove me and my phone was dead. About 10 minutes later he came upstairs, and I think it took him a minute to realize that I was upset, and although neither one of us said anything, I know that he was telling me things non-verbally and kissing my ass. He should have been smart and logged off right away realizing that he could have ruined us (I’m just now thinking of this, and to me, he chose to sit on the computer- even though I hid my reaction). He asked me out a week or 2 later, and we hang out almost every day, and he picks me up.
I know that he isn’t into romantic talk, but he’s told me I’m beautiful, and he loves my body, etc. He is very cuddly, and he pays when we go somewhere, and I know that he cares about me. I don’t know if it is my insecurities and the fact that I need to be told how much I’m needed regularly, (I have always had doubts and insecurities to these extremes) but I worry that I am just convenant to be with. I see the way he looks at me (which is awesome), and I know I take his breath away. I just wish he could feel more secure with me and tell me he talks to girls, but they are just friends, and I know I need to tell him how I feel
How do I find out if he is still pursuing other girls?
There’s a lot in these comments to suggest that women operate on projection: if we think you’re cheating, it must be because we are cheating. Baloney. If someone is asking you if you are cheating, believe me, the response they want is, “of course not, I would never do that to you. Why are you asking me?” At that point she will give you the reasons for her suspicions. If you actually listen, the mystery will be solved. No, she’s not vastly insecure or had terrible experiences in the past with other men. Instead, it might go something like this: you always disappear on our weekends off, you get too chummy and personal with the girls and women at work, you always talk about porn and strip clubs, you say you are the only decent man out there because every other man goes to strip clubs (talk about projection), you oversexualize every woman – instead of them just being flakes or incompetent, these other women in your life must be damaged because they have been molested, you talk about your ex-girlfriends, ex-wives or female coworkers all the time, she found naked pictures of women on your phone or computer and you said they were sent by some unwanted entity resulting from an underwear search, you hid something relating to sex from her before you were married and now she can’t completely trust you, and the list goes on. But, of course, when she brings these weird behaviors to your attention, you tell her that she has severe psychological problems stemming from her childhood, is insecure, and is the source of your marital problems. Then you proceed to storm out and take off. Wise up. If your wife is suspicious of you, it’s because you are behaving suspiciously. She wants to trust you, but your behavior is causing pain. How she would love to believe it is all in her head.
my husband gets mad when i ask him to do anything, i am 5 1/2 months pregnant and high risk. my baby tried to come last night, he was supposed to get off at 6 but called me at 558 and said he’ll be working til 9 and he’ll meet me at the hospital when he’s done working. so i told him if i go alone i will have the baby early. i have asked him in the past who women were calling his phone and he gets very defensive telling me i don’t need to “snoop” through his phone, yet he gave it to me to use while mine is turned off…he doesn’t want me in any way any more and it hurts…3 children later and i’m not good enough anymore?…what do i do?
Hello Sue, Nina, Tammy, everyone!!
I’m sorry I can’t offer personal advice or help. I just don’t know enough about your relationship or marriage to give you advice! All I can do is give you a few things to think about, and encourage you to talk to a counselor or friend that you trust.
I wrote another article on how to tell if your husband is lying, with different tips to think about:
Is Your Boyfriend Telling Lies? How to Find Out the Truth
I hope it helps, and again offer my apologies for not being able to give you personal help.
Blessings,
Laurie
I have a similar situation. My guy went to a destination wedding with his family and there are photos of him consistently with a attractive blonde woman. In the pictures they appear in close proxity. (sitting beside eachther at bar, excursions, lunch, walking along beach) yet he says he doesnt know her that she was a stranger. When questioned he gets defensive ( although I am persistent so I may be the cause of this) tells me I am imagining things.His family was there and I feel awkward as subtle hints have emerged.( son saw her coming out of the hotel room-claims his son was drunk so he is mistaken…) I asked him to explain the pictures he said she was alone and he probable felt bad and chatted with her…The pictures depicted look like they were a couple////lies bother me, the truth would be so much easier to deal with…how do I get the truth?
Hello,
Well I’m going through a tough time now to be because I found out my husband was
Saying I love you and other intimacy stuff to another women on his gmail chat but he says he
Was just saying it to make her happy I dnt love her he says how do I believe him ?
He says sorry and that I will never leave you and we’ve only been married for one year please help
I found out my husband was cheating with his co worker on father’s day 2011 by emails that they had been sending back and forth. I confronted him, he lied about it and then when I told him that he was having an affair, he tried to turn the tables and say that it was my fault because for so many years I withheld sex from him and treated him less than a man. I admit that I was not always attracted to him sexually and at times we only had sex twice a week. He didnt make me feel attractive and was just pushing me out of his life. So, on yesterday, I called him while he was on his way to work to ask him a question and when we finished talking I said I love you. I didnt think it was a big deal until he got home and said that I only said I love you because I felt she was in the car with him. I didnt see the big deal. Whether she is in the car or not you can say what you want to so I thouhgt. Then, he tells me that his co workers say that I call his job ask to speak to people and hang up. When I call that office I only speak to him and would never play such games. To make a long story short, I know that he is still seeing her. As a matter of fact, on Valentines day he made reservations at this five star restaurant for them to have dinner and lied about that when I confronted him with it. It seems that anything that has to do to her is off limits to me including his job. I have decided that it is time to move on with my life and we have three children in the midst of this. I have no place to go, my family lives in Atlanta and I have no money saved. I just need your help to get a plan so that I can save money and be moved out by the end of this year. He stopped paying the mortgage so the house is in foreclosure. We have been married for 17 years..August will be 18 years and our children are 16, 13 and 12. I know that they will be ok but I need to do this respectfully and do what is in the best interest of the children. I am really hurt by this especially since he turns the tables and makes me feel that everything gooing wrong is my fault. I didnt make him have an affair and I am not responsible for his decisions. I just need some insight to this situation because I make a harsh decision.
You give me hope Chad. I have trusted my husband and the female friend that works with him in his buiness for 10 years. One evening I went to a local store and I saw his large work truck parked there and her van was parked just behind him. I did not think anything of if as I thought they were in one of the establishments looking at a job they would be doing. I had pulled up mid-way between both of their vehicles and sat and waited maybe 5 minutes, before getting out and going into the store. On my way in I ran in to a mutual friend who asked me where my husband was. He has seen the truch and van too, so I responded somewhere nearby in one of the establishments. He walked to his vehicle and left the parking lot and I proceeded into the store. I was in the store for about 15 minutes or so. When I was walking back to my vehicle, I did not see him or woman that works with him. So I sat in my vehicle for about 10 more minutes and then I called him. He did not answer his phone, so I called her phone and asked where he was. She said she didn’t know where he was that she was not with her, she had left the shop. I hesitated and the asked her in the hell was he not with her and she didn’t know where he was when I was sitting in the parking lot beside both of their vehicles. She paused and gave him the phone and he was laughing talkin about he was just playing with me. That he told her do to that. I tried to accept that and let it go, but time only made me more angry. The truth is I never had a reason to distrust either of them until then. And then I started getting messages and phone calls and all sorts of relevations about her behavior and inappropriate things she said. It finally evolved to me confront my husband about them being emotionally attached to one another(since that was obvious especially on her end). I had a 1:1 that he agreed for me to talk with her about this. I had phone records for 2 years that showed a pattern of them talking extensively on a constant basis seven days a week 24-7. I asked her if she had an emotional attachement and she said she was not attached to him but the business/shop. I told her that I wondered about how she carried herself, since she was being referred to as my husband “P*$$&” that she must be very inappropriate for that to be said about her. She told me somethings my husband had promised her about our business, and became upset when I denounced that with the implication that with 15 years vested in the business everything she saw was what we not he had. Now my husband has gotten angry, mad in our conversations. I am convinced too that at one point they were sexual, and that the remain emotionally attached. I think that the reason he will not admit the affair is because he would never want me to think less of him and because he never thought there would be a breech in their secrecy. So I want to ask you as a man in this circumstance – do you think my husband is lying or tell the truth? My husband was my heart and all that I every wanted in a man until this happened… I still love him but I feel betrayed, deceived. Can you give me a response??