Control freaks are so manipulative, you barely realize you’re being manipulated! These signs of a control freak will help you see your relationship more clearly.
These tips are from a woman who was involved with a control freak boyfriend for long enough to know how difficult it is to leave.
“I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for 6 months,” says Loni. “The warning signs were ever so slight, but they all added up. I realized two weeks ago that this man was a narcissist and a manipulator. I left with a safety plan.”
If you’re in a bad relationship and you’re ready to take back your life, read Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
And here are a few signs your man is controlling and manipulative…
4 Signs of a Control Freak
Loni says, “Within weeks of meeting he was buying me wedding magazines…if your man says “I love you” too quickly or seems too good to be true, it could be a red flag. He’s trying to make you believe he is a good man, and he doesn’t give you time to think.”
This is how she describes a man who is a control freak:
He has no flaws. My man appeared to be highly romantic. His life was perfect and everyone around him was perfect. Men who try to manipulate and control women want them to they they have no emotional problems and everyone loves them.
He charms your family and friends, then pulls you away. He met my family immediately and was incredibly charming, as with any close friends I introduced him to. A controlling, manipulative, narcissistic man wants to charm your family so when you come back to them with questions about his behavior and abuse, they won’t understand and may even defend him.
Then he started to not want me to keep in contact with people in my life, old friends, close or not. He said he didn’t trust them with me. Men who try to manipulate and control are insecure and obsessed with control. They want to know everything about you, especially your vulnerable qualities.
He starts to verbally manipulate and control you. He became verbally threatening and used language that nobody close to me who loved me would ever use. Controlling and manipulative men get you in their grasp, and things get worse. His language and anger would dissipate and then he’d be extremely remorseful and romantic. Men like this blame women for their outbursts.
If you want to leave a control freak, read Is Your Boyfriend Emotionally Abusive? 4 Ways to Get Strong and Leave.
He moved really fast. This man wanted us to move in together almost immediately. He began looking for apartments and made it appear as if it was all about making a life together and “us being happy.” Living with you is key to his breaking you down, so he can monitor you and try to manipulate you to giving up your finances.
My story is the same as everyone who has been abused, controlled manipulated: these people are predators of the mind. You must trust yourself and speak to people you trust early on to check in with “what is normal” take mental notes. Also, learn how to deal with a control freak.
If you’re not sure if your boyfriend is lying to you, learn how to find out the truth.
How to Leave a Control Freak
I am incredibly grateful to my family and close friends. When I realized I was being manipulated and controlled, which happened when I was away from him for a few days, I realized this was ” abuse. ” When I revealed the behavior to my family they immediately helped me leave the relationship safely.
If you’re involved with an emotionally manipulative man, read How Do You Leave an Abusive Relationship? A Starting Point.
Know how to leave the relationship safely. What does this mean? He must not know you are planning to leave, because he’ll try to manipulate you to make you stay. His behavior will get worse if he knows you are leaving.
Confide in people close to you, whom you trust. Get support from your family and close friends. Contact a women’s shelter, distress centre, or even 911. Tell them you need somewhere to go because you are leaving an abusive relationship. Sometimes in crisis strangers can give you the best advice for help. They have no bias.
Leave when he’s not around. If you live with him, determine a time of day that he isn’t home. Once you know he has left and he isn’t suspicious, get your personal belongings and get out.
Ask your friends to be cautious. If you are getting help from a friend, ask them to contact a friend of theirs that neither you or your abuser knows. Stay with them until you have made your next plan. Get the police involved immediately. Fill out an information report stating the nature of the abuse and fear for your safety. This will help you start the legal process to protect yourself.
Don’t talk to his friends, family, or coworkers. Do not make any contact with anyone he knows. He will go through every contact he knows trying to locate you. The friend who helped you can then tell them that they don’t know where you are either… you are safe. He will call you, text you, threaten you or try to charm you back.
Stay away from him – he will keep trying to control you. His behavior will not change… you are now in control, this will scare him but you are saving yourself so stay strong and be still in your pride that you got out. Stay away from any of the areas you would go with him, he will begin frequenting them hoping to see you there. Change your routine, let your work know what is going on, quit your job if you have to- this is about your life and safety.
Get counseling. Do an internet search or Google women’s shelters (in your city). Access the support you need to stay out. Men who control, manipulate, and hurt you won’t change!!! You will go through a process of “de-compression” with counselling. One minute your mind will tell you he wasn’t such a bad man; the next minute you will feel rage. This is normal!
For more tips, read How to Break Free From an Emotionally Destructive Relationship.
Remember how this man controlled and manipulated you. To help you stay focused on how controlling and hurtful this man was (so you don’t go back), write down on a piece of paper the lowest moment in the relationship. Write down how it made you feel and state that his behaviour was abuse. Any moment where he is trying to call you or has texted you, bring the paper out and read it to yourself. Don’t have any contact with him.
If you can’t let him go even though you know he’s a control freak, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
Don’t hesitate to contact the police. Trust your intutions about how to stay safe. Also, get a different car, change your cell phone number, and stick to your safety plan. If he approaches you, tell him you will call the police and do it!! He is frightened and insecure. Show him you are strong and will protect yourself. Get a restraining order, and keep the police aware of your situation so they know how to best protect you.
Now, it’s about you and a life free from being controlled, manipulated, and hurt. You have the power, breathe and trust in yourself that you did the right thing.
Are you in a relationship with a control freak? Read 11 Ways to Improve a Bad Relationship.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.