Introverts love to be alone; extroverts love to be the center of attention. Introverts and extroverts can fall in love – and yes, they can build a happy relationship.
Here’s Lyn’s question:
“Can introverts can have relationships? I recently was in a relationship and I felt my introversion was taking over. I wanted to be alone most of the time. I believe he was an extreme extrovert and he always wanted me to talk.” – on my article about the Most Popular Personality Articles, Tips, and Tests.
The short answer is yes, an introvert-extrovert relationship can work! Especially if you read books like The Introvert and Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract.
A new and very very popular book about introverted personality traits is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. It’s an excellent way for introverts to understand the strength of their own personalities, and for extroverts to understand the introverts they love.
And here’s the long answer…
A Few Tips for Introvert-Extrovert Love Relationships
I think the best tip for introverts before they fall in love is to date fellow introverts. But if you’re already in love with an extrovert, these suggestions might help…
Remember that we’re all introverted and extroverted – it’s a spectrum
Very few people are totally introverted, or totally extroverted. Most of us have a bit of both personality traits. Sometimes even extroverts need to be alone, and introverts feel the urge to get out and party!
However, it’s where we get our energy that makes us introverts or extroverts. People with introverted personality traits get their energy from being alone, out in nature, writing, reading, or doing quiet activities. People with extroverted personality traits are energized by spending time with people – the more the merrier.
The biggest difference is the degree to which introverts and extroverts enjoy those different types of personalities. Introverts like to spend far less time with people, talking, and mingling than extroverts do. If you want your introvert-extrovert relationship to work, you need to accept where your partner is on this personality spectrum.
Know and accept your own personality traits
On my test for introverted personality traits, readers keep saying how happy they are that they finally figured out that they’re introverted – they’re not weird, different, or bizarre! They simply prefer being alone, and get their energy from spending time on their own or with a couple other people.
If you’re reading this article, you’re probably aware that you’re an introvert. I encourage you to accept your own personality traits fully, which involves getting to know yourself inside and out! The more you know about your personality, the happier and more at peace you’ll be.
And if you’re happy and at peace, then you’ll contribute to a happy, healthy love relationship (even if you’re involved with an extrovert!).
Educate your extroverted sweetheart – and accept her for who she is
Does your partner know what it means to be an introvert? Is she aware that she’s an extrovert? The biggest relationship problems are caused when one or both partners aren’t aware of how their personality traits, actions, or words affect their relationships. So, your extroverted partner needs to know that you prefer to be alone most of the time – but that doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner.
An introvert and extrovert in love does not have to be a reason your relationship fails. Ignorance or lack of knowledge is what will cause your relationship not to work.
And, it’s probably a good idea to know what it means to have extroverted personality traits. You know what it’s like to be an introvert, but do you know what it’s like to be an extrovert in love with an introvert? Put yourself in her shoes!
Decide what you want your relationship to look like
Some couples are perfectly happy to pursue their own goals and hobbies as individuals. Other couples like to do everything together, as a single unit.
When we first got married, I wanted my husband and I to do everything together: take classes, go to church, volunteer, hang out with friends. We’re both introverts, but I do feel the need to socialize and spend time with people more than he does. He’s happier puttering in his workshop or the garden. Over the years, I created my own life – I play the flute in an orchestra, volunteer as a Big Sister, and take my dog to the dog park all by myself. I’d prefer him to be with me because I love him and he’s alot of fun…but I’ve accepted that a healthy relationship does mean that two people can be different and do different things.
If you want your introvert-extrovert relationship to work, you both need to accept that you’re different people who find meaning and fulfilment in different ways — and that’s okay!
For more relationship tips, read 4 Tips for Couples With Wildly Different Personality Traits.
What do you think – can introvert-extrovert relationships be healthy and happy?
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.