If you’re scared to fall in love, you’re not alone! These tips on how to overcome love fears are based on the most common relationship fears: fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, and fear of abandonment.
Before the tips, a quip:
“I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.” ~ Javan.
Having someone to share your day with is one of the best things about falling in love. Sharing life together makes even the worst experiences easier! If you can’t fall in love because you’re holding back, you may find Love Is Letting Go of Fear helpful.
And, here are a few tips for overcoming relationship fears…
When You’re Scared to Fall in Love…
Learn why you fear falling in love
The first tip for overcoming your love fears is to figure out exactly what you’re afraid of. For instance, it’s fine to fear intimacy — because simply knowing that you’re afraid of losing yourself and being engulfed by your love relationship could prevent it from happening. When you know what you fear, you’re in a better position to overcome it.
Express yourself honestly, but be objective
If you’re afraid of being abandoned, don’t suffocate your partner with excessive attention or jealousy. Talk about your feelings, write them down – see a counselor if you’re really struggling. Don’t let your fear of falling in love ruin your relationship.
Learn how to communicate with a loved one
Are you scared to fall in love because of fear of intimacy or fear of abandonment? Find out how to successfully deal with change and how to be supportive when your partner wants to change. Read books, seek support groups, or talk to a counselor about your love fears.
3 Reasons You Fear Falling in Love
Many people — even if they’ve been in a relationship for decades — struggle with fear of intimacy, fear of change, or fear of abandonment. Knowing what why you’re afraid of love can help you overcome love fears.
Fear of Intimacy
Even in childhood, we fear being swallowed up by another person and losing our selves. We want to be independent with our own personalities, likes, dislikes, strengths, and even weaknesses. This is one of the most common relationship fears: fear of intimacy, which can involve engulfment and emotional distance.
Engulfment occurs when we lose who we are in our love relationship. We not only lose our preferences – we may not even know what are preferences are anymore! People who have a fear of intimacy may be overly anxious about losing themselves, which makes them extremely guarded and hard to know. They may fear being trapped or suffocated, which can create relationship conflict.
Fear of Change
Sometimes our relationship fears make us afraid our partner will change; other times we fear he or she won’t change at all. Even good changes can be stressful to deal with! When familiar habits and routines are changed, we feel a sense of unease because we have adjustments to make, new routines to create. Our perception of our love relationship – and even our partner – changes. And, of course, romantic relationships change over time.
Talking honestly about changes is the best way to deal with this relationship conflict. Discussing relationship fears, hopes, motivations, and practical issues will make changes blend in with the daily routine in a much smoother way. Even fighting about your feelings is better than repressing or stuffing them down.
Fear of Abandonment
Most of us don’t want to be alone; we’re dismayed at the thought of being rejected or abandoned. Even the healthiest people have some fear of abandonment. We know we could survive alone, but life is better and easier with others (this is a primal instinct). We fear being left, rejected, or physically or even emotionally distant from your loved ones.
Becoming independent and emotionally healthy with your own life is one way to overcome this love fear.
If you have any thoughts about overcoming love fears – or you’re scared to fall in love – please comment below…
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.