May 122011
 
How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

It’s never too late to walk away from a man who lies, cheats, and steals. (image by h.koppdelaney, flickr)

These tips will help you break free from loving a man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals your money. You’d think it’d be easy to hate a man who broke your heart, but it’s not.

“I’ve known this man for many years,” says L. on Stop Obsessive Thoughts About Your Ex. “All he does is lie to me and treat me as a booty call. But I love him so much. He is now seeing some new chick. My self-esteem is shot. I hate myself. What can I do to get us back together?”

If you see yourself in this woman, the first thing you need to do is read a book like Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame at least twice. Study it. Live it, breathe it, be it!

I don’t think you can force yourself to stop loving anyone, but you can learn how to live a happy, fulfilled, strong life without him. It won’t be easy – it’ll take time and effort – but you CAN move on and re-create your life!

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love
.

Starting now.

How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

And, you need to put these tips on how to stop loving a man who lies, cheats, and steals from you into action…

Listen to your friends and family

If you’re honest with your loved ones about how he treats you, then I know they’re telling you to dump him, move on, find someone who will love and cherish you. Listen to them, my friend. This is one time that you have to put your own thoughts and feelings aside, and go with the crowd’s opinion. I would never tell someone I love to stay with a man who treats her like garbage. And, I would tell her to stop taking his lies, infidelities, and thefts — men do this because women let them.

Stop focusing on him, him, him !

L’s self-esteem is low because she’s basing her self-worth and value on this jerk’s behavior. She’s letting him treat her like crap, and she believes that she deserves to be treated like crap. So she feels even crappier about her life and herself…and she’s stuck in a terrible downward spiral. How does she stop loving this man who lies and cheats? First, by learning why women stay in bad, loveless, unhealthy relationships. Second, by pulling herself together, which is what the rest of these tips are about…

Get a life

You have to stop centering your life around this man. I know how hard it is – that’s why I wrote 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love! But, your life, your days, your experiences are worth so much more than any man – even a good one. You can’t base your existence and self-esteem on anyone. You need to build a strong, happy, healthy life outside of your “love” relationship.

Surround yourself with strong, smart, successful women

Who are you chillin’ with these days? Are they women who are setting goals, achieving goals, and setting better, more exiting goals? Find women who are emotionally and physically strong, happy, balanced, and successful at work and home. You can stop loving this man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals from you…but you can’t do it alone.

Get emotionally and physically healthy

The healthier you are, the less likely you’ll be drawn to men who lie, cheat, and steal. Your emotional and physical health is united — that’s your mind-body connection in action. Get emotionally healthy by reading books like the one I featured above, or 10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem: How to End Self-Doubt, Gain Confidence & Create a Positive Self-Image. Get physically healthy by doing yoga and Pilates, or taking a spinning or kickboxing class.

You need to re-create yourself as a woman, my friend. You need to become strong, happy, and successful — and dump the jerks who treat you like dirt.

Don’t stop here! Read Need Strength to Leave a Relationship? 6 Ways to Get Strong Now.

What advice would you give women who can’t stop loving men who lie, cheat, and steal?

About Me

quips tips love relationshipsI'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.

  17 Responses to “How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals”

  1. Dear Nithya,

    Thanks for your comment, and for encouraging us to leave men who lie, cheat, and steal! It is heartbreaking — but as you said, we only have one life (that we know of).

    Better to have short-term pain and long-term gain, rather than stay stuck and unhappy in a bad relationship.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  2. I am an indian and married to a cheat, liar and thief as some of the friends here. As soon as I got to know that he is a liar, I lost my jewels, money, and a property. I struggled for one and a half years after that and somehow with the help of my lawyer took most of it back and applied for divorce. He was not ready to leave me for his financial advantages over me. I loved him so much that it was like tearing a part of me off to leave him, but i did not think too much and divorced him. Be ready to leave the narcistic abusers and live a peaceful life. It would definitely take a big risk and cost but do not forget that life is just once and live your life as your wish and not for anybody else.

  3. Dear Lori,

    I don’t know how a man can say he loves his wife, yet cheat on her. I think it depends on how he defines “love.” Some men define “love” as financially support and provide for, and save their intimate love (sex) for other women. It’s sad and even disgusting, but human beings are complicated and … disgusting sometimes!

    I wrote this article for you:

    How to Help a Friend Cope With an Unhappy Marriage

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts. You’re a good friend, and I’m glad your friend has people like you in her life!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  4. I was with my boyfriend for two years. He lied and cheated the entire time. I refused to believe this. He had the best excuses and said he loved me every day. He would go shopping for girls on plenty of fish and friend them on Facebook. I was not allowed to be his friend on fb and he waived this away saying he spent all his non work time with me. Said what we had was real and fb was merely entertainment. He would text and message constantly and even ignore me to do so. I loved him so deeply I chose to believe his lies that he was not cheating. By the time the evidence was so massive my self esteem didnt exist. A friend paid me a compliment and i nearly burst into tears. i am an educated above average looking woman and I look far younger then my age. He treated me so badly that a tiny compliment had this profound affect. But he said he loved me… I find it very unsettling too that the other women he was with would lie and say they were only friends, so that they could remain his booty calls (and of course they laughed at me behind my back). I hated myself for wanting him and loving him and he strung me along with promises of our future. This wound is so fresh and hurts so bad and this website especially and reading people’s stories has greatly helped me. It was also enlightening to find that many of these bad partners we obsess over or who lie and cheat have narcissistic personality disorder. Mine did and pitty the next girl who loves him.

  5. What should a man do if his women is cheating? I knew someone a good friend of mine he worked 12 hours a day to keep a roof over his head .She went to school so did their daughter.When she got home from school before she picked up her daughter she was dating a gentlemen on the side.It was when a neighbor asked if they were having work done to their house as this guy drove a construction truck.That’s when he told the neighbor to keep an watchful eye as she was retired.The lady called him then he came right home at the time this guy was coming over then he snuck into the house then caught them “getting it on” in the bedroom.He filed for divorce eventually as he knew that there would be so many complications with the courts if they were to do that.

  6. Hi, How can a man say he loves someone yet cheat on her? My friend’s husband is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. They have children together and she will get angry, but take him back due to the economy excuse, still in love excuse, they have kids to raise, finanically a divorce would destroy the both of them. She thinks she would end up living in a tent and have to start her whole life from ground zero. He has no problem lying to women at work saying his “wife” my friend is a rag bag, a nasty woman. How he wishes he could leave, but stays for the kids. But, he will have no problem posting ads behind her back, lying to people at work, friends, at church, to his own family. He has destroyed multiple womens lives. He has no problem stealing money or lying to clients. He uses past abuse in his life as his excuse as to why he doesn’t give a flip or have remorse for what he does. It’s like he’s 18 and could care less and his in his late 40′s. If you are a strong, beautiful woman after dealing with him you can almost gurantee you will look dried up and disgusted with life. Any comments? How can I help her? How can I get past the pain of her continuing to tolerate the BS? Any suggetsions? Thanks!

  7. It takes time to gain the strength and courage to leave a man – even if he is a liar and cheater. You’ve invested a lot of time, energy and even money in him. This makes it difficult to break up with him.

    And you may always love him. The title of this article – “how to stop loving a man who lies, cheats and steals” – isn’t accurate. You can’t stop love or change how you feel…you can only make choices that improve your life and push you forward into a better world.

  8. I want to get away from this man who constantly cheats on me,please help me!

  9. He is married with a son 20 years ago and still not divorced as a condition to me before I agreed to have relatioship.When I realized from my girl friend about money owed to her I was upset and tried to break off. I suspect he might has a relationship with my girl friend by the look that she was drastically depressed. The break out failed as he was mean and treatened me somehow. I gave him a chance but never known 6 years ago he has a chinese girl friend with few kide age below 10 years old. He denied flat. I have been struggling emotionally and am depressed.I found out he treat me well cuz I help him financially but he denied today that he didnt owe me any cent. Nowe I am broke and down. No friend knows of this relationship as I am from a conservative family and upbringing.ALost self

  10. @Silvie – I feel like it was me who wrote your comment…

  11. What’s crazy is all of our stories are the same. We read each other stories in think my story is different or my mans different when they all do the same thing… I think we are so in love with these men that we have sickend ourselves into believing that what they’re doing is okay because we love them. I’m starting to believe that when you love someone you love that person so much that your brain will make it to where they love you.

  12. this explanes my realationship i never know what to do yes we still are together but have break up 2 diffent times from the 1st time i have met him to now he has change a little so i hope that he will change a lot more but then deep down in side i know he will never fully change but every time i am away from him i miss so much i dont know why bc i know he treat me so bad i never know what to do stay or go everyone will say go i but i miss him so much

  13. If you can’t stop loving a man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals from you or others, then you need to look at yourself. Why don’t you have more self-respect? Don’t you believe you deserve better?

  14. I have this guy I love His mom all but hates me & he steal money form under my nose & lies to me & I fill like he don’t really love when he tells me he dose & he lisen & falls for braves then stays at his mom house then his wife & he says mane things to me after all I did to help him out so much, he don’ent care. Am not eating or drinking nouthing cuz I fill down can some be done all this Ben going on some time now & am sick of it.

  15. he treated me badly but i compromised. and now he is engaged to a girl of his parent’s choice. he talks to that girl and meets her. he says that he don’t love her but when i say bad words for her he hangs up on me. n now he is not even talking to me neither am i. what should i do?

  16. Thanks for your comment, Silvie. I wish you all the best as you refrain from contacting him.

    Stop loving men who lie, cheat, and steal!

  17. I am one of these women, he didn’t steal on me though. he cheated and lied to me on various occasions, and now he left me for good. I still want him, but i am doing my best not to initiate contact.

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