How to Stop Feeling Guilty After the Breakup

If you feel guilty after breaking up with someone you love, these tips will help you replace guilt with self-forgiveness. Life is too short to spend in a relationship that isn’t right for you!

feel guilty after breakupIn Escaping Toxic Guilt: Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good!, Susan Carrell offers in-depth information about dealing with all sorts of guilt. She’ll help you recognize the difference between good guilt and toxic guilt, build boundaries around your time and emotions, deal with people’s disapproval, find freedom through forgiveness and relinquishing control, and protect your sense of self while still caring for others.

Why is it so important to know how to deal with relationship guilt? “Because this is all you have,” says radio therapist Laura Schlessinger. “This is not a dry run. This is your life. If you want to fritter it away with your fears, then you will fritter it away, but you won’t get it back later.”

Are you frittering away your time and energy, feeling guilty because you broke up with someone? Your life is too precious to spend feeling guilty for doing what you think is best for you, and perhaps what was best for your ex. I know it’s easier to say “stop feeling guilty after the breakup” than it is to actually change how you feel. It takes time to change your thought patterns, especially if you’ve been thinking this way for years.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty After the Breakup

On my article about healing from an addictive relationship, a reader says she feels so guilty about breaking up with her boyfriend of four years. She can’t be with him anymore – but she can’t quite let him go, either. Does that sound familiar to you?

Identify appropriate guilt

You should feel guilty about the breakup if you did something wrong, such as using your boyfriend for his money or professional contacts and then breaking up with him. “Real” guilt is an appropriate and healthy response for wrongdoing. If you weren’t your best self in your relationship, then you need to make amends.

This doesn’t necessarily mean getting back together with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but it could mean apologizing for whatever you did wrong. But even if you didn’t act well or make the best choices in your relationship with your boyfriend, you still need to forgive yourself and move on.

Identify inappropriate guilt (you’re being manipulated)

Do you feel guilty because your ex-boyfriend is manipulating your emotions with apologies, pleas, or promises for the future? Do you feel guilty because your parents or friends wish you were back together with your boyfriend?

If your ex is threatening suicide, read What to Do When Your Boyfriend Says He’ll Kill Himself If You Leave.

Remember what you did right in your relationship

To stop feeling guilty after breaking up with someone, focus on the things you did well! Remind yourself of the times you were loving, attentive, generous, kind, and compassionate in your relationship. Even if you initiated the breakup, you didn’t ruin the relationship. The relationship was already ruined…you just decided to end it for good and move on. That is not something to feel guilty about.

Remember that the relationship breakup happened for a reason

You had your reasons for breaking up with your ex-boyfriend. Even if your friends, family, coworkers, or ex-boyfriend don’t understand those reasons doesn’t mean the breakup less valid. To stop feeling guilty after breaking up with someone, you need to trust that you made the right decision. Listen to your gut.

There was a reason you had to let go of the relationship. Though it’s painful now, it’s the right decision in the long run.

Figure out who is making you feel guilty about the breakup – and why

breakup guilt

“How to Stop Feeling Guilty After the Breakup” image by katrinlouiseo24 via DeviantArt

Does your best friend wish you and your ex-boyfriend didn’t break up because she has a crush on his brother or best friend? Is your mother crushed that you broke up with your ex because she wants grandchildren? Is your ex making you feel guilty because you made his life sweet and easy, he walked all over you, and he misses you underneath him?

One of the best tips on how to stop feeling guilty after the breakup is to figure out who is behind your emotions. Then, you need to stand up to or stay away from that person.

“When you dare to follow your dreams, dare to suffer through the pain, sacrifice, self-doubts, and friction from the world, you will impress yourself,” says Dr Laura.

Impressing yourself is more important than impressing all the ex’s, parents, friends and coworkers in the world.

If you can’t get rid of the breakup guilt because of the way you broke up, read How to Get Over a Bad Breakup.

Do you feel guilty for breaking up with someone, even though you know it’s better to be apart than together? I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t give advice or personal counseling, but sometimes it helps just to write your feelings down.

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My prayer is that you learn how to deal with relationship guilt, and forgive yourself for the breakup. May you let your ex go, and move into freedom and forgiveness. Embrace life!

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46 Responses

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Kimberly,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with breaking up with your boyfriend. It sounds like you’re not only feeling guilty and bad about the breakup, but you’re also stuck in the grieving process.

    Have you talked to a counselor or trusted mentor-type person about how you feel? There may be some emotional issues that are holding you back from moving forward.

    You broke up with him for a reason. You thought it was the right thing to do at the time. What changed your mind – was there anything different about you or him? Sometimes our sadness at what we lost makes us want to go back…but it’s just grief we feel. It’s not that we really should go back to the way things were.

    How would your relationship be different now, if you were back together with him?

    • Kimberly says:

      My job made the distance between us all the more apparent. He works during the day and I work nights. Our main form of communication was texting. And even then, it all seemed so routine, the same exact format for a couple of nights. I told him I wanted things to be different, and he said that he would try. But I really didn’t give him much of a chance. I was feeling torn about school and work and I didn’t want to shut him out. So I let him go, saying that I wain’t doing it because I didn’t love him, but because I was tired and needed to work things out. I even said that I wanted abother chance once I was straightened out, but I wanted him to make the first move so that I would know that he wanted the relationship to work.

      I feel like now that I am free again and have more resources, I could be attentive again. But I waited too long, and he moved on. And I feel like I have no right to talk to him anymore because I broke up with him.

      I’ve tried to speak to people about it. I’m tired of burdening my friends and family with the same issues. My family feels that I should’ve moved on months ago. I just don’t know how to feel about things anymore.

  2. Kimberly says:

    I broke up with my boyfriend last year, and I can never forgive myself. I loved him with all my heart, and he loved me, at least to a certain degree. But I was stressed out, and we never saw each other as often as I would like. I was in nursing school and would constantly be studying, and he would work almost every day at the mall. We tried to at least text every night. It was perfect at first. We were both easy-going and liked how simple things were. But after awhile, I felt like I wanted a little more in the relationship. I tried to hint at it without sounding too needy. But he could never get the message. After 4 years, I was starting a new school and a new job. I was so afraid that I would have even less time to spend with him. And he wasn’t exactly jumping to spend a lot of time with me. I always visited him, but he didn’t come over as much. I guess he got accustomed to us being a long-distance relationship. I got so frustrated with work and school and dating that I needed to cut one out. So I told him that I was breaking up with him, that I never wanted to, and that I wanted a second chance once I got my life together.

    I was so stupid. I thought I could just walk away and be fine, that we could eventually work things out. But other than one talk, we didn’t ever speak again. Months later, I broke down and told him I was still in love. He shot me down, saying he wanted to just stay single, but that he cared a lot about me and didn’t want me hurt. I found out later that he and a friend of ours had started dating a few months after we broke up. I felt crushed. I thought he could’ve at least told me so that I wouldn’t feel hopeful. But I have no one to blame but myself. I have no right to know anything anymore.

    Everyone comments that I’m not the same person anymore. I don’t smile as much, I cry a lot at night, I can’t listen to romance songs or see any rom-coms. I just feel so bitter about everything. My family thinks I’m being silly, saying that my boyfriend wasn’t that great anyway. They didn’t know him very well, even after 4 years. But I still think we had a lot of potential, but now I’ll never know because he doesn’t love me anymore. And if I hadn’t broken up with him, maybe we would’ve been together and happy still.

    Someone please help me

  3. Mary says:

    So right after breaking up with him, he starts liking this other girl, and he starts hanging out with her friends and stuff. He still doesn’t realize I lied to him about my mom finding out. But we’re still friends, and I start texting him about how he likes Isabella. And he’s all like ‘I love her’ in my face, which I find surprising because last time I checked, he liked me, not her.

    Back to the point. I start feeling guilty for lying to him. Then my other friend decides to help me, she tells my bf that my mom really didn’t find out and that the real reason why I broke up with him was because I didn’t like him anymore.
    This kind of breaks my heart because I never meant to lie to him in the first place, it just came out like that, it was all so fast though. Now he hates me, he even sent this girl to do the middle finger at me, from him.
    Tbh I’m not exactly sure what I’m feeling right now, Idk if I’m feeling jealous for him liking someone else or guilty for lying to him Or sad because now everyone hates me for ending our relationship like this.

  4. Emily says:

    Tonight I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. Over the last six months I have slowly fallen out of love with him, and it isn’t because of anything he did. I have had a strong desire to learn how to be alone and get to know who I am. He was wonderful and he taught me so much about love, patience, commitment, compromise, and laughter. He didn’t deserve how I’ve made him feel. But I couldn’t lie to him, as he did not deserve that either. I couldn’t have imagined how much this would hurt.

  5. Lucy says:

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for almost 4.5 years. We both are in our very early twenties. I loved him very much and I believe he loved me too, but I couldn’t take it anymore. He was using me as a doormat. He’d say stuff he knew thet would make me feel upset and mad, and then he’d blame it on me because I wouldn’t “take a joke” and that I was overreacting. He kept his female friends secret, he never allowed me to check his facebook messages, acceptable, but he would hide them the best way he could, which used to bother me since “he had nothing to hide”. Last year that I moved out on college after a month or so he dumped me because of the distance and I was so heart-broken. He manipulated me, throwing all the blame on me, again. I wasn’t his first priority, rarely. I felt like a second choice. He used to lie and manipulate my feelings. A lot. Until I was so heartbroken that I met a guy, in a friendly way. We started talking, he is really sweet to me, he makes me laugh every day, I literally burst out in tears from laughing. He compliments me. He has his flaws as everyone, but we fell in love with each other. He hadn’t been in a relationship for 1.5 year and he is drop dead serious in making effort to work it out with me. I left my ex after I found the emotional power to do it. Now he begs me I take him back… I declined… We had many on and off’s, and finally I feel really happy with that new guy… It was 4.5 years and yes I am afraid of that change and of all the moving on, but I don’t even have to try to feel happy with my current boyfriend, he’s really good to me and he told me that after a long time he’s found a girl he’s really fell hard for. And I share mutual feelings. I don’t think that, in the end, I’ll regret leaving from a long-term, yet toxic, relationship.

  6. Lizzie says:

    This is very long and I’m sorry, but I broke up with my 23-year-old boyfriend of almost two years last Sunday. When I met him I could see where we could potentially have trouble in our relationship (he had no job, no car, no phone, severe depression), and to be honest, I felt that he rushed into having us be exclusive. He only asked me to be his girlfriend via text message, and when I told him that I didn’t feel I was ready (I had just gotten out of a relationship three months prior) he got really upset, and I felt bad, so I changed my mind. Still, for the first year I was quite smitten with him, because he was gentle, sweet, and we had so many common interests.

    When he decided to enlist in the military I was incredibly supportive. However, he was not very self-motivated, and I would have to force him to work-out and clean up his diet in order to lose weight and prepare for basic training, among other things. I even paid for him to have a gym membership and went to PT with him or I would drive him as he did not have a car.THEN he completely disappointed me on my birthday. All I wanted was for him to spend time with me that day, but it turned out it was his grandmother’s birthday. I encouraged him to go spend time with his family for that reason, because they were pressuring him, but I was secretly hoping he would try to make it up to me the next day by offering to take me to lunch or something. Nope. He went out that night and got wasted (for the second night in a row) and I didn’t hear from him almost all day. I should mention that last year he spent all of my birthday money at the bar and never paid me back.

    I wanted to break up with my boyfriend right after my birthday, but we were about to go on vacation (which my family was paying for) and I didn’t want to ruin it. When we came home from vacation he bought a new Xbox, which I thought was ridiculous, seeing as there are a million other practical things he could have used that money for. (Like saving for a car or paying me back, perhaps?)

    I told him he had a month to find something to do with himself. I helped him check out tech schools, but he eventually signed up for one class at a community college. Then he told me that his dad “was going to talk to some guy about another job at NSA”. I’m 22, trying to make a life for myself and establish a career, and its so frustrating to see him just drinking his life away. I understand that he has emotional problems, but when I asked him to open up to me, he just told me he was fine.

    I broke up with him. He was so so so crushed, and it killed me to hear him weeping, promising to change, and begging me to give him another chance. I know I’m making him sound like a piece of trash, but he really was a sweet guy. I just don’t love him, and I’m so hurt by the way it seemed like my feelings didn’t matter. I can’t get over my guilt, but I have no intention of getting back together. I am so alone right now, because we had mutual friends, but they were mainly his, so I have no one to talk to, and I suppose that’s why I’m posting this. I don’t expect anyone to read it, but it was very therapeutic. Thank you.

    • Lizzie says:

      I am replying to myself, as it has been less than a month since I’ve posted this, but I am already beginning to heal. I thought this might give someone on here hope. Here is a breakdown of how I’ve been handling things since ending my relationship:

      I immediately began to revisit the person that I was before my relationship, because I had somehow lost sight of my own hobbies and interests. I went to a concert, I bought some new winter clothes, and I reached out to some old friends. I also made a tattoo appointment (which is in a few hours).

      Something that was still plaguing me was the large paper bag of his shirts, hoodies, and hats that I had laying around the house. I knew I needed to return them, but I did not want another confrontation, as I was just now getting him to understand that I need my space. I finally decided to drive to his house early one morning and drop the items off on his porch. I know that this sounds cruel, but I really could not stand to face him again. He was also in Spain at the time, so I knew his mother would find the package before he did.

      One mistake I feel that I have made is already beginning to talk and catch feelings for another person. I am trying hard to keep him at a distance, I don’t know how this has happened already. I feel that I am being disrespectful to my ex, but I am trying to take things slow.

  7. Zach says:

    I broke up with my girlfriend about 10 months ago. It was a very good break up. We didn’t hate eachother or anything like that, and we both think very highly of eachother. Now she wants to get back together, and says she still loves me, but the truth is that I don’t love her like that. I feel incredibly guilty, because I saw her lastnight at a mutual friends wedding. I made it a point to talk to her a little bit, that way she doesn’t think that I have anything against her, but I didn’t want to talk to her too much, because I don’t want to lead her on. Unfortunately me being there just made her emotional. I saw her crying multiple times throughout the night. I feel awful. I wish I loved her, the way she loves me, but I just dont. I have no idea how to deal with this.

  8. Matt says:

    I broke up with what is literally the PERFECT girl. Smart, beautiful, funny, loyal…etc and I’m her first bf. we were friends for a year then I asked her out and we dated for 2 month. During that time, this other girl I had a crush on started talking to me again and I started developing feelings for her. It definitely felt like I was cheating even tho it wasn’t physical. I decided to break up with my gf. After developing feelings for the second girl it made me realize that I never actually loved my gf. I told the other girl what happened and she left me but said we can be friends. Now I feel like crap because I broke my gf heart and she doesn’t deserve that crap at all. I tried contacting her again to apologize because I feel guilty after the breakup up but she would read my msg and never respond. I know I messed up and I really hate myself now

    • Sarah says:

      I had a very similar experience.
      I was dating this guy who was so sweet, funny, smart, caring, and we had so much in common. The only problem was that there were times when I couldn’t look at him because of his looks. There was just nothing about his appearance that I was attracted to and I almost cringed every time I looked at him, but his personality was so beautiful that I agreed to be his girlfriend when he finally asked me. He was my first boyfriend ever. Guys I had dated in the past had mistreated me and didn’t respect me, but he treated me so well and I was so happy. We had a very solid relationship for about 4 months until this guy I used to have a crush on asked me out. He had almost everything I looked for in a man. He was a musician, and he was older, attractive, creative, and very sweet. I was so conflicted on what to do, but in the end I decided to break up with my boyfriend and go out with this new guy. I lied when I broke up with him and said that it was because his schedule was so busy (which was partly true, but it was something we were always able to work around.) I started dating the new guy and things were going well, but I just couldn’t get over how much I missed the other guy and realized that I actually loved him. I ditched the new guy and asked my ex to get back together. He reluctantly accepted, but the relationship wasn’t the same anymore. Ironically, one day we got into a small argument about his busy schedule. He said that when I had broken up with him the first time, he didn’t really understand my reason, but now he understand how his scheduling was hurting me. Thinking he was going to suggest breaking up again, I panicked and told him the real reason I had decided to break up the first time. I said “I was just curious about what else was out there.” He was silent for what felt like hours and finally he said “I think we should just end it here.” I agreed, as I knew I had hurt him and I would feel so much shame if we continued our relationship. He deserves so much better.
      We’re still good friends and he said he forgives me, but I still cry every night thinking about how I hurt him. The breakup itself I can cope with, but the guilt of causing that much pain to someone I love is what I cannot get over.
      I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but I’m glad I’m not the only person who has had this type of experience. You and I both made mistakes, but now we have this experience to prevent us from doing this to someone ever again. We’re not bad people. We just made a bad decision, and thankfully it’s one that we can learn from. I really hate myself too, but this feeling will pass for the both of us with time. For now, we’ll just have to endure the guilt.

  9. Miriam says:

    Wow, reading this really touched home. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. And i feel like complete sh*t and need to know how to stop feeling guilty after breaking up with him. Since day one things were tough. But somehow i was always determined and maybe even blinded by love to see how things really were. We too had a mixture of good and bad times but almost feels like there was more bad times than good. I hung onto the good times dreaming that i could keep those feelings of happiness forever one day. I really thought we could make it, and one day even get married just like we talked about often. But let me tell you a little bit about what my relationship was like so you can understand where im coming from fully. He had a daughter before being in a relationship with me whom ive practically known all her life. She was not even 1 before he left her mom and began to date me. He claimed their differences were just too great. She was younger, it was a friendship turned into a fling relationship that ended up getting her pregnant at just 3 months of “dating”. He went 1-2 years of our relationship going back n forth with her. He’d spend the night atleast once a week before i caught on. I still chose to stay once he promised he wanted me and that was just him having a difficult time letting the mother of his child go.

    i still love him. it hurts to end it.. to see him cry and to beg me back. But how can i go back to something that was so cancerous?? We had no common ground.. we had lost all things that brought us together. How can we build a future on everything weve been thru?
    I am trying to stay strong. I am so depressed and heart broken. I feel almost like ive wasted my life trying to change him. He thinks im just trying to hurt him because his birthday is next month, he is turning 30. I will be 29 next month too..But how can i stay when i am completely miserable? I feel ive put him above all else with hopes of a life and future together. But He even told my mom that he wanted to marry me one day but has nothing to offer me. I think he was settling too. He is just scared to be alone. It hurts sooo much to see him suffer and beg and cry. I dont know what to do!! :'( i know i am doing the right thing… and i am ready to find real love. But i am so heart broken. I am terrified that i could have done something more to make this work. Or that i just end up in an equal or worse relationship. But its the worst when you feel lonelier in a relationship more than you would being single. i am so depressed and heart broken. :(

    • Alaina says:

      I feel your pain. We’re young freshman in college. I don’t understand the mom of his daughter. But I think he was just with me cause he was used to me that was all he knew where we lived then he moved 1,500 miles away for college and now after two months he’s done. And says he says the relationship has been bad for a while. But I just think he realized that he didn’t need me anymore cause college is different and it’s horrible. It’s been like 9 days since we broke up and we were together for almost 4 years and it feels so terrible cause I still want to be with him.

  10. Francesca says:

    Thank you for this article, Laurie. It is helping me. I am mulling over breaking up with husband of 5 years. We have been together for 10 years, most of that time has been difficult because he lost a beloved child to a tragic accident in the first year of our relationship. I have tried to be supportive, but he sank into alcoholism and has made attempts to stop, but not a real sincere effort (despite three separate times in rehab). Yes, he’s been through counseling, but he keeps counsel with his bottle mostly. He is a lovely, brilliant, handsome, and caring man, but in major denial and at this point does nothing to further our marriage. We have not had sex since the honeymoon after a large and beautiful wedding. We nowlive separate lives (he goes to AA meetings and drinks afterwards). I simply can’t take it anymore. I feel guilty and worry that my leaving may drive him over the edge. Feeling trapped.

  11. angel says:

    I have never felt so guilty. I just broke up with my girlfriend today. She was the best. Beautiful girl, she does everything to please me. Doesnt get under my nose, faithful, cooks foods that I love, and do laundry for me and shes not the jealous type and lets me do everything that I want. But even though she was wonderful I cant help the fact that Im falling out of love. Also one of the reason I broke up with her is because I feel like Im too young (im 18 she’s 19) to be in a serious relationship. I wanted to explore the world, and I wanted to learn more about myself. I cant stay in a relationship if I dont love her anymore. Its not right. I feel like im taking advantage of her thats why I broke up with her. She needs to find someone who is willing to give the love that she deserves. This why I feel so guilty. She never did anything wrong. This guilt inside my chest is the worst feeling ever, knowing that I lost a golden girl. Please give me advice i dont knoe what to do :(

    • marion says:


      I feel the exact same way.I just bbroke up with my bf of 3 years. Im 24 hes 23. I love him to bits but I didn’t see a future with him. He wasn’t in the same place I was. I had togo with my gut fefeeling and end it. But wow I’ve never felt ao guilty in my whole life. I know he is heartbroken and probably hates me but I have to think about my needs and what’s best for me.
      I’m sorry I don’t have advice for you but I really understand how you’re feeling. I hope we’ll both be ok. I’m sure it just takes time. We justice need to focus on ourselves.

    • Zack says:

      Doing any better bro? I feel the same. Going through the same feelings. Let a great girl go. Just not right for me. The feelings suck, but time heals. People recover. Ill pray for you.

  12. Sienna says:

    I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years last night and I have never felt worse. We had a mixture of very happy and very bad times, but I think the bad times were getting to the point of where I was constantly having to shove my own feelings under the rug in order to make her feel okay. I love her still and know that she feels the same for me and I feel so so guilty and broken. What made me finally take this step was a vacation I took with my family and her freaking out and telling me that I don’t care enough not to stay back with her (the trip was 4 days), telling me she wanted nothing to do with my family or friends, and that she wouldn’t try to be the one to make an effort to see me anymore- I would have to make the effort to see her. After this she said she’s sorry and we’d texted for a few days but I was a mess of anxiety after this and wasn’t eating and could barely go 20 minutes without breaking down. She’s been controlling with me and my relationships with friends and family throughout our relationship, I’d just always ignored it because I truly did, and still do, love her. She’s quit jobs to see my mother in Texas with me and always tells me that I don’t try hard enough to see her (I’m a 17 year old girl- I go to school, work, and have family things that I sometimes cannot back out of and all other free time I have I spent with her). She made me her entire life but the constant push and pull finally left me feeling so run down that I knew I couldn’t continue shoving my own feelings away for hers. She wanted a life with me and at times this scared me a bit but ultimately I thought I wanted that too. I feel guilty and all I want to do is comfort her but I’m afraid that if I regain contact with her she’ll try to get me back and I’m not sure if I have the strength to say no. I’m finally trying to do the right thing (I think) for myself but it feels like the worst thing I’ve ever done. Sorry if this makes 0 sense.

  13. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Carmen,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult this relationship and breakup have been for you. It sounds like it’s been a struggle from day one — and you’ve done the best you can to do everything you can to make this relationship work.

    It’s too late for you and your boyfriend to save your relationship. You aren’t good for each other. You’re toxic for each other! You and he aren’t meant to be together, and you know it. You feel guilty about breaking up with him because women have a hard time saying no! We are appeasers, nurturers, conflict avoiders. By nature, women like to make people happy. By saying no, that you want to break up with your boyfriend, you are going against your nature. But — by saying no, you are making a healthy choice!

    May you find strength and courage, and may you stick to your decision. May you find healing in your spirit and soul – and may you rest in the assurance that your heart WILL heal, and you WILL feel happy, healthy, and whole again. You need to give yourself time to grieve the breakup, and let go of your boyfriend. It was an emotional roller coaster for two years, and there were good times. That’s why it’s hard to let go, and that’s why it’s difficult to stop feeling guilty after breaking up with your boyfriend.

    Follow your heart, which is telling you to break free. Move forward. Take a deep breath, and know that you are at the brink of an exciting healthy new stage of your life! Grasp freedom, hold on, and seek God’s courage and strength whenever you feel weak.


  14. Carmen says:

    Laurie, thank you so much for this article. It has really uplifted me and strengthened me, along with the comments others have taken the time to share. I am in my mid-twenties and am personally right in the midst of what I expect to become a very messy break-up. I have been with my boyfriend for exactly 2 years, and they have been 2 of the hardest years of my life. It has honestly been one trial after another and I do not know how we even made it this far. I keep asking myself why I didn’t end it long before now, but I suppose there is really no point in drowning ourselves in the shoulda-woulda-coulda.

    The first few months of our relationship were incredibly happy; we were a whirlwind romance and fell in love quickly. To my devastation, however, I learnt too late that he was actually living a double life and had a wife and children! (which he had kept secret from me.) I left him at this point, but somehow he clawed his way back in, convincing me that I was ‘The One’ and that his marriage was already as good as over anyway. His wife did end up leaving him shortly after this, but sadly she left the children as well, and hasn’t been in contact with them for well over a year now. From then, my boyfriend and I have attempted to build a life together, but it’s just been unbearable. We have enjoyed many happy times together, and when times are good we really do get along so well and are brilliant friends, but the good times are unfortunately frequently interrupted by his terrible anger issues, as well as drink and drug addictions that he has battled along the way.

    I only really learnt of this side of him when we moved in together around 1 year ago. He would lose his head over something tiny like a floor needing sweeping, and would shout and swear at me with obscene insults like “f***ing stupid b****”. If I compare myself now to just before we met, my self-confidence has shrunk to a fraction of what it was before. Thankfully he has never hurt me physically, but the emotional abuse is damaging enough. His temper is so unpredictable that I reached a point of not even being able to enjoy the good times out of fear of the next outburst.

    I left him 3 months ago but returned only a few days later to give him ‘another chance’. He really has pulled out all the stops to prove to me how much he loves me, but sadly I feel the damage is already done. I feel like I can’t be myself around him because I am just so tense, tiptoeing around eggshells trying not to be hounded. No matter how hard I have tried to keep him happy, I don’t seem to be able to avoid his anger.

    He used to go on drink and drug binges where he would leave the house at night, ignore all phone calls and not return until the next morning. I wouldn’t know who he was with or what he was doing. This behaviour has stopped since I left him the first time, but I sadly have not been able to rebuild my trust. He has started attending counselling for his anger, and has so far just been for one session.

    I can’t deny that he really is making such an effort, hence my guilt, but it is just all too late for me now. I can’t picture a happy future with him, and I can’t face the thought of him being the father of my potential future children. He had a resent bout of anger while I was away visiting family and a serious of horrendous texts from him came pouring in one night. I switched off my phone and couldn’t bare to turn it back on until almost 24 hours later. When I could finally bring myself to speak to him I had to just tell him I didn’t want to be with him any more. I told him that it’s over and that I’ve had enough, and he did seem to understand my reasons, but he is also in denial and thinks we just need a ‘break’.

    He has gone to live with his parents with his kids for 2 weeks to give me space and time to think. I know that he is hoping that in that time I will decide to give him another go, but he doesn’t realise I have given him ‘one last chance’ too many times already. I feel so guilty because he depends on me a lot. I helped him overcome his drug and alcohol dependency and I’m so scared of him falling back to old habits without me being there to catch him. I know it’s not my responsibility but it plays on my mind so much. I also feel so guilty because I feel as though it’s my fault that his children are without their mother, and now I’m going to go and abandon them as well. I also feel guilty because I know how much effort he has been making to change and to make me happy, but it’s just too little too late. He goes less than two weeks of perfect behaviour before throwing it back in my face and having a go at me for the fact that he’s having to make all this effort. I know that relationships have to be worked at sometimes, but they shouldn’t feel like a chore, and I know that I will be so much happier without him. He has so much stress that he’s already dealing with what with worrying about his kids and everything, so I feel as though I’m being selfish for leaving him to deal with it without me. Even though it isn’t my responsibility, I just feel like such a bad person to ditch him when he’s already dealing with so much. He is convincing himself that I want to leave him for someone else, but honestly, after everything I have been through with him I just want to be on my own for a very long time.

    We have agreed to be apart for two weeks, but I don’t see any point in dragging this out as I have already made my decision. He left me a note telling me that if I choose to leave, he would rather I didn’t tell him as it will hurt him too much, but this kills me because now I picture him returning to our house with the hope me being there waiting for him, only to find it empty. No matter how much pain he has caused me over the past couple of years, the thought of his pain that I am causing just feels so unbearable. I have to stay strong otherwise I will break and give in to him despite knowing it’s already over. I have to keep re-reading old emails to my mum to remind myself of the horrible things he has put me through! I wish he was always just horrible so it would be easy to leave him, but of course once I start to head for the door he puts on his best behaviour and it totally manipulates my guilt strings! I don’t know whether to tell him I am leaving, because obviously it will be easier to pack my stuff and get out while he’s not there, but it just feels so dishonest. He has asked me not to tell him if I go, but I really hate the thought of him waiting the full 2 weeks hoping that I’ve decided to stay when I could put an end to his waiting game and give him a head start on getting over me… But then also I know that once he realises I have left he won’t be shy of hunting me down and begging me to come back. I feel so guilty already and it’s not even begun.

  15. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Maybe you don’t need to know how to stop feeling guilty after breaking up with your ex! Maybe instead of focusing on the guilt, the breakup, the past relationship, and even your current interactions with your ex…maybe you should start focusing on brighter, healthier, more peaceful activities.

    What do you want to CREATE and ACHIEVE in your life?

    That’s what you should be focusing on. Don’t let the guilt of the past, the breakup, the relationship, the regrets overwhelm you. Instead, concentrate on where you want to steer your ship.

    It’s over. All has been said and done. What’s NOT over is your future. Don’t let your ex steal your present day, your future life.

    My prayer for everyone struggling to know how to stop feeling guilty after breaking up with someone is for life in the fullest. May you be filled with an unspeakable joy, peace, and contentment in your life. May you know fullness of spirit, peace of mind, and connection with God. I pray for freedom from all feelings of guilt about the past relationship and breakup, and for forgiveness, and for a fresh start in your life.

    Go in peace. Create the life you’ve always wanted.


  16. confused says:

    I split with my husband of 25 years. He’d made my life quite awful for the vast majority of the last 23 years. For the first couple of years he was my knight in shining armour. By the end, there were no hugs, kisses, fond touches, hand holding. There was no sex for the last 14 years apart from about 3 times spaced over that period. I suffered depression and he goaded me and tormented me – no support at all and i was in a bad way. I did everything, cooked, earned the main salary even when depressed, paid all the bills, arranged everything in our lives. I tried and begged and pleaded for him to try, to go to counselling, to hug me (he’d hug other friends!). I asked him to talk. I asked him if he thought we had a happy marriage. Everything led to verbal abuse. I felt ugly and horrible – why did other people’s partners hug them, dance with them, make them feel special? I had to order if we went for a meal and I had to go to the bar if we wanted a drink. Everytime I argued he said “you know where the door is”. I left once and came back to “give it another chance” when he asked me. Things changed for a month. Everything went back to “normal” and I still stayed for years until the kids grew up and our debt was gone. I could do nothing right. If I put the heating on in the house, I was mad, it was hot. If I told the pets off, I shouldn’t use that tone! If I ate chocolate, did I really want to be eating that? It was endless and it was constant. I had cancer and I still got told “you know where the door is” whilst on chemo. One day it was the last time and I left. That was in August. Now it’s the following April and I am totally riddled with guilt. I mean totally. I struggle to get past negative thoughts. We see each other at family events -birthdays etc – as we have 4 children and a grandchild and still want to maintain those happy family times that we had when the grandchild came about. We get on well. He doesn’t beg me to come back or anything. And I’m driving myself nuts with guilt and I don’t know why?

  17. Minnie says:

    Is your ex making you feel guilty because you made his life sweet and easy, he walked all over you, and he misses you underneath him? THIS IS TOTALY ME, THIS IS WHAT I DID ALWAYS HELPING, TAKING HIM ON TRIPS (MOST OF THE TIME I PAID THIS TRIPS)

  18. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here – it takes alot of courage to share how guilty you feel after the breakup. Your experience is so helpful for other readers who are going through the same thing, and I’m grateful that you have shared how you’re coping.

    My prayer is that you are able to release those feelings of guilt after breaking up with someone you care about. I pray for freedom, emotional health, and genuine forgiveness of yourself. I pray that you can let go of the past, and trust that your relationship and breakup happened the way it did for a reason. May you find meaning in your experience. If you can’t find meaning, I pray that you can trust God that there is something other than what you see. I pray for healing, self-forgiveness, and release from toxic feelings of guilt.


  19. RayT says:

    Have been in a love-hate relationship for four years, separated, not speaking to each other for 45 days now.
    Two days ago I mailed a gratitude letter, and have texted that drama n stress is no good for either one of us n to go our separate ways.
    This woman has been there for me through the worst of times, however I feel very uncomfortable when she or anyone tries to control me.
    Not at ease attempting to go on dating sites.
    It’s been most difficult riding this guilt wave.

  20. Lilian says:

    I have broken up recently, about 2 weeks ago, the relationship lasted around 4,5 years.
    I’m doing surprisingly well, since the last year was very difficult for me. A lot of evenings filled with crying, vomiting and fear.
    But now I’m done with the relationship, it feels scary, but also new and better than before.
    I have been crying, yes, but not the red-eyes kindof crying. The kind of crying that makes you feel better afterwards and makes your skin glow, because the stress is out and you can continue.
    A huge weight fell off my shoulders, but the one who continues to carry it is my ex.
    And I’m afraid (since he’s an alcoholic and lies to himself and was close to a depression and if you ask me, heart-attack) this’ll kill him. And I literally mean kill him.
    He stopped taking care of himself around a year ago, has been close to a burn out and takes overdoses on pills and painkillers. He says he doesn’t care and just wants the headache and stomach pain to go away.
    But the stomach pain is because of the alcohol..he vomits blood. And I was the only one that’d tell him to stop using the painkillers, he’s all alone, just like me now, but he’s in a very different state of mind….

    I know it’s not my fault though and the only one that can help him is him. I’m just so worried it’ll kill him, I really do not wish this to happen, he’s been trough enough.

    • RayT says:

      He’s the only one who can fix himself.
      Self awareness is key here.
      Drugs, or any other addiction gives only false hope n comes with dire side effects.
      Support groups, one on one, r good ways to straighten your life out, but, you have to be honest with yourself n want a better life.

    • Lilian says:

      Hello, this is me, 7th of april, around 2 months later.
      I feel sómetimes feel a little guilty, but the image in my mind of the sad and helpless ex, has gone.
      Not because he showed he can stand up for himself..not because he proved that he was doing alright without me. And not because he went to a therapist/got help.

      The feeling is gone because he decided as revenge (he broke up with mé?) to tell all out mutual friends, that the sexual abuse I’m in therapy for, was a lie.
      And that I am just trying to get attention and therefore, blame innocent people for it.

      And therefore, I now feel bad for myself and only myself. I can’t imagine someone that was cuddling me, while I cried about the abuse and told him the details, would now claim “it’s a bunch of lies.” He even went as far as taking the side of one person and saying; ‘He never touched her. He only called her stupid and she wanted to get revenge. She’s awfull.”

      So now part of the group believes him and tells the story to others, and the other part is trying to ignore everything. Only óne person felt that it was strange and asked me; ‘Is it true, what happened?’ I was só incredibly grateful for that. The person was shocked when they found out what the guy had done. And how my boyfriend actually had heared him doing it, remembering weird mixture of laughing and crying.

      I’m not sure if I feel better now..but it’s different from feeling guilty over nothing I did wrong.

  21. John says:

    I’ve just ended it with my girlfriend in the most horrible way and feel terrible. She is from Latin America and we met in London 2 years ago. We dated for a few months and then she went back home, we kept in touch and she came back to the UK in Feb 2014. We lived together for 7 months and it was great, although the language barrier was difficult. Her visa expired in Nov so she had to go back home again, and in the weeks before she left we both began to get upset and cried a lot. It felt so unfair; because of UK immigration laws and visa rules she couldnt stay, and we were being forced apart. She is also from a very politically and economically unstable country and doesnt have a job, although she is university educated. If she went back it wouldnt be as easy as her saving some money up and we could meet to go on holiday – she just doesnt have the means. I looked at things like marriage but I just wasnt sure; not sure that I loved her enough, that she was the one, that I wanted to sacrifice my freedom for a difficult long distance future in the short term, and then the commitment of marriage.

    So she went home and was strong about it. She said we should split, that it wasnt my fault, that we were the victims of circumstance. She was angry and depressed though, mainly as she had to go back, but if she could still stay in the UK and if there were less obstacles we would still be together. We kept in touch on whatsapp (a bad move). I missed her, she missed me. We still talked about the problems in her country, her struggle to find work, the debt she had, how much she missed me. Eventually I thought screw it lets get married. She asked me if I was sure, that I should take the decision out of love, not out of guilt or feeling sorry for her. I said I was, but I knew in my heart that I wasnt.

    So we began planning for the marriage visa. We emailed and I could feel the joy and hope well up inside her as she mentally built herself up for our shared life and future together, as she began planning and preparing and reading everything she would need to do. I played along, I sent her a xmas gift and said I loved her, I emailed information about the visas and what we would need to do…..but the doubts began to eat away at me. Why was I commiting to this when it was ruining my freedom? Did I love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her? I was already beggining to impact on me. I would have to go on holiday to see her and her family, as she had no money I would have to pay for everything. I wanted to work abroad and leave the UK for a few years, now I would have to wait for her to come to the UK and get set up. If she came to the UK she wouldnt be able to work straight away, I would have to support her. How would I tell my family I was marrying this girl after so short a time?

    One evening I expressed these doubts to her, I couldnt not be honest. She said that I had to follow my heart. I admitted that I didnt know what I want, that I couldnt make the decision, that I couldnt give her my future and my life as I was just so unsure. With that she has gone. She has blocked me from facebook, not replied to emails etc. Now I feel terrible. Terrible that i gave her hope and have taken it away so brutally. Terrible that she has no job, no money and feels she has no future in her country. Terrible that she invested so much in coming to the UK to make a life with me, and that she feels it was now all a waste of time and has turned to nothing. Terrible that she is a great and amazing woman, and that I have let her down.

    My reaction now is that I deserve my pain and this guilt, and I want to do something to punish msyelf in a sense for that I have done. I have offered to loan her money but she has not replied to my emails. I have recently begun volunteering at a homeless centre, and have also set up regular charity donations to her home country – anything to try and absolve myself form what i have done. I dont believe in God and am not religious, so this for me feels like the best way if she refuses accept any support I can give her.

    My views on this subject would be that overcoming guilt is a natural process, but you should try to do more than simply wallow in it and let the passage of time slowly wash it away. Learn from your guilt, become a better person from it. 1. Analyse what happened and what you did wrong, and learn from it. For me this would be to learn to follow my heart, and in future having the guts and strength to be honest and true to myself. I should have never have proposed and got her thinking about marriage, I knew it wasnt what I wanted, but I did it anyway. 2. Take positive steps to give back to people / society. I’m taking on board the buddhist mantra of karma, I have wronged and upset someone, broke their heart, caused them pain. To absolve myself I want to try and bring people joy. While this is not going to impact her, I believe as a human and moral gesture this is a positive step. It also makes me feel better, like I am working to overcome it. 3. Give her space. I’ve stopped trying to contact her, she knows where I am. If she wants to forgive me she can when she’s ready. Even if she does forgive me though, I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself.

    • Angela says:

      I can understand you very well because I did something similar, although maybe I feel a lot too guilty about it. I met an amazzing man online, we wanted to meet (long distance), but in the last minute I canceled due to familar problems and I/we should have ended the relation on good terms at the moment – it lasted half a year with daily contact, but somehow we both were very emotionally connected. We got again very committed via skype, etc., he supported me in all possible ways, openened his heart to me and then in the end everything went totally wrong. I had promised to catch him a special night (actually his last evening in the US before returning home), but for reasons I will never understand I did not get up that night, left him hours in front of the computer trying to get hold of me. When I finally woke up and took his call on skype I felt so paralysed that I could not say anything and I suppose he took it as a very cowardish way of ending the relation. Until I could put my thoughts together he had blocked and deleted me and did not reply to any of my mails any more (and unfortunately i wrote many). Probably he felt horribly led on and that’s what makes me feel so guilty because he definitely did not deserve such a weird break up.

      • Jessica says:

        Hello Angela,

        I can understand why he’s not replying you because he is hurt and he might have lost trust on you.

        My ex did something similar to me and it still hurts me even thought it’s been over 7 months.

  22. Fredrick says:

    I begin this by admitting that I did wrong , and the guilt of that has been eating at me for some time now. I was with a girl for 4 years , she was good and kind to me and gave me everything , in shorter words she was a good woman. Before she and I ever met there had been a co worker of mine who I dated on and off for 10 years , but it was never a relationship. As time went by this co-worker began to look depressed to see me in a relationship with someone else , and slowly she began to send me small gifts like coffee, or candies on my desk . Over time , I began to take note of these gestures and set up a meeting with my co worker. The person I was with at the time was long distance and as a result we built a relationship based on week ends. Although she was a good person we would have arguments and disagreements. During our second year of our relationship I caught her with explicit text messages to some number and when I gave her the chance to read and explain them to me she cried and erased all of them and said it was too embarrassing. A year later I found out another secret of hers that disappointed me. Meanwhile this co- worker kept trying to get my attention. In a moment of weakness and selfishness I set up a meeting with this co- worker to discuss our past and why we never “happened”. I feel that the selfish part came when I took advantage of the situation and told her that we maybe had built up attraction and that maybe if we just slept with each other once we would get it out of our systems and move on. That one night ended up turning in to a year and a half of me becoming a cheating monster , something that was never easy to deal with in my mind considering I had been cheated on in a previous relationship. I ended my affair and did ok for a few months before I began to miss spending time with my co-worker. Often I would find my mind drifting with thoughts of my co-worker when I was with my girlfriend, and I would ask myself how would it would feel like to have the moments I lived with my girlfriend with her. This co- worker despite having every right to be mad at me for cutting her loose and telling her I couldn’t go on, slowly returned to the routine of sending over gestures of affection. I again fell back in to cheating again , unfortunately guilt has a way of being managed with experience , but it never disappears. The lie I was living became to much for me in the end , it ate me up so much to know what I was doing to her , she simply did not deserve what I was causing in her life. One day we argued and I left , tears came out of me but I could not say a word … I ran like a coward and didn’t look back. The running took me in to the arms of my co- worker. I dealt with my ex , the only way I knew how, I got rid of every picture and item that ever reminded me of her and blocked her off any means of contact with me. I am currently with my co- worker , and I feel that this relationship is goanna be a hard one to forge because she is completely different than my ex was. I have talked to her and asked her repeatedly if she is sure she can be what I expect out of a person I want to be with , because she was a part of the reason I left. Though my ex did her mistakes , they were not the primary reason for me failing and cheating . No matter what I do since that day I cant stop the guilt I feel for abandoning her the way that I did, it was wrong in so many ways. I keep thinking that maybe my punishment will be to inevitably witness the sinking of this relationship and loose everything or be abandoned some day as I did, after all that’s happened , I feel that it would be a fair price to pay ….just I feel horrible.

  23. Laurie says:

    Dear Kat,

    Your boyfriend will heal and move on. No matter what he says or how much he begs, you did the right thing. He was lying and cheating, and you know it wouldn’t be a good relationship if you stayed with him! It wouldn’t be healthy, and you wouldn’t be happy.

    My prayer for you is that you find freedom from these feelings of guilt for breaking up with him. May you know deep in your heart and soul that you did the right thing, and may you remember that his behavior would have destroyed you both. May you find peace with your decision. You did the right thing, and you’re grieving the loss of an important relationship. You’re also grieving the death of a dream, of you and him building a life together. I pray that you’re able to process the sadness and pain that you feel, and that you find acceptance, freedom, and happiness sooner than you anticipate! Amen.


  24. Kat says:

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of nearly three years and I can’t stop stop feeling guilty. We were engaged for about four months. He was a good guy in a lot of ways, and I think I brought out many of his good qualities. However, he could also be very selfish and did things that hurt me. He would get angry and grab me by the throat and he also cracked two of my ribs- all of these actions were immediately followed by apologies, and the cracked ribs was an accident, but still, he hurt me. I also found out that he has an addiction to porn and that he was video chatting with as well as calling other girls on the phone or texting them. He lied about all this numerous times when I asked him about it and when I caught him red-handed, he promised it would stop. After that, I couldn’t trust him. It’s like he had this secret life when I wasn’t with him. After encouragement from friends and some family, I began realizing that I should be with someone who doesn’t hurt me and who is honest with me. However, I still loved him and found it hard to break away from him, mainly because I worry about him. He also had good qualities and wanted to take care of me and be together forever; there was a part of me that thought we could work through things. In the end, his secretive behavior escalated and I was told by some close friends that he’s been calling them and trying to hook up. I ended things and he took it extremely hard, begging me to stay with him and give him one more chance. It was so hard not to give in, but I know in my heart we were not going to work out. I don’t know how to handle hurting him in this way though. I just want him to be happy but I don’t think he feels like he can without me.

  25. Laurie says:

    Dear Emily,

    Thank you for being here, and for opening your heart. It sounds like you’re grieving the end of your relationship — both your friendship and your intimate relationship. You feel guilty for hurting someone you love so much, yet you had to break up with her.

    The grief you feel may not be a sign you should have made more of an effort in your relationship. I don’t know if you made the right decision, but I am 100% sure that every decision comes with a cost or even a sacrifice. Your decision to break up with her has repercussions for both her and you. This doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision.

    Not feeling attracted to your partner after years of being together is normal. That’s why so many couples get divorced! But, when you marry someone you commit to staying together despite your feelings. You weren’t married to your girlfriend – but if you were, I would encourage you to remember that love isn’t about feeling attracted to someone. Love is about acting with integrity, communicating honestly, and committing to someone despite how you feel. Love isn’t just about sex.

    It’s possible that you need some time away from your partner, to figure out your feelings and thoughts about relationships.

    What do you think?

  26. Emily says:

    I’ve been reading all sorts of things online to try and take away this guilt but nothing seems to be making it any better. I’m gay, and recently broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 3 years. It really was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, because there was a time when I was madly in love with her, and she still feels that way about me. I’ve started to feel over recent months that maybe I see her as more of a friend than a partner, as I didn’t feel attracted to her in that way anymore. But there’s the problem, she was my best friend, and I feel so alone now even though this is what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. It kills me knowing that I’ve broken her heart, to see her cry was the worst feeling. How can I adjust from being in a serious relationship to being on my own? I’m only 20 and this girl was my first love, sometimes I’m unsure if I should have made more of an effort to fix it, or if I have really done the right thing. We had planned our lives together and now none of it will happen, I hate myself for crushing her dreams of a life with me. I could really do with some advice :(

  27. Laurie says:

    Dear Allison,

    I admire you for making the choice you did! I think you did the right thing. He could be the sweetest, kindest, most lovable boyfriend in the world — but you need to follow your heart and gut, and grow the woman you want to be.

    If you don’t listen to your instincts, you’ll stay in relationships that aren’t good for you. If you don’t trust yourself, you’ll make decisions that can negatively affect the rest of your life.

    You did the right thing by breaking up with him. The consequence of doing the right thing is feeling bad that you hurt him. But, the alternative is worse: living in a relationship with someone you don’t want to be with. The next steps are more serious: marriage and kids.

    Here’s an article I just wrote today, for another reader who feels guilty about a breakup:

    That article isn’t about overcoming guilty feelings, as much as learning to live with them.

    I hope it helps, and that you are able to move forward into a healthy, happy frame of mind.

    Let me know what you think.


  28. Allison says:

    Hello Laurie,

    I’m 23, my very recent ex is 24, and we were together for 6 months. He is everything a girl could ever want and was an amazing boyfriend who I loved. But I just graduated college and I really want to live on my own and become the type of person that can stand on their own two feet. (Also, Can’t forget the sinking reality that my feelings for him had changed and I no longer could see a future together.) I ended our relationship kind of abruptly, and he was devastated. It was a little scary how devastated. However, I can’t stop feeling bad for hurting someone who really didn’t deserve it. How can I stop feeling guilty for hurting someone who I care about?

  29. Laurie says:

    Thank you for that wonderful advice, Hanna! It applies to all sorts of life situations – not just feeling guilty after breaking up with someone you love.

  30. hanna says:


    It seems as if the relationship you had with her was a lie/joke to her. You do not need that type of person in your life. Believe me things happen for a reason, and as soon as you get over her and get better, don’t be surprised if you see that things will not work out for her..then you get a call. You stay strong. It will work out for you. Don’t let your future relationships suffer from this one. People enter our lives for a reason, and it isn’t always for the reason we thought. I truly believe in karma, and what goes around, does come around. You will find the right one for you. Take your time, and don’t jump into anything.

  31. Laurie says:

    Hi Haydon,

    There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with someone when you’re not ready to be in a relationship, but it can be really hard to stop feeling guilty for hurting him.

    I’m glad this article helped you, and hope it helps other people too.


  32. Haydon says:

    oh! this helped so much I was dating my boyfriend for about 6 months, and I really liked him but I didn’t feel ready for a relationship. There was really nothing wrong with him, but I just panicked and felt so bad that I did that, but now I feel so much better!Deep sigh of relief!

  33. Chris says:

    I just broke up with a guy I’d been seeing for a little over two weeks. He was really into me, we had a lot of things in common and got along well, but I just wasn’t very attracted to him physically. After he dragged me to a party (under the guise of a date) and got wasted, he opened up about his underlying self-image and confidence issues. He then told me he really liked me and wanted to be a couple and then left me to find my own way home alone (I had to get up at 8 the next morning) because he “hadn’t seen his friends in months.” I broke up with him later in person in a public, but somewhat secluded, area and tried to be as gentle and humane as possible while still being respectful and telling him the truth. He looked deeply hurt and couldn’t even look at me and wanted to get away from me as soon as I let it out. I told him I still really care about him and would like to be friends and he said he’d need time, which is understandable. Now, I just feel like the guilt is eating me up to the point where I’m crying over hurting him. I’ve been in his position and I can’t help but imagine him crying and blaming me the way I would after being dumped. I don’t want him to hate me the way I hated my exes for dumping me. I don’t want to be the “bad guy.”

  34. Wendy says:

    my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seeing another girl. Since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me, and I feel guilty about because I think the breakup was my fault.

  35. Sil says:

    I understand your situation, i’ve been through with your situation before, SHE IS NOT FOR YOU!! cry first..that’s the first step, try to share it with your trusted friend, it will help you to release the pain.. for now you feel the difficulty of losing her,but BE POSITIVE.. one day you will smile again… PRAY AND PRAY…. it will help you a lot..Godbless!

  36. eko says:

    I am seriously heartbroken right now and need help.
    I am 28 years old. The lady whom I love so so dearly and have been with for 3 years, whom also loved me beyond words (or so I thought) just travelled during the yuletide to see her parents. Only to call me and told me that some other guy was coming to ask her hands in marriage and her parents have accepted. I got scared and angry. Gradually, we both started reducing the number of calls we made to each other… before then, whenever we were apart, we talked to each other almost every 30 minutes. At first I thought it was one of our usual quarrels (because we always had quarrels and after a while either she or myself calls back to reconcile), but when I did not receive any call from her after almost 3 weeks I got really, so I checked her out on facebook. That was when I got the real shocker of my life, she had already pasted the other guy’s picture boldly on her facebook page and reffered to him as MINE. I was so devastated beyond belief. So I called her and she told me that her marriage was already 2 months ahead and she’s already in love with the guy. She used harsh words like “GO AND MARRY YOUR MOTHER” and “STUPID”.

    I am really heartbroken and need help. Please help me

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