Q: I was recently dumped by my (ex) girlfriend, around three weeks ago. I’m having trouble overcoming depression because of the breakup. The relationship was kinda tough. She was having mood swings, nervous breakdowns and indecisiveness for the last three months. I loved her so much that I didn’t want to fight or rub her the wrong way. I was confused about how to talk to her. Three weeks ago, we were talking on the phone for hours and at the end she said “let’s break up.” I didn’t want to, but I had nothing to say. I nosedived in a a state of depression immediately. We met up and she urged me to move and told me that she had moved on. I found out that she was meeting some guy for lunch that day. I want to get out of this misery as soon as possible, but it is traumatic, and not once in this relationship had I cheated or lied to her. I did everything she wanted me to. Now I really feel let down, hurt and depressed. My folks and friends are worried about me and are trying to cheer me up. I am fighting in my professional life to stay afloat and am finding it tough to cope…please help.”
Depressed Feelings After Breaking Up Are Normal – and Even Healthy
A: You need to give yourself time to heal, to mourn your relationship and grieve the loss of your love. It’s only been three weeks since you and she broke up, and it takes longer than that to heal from a break up! Your friends and family don’t want to see you upset, so they’re trying to cheer you up. But, I think it’s more important to process your feelings than to force yourself to be happy.
It’s normal to be depressed after breaking up, and it’s important to let yourself feel how you feel. Don’t pretend everything is okay. Grieving the end of a relationship is healthy – it’s something you need to do.
It’s also important to try to figure out if you’re seriously depressed because of the break up (as in serious, major depression) or if you’re just sad because you lost someone you love. There’s a big difference there: serious depression requires serious help (ie, a psychologist, counselor, or therapist).
If you know in your heart it's time to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
If you’re “just” struggling with a broken heart, read Starting Over After Your Relationship Ends – 8 Tips for New Beginnings. It’ll help you mourn and let go, which will help you overcome the depression that results from a break up.
I wrote this to help you move on: How to Let Go of Someone You Love
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