Apr 052011
 

How do you move on from a broken marriage? It’s different for everyone…but here are a few things to help you cope, heal, and move on after your husband leaves. These tips are inspired by a reader’s comments.

How to Move on After Your Marriage EndsStitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott will help you find meaning and peace, and help you start over after personal and public devastation. You can move on after your marriage ends and become whole again – but you need to seek healing.

On My Husband Left Me for Another Woman, a reader described how her husband left her for a woman 21 years younger. But the real problem is that she – the betrayed wife – keeps taking his calls and staying involved in his life, even though she knows she needs to let go.

Here’s what she says: “…he still calls me to help him with things, to get my advice. He talks nice to me and makes me feel good and then calls back to tell me that this new girl is helping him and has great ideas about things or he has called twice to tell me that he kicked her out of his truck on the road and they are thru cause she is too young and blah blah blah. All my friends and family keep telling me to stop taking his calls because all of this is just is abusive and although I agree, I cannot seem to stop.”





We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Knowing something is so unhealthy and wrong for us, but being unable to stop. I don’t have any solid-gold tips that are 100% guaranteed to help you move on after your marriage ends, but there are several things this reader said that can help her rebuild her life (and you rebuild yours, perhaps!).

Ways to Move on After Your Marriage Ends

My reader says: “I know that I am the real prize in this relationship and that even if I do not eventually move on with another man, my life will be so much happier and more peaceful without him in it, but it has just happened and I know I will get over it, but right now the pain is truly unbearable.”

Did you notice the things she said, which are key to healing after a broken marriage?

Relationship Help

Do you regret the break up? Get Your Ex Back

Want to stop the separation or divorce? Save Your Marriage

Wondering how to make a man fall in love with you? Captivate Him So He'll Never Want to Leave

Know your own self-worth. She spoke the truth when she said she’s the prize in her marriage. She’s not the spouse who betrayed his vows, and she’s not the careless woman who cheated with another woman’s husband. This reader is the one who loves her husband enough to take his calls even though he treats her like dirt. She’s the treasure, the gem, in this mess. And she knows it!

If you’re trying to move on after your marriage, one of the first things you need to do is rebuild your self-worth, self-confidence, and self-identity. You can’t move on without a strong sense of yourself.

moving on after broken marriage

How to Move on From a Broken Marriage

Know you can be single and happy. “Even if I do not eventually move on with another man, my life will be so much happier and more peaceful without him in it,” says this reader. I know that it seems like your life is over, your heart is shattered, and you’ll never be happy or love again…but the truth is that this marriage breakup may be the best thing that ever happened to you. You can be happier and more peaceful; you can move on after your marriage ends!

If you’re not sure if your marriage is over, you may find Is My Marriage Over? 7 Signs Your Spouse is Ending the Relationship helpful.

Know it takes time to move on after a marriage ends. I think this reader has the strength, wisdom, and self-awareness to not only move on, but be healthier, happier, wiser, and more grounded in who she is. She knows it’ll take time to heal, and she knows that she’s going though the worst of the marriage breakup right now. She “just” needs time to heal, to process the end of her marriage, and to rebuild her self-identity. She knows it…and she knows that you can know something in your heart, but not in your head.

What do you know about yourself? What do you know about your marriage, yourself, and your life? What truths will help you move on after your marriage ends? Some things you know to be true, but it’s easier to go down the same old path of unhealthy patterns.

Remember that moving on after your marriage ends is a process that takes time. This reader can’t just ignore her ex-husband’s phone calls no matter how unhealthy it is to keep taking them. She’s simply not ready to take that step. But she will be soon…and so will you.

Fix Your Marriage

If you have any questions or thoughts on moving on after your marriage ends, please comment below.

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Christian, bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer, blogger, warrior princess. :-) My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

What's happening in your life? I welcome your big and little comments below! I can't give you advice, but writing might bring you clarity and insight.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13

In peace and passion...Laurie

  4 Responses to “How to Move on After Your Marriage Ends”

  1. Dear Susan,

    My prayer for you is that you find other ways to make your life meaningful. Your husband was the focus of your life, and he left you. I pray you find something in your life that is stronger, more meaningful, and more important than a man, house, job, or backyard. May you find something to be passionate about, to live for, and to increase your strength and resilience. And, may the thing you find bring you joy and peace!

    For me, it’s God. I can’t rely on anything – not a man, money, job, pets, house, nothing. People are only human, and houses burn down. Jobs come and go, and children move away. Honestly, the only thing we can rely on is our spiritual connection to something Greater. And we can’t rely on how we FEEL, we have to know deep in our souls that God loves us and is taking care of us.

    May you find acceptance and peace in this new chapter of your life. May you surrender to the reality of what happened, and may you find ways to move forward with energy, strength, and inspiration to rebuild your life.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  2. Dear Susan, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please see a counselor if you are not already. No one should ever have to go through that or feel like that. I am going through a lot right now as well and I can definitely empathize with you.

  3. I was with my husband for 25 yrs. then he cheated on me with a girl half our age and had a baby with her. It’s been almost 3 yrs now and I can’t seem to move on. He was my whole life. The reason l lived for. Now the pain is unbearable knowing she (the other woman) lives in my house we picked out and decorated together, with my pets and gets to sit in my backyard. Just when I feel ok I see a pic of their baby on Facebook or Instagram and the pain comes back as if the day I found out. The pain hurts so bad sometimes I find myself on the floor, in the corner crying uncontrollably. I just want the pain to stop or I don’t wanna go on with life.

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