Apr 052011

How do you move on after your marriage ends? It’s different for everyone…but here are a few things to help you cope, heal, and move on after your husband leaves. This tips are based on a reader’s comments.

On My Husband Left Me for Another Woman – 6 Breakup Survival Tips, a reader described how her husband left her for a woman 21 years younger. But the real problem is that she – the betrayed wife – keeps taking his calls and staying involved in his life, even though she knows she needs to let go.

Here’s what she says:

“…he still calls me to help him with things, to get my advice. He talks nice to me and makes me feel good and then calls back to tell me that this new girl is helping him and has great ideas about things or he has called twice to tell me that he kicked her out of his truck on the road and they are thru cause she is too young and blah blah blah. All my friends and family keep telling me to stop taking his calls because all of this is just is abusive and although I agree, I cannot seem to stop.”

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Knowing something is so unhealthy and wrong for us, but being unable to stop. I don’t have any solid-gold tips that are 100% guaranteed to help you move on after your marriage ends, but there are several things this reader said that can help her rebuild her life (and you rebuild yours, perhaps!).

Ways to Move on After Your Marriage Ends

My reader says:

“I know that I am the real prize in this relationship and that even if I do not eventually move on with another man, my life will be so much happier and more peaceful without him in it, but it has just happened and I know I will get over it, but right now the pain is truly unbearable.”

Did you notice the things she said, which are key to healing after a broken marriage?

Know your own self-worth

She spoke the truth when she said she’s the prize in her marriage. She’s not the spouse who betrayed his vows, and she’s not the careless woman who cheated with another woman’s husband. This reader is the one who loves her husband enough to take his calls even though he treats her like dirt. She’s the treasure, the gem, in this mess. And she knows it!

If you’re trying to move on after your marriage, one of the first things you need to do is rebuild your self-worth, self-confidence, and self-identity. You can’t move on without a strong sense of yourself.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love

Know you can be single and happy

“Even if I do not eventually move on with another man, my life will be so much happier and more peaceful without him in it,” says this reader. I know that it seems like your life is over, your heart is shattered, and you’ll never be happy or love again…but the truth is that this marriage breakup may be the best thing that ever happened to you. You can be happier and more peaceful; you can move on after your marriage ends!

If you’re not sure if your marriage is over, you may find Is My Marriage Over? 7 Signs Your Spouse is Ending the Relationship helpful.

Know it takes time to move on after a marriage ends

I think this reader has the strength, wisdom, and self-awareness to not only move on, but be healthier, happier, wiser, and more grounded in who she is. She knows it’ll take time to heal, and she knows that she’s going though the worst of the marriage breakup right now. She “just” needs time to heal, to process the end of her marriage, and to rebuild her self-identity. She knows it…and she knows that you can know something in your heart, but not in your head.

What do you know about yourself?

What do you know about your marriage, yourself, and your life? What truths will help you move on after your marriage ends? Some things you know to be true, but it’s easier to go down the same old path of unhealthy patterns.

Remember that moving on after your marriage ends is a process that takes time. This reader can’t just ignore her ex-husband’s phone calls no matter how unhealthy it is to keep taking them. She’s simply not ready to take that step. But she will be soon…and so will you.

Do you want to try to save your marriage? Get 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage from marriage coach Mort Fertel.

Another resource for struggling marriages is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship.

If you have any questions or thoughts on moving on after your marriage ends, please comment below.

About Me

quips tips love relationshipsI'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.

 Leave a Reply