Are you struggling to move on after breaking up with someone you still love? These tips for moving forward will help, even when it seems impossible. I based these tips on readers’ specific stories and requests for help.
If you want to learn how to turn the pain of a breakup into insight and healing, read The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: An Uncommon Guide to Healing, Insight, and Love by Susan Piver. This breakup might be the push you need to grow and become stronger, healthier, and happier.
“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell.
After you break up with someone you love, you need to think of it as the beginning of a new, healthy, exciting stage of life. Here are five suggestions for moving on after breaking up…
How to Move On After Breaking Up With Someone You Love
The readers mentioned below left comments or asked questions on my Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals website – mostly on my articles about ending relationships or letting go of someone you love.
1. Believe your ex’s actions over his words. Does your ex-boyfriend say he loves you and he wants to spend more time with you and wishes he could leave his wife and he hopes one day you and he will marry – but he doesn’t show you his love by putting you first in his life, respecting your wishes, and doing things to make you happy? Then, you need to believe what he does, not what he says. He can talk ‘til the cows come home, but if his actions don’t support his words, then he’s lying to you and himself.
2. Look at your role in the relationship breakup. Usually, relationships don’t work out because of both partners’ actions, personalities, or beliefs. It’s not often one partner who brings the whole thing screaming to a halt. To stop obsessing after breaking up with someone you love, you need to figure out your role in the relationship. Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself for anything – just accept that your actions may have contributed to the breakup. Here’s what Callie says: “I nagged about receiving some attention from him every now and then, and that’s what led him to leave. I was never mean or hurtful but I just wanted him to try to make it work and I was willing to compromise in anyway.” If there are things you want to change about your life or perspective, use your newfound freedom to get healthy, strong, and happy again!
3. Get help if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend has emotional issues, such as depression. Psychological or emotional health issues have serious effects on relationships. If you, your ex, or your current boyfriend are dealing with depression, anxiety, or other issues, I urge you to talk to a professional counselor. You don’t necessarily need to get couples counseling for months or years; even just calling a local help line can help you gain clarity and insight. Don’t rely on the internet for help with something as serious as coping with a partner who has depression! The internet can be a great source of information, but issues such as depression are too complicated to cope with online.
4. Accept that it takes time to overcome a breakup. “I need this guilt and pain to just go away,” says Callie. “I can’t even be happy anymore and it’s been four months, normally after a relationship breakup I’d be getting fine by now, but this is a tremendous hurt for me.” Sometimes it takes a long time to heal when you break up with your boyfriend. There is no “normal” amount of time for healing – it takes some people years, while others can bounce back more quickly. To help yourself heal, don’t focus on the pain and guilt. Instead, focus on what you love about yourself, your life, and your future.
If your relationship wasn’t healthy, read 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.
5. Know that you CAN and WILL be happy again! DO NOT fear that you’ll never find anyone else to love you again! I’ve stayed in bad relationships because I was scared I’d never find anyone else, that I was unlovable, that I was too old to start over, that I was too fat to fall in love. This wasn’t true for me – and it’s not true for you. “After such happiness [in my last relationship], I don’t know how to let go and be happy again,” says Anna. “I don’t believe I can find anyone else who will want me and treat me the way he treated me again, I don’t want to. How do I get through this?” You get through the fear and insecurity by reminding yourself that the breakup doesn’t represent your last chance of happiness.
Your breakup is a new beginning in your life – a chance to heal and be happy. If you can see it that way, you’re well on the road to moving on!
For more tips on how to move on after breaking up with someone you love, read 11 Emotions You Will Feel After a Breakup.
If you have any thoughts on moving on after breaking up with someone you love, please comment below…
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.