May 242010
 

Are you struggling to move on after breaking up with someone you still love? These tips for moving forward will help, even when it seems impossible. I based these tips on readers’ specific stories and requests for help.

How to Move On After Breaking Up With Someone You LoveIf you want to learn how to turn the pain of a breakup into insight and healing, read The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: An Uncommon Guide to Healing, Insight, and Love by Susan Piver. This breakup might be the push you need to grow and become stronger, healthier, and happier.

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell.

After you break up with someone you love, you need to think of it as the beginning of a new, healthy, exciting stage of life. Here are five suggestions for moving on after breaking up…

How to Move On After Breaking Up With Someone You Love

The readers mentioned below left comments or asked questions on my Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals website – mostly on my articles about ending relationships or letting go of someone you love.

1. Believe your ex’s actions over his words. Does your ex-boyfriend say he loves you and he wants to spend more time with you and wishes he could leave his wife and he hopes one day you and he will marry – but he doesn’t show you his love by putting you first in his life, respecting your wishes, and doing things to make you happy?  Then, you need to believe what he does, not what he says. He can talk ‘til the cows come home, but if his actions don’t support his words, then he’s lying to you and himself.

2. Look at your role in the relationship breakup. Usually, relationships don’t work out because of both partners’ actions, personalities, or beliefs. It’s not often one partner who brings the whole thing screaming to a halt. To stop obsessing after breaking up with someone you love, you need to figure out your role in the relationship. Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself for anything – just accept that your actions may have contributed to the breakup. Here’s what Callie says: “I nagged about receiving some attention from him every now and then, and that’s what led him to leave. I was never mean or hurtful but I just wanted him to try to make it work and I was willing to compromise in anyway.” If there are things you want to change about your life or perspective, use your newfound freedom to get healthy, strong, and happy again!

3. Get help if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend has emotional issues, such as depression. Psychological or emotional health issues have serious effects on relationships. If you, your ex, or your current boyfriend are dealing with depression, anxiety, or other issues, I urge you to talk to a professional counselor. You don’t necessarily need to get couples counseling for months or years; even just calling a local help line can help you gain clarity and insight. Don’t rely on the internet for help with something as serious as coping with a partner who has depression! The internet can be a great source of information, but issues such as depression are too complicated to cope with online.

4. Accept that it takes time to overcome a breakup. “I need this guilt and pain to just go away,” says Callie. “I can’t even be happy anymore and it’s been four months, normally after a relationship breakup I’d be getting fine by now, but this is a tremendous hurt for me.” Sometimes it takes a long time to heal when you break up with your boyfriend. There is no “normal” amount of time for healing – it takes some people years, while others can bounce back more quickly. To help yourself heal, don’t focus on the pain and guilt. Instead, focus on what you love about yourself, your life, and your future.

moving onIf your relationship wasn’t healthy, read 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.

5. Know that you CAN and WILL be happy again! DO NOT fear that you’ll never find anyone else to love you again! I’ve stayed in bad relationships because I was scared I’d never find anyone else, that I was unlovable, that I was too old to start over, that I was too fat to fall in love. This wasn’t true for me – and it’s not true for you. “After such happiness [in my last relationship], I don’t know how to let go and be happy again,” says Anna. “I don’t believe I can find anyone else who will want me and treat me the way he treated me again, I don’t want to. How do I get through this?” You get through the fear and insecurity by reminding yourself that the breakup doesn’t represent your last chance of happiness.

Your breakup is a new beginning in your life – a chance to heal and be happy. If you can see it that way, you’re well on the road to moving on!

For more tips on how to move on after breaking up with someone you love, read 11 Emotions You Will Feel After a Breakup.


Fix Your Marriage

If you have any thoughts on moving on after breaking up with someone you love, please comment below…

Summary
Article Name
How to Move On After Breaking Up With Someone You Love
Author
Description
Are you struggling to move on after breaking up with someone you still love? These tips for moving forward will help even when it seems impossible.
laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen (but I wish my name was Rosie Frost!). I'm a bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer. My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher, Mr Merritt, always used to ask me that. And I am happy - despite a difficult childhood (schizophrenic mother, no father, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian.

How is your life unfolding - what do you need? I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion.... Laurie

  7 Responses to “How to Move On After Breaking Up With Someone You Love”

  1. Moving on after a breakup is always more difficult when your ex has a mental or emotional health issue. It gets complicated when you can’t part ways in a healthy manner. If your ex is struggling with anger or other destructive emotions, it’s even more important for you to get as healthy and safe as possible!

  2. Oh my goodness I actually had an ex-boyfriend who turned out to be Bi-polar borderline personality disorder. As usual he was gentle sweet kind I’d fallen in love with him unlike anyone in my life. I then found out that he had mental illness in his family ,lived 40 miles away yet he would never really want to talk to anyone when we were together as if they knew something about him that he didn’t want me to know. Well after months of doing a 180* on me verbal abuse, yelling, breaking my things, slapping me in the back of the head, smacking my cat for no reason. I wanted to get away from him so told several people what happened. One weekend he called me several times I wouldn’t answer he would text me several times then do the routine a couple hours later, As I went out of town he came up to the apartment complex where I live with my roommate a guy that I used to work with many years ago. My ex had hung out for two days in his car right in front the apartment waiting for me to come home. We never made any plans as I was ready to break things off.He asked neighbors to call me for him then the manager called my roommate at work saying “a guy was hanging out in his car in front of the apartment. My roommate was livid wanted to file civil harassment order. I had to move away.Months later he would still text me every other day. Finally before breaking off with my ex I’d told him once about a girlfriend of mine whom was having a high school reunion as she was in charge of it while having worked catering management at a hotel myself I helped her plan it. Several months after breaking up he showed up at the reunion asking my girlfriend whom had never met him yet I had told her about what had happened. He asked her who she came down with then told her your #%^&*’S friend she asks the last name of #%^&* he told her my name. Her jaw dropped then she told him to leave or she will call security, He whips out a switchblade then left. I then found out that he heard my family had a mobile kitchen truck operating a business out of it My family never met him even though I had been with him one year. He showed up there looking for me so I filed a restraining order. He had managed to dodge the Sheriffs of being served paperwork had a process server try to serve yet five guys came out of the house then told him never come back again. He scares me I just want him to vanish yet he will keep looking for me as he is obsessed with me haven’t seen him in a year & a half nor talked with him in nearly a year. He is stalking me…he is scary I do have people that want to get their hands on him as well.

  3. Dear Grace,

    I’m not sure what you mean. How do you move on if your boyfriend didn’t text you?

    Did you and your boyfriend break up, and you want him to text you??

  4. how can i move on if may boyfriend didnt txt me?what does it mean i need some advice..

  5. After you break up with someone you love, it seems impossible to think you’ll never be happy again. I remember being devastated over a break up with a guy whose name I can barely remember now…I wish we could fast forward a year or even a few months, and we’d be happier even though we broke up with someone we loved so much!

  6. Hi Oikan,

    I’m glad that you’re healing from your broken heart! Thank you for taking the time to comment — you’re giving people hope to move on after breaking up with someone they love.

    Laurie

  7. Four months ago i never thought nothing on this earth even amount of time will ever ease my heart break up pain.But applying the four points(1,2,4 & 5)truly helps in life after a relationship break up.So i recommend these to any one going through this tying time.No matter how much haert ache you might be experiencing these four points will bring hope and help you through with each passing day.

 Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)