If you ask 100 people how to forget your ex after a breakup when you still love him, you’ll get 100 different answers! Try these tips – they helped me forget my ex-boyfriend.
For more tips on surviving a breakup, read The Girls’ Guide to Surviving a Break-Up – it’s one of Amazon’s bestselling books on healing a broken heart.
And you can move on, too, my friend. Here’s one way to look at it: “A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It’s just His way of letting you know He saved you from the wrong one.” ~ Author Unknown.
If you can look at your breakup as a blessing, you’re well on your way to forgetting your ex. I know it’s easier said than done – but the truth may be that you’re better off without him.
Here are a few ways to forgive and forget after a breakup…
5 Ways to Forget Your Ex
Look at this breakup as a new beginning in your life – a chance to heal and learn how to be happy alone. After all, if you can’t be happy alone, then you can’t be happy in a love relationship.
Believe your ex’s behaviors over his words
What lies has your ex been telling you? I don’t necessarily mean malicious lies — maybe he’s scared of intimacy, or commitment, or getting married. Maybe he says he loves you and he wants to spend more time with you and wishes he could leave his wife and he hopes one day you and he will marry – but he doesn’tshow you his love by putting you first in his life. You can love him all you want, but if he doesn’t love you or can’t love you…then you need to be strong and move on. To forget and stop thinking about your ex after a breakup, believe what he does, not what he says. He can flap his gums forever, but if his actions don’t support his words, then he’s lying to you. And himself.
Give yourself time to forget your ex – it doesn’t happen overnight
“I need this guilt and pain to just go away,” says Callie, a reader who emailed me about her breakup. “I can’t even be happy anymore and it’s been four months, normally after a relationship breakup I’d be getting fine by now, but this is a tremendous hurt for me.” There is no “normal” amount of time for healing – it takes some people years, while others can bounce back more quickly. To get over a breakup when you still love him, focus on what you love about yourself, your life, and your future.
Visualize yourself feeling happy and free and living your best life
To forget your ex after a breakup, you need to let go of the fear that you’ll never find anyone else to love you. I’ve stayed in bad relationships because I was scared I’d never find anyone else, that I was unlovable, that I was too old to start over, that I was too fat to truly fall in love. This wasn’t true for me – and it’s not true for you.
“After such happiness [in my last relationship], I don’t know how to let go and be happy again,” says Anna, a Quips and Tips reader. “I don’t believe I can find anyone else who will want me and treat me the way he treated me again, I don’t want to. How do I get through this?”
You forget about a breakup by telling yourself that your ex isn’t your last chance at a happy love relationship.
Take a look at your part in the breakup
Usually, love relationships don’t work out because of both partners’ actions, personalities, or beliefs. It’s not often one partner who causes the breakup. To forget about your ex when you still love him, figure out your role in the relationship. Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself for anything – just accept that your actions may have contributed to how your relationship turned out. Learning how to forget your ex after a breakup is about gaining insight into your own personality.
Here’s what Callie says: “I nagged about receiving some attention from him every now and then, and that’s what led him to leave. I was never mean or hurtful but I just wanted him to try to make it work and I was willing to compromise in any way.”
Callie was willing to look at the part she played in her relationship — but this doesn’t means she caused the breakup! She’s just gaining insight into her personality and life, which can help her start a strong new love relationship.
Get help if you or your ex has emotional issues, such as depression
Psychological or emotional health issues have serious effects on love relationships. If you, your ex, or your current boyfriend are dealing with depression, anxiety, or other issues, I encourage you to talk to a counselor. You don’t necessarily need to get counseling for months or years; even just calling a local help line can help you gain clarity and insight. If you want to heal a broken heart, you need to face your issues head on.
Sometimes writing about your breakup and why you still love your ex can make you feel better – writing is great therapy! You’re welcome to share your story below.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.