These tips for reconciling with your ex are inspired by a reader’s broken heart. You’re not alone if you want to convince your ex to take you back more than anything in the world…
“I would do anything to get her back, anything,” says T. on How to Stop Cheating on Your Spouse. “I screwed up our relationship, I made mistakes that I regret so bad. Now I wish I could go back to the way things were. What do I do? How do I get her back?”
Here’s a spiritual perspective that may not convince your ex to come back, but may help you: everything happens for a reason. Maybe you’ll get back together with your ex, and maybe not…but the relationship and your love happened for a reason.
Maybe your ex – and the mistakes you made – was meant to prepare you for a future relationship. Maybe your past relationship is meant to help you grow, mature, and become a better person.
Or, maybe you just need to grovel and find the right ways to convince your ex to take you back! You may find How to Get Your Ex Back helpful – it’s a bestselling resource for broken relationships.
Do you regret the break up? It's not too late... How to Get Your Ex Back
And, here are a few tips for convincing your ex to give you a second chance…
How to Convince Your Ex to Take You Back – Reconciliation Tips
One of the most important tips for reconciling is to give your ex time and space to breathe. The more you call, text, email, and contact her, the more she’ll pull away. The trick is finding the balance between wooing her romantically and giving her time to miss you.
Apologize for your role in the relationship and break up
Apologizing for your actions and attitudes is a simple, powerful way to make up with your ex. You’re both in pain, you both may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step towards making up with your ex.
Here’s what I’d like to hear from my husband, if I tossed him for some reason:
“I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. I wish with all my heart that I didn’t do “X”, but I did. I can promise you it will never happen again because I learned __________ from that experience.”
Listen to your ex’s words very carefully
No matter how difficult it is, try to hear your ex’s thoughts and perspectives all the way to the end. Don’t try to convince her to think or feel a different way. Listen intently – without interrupting – until your ex has nothing else to say about you, your style of love, or your relationship. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside.
Convincing your ex to take you back is about setting aside your own viewpoint and trying to see your relationship from your ex’s perspective.
Discuss the reason the relationship broke up
If you had a physical or emotional affair, your ex deserves answers. Share some details of how and why the affair happened – such as how it came about and why you know it’ll never happen again. Talk about ways you and your ex can ensure it doesn’t happen again. Pinpoint the reason for the breakup, and discuss ways to protect yourself from it happening again.
Do not brush her questions away, even if you feel painfully uncomfortable. One of the main things I hear from women is that men don’t want to talk about stuff. This tip for reconciling with your ex is one of the most important – and one of the most difficult.
Change your lifestyle to focus on getting your ex back – and having a healthy relationship
After you figure out why you broke up, make changes in your life that solve that problem. For example, if you cheated on your ex, you’re no longer as free to follow your old patterns. Accepting new limits and boundaries (such as not eating lunch or dinner alone with people of the opposite sex) will help you make up with your ex.
You need to rebuild trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior (marriage counseling can help you both see what is reasonable).
If your ex is scared to take you back because she doesn’t trust you, read When You’re in Love With Someone Who Is Scared to Love You Back.
Talk about how your lifestyle and relationship has changed
Share how your life, habits, and perspectives will be different after you make up with your ex. Ask your ex what changes she would like to see in your relationship. Talk about the changes you’ll both need to make.
And – don’t just talk! Part of the reason it’s difficult to convince your ex to take you back is that talk is cheap. How do you convince your ex to take you back by going beyond talk? By going into counseling, reading books about relationships, and changing your habits to reflect your commitment to your ex.
Accept that healing and reconciliation take time
Building a better love relationship doesn’t happen overnight, especially if a partner was betrayed physically or emotionally. Sometimes it takes weeks for wounds to heal; other times, they never do. Healing and reconnecting takes conscious effort – but it’s worth it if you really want to make up with your ex!
It’s also helpful to know what your ex is thinking about! Read When Your Ex Wants You Back – 4 Things to Consider for the inside scoop on your ex’s frame of mind.
What do you think – will you try to convince your ex to take you back?