How do you break up with someone you don’t love anymore? With care – because his heart is in your hands. You may not love him, but you don’t want to hurt him. I hope these breakup tips help a little…
Before the tips, a quip:
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.
I don’t know what’s worse: breaking up with someone, or being broken up with…it hurts in different ways. If you’re stuck in a love relationship because you’re scared or reluctant to break up, you have read Dump ‘Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser. Don’t stay in a relationship longer than you have to!
Here are several tips for breaking up…
How to Break Up With Someone
1. Accept that there’s no easy way to break up. The truth is, there isn’t much you can do to ease the pain of being broken up with. It hurts to be rejected, no matter what the reason is for the breakup. And it’s hard to let someone go, to break up with someone you once loved. So, the first thing to do is acknowledge and accept that this is a hard thing to do. Do you feel sad, afraid, awkward, or terrible about saying it’s over? Be honest with the person you’re breaking up with. “I don’t know how to say this because it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but there’s something you need to know.”
2. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to end the relationship. There’s nothing bad or selfish about wanting to break up with someone you no longer love! It feels awful, but it’s not wrong. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or self-loathing, and don’t second-guess your decision to end the relationship. Your time together has come to an end. If you’re uncertain about the breakup, read 9 Signs You Can Save Your Relationship.
3. Don’t break up at the worst possible time! Some of the worst times to break up with someone you love are before Valentine’s Day, after family funerals, on New Year’s Eve, at huge public events, and just before birthdays. There’s never the perfect time or place to break up, but some times are certainly better than others.
4. Have the courage to say good-bye face to face. The person you’re breaking up with deserves a face-to-face good-bye, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over. Don’t use email, voicemail, or text messages (or Twitter or Facebook or YouTube) to end a love relationship, even if you’ve only been together a few weeks or months.
Did you know there are stages of breaking up? Read 5 Stages of a Breakup.
5. Start “the talk” on a positive note. What do yo love, appreciate, or respect about the person you’re breaking up with? What parts of the relationship worked well? This won’t take away all the pain of the breakup, but your partner will remember it later and perhaps feel a little better. Chances are, the person you’re breaking up with will play back your conversation in his head later — and this is why it’s important to give him positive feedback.
6. Be honest about why you’re breaking up. This is the hardest part of breaking up with someone, even if you don’t love them anymore! Being honest takes courage and tact. But it’s the best “breakup gift” you can give the person you’re breaking up with. This breakup tip really depends on the reasons you want to leave the relationship, your partner’s personality traits, and how much control he has over the issue. So, I encourage you to sprinkle your honesty with tact and compassion.
7. Let the person you’ve broken up with share his feelings. Ending a love relationship can involve anger, tears, bitterness – or no reaction at all! Part of saying “our relationship is over” involves letting your partner share feelings and emotions. Remember that the initial reaction might be awkward (even scary and painful!), but it’ll soon wind down…and you both will be able to talk calmly. Soon, you’ll both be at the “letting go” stage.
It’s important to end “the talk” with words such as, “I can understand that you’re angry and hurt. This isn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work out, either. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Remember that the person you’ve broken up with is confused, hurt, shocked, and possibly angry. Try to acknowledge his feelings.
If you’re breaking up with someone that you still love, you may find 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love helpful.
If you have any questions or thoughts on saying it’s over to someone you onced loved, please comment below…
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.