Marriage Max

How to Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore

Written by on January 24, 2011 in Breaking Up, Letting Go with 5 Comments

How do you break up with someone you don’t love anymore? With care – because his heart is in your hands. You may not love him, but you don’t want to hurt him. I hope these breakup tips help a little…

Before the tips, a quip:

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.

I don’t know what’s worse: breaking up with someone, or being broken up with…it hurts in different ways. If you’re stuck in a love relationship because you’re scared or reluctant to break up, you have read Dump ‘Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser. Don’t stay in a relationship longer than you have to!

Here are several tips for breaking up…

How to Break Up With Someone 

1. Accept that there’s no easy way to break up. The truth is, there isn’t much you can do to ease the pain of being broken up with. It hurts to be rejected, no matter what the reason is for the breakup. And it’s hard to let someone go, to break up with someone you once loved. So, the first thing to do is acknowledge and accept that this is a hard thing to do. Do you feel sad, afraid, awkward, or terrible about saying it’s over? Be honest with the person you’re breaking up with. “I don’t know how to say this because it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but there’s something you need to know.”

2. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to end the relationship. There’s nothing bad or selfish about wanting to break up with someone you no longer love! It feels awful, but it’s not wrong. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or self-loathing, and don’t second-guess your decision to end the relationship. Your time together has come to an end. If you’re uncertain about the breakup, read 9 Signs You Can Save Your Relationship.

3. Don’t break up at the worst possible time! Some of the worst times to break up with someone you love are before Valentine’s Day, after family funerals, on New Year’s Eve, at huge public events, and just before birthdays. There’s never the perfect time or place to break up, but some times are certainly better than others.

4. Have the courage to say good-bye face to face. The person you’re breaking up with deserves a face-to-face good-bye, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over. Don’t use email, voicemail, or text messages (or Twitter or Facebook or YouTube) to end a love relationship, even if you’ve only been together a few weeks or months.

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Did you know there are stages of breaking up? Read 5 Stages of a Breakup.

5. Start “the talk” on a positive note. What do yo love, appreciate, or respect about the person you’re breaking up with? What parts of the relationship worked well? This won’t take away all the pain of the breakup, but your partner will remember it later and perhaps feel a little better. Chances are, the person you’re breaking up with will play back your conversation in his head later — and this is why it’s important to give him positive feedback.

6. Be honest about why you’re breaking up. This is the hardest part of breaking up with someone, even if you don’t love them anymore! Being honest takes courage and tact. But it’s the best “breakup gift” you can give the person you’re breaking up with. This breakup tip really depends on the reasons you want to leave the relationship, your partner’s personality traits, and how much control he has over the issue. So, I encourage you to sprinkle your honesty with tact and compassion.

7. Let the person you’ve broken up with share his feelings. Ending a love relationship can involve anger, tears, bitterness – or no reaction at all! Part of saying “our relationship is over” involves letting your partner share feelings and emotions. Remember that the initial reaction might be awkward (even scary and painful!), but it’ll soon wind down…and you both will be able to talk calmly. Soon, you’ll both be at the “letting go” stage.

It’s important to end “the talk” with words such as, “I can understand that you’re angry and hurt. This isn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work out, either. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Remember that the person you’ve broken up with is confused, hurt, shocked, and possibly angry. Try to acknowledge his feelings.

If you’re breaking up with someone that you still love, you may find 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love helpful.

Are you stuck in the past?
How to Let Go of Someone You Love

If you have any questions or thoughts on saying it’s over to someone you onced loved, please comment below…

how to break up with someone

laurie blowing kiss

How are you? All comments welcome!
I can't give you advice,
but writing can help you gain insight.
Peace and blessings,
Laurie

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5 Reader Comments

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  1. Laurie says:

    Even if you don’t have the courage to break up with someone face to face, you have to do it! Don’t break up with someone you love over text or email.

  2. kathy says:

    i have been in a relationship for two years he shows no interest i supports him when i talk to any males he curses and slaps me about why am i treated this way

  3. Bridget says:

    I’ve been dating this guy since November and just recently we became engaged. Nothing official yet. We have only told a few people. I never want to hang out with him anymore…I have changed so much and all this stuff and I just dont feel the same. I dont know what to do. I cant break his heart… but I guess I have to. I dont have the courage to do this face to face. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    • bella says:

      Talk to him about it, for sure its difficult, but he has to understand you feel rushed. Hope your okay, its difficult I know. Stay strong, do what’s good for you. X

  4. Relationships Breaking Up says:

    Hi,

    Its a good process, get yourself out of that relationship you don’t want to be stuck with, you might be miserable hurting both of you..its a nice post and thank you…

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