These tips on breaking free from an emotionally destructive relationship are from a spiritual counselor who overcame her own fear of leaving, and who loves teaching others to live fully and deeply.
Here’s what “Sara” says – she feels trapped by an emotionally destructive man:
“I have been married for 14 years and I know it is time to leave, but I can’t seem to find the courage. My husband is very controlling and verbally abusive. I know I’m not perfect but a day doesn’t go by that he is not yelling at me or complaining about something. I’m only allowed to have pictures of our family in one room. He locks the theater room and other areas of the house and equipment. His reasoning is that when he was working on it and putting money into it I did have any money and I didn’t help. Oh did I mention I’m a teacher and he makes three times my salary. He says teaching is a waste of my degrees and why don’t I have goals and want more for myself. He doesn’t understand I LOVE TEACHING!!!!” – from my article on survivng a marriage crisis.
I always feature books on my articles because I believe books can change lives. If you’re in an emotionally difficult or destructive relationship, read The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It. It offers a spiritual perspective on overcoming the pain and suffocation of emotionally destructive men.
And, here is a spiritual counselor’s take on reclaiming your life…
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How to Break Free From an Emotionally Destructive Relationship
I’m a spiritual counselor, writer and media consultant; you said something that went “BINGO!” in my mind when I read about your relationship. I nodded and said “Ah, she’s one of us … she’s my compadre, gotta help a fellow traveler…” And what was it you said? You love teaching? I do, too!
How to start your journey – tap into your inner Dorothy
You’re living in a loveless prison, but you already know that. Every day I want you to get up, and in the privacy of your own space (even if it’s the bathroom) I want you to click your heels together 3 times, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, “I KNOW my way home, I KNOW my way home…” You DO know you’re way home — your “true” home, the home that’s screaming within your soul, but you’ve lost your emotional ticket.
I’ve been there. No judgment here, friend. Fear is the greatest obstacle in our lives. Fear does have value; it can help us from harming ourselves in unsafe situations, but for the most part, the fear we feel in our hearts about ourselves and taking a risk, is imaginary. It’s put there by the spiritual-enemy to stop us from living the best life possible, and to enjoy the blessings that God equipped us for.
What would I do if I were you? … well, I “was you” at a different point of my life and I broke free from an emotionally destructive relationship! I’m still a work in progress (smile), but the life I’m living now is light-years ahead of the one I had when fear ruled my thoughts.
Get your financial house in order
First thing, my friend — act like the General of your life and formulate a plan, military style. Make a list of what pragmatically needs to be done, check– check — check — and work down it.
Start with finances which are the MOST important thing for women who are trying to break free from emotionally destructive relationships. We all need a roof over our head and food in the fridge, those things aren’t free.
Second, try and get your “army” in place … recruit friends or people in the community who will be there to help you, even if it’s with a supportive word of empowerment. But, if you can get someone to help you more, GREAT. Having help is important.
If you’re financially dependent, read How to Get Money to Leave Your Husband.
Do what you were put here on earth to do
You, my friend, were put on this earth to do a great and worthy job and we’re not gonna let this controlling creep keep you back. Teachers (the ones who truly love teaching), have deeply emotional connections to people, but unfortunately having that emotional sense can make them HARDER when it comes to being good to themselves. I know, I’m also a “creative emotional” as you are.
The truth is there is a well of strength inside of you, right below your rib cage in the core of your energy, and in your heart valve, your mind … it’s there screaming to get out. LET IT OUT MY FRIEND. You have no idea how happy and content you’ll feel once you do.
Trust that it will all come together
Things will start to flow like water … it will all come together. Now, that’s not to say you won’t have challenges and adversity like the rest of us humans even after you leave an emotionally destructive relationship, that’s part of the life game, but … the beautiful life that you know if inside of you, the one that has your true sense itching to burst forth, will become a reality.
You’ll leave the controlling husband…You’ll continue to teach or go back to teaching …you’ll start to see life will get better, more enjoyable… you’ll develop greater self-esteem because your power will start to be released … and in time, you’ll meet someone else to love, someone who LOVES YOU …
Believe you’ll find a man who loves you the way you deserve to be loved
…he’ll let you touch the remote. He’ll let you touch him! He’ll listen when you talk and support you with your dreams. You’ll nourish you with physical and emotional love. You’ll think, “Oh heavens, why did I waste so many years not understanding what a real, balanced relationship is?”
But, regret not — you’ll have it now. Every day is a new page in our lives. Grab it and break free! Trust me. Good luck my friend.
Are you stuck in an emotionally destructive relationship? Read How to Find the Strength to Get Out of a Bad Relationship.
Sometimes it helps to share your story – look at the advice Sara got! I welcome your comments below.