Dec 182012
can you tell if a man really loves you

Me and my husband, at a restaurant in Italy. That’s one way I know we love each other – we can travel without fighting too much! :-)

Different men show love in different ways, but there are signs a man really loves you. Here are a few of those signs – and I welcome more from you!

Before you keep wondering whether he loves you, I think it’s important to figure out whether you love yourself.

Are you happy and whole by yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you honor your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? Can you stand up for yourself?

If you can answer “yes” to those questions, you’re more able to discern whether or not he really loves you. The problem comes when we women don’t love ourselves. If we don’t love or respect ourselves, then we won’t be able to recognize if anyone else loves us.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love

I’m reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay right now, and I love it. It’s about becoming a whole, health, happy woman – and that’s the first and most important step to being in a good relationship. Honestly, if you don’t love yourself, it doesn’t matter if he loves you.

How Do You Know If He Really Loves You?

As I said, different people show love in different ways – which is why Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. That book is about giving and receiving love in a way that is meaningful and unique to you.

But, there are universal signs of true love, all of which involve how he treats you.

He listens to you

Sure, we all drift in and out when someone is talking to us; it’s normal. If he misses stuff you say here and there, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. But, if you never feel heard because he is watching tv, playing video games, hanging out with his pals, working all the time, or never home, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

Both of you need space – he needs his time alone, and so do you. But you also need to communicate and have conversations that make you feel like you’re connected.

He treats you with respect, gentleness, and love – like he treats his mother

When I was dating my husband before we were married, I was told to pay attention to how he treats his mother. If he treats his mom like crap (disrespecting her, arguing, criticising, ignoring, even abusing, etc), then he’ll probably treat you just as badly.

If he insults you and calls you names, then he’s not loving you. If he picks fights with you or criticizes you, then he doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.

If you’re staying with a guy even though you know he doesn’t really love you, you’re not alone. Read the comments section of 5 Reasons Women Stay in Loveless Marriages – you’ll see that other women are in relationships just like yours.

But just because you’re not alone doesn’t mean you’re stuck!

I know my husband really loves me because…

He tries to make me happy. This means that he talks about our relationship (even though he’d rather just let things hum right along), he goes along with all the changes I propose (even though he’d rather stick to the routine), and he cares what I think about him. He does things to make me happy. He thinks the world of me, and would do anything in his power to make sure I feel safe, loved, and cared for.

For me, it’s not about gifts, flowers, chocolates, or even chores around the house. I feel loved by “words of affirmation”, which is one of the five love languages. Do you know how you feel loved – how you receive love? If not, scroll back up and click on Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. If you don’t know how you receive love, then you’ll have a hard time determining if he really loves you.

If you don’t think your man really loves you, why are you still in this relationship? I’m not asking you to judge you; I’m asking you to think about your reasons for staying with him.

Here’s an article that may help you figure out if he really loves you, or if you’re sacrificing yourself for your relationship: Can You Love Him Too Much? How to Love a Man Without Losing Yourself.

About Me

quips tips love relationshipsI'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.

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