Sep 112012
 

Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we have a beautiful one year old daughter. He spends all day outside in the garage, watching tv. He doesn’t want to spend time with me. When I tell him this is wrong, he says I b*tch a lot. He never wants to listen and tells me to leave…when I ask him if he’s tired of me, he says yes. What do I do?

Getting Your Boyfriend to Listen When You Talk  

A: You can’t make a guy listen to or connect with you. Even men who are invested and involved in their relationships have a hard time listening and talking to their partners! For instance, my husband says talking about our marriage is difficult for him, even though we have a great relationship. He said it’s work to tap into his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It’s using a whole different part of his brain and heart, which he’s not used to (even after seven years of marriage!).

So, it’s important to remember that some guys have a hard time listening and having deep, meaningful conversations with their partners.

But there’s something else going on here: your boyfriend does not want to be with you anymore. I’m sorry, because I know how heartbreaking it is when someone you love calls you names and pushes you away. Your problem isn’t just how to get your boyfriend to listen when you talk…it’s the fact that your boyfriend is done with the relationship.

You’re not hearing what your boyfriend is saying, which is that he wants you to leave. He’s tired of you – and you won’t get him to listen when you talk. I think you need to shift your focus from him to you and your daughter. I think you need to accept what he’s saying, and think about taking the next step.

I know you don’t want to leave your boyfriend. You want him and you to be in love, rebuild your relationship, and be a family. But we often don’t get what we want in life or love…and we have to accept our lives the way they are, and be strong and courageous.


Fix Your Marriage

Read You’re Scared to Be Alone, But Know You Need to End Your Relationship – you’ll see you’re not alone, and you may find the strength you need to start thinking about the next step. It’s not about getting your boyfriend to listen when you talk…it’s about finding the strength and courage to rebuild yourself.

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen (but I wish my name was Rosie Frost!). I'm a bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer. My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher, Mr Merritt, always used to ask me that. And I am happy - despite a difficult childhood (schizophrenic mother, no father, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian.

How is your life unfolding - what do you need? I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion.... Laurie

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