Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we have a beautiful one year old daughter. He spends all day outside in the garage, watching tv. He doesn’t want to spend time with me. When I tell him this is wrong, he says I b*tch a lot. He never wants to listen and tells me to leave…when I ask him if he’s tired of me, he says yes. What do I do?
Getting Your Boyfriend to Listen When You Talk
A: You can’t make a guy listen to or connect with you. Even men who are invested and involved in their relationships have a hard time listening and talking to their partners! For instance, my husband says talking about our marriage is difficult for him, even though we have a great relationship. He said it’s work to tap into his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It’s using a whole different part of his brain and heart, which he’s not used to (even after seven years of marriage!).
So, it’s important to remember that some guys have a hard time listening and having deep, meaningful conversations with their partners.
But there’s something else going on here: your boyfriend does not want to be with you anymore. I’m sorry, because I know how heartbreaking it is when someone you love calls you names and pushes you away. Your problem isn’t just how to get your boyfriend to listen when you talk…it’s the fact that your boyfriend is done with the relationship.
You’re not hearing what your boyfriend is saying, which is that he wants you to leave. He’s tired of you – and you won’t get him to listen when you talk. I think you need to shift your focus from him to you and your daughter. I think you need to accept what he’s saying, and think about taking the next step.
I know you don’t want to leave your boyfriend. You want him and you to be in love, rebuild your relationship, and be a family. But we often don’t get what we want in life or love…and we have to accept our lives the way they are, and be strong and courageous.
Read You’re Scared to Be Alone, But Know You Need to End Your Relationship – you’ll see you’re not alone, and you may find the strength you need to start thinking about the next step. It’s not about getting your boyfriend to listen when you talk…it’s about finding the strength and courage to rebuild yourself.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.