When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Here’s how to cope with the devastation and shock when your boyfriend or husband says he fell out of love with you. You may feel helpless and hopeless, but there are things you can do to regain your sense of joy and peace.

boyfriend fell out of love with meHow One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Susan Page. It may help you learn how to reconnect in ways you haven’t thought of. You might be able to save your marriage or rebuild your relationship – as long as you remember that you can’t make anyone love you.

If it’s too late for you and your boyfriend to rekindle your relationship, read How to Let Go of a Relationship. He may have fallen out of love with you, but your life is not over! You are smart, healthy, strong, courageous, and valuable. Don’t let the fact that your boyfriend fell out of love with you change how you see yourself. How he feels about you doesn’t change who you are, and why God put you on this earth.

When one person in a relationship falls out of love, it may feel like you’ll never heal or move on. Reading these tips is the easy part – actually putting them into practice and moving forward after your boyfriend says he fell out of love is the hard part. But you can do it – you CAN start to move forward and heal.

When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

These tips are partly inspired by a reader’s comment on When to Leave a Relationship. She is in love with her boyfriend, but he never made her feel loved. She was never even sure if she was his girlfriend. What should she do about this relationship? is what she asked. Here’s what I think all women should do when their partners say they fell out of love – or if their partners were never in love with them in the first place…

Focus on yourself – not on him

For others to love and respect you, you have to love and respect yourself. How do you love and respect yourself? You make practical, tangible changes in your life. Maybe this means getting a better job, going back to school, developing your hobbies, exercising more, working on your self-esteem, or spending more time with people you respect. Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans.

Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe

One of the most important things to do when he doesn’t love you anymore is to take a step back – though your instinct is to move closer! Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself (and him) room to breathe.

Look at your relationship objectively

When you say, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, are you letting your feelings dictate your future, your thoughts, your life? I understand that – you’ve been invested in this relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him? Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

Maybe you don’t even love him. Maybe you’re just in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, or being married. Read How to Know When You’re in Love.

Incorporate two new activities into your life

Plan a trip to Mexico. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Be a Big Sister. Take a sushi making class. Join a snowshoeing or hiking club. Take Zumba dance lessons! Find a new place to live. It doesn’t matter what the new activities are, really…what matters is that you find new, interesting things to do with your life. Then, when you start obsessing about your ex, you can practice replacing your obsessive thoughts with something new and interesting.

boyfriend fell out of love

“When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore” image by Hoeg via DeviantArt

When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

Take a step back and let the air flow between you. Below, I describe what “spaces in your togetherness” means….sometimes you just have to let go. Here are a few tips on what to do when he doesn’t love you anymore…

I know it’s not easy to recover when a man says he fell out of love with you. It’s devastating, and your heart feels like it’ll never heal. You feel like you’ll never fall in love again.

But you WILL heal, and you WILL fall in love again. You just need to find the strength and courage to move on. For tips on moving on, read the 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.

Fix Your Marriage

What do you think – how will you respond when he says he doesn’t love you anymore? Can you be strong and move on?

Article Name
When He Says He Doesn't Love You Anymore
Here's how to cope with the devastation and shock when your boyfriend or husband says he fell out of love with you.

Before You Go...

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on twitterLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on pinterestLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on linkedinLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on googleLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on facebook
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
I'm a full-time freelance writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC. I created the "Quips and Tips" blog series; my degrees are in Education, Psychology, and Social Work. I welcome your comments below, but I don't give advice. I can offer you a prayer and a blessing, though! You'd be surprised how helpful a prayer can be....

You may also like...

21 Responses

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Rochelle,

    What a disappointing and heartbreaking shock, for your boyfriend to say he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. He fell out of love with you, but he still loves you as a person. It’s a difficult thing to hear, and I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    My prayer is for healing. May you find the strength and courage you need to let go of your boyfriend, to give him freedom. May you start the healing process by asking him to get his stuff out of your place within the next three days, and by refreshing your home so you can make it yours again. I pray that you surround yourself with the right friends, the right type of positive and healing energy, and the right ways to start processing the grief you feel. May you move forward in your life with faith and confidence that this breakup was the right thing to happen. May you reignite your relationship with yourself, and with God, and may you start finding positive things as this chapter of your life ends. Amen.

    I wrote this article this morning – maybe it’ll help you let go.


  2. Rochelle says:

    My boyfriend of 9 years has been living with me for 7 months. At first it was good. When we had issues he even suggested counseling but he started to change. Now he barely talks to me..never calls me really..doesn’t ask anything about me, how I’m doing how was my day nothing. Last week he told me he loves me but doesn’t want the relationship anymore. I told him he needs to leave then Bc he can’t live there and not want a relationship with me. He said ok and he would get his stuff..still hasn’t left yet. Has started talking a little more..speaks and has been calling a little more..what I found out though was he friended a married woman and apparently she has been in his ear and I think she is why his feelings are changing. What do I do?

  3. Laurie says:

    Finding out that your boyfriend isn’t in love with you anymore is heartbreaking. It’s difficult to understand how he fell out of love, and why the relationship couldn’t be saved!

    My prayer for you is that you find peace and healing. May this give you motivation to get to know yourself better, and celebrate your strengths! You are a valuable, kind, beautiful, smart woman. Your boyfriend’s feelings aren’t a reflection of who you are, but who he is. You and he aren’t meant to be together, and you will be happier and healthier if you can find a way to accept the breakup.

    I wish you all the best, and will keep you in my prayers.


  4. may says:

    last night my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with because he says i dont trust him. Last month I went on a trip and had asked him if there was anything wrong, he said no, So this morning when we spoke he told me he wanted to break up with me prior to my trip but didn’t do it because he didn’t want me to have a bad time, then he said he was going to do it after the holidays. We’ll that didn’t happen because it happened last night. this is the 3rd time we broke up and its a cycle that can’t be repeated. i know I am strong but this is hard i need to have faith and just come to realize that were just two different people. Trust and communication is key. i know i need time to heal and find peace plus he said he had fallen out of love with me i just don’t understand why he couldn’t break up with me before my trip it would have been better.

  5. Laurie says:

    Dear kb,

    I think that if a man threatens to hurt you in any way, then he doesn’t love you. I believe that men who cheat and lie are not good men to get back together with. I know you still love him and that he maybe fell out of love with you — and that hurts so much. But sometimes you have to put your feelings and emotions aside, and do the right thing in the long run.

    Let go of a man who says he’ll hurt you. Heal your heart and spirit, and move forward into a new life.


  6. Destiny says:

    My husband of 16 years left me 2 weeks ago. I have been depressed and struggling as I am infertile and nothing we’ve tried has worked (adoption, ivf) for 6 years we’ve been trying. I haven’t been working as I’ve gone back to school and this has also caused stress especially financial. We have not connected intimately for months due to issues and bad timing. I know we had problems but this has really thrown me for a loop. He says he has made his decision and doesn’t love me as a wife anymore. How do I wrap my head around this, how do I forgive myself for failing him? I am seeing a counselor and on antidepressants, would actually be doing great if not dealing with this. I love him and still pray everyday for God to save our marriage yet my husband doesn’t want to work on this, he refused marriage counseling, refused to try and talk it out so we could try again (I offered to work on it for x months and see if we couldn’t be happy, if not then I at least tried).

    • EM says:

      Darling you are fine he has the issues ive gone through the same recently you sound like your a strong woman, dont let him get you down, if thats his wish so be it let him go because someone far better is waiting for you. You cant see it now all you see is loneliness and pain I know but trust me i have been there you will be fine but let him go as he doesnt see your worth… xxx

  7. kb says:

    hi i was in relationship for seven years with my baby,s father.he was so loving,caring,respective.in june this year i found that he is cheating on me and the girl is now pregnant.i dump him but he is still apologising saying that he still loves me threatning to kill me if i refused to get back to him and he said he broke up with his girlfriend and i must accept the baby if its for him because he is not sure.i dont know what to do coz i
    still love him my problem is i dont know that he really love me or he wants to use me.i am really confused plz give me an advise.

  8. Laurie says:


    I wish I could help, but I can’t tell you how to solve your relationship problems or how to make your boyfriend become interested in you again. The only thing I can do is encourage you to listen to what he is saying, and don’t try to change his mind. You can’t convince him to fall in love with you again.

    The only thing you can do is become a strong, healthy, interesting, vibrant woman with her own life! The happier and healthier you are, the more attractive and appealing you will be to him and everyone around you. My advice is to focus on creating the life of your dreams, and let your boyfriend go. Tell him that you’re sorry that your relationship is boring to him, and that he is free to leave. That is the healthiest, most interesting thing you could do. The more you cling to him and beg him to stay or tell you how he feels, the further he’ll pull away from you.

    My prayer for you is for strength, courage, and independence. May you reach deep into your heart and soul, and find what you need to let a dead relationship go. May you find confidence, pride, and humility. May you know who you are and how valuable and special you are….and may you be wise enough to let your boyfriend go when he says he fell out of love with you. Amen.


  9. victoria says:

    i am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of six months. i am still a student in a university in another city while he works and lives in same city that i live in. we communicate online everyday till he changed. he stopped calling like he used to and snaps at me when we talk. i tried asking him what was wrong. i asked if he was bored and said yes. he said he was struggling to be in the relationship. he is 10 years older than i am. how do you advice i solve this issue, as i am losing my mind. i love him whole heartedly and i dont want to lose him. he is the first guy i have ever been with sexually. thanks

  10. Kettra says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Last night he told me honestly that he doesn’t love me anymore. We have our fights, we both have very strong personalities, but I am still madly in love with him. I have put my career on hold, and morphed my life around what was best for him. What I can’t understand is why would you still let me create a life around “us” when the “us” part was never really in his heart? I am shocked, and saddened that he still thought it was ok to sleep in the same bed with me, let me keep thinking he wanted to work things out when it so evident he had no want to spend the rest of his life with me. He is my best friend and life partner, well in my eyes. I work in yachting and have been land based for him when I could have been traveling the world. I guess now I am just going to sell my assets and leave the country as fast as possible, but I guess the real first move is, to find a different place to lay my head, somewhere warmer than the bed we shared…

  11. Laurie says:

    Dear Rhixie,

    It sounds like it’s been such a difficult time for you, and you don’t know how to cope with the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. Being left by a boy is one of the most difficult things to deal with, but I know you have the strength to pull through! You can heal and move on, even though right now it seems like you’ll never get over him.

    I wrote this article for you:


    If you feel like you’re dealing with depression, please talk to your mom or someone at school. Sometimes a loss like this can trigger a downward spiral, and it’s important to be aware of the importance of your feelings and thoughts!

    If you can’t recover from this breakup, you might think about getting help from an adult in person. Our hearts are tender, and big things like a break up can hurt us deeply! We need to learn how to grieve and heal, so we can move on and be free to love again. My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to move forward in your life.


  12. kim says:

    I was married for 26 yrs I was mentally being tortured everyday with tape recorders and cameras watching my every move.it hurt me deeply when he filed for divorce but I have come to realize he did me a favor because I would have stayed trying to work it out even though it was hopeless the only thing I can say is you really find your own strength and who you are when you manage to get away.its not the end its just a beginning we all deserve happiness life is too short.you can do anything you put your mind too.

  13. Rhixie says:

    i am currently in this situation right now, My boyfriend said he doesn’t love me anymore. I gave him space but i missed him so easily, I want to talk to him and hug him. We are in a Long Distance Relationship it’s really hard because it’s been 4 months since we last saw each other and the fact that my boyfriend is a playboy it is really hard plus i feel like i am inside of a cage i can’t move on because i’m stuck in a place where we had shared soo many memories — in my own house. :( By the way i’m only 16 and i think im going crazy because he is always on my mind, :( i always catch myself crying while starring at something. Please help :(

  14. Laurie says:

    Dear yolly,

    A silent breakup can be even more difficult to recover from, because there is no closure or discussion. I hope you’re able to move past this breakup, and find love and happiness in other ways. Not just by falling in love again, but by falling in love with yourself and your life!


  15. yolly says:

    We had a silent break-up. we had a big fight after he cheated a couple of times ended up impregnating one of his girls, our baby was only 2 years old by that time, he never said he loves me no more me neither, i find my bags packed the day his new bby was born i took them and moved out, time went by my heart finded a place to forgive him for all the pain and shame he brought me.

    Problem is, he never say a word to me, as time goes by i missed him, texted him but he never replied, it been 3 years now my heart still loves him deeply.

  16. Laurie says:

    New research shows that Twitter and other social networking services have revolutionized the way people create and maintain relationships. And, it could lead to more breakups and divorce!

    New research shows that Twitter use could actually be damaging to users’ romantic relationships. Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, found that active Twitter users are far more likely to experience Twitter-related conflict with their romantic partners. Clayton’s results showed that Twitter-related conflict then leads to negative relationship outcomes, including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.

    Here’s the full study: http://munews.missouri.edu/news-releases/2014/0407-twitter-use-linked-to-infidelity-and-divorce-mu-study-finds/

  17. Laurie says:

    Dear Cherie,

    I wish you all the best as you end your marriage of such a long time. May your future be bright, and may you be courageous and willing to move forward into the unknown.


  18. cherie says:

    I needed this article to get me through the night.I am in the process of deciding to end my marriage of 20 years to someone I still love deeply,we are having some issues that we just can not resolve though and a separation seems to be the best answer.This article gave me some things to think about and it gives me hope whether we get back together or not.It gave me some encouragement to find myself again.Thank You

  19. Laurie says:

    Dear Heartbroken,

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as you learn how to accept that your husband fell out of love with you. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to find out that a husband has been cheating, and there are no easy steps for healing.

    May you find healing and hope, and may you rebuild your life and self-esteem, and learn how to accept and even rejoice in this change of life. It’s possible that this could be a gift that you don’t recognize yet – I pray this is the truth for you.

    In peace and passion,

  20. HEARTBROKEN says:


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>