Dec 102013

He says he fell out of love, and you’re lost, confused, and sad. Learn what to do when he says he’s not in love with you anymore.

When He Says He Doesn't Love You AnymoreIf your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want to break up, read How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Susan Page. It may help you learn how to reconnect in ways you haven’t thought of. You might be able to save your marriage or rebuild your relationship – as long as you remember that you can’t make anyone love you.

But, if the breakup has already happened, you might want to read Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott. Don’t let the fact that he fell out of love with you change how you see yourself. Set goals, and take specific action steps towards achieving them.

When one person in a relationship falls out of love, it may feel like you’ll never heal or move on. Reading these tips is the easy part – actually putting them into practice and moving forward after someone says he fell out of love is the hard part.

When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

These tips are partly inspired by a reader’s comment on When to Leave a Relationship. She is in love with her boyfriend, but he never made her feel loved. She was never even sure if she was his girlfriend. What should she do about this relationship? is what she asked. Here’s what I think all women should do when their partners say they fell out of love – or if their partners were never in love with them in the first place…

Focus on yourself – not on him. For others to love and respect you, you have to love and respect yourself. How do you love and respect yourself? You make practical, tangible changes in your life. Maybe this means getting a better job, going back to school, developing your hobbies, exercising more, working on your self-esteem, or spending more time with people you respect. Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans.

Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe. One of the most important things to do when he doesn’t love you anymore is to take a step back – though your instinct is to move closer! Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself (and him) room to breathe.

Look at your relationship objectively. When you say, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, are you letting your feelings dictate your future, your thoughts, your life? I understand that – you’ve been invested in this relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him? Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

Maybe you don’t even love him. Maybe you’re just in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, or being married. Read How to Know When You’re in Love.

Incorporate two new activities into your life. Plan a trip to Mexico. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Be a Big Sister. Take a sushi making class. Join a snowshoeing or hiking club. Take Zumba dance lessons! Find a new place to live. It doesn’t matter what the new activities are, really…what matters is that you find new, interesting things to do with your life. Then, when you start obsessing about your ex, you can practice replacing your obsessive thoughts with something new and interesting.

fell out of love

“When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

Take a step back and let the air flow between you. Below, I describe what “spaces in your togetherness” means….sometimes you just have to let go. Here are a few tips on what to do when he doesn’t love you anymore…

I know it’s not easy to recover when a man says he fell out of love with you. It’s devastating, and your heart feels like it’ll never heal. You feel like you’ll never fall in love again.

But you WILL heal, and you WILL fall in love again. You just need to find the strength and courage to move on. For tips on moving on, read the 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.

Fix Your Marriage

What do you think – how will you respond when he says he doesn’t love you anymore? Can you be strong and move on?

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen (but I wish my name was Rosie Frost!). I'm a bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer. My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher, Mr Merritt, always used to ask me that. And I am happy - despite a difficult childhood (schizophrenic mother, no father, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian.

How is your life unfolding - what do you need? I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion.... Laurie

  7 Responses to “When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

  1. Dear yolly,

    A silent breakup can be even more difficult to recover from, because there is no closure or discussion. I hope you’re able to move past this breakup, and find love and happiness in other ways. Not just by falling in love again, but by falling in love with yourself and your life!


  2. We had a silent break-up. we had a big fight after he cheated a couple of times ended up impregnating one of his girls, our baby was only 2 years old by that time, he never said he loves me no more me neither, i find my bags packed the day his new bby was born i took them and moved out, time went by my heart finded a place to forgive him for all the pain and shame he brought me.

    Problem is, he never say a word to me, as time goes by i missed him, texted him but he never replied, it been 3 years now my heart still loves him deeply.

  3. New research shows that Twitter and other social networking services have revolutionized the way people create and maintain relationships. And, it could lead to more breakups and divorce!

    New research shows that Twitter use could actually be damaging to users’ romantic relationships. Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, found that active Twitter users are far more likely to experience Twitter-related conflict with their romantic partners. Clayton’s results showed that Twitter-related conflict then leads to negative relationship outcomes, including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.

    Here’s the full study:

  4. Dear Cherie,

    I wish you all the best as you end your marriage of such a long time. May your future be bright, and may you be courageous and willing to move forward into the unknown.


  5. I needed this article to get me through the night.I am in the process of deciding to end my marriage of 20 years to someone I still love deeply,we are having some issues that we just can not resolve though and a separation seems to be the best answer.This article gave me some things to think about and it gives me hope whether we get back together or not.It gave me some encouragement to find myself again.Thank You

  6. Dear Heartbroken,

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as you learn how to accept that your husband fell out of love with you. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to find out that a husband has been cheating, and there are no easy steps for healing.

    May you find healing and hope, and may you rebuild your life and self-esteem, and learn how to accept and even rejoice in this change of life. It’s possible that this could be a gift that you don’t recognize yet – I pray this is the truth for you.

    In peace and passion,


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