Dec 102013

He says he fell out of love, and you’re lost, confused, and sad. Learn what to do when he says he’s not in love with you anymore.

When He Says He Doesn't Love You AnymoreIf your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want to break up, read How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Susan Page. It may help you learn how to reconnect in ways you haven’t thought of. You might be able to save your marriage or rebuild your relationship – as long as you remember that you can’t make anyone love you.

But, if the breakup has already happened, you might want to read Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott. Don’t let the fact that he fell out of love with you change how you see yourself. Set goals, and take specific action steps towards achieving them.

When one person in a relationship falls out of love, it may feel like you’ll never heal or move on. Reading these tips is the easy part – actually putting them into practice and moving forward after someone says he fell out of love is the hard part.

When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

These tips are partly inspired by a reader’s comment on When to Leave a Relationship. She is in love with her boyfriend, but he never made her feel loved. She was never even sure if she was his girlfriend. What should she do about this relationship? is what she asked. Here’s what I think all women should do when their partners say they fell out of love – or if their partners were never in love with them in the first place…

Focus on yourself – not on him. For others to love and respect you, you have to love and respect yourself. How do you love and respect yourself? You make practical, tangible changes in your life. Maybe this means getting a better job, going back to school, developing your hobbies, exercising more, working on your self-esteem, or spending more time with people you respect. Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans.

Relationship Help

Do you regret the break up? Get Your Ex Back

Want to stop the separation or divorce? Save Your Marriage

Wondering how to make a man fall in love with you? Captivate Him So He'll Never Want to Leave

Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe. One of the most important things to do when he doesn’t love you anymore is to take a step back – though your instinct is to move closer! Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself (and him) room to breathe.

Look at your relationship objectively. When you say, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, are you letting your feelings dictate your future, your thoughts, your life? I understand that – you’ve been invested in this relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him? Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

Maybe you don’t even love him. Maybe you’re just in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, or being married. Read How to Know When You’re in Love.

Incorporate two new activities into your life. Plan a trip to Mexico. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Be a Big Sister. Take a sushi making class. Join a snowshoeing or hiking club. Take Zumba dance lessons! Find a new place to live. It doesn’t matter what the new activities are, really…what matters is that you find new, interesting things to do with your life. Then, when you start obsessing about your ex, you can practice replacing your obsessive thoughts with something new and interesting.

fell out of love

“When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

Take a step back and let the air flow between you. Below, I describe what “spaces in your togetherness” means….sometimes you just have to let go. Here are a few tips on what to do when he doesn’t love you anymore…

I know it’s not easy to recover when a man says he fell out of love with you. It’s devastating, and your heart feels like it’ll never heal. You feel like you’ll never fall in love again.

But you WILL heal, and you WILL fall in love again. You just need to find the strength and courage to move on. For tips on moving on, read the 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.

What do you think – how will you respond when he says he doesn’t love you anymore? Can you be strong and move on?

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer, blogger, warrior princess. :-) My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher always asked me that. And I am happy, despite a hard childhood (schizophrenic mom, no dad, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian. Where do you find peace?

I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion...Laurie

  12 Responses to “When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

  1. i am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of six months. i am still a student in a university in another city while he works and lives in same city that i live in. we communicate online everyday till he changed. he stopped calling like he used to and snaps at me when we talk. i tried asking him what was wrong. i asked if he was bored and said yes. he said he was struggling to be in the relationship. he is 10 years older than i am. how do you advice i solve this issue, as i am losing my mind. i love him whole heartedly and i dont want to lose him. he is the first guy i have ever been with sexually. thanks

  2. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Last night he told me honestly that he doesn’t love me anymore. We have our fights, we both have very strong personalities, but I am still madly in love with him. I have put my career on hold, and morphed my life around what was best for him. What I can’t understand is why would you still let me create a life around “us” when the “us” part was never really in his heart? I am shocked, and saddened that he still thought it was ok to sleep in the same bed with me, let me keep thinking he wanted to work things out when it so evident he had no want to spend the rest of his life with me. He is my best friend and life partner, well in my eyes. I work in yachting and have been land based for him when I could have been traveling the world. I guess now I am just going to sell my assets and leave the country as fast as possible, but I guess the real first move is, to find a different place to lay my head, somewhere warmer than the bed we shared…

  3. Dear Rhixie,

    It sounds like it’s been such a difficult time for you, and you don’t know how to cope with the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. Being left by a boy is one of the most difficult things to deal with, but I know you have the strength to pull through! You can heal and move on, even though right now it seems like you’ll never get over him.

    I wrote this article for you:

    If you feel like you’re dealing with depression, please talk to your mom or someone at school. Sometimes a loss like this can trigger a downward spiral, and it’s important to be aware of the importance of your feelings and thoughts!

    If you can’t recover from this breakup, you might think about getting help from an adult in person. Our hearts are tender, and big things like a break up can hurt us deeply! We need to learn how to grieve and heal, so we can move on and be free to love again. My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to move forward in your life.


  4. I was married for 26 yrs I was mentally being tortured everyday with tape recorders and cameras watching my every hurt me deeply when he filed for divorce but I have come to realize he did me a favor because I would have stayed trying to work it out even though it was hopeless the only thing I can say is you really find your own strength and who you are when you manage to get away.its not the end its just a beginning we all deserve happiness life is too can do anything you put your mind too.

  5. i am currently in this situation right now, My boyfriend said he doesn’t love me anymore. I gave him space but i missed him so easily, I want to talk to him and hug him. We are in a Long Distance Relationship it’s really hard because it’s been 4 months since we last saw each other and the fact that my boyfriend is a playboy it is really hard plus i feel like i am inside of a cage i can’t move on because i’m stuck in a place where we had shared soo many memories — in my own house. :( By the way i’m only 16 and i think im going crazy because he is always on my mind, :( i always catch myself crying while starring at something. Please help :(

  6. Dear yolly,

    A silent breakup can be even more difficult to recover from, because there is no closure or discussion. I hope you’re able to move past this breakup, and find love and happiness in other ways. Not just by falling in love again, but by falling in love with yourself and your life!


  7. We had a silent break-up. we had a big fight after he cheated a couple of times ended up impregnating one of his girls, our baby was only 2 years old by that time, he never said he loves me no more me neither, i find my bags packed the day his new bby was born i took them and moved out, time went by my heart finded a place to forgive him for all the pain and shame he brought me.

    Problem is, he never say a word to me, as time goes by i missed him, texted him but he never replied, it been 3 years now my heart still loves him deeply.

  8. New research shows that Twitter and other social networking services have revolutionized the way people create and maintain relationships. And, it could lead to more breakups and divorce!

    New research shows that Twitter use could actually be damaging to users’ romantic relationships. Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, found that active Twitter users are far more likely to experience Twitter-related conflict with their romantic partners. Clayton’s results showed that Twitter-related conflict then leads to negative relationship outcomes, including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.

    Here’s the full study:

  9. Dear Cherie,

    I wish you all the best as you end your marriage of such a long time. May your future be bright, and may you be courageous and willing to move forward into the unknown.


  10. I needed this article to get me through the night.I am in the process of deciding to end my marriage of 20 years to someone I still love deeply,we are having some issues that we just can not resolve though and a separation seems to be the best answer.This article gave me some things to think about and it gives me hope whether we get back together or not.It gave me some encouragement to find myself again.Thank You

  11. Dear Heartbroken,

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as you learn how to accept that your husband fell out of love with you. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to find out that a husband has been cheating, and there are no easy steps for healing.

    May you find healing and hope, and may you rebuild your life and self-esteem, and learn how to accept and even rejoice in this change of life. It’s possible that this could be a gift that you don’t recognize yet – I pray this is the truth for you.

    In peace and passion,


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