You don’t feel close to your partner and you want to reconnect, but you don’t know how. Check out these five ways to bring the love back – you’ll be snuggling with your spouse sooner than you think!
Before the tips, a quip:
“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband walked across it in his barn boots.” ~ Unknown.
It’s not just love that makes her sing…it’s that feeling of connection and affection. If you don’t feel close to your partner and don’t know how to bring the love back 80 Ways to Say “I Love You” - it includes tips from marriage coaches, psychologists, old married couples, and me..
And check these love tips out…
Don’t Feel Close to Your Partner?
“The biggest difference between relationships that work and those that don’t is that the couples in the relationships that work work on them,” writes Barton Goldsmith, PhD, in Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship. “This keeps you from taking each other for granted. You have to be committed to making a relationship work, and part of that commitment means doing the necessary work.”
Even if you love the stuffing out of each other, you’ll still struggle with issues in your relationship. Sometimes you don’t feel close to your partner and you need to work on bringing the love back. It’s inevitable. We’re imperfect human beings. We may think love is easy and romantic all the time (thanks to Hollywood movies that often only portray the “happily ever after”), but the truth is the happiest, most satisfying relationships are those that took the most work.
5 Ways to Bring the Love Back
Start as you mean to go
Before I got married, my boss told me to “start as you mean to go.” She said that if I accept certain behaviors (e.g., the toilet seat left up), at the beginning of the relationship, then I might as well expect the toilet seat to stay up until we’re in our graves. It’s extremely difficult to change established behaviors, so it’s better to start as you mean to go. This means facing and solving issues as they arise, even if you’re scared your partner will stop loving you. Don’t ignore problems or let resentments simmer. Be honest about how you feel, and try to understand your partner’s motivations.
How is this a tip for bringing the love back? It’s not. It’s advice for new lovers
Set and achieve goals together – life goals, fun goals, money goals, love goals
Happiness – both as a couple and individually – comes from working towards what you want. “Creating new goals as a couple can help create deeper understanding and strengthen a loving relationship,” writes Barton Goldsmith, PhD, in Emotional Fitness for Couples. Your goals can range from money (“We want to save $50 a week for our trip to Maui in two years”) to your relationship (“We intend to go on a marriage retreat weekend within the next three months”) to your kids (“We will meet with Junior’s teacher even two weeks, to monitor his progress”).
Set specific, achievable, and measurable relationship and life goals as a couple – both long and short-term.
Give each other’s stuff away – it’ll bring you closer together!
“Our love language is giving each other’s things away,” says freelance writer Alex Sharp. “We say ‘I love you’ by helping each other have less stuff. For example, I bought a Kindle and downloaded my favorite books, with the intention of selling and donating the hundreds of print books I had. It turned out to be more emotional than I predicted! So my husband loaded up the SUV four times with books to donate to the library, etc, and took care of it for me. That’s how we show love – we are overflowing, literally and metaphorically. The more we get, the more we can give. I’m lucky to have a husband who supports that, because it isn’t always easy to get rid of things.”
Also – clutter increases debt, which means you can bring love and money back by giving stuff away!
Create a new tradition or revitalize an old one
Your habits, traditions, and special routines are what make you unique as a couple. They help you feel special, loved, and part of something bigger than yourself. If you don’t feel close to your partner, bring the love back by starting fun traditions that connect you.
For instance, one of our habits is kissing each other three times before we fall asleep. We also have “Pizza Night” and “Mexican Night” every week, when we spend an hour in the kitchen making pizza or Mexican food from scratch, drinking wine and listening to music. We don’t have big holiday Christmas, birthday, anniversary, or other traditions (other than driving to Alberta to visit our family) – but holiday rituals can be a great way to unite you as a couple.
Bring the love back by squirting spirituality into your relationship
Praying or meditating together can mesh your spiritual energy with your partner’s, and help you feel stronger and more connected. Spirituality strengthens your bond and brings you closer together. It also teaches you new things about your partner, softens your heart, and increases your love.
My husband and I pray together every night before we fall asleep (and before we kiss three times!). But I have to admit, the first time we prayed together was really awkward. I didn’t have the courage to initiate a prayer, but my husband just grabbed my hand, jumped right in, and started praying. This was about two months before we were married…and we’ve been praying together almost every night since.
Also remember that all couples go through stages of love. To learn more, read Phases of Love – How Romantic Relationships and Love Changes.
If you don’t feel close to your partner, how will you bring the love back? Comments welcome below…
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.