Oct 182011
 

hearts are breakable

Your husband walked out, and you’re picking up the pieces. These insights are from women coping with the pain that comes with “wife abandonment.”

I don’t have a magic want or the right words to make you feel better and help you move on after your husband walks out. But I can show you that you’re not alone.

Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal is an excellent book for women whose husbands decided they don’t want to be married anymore. The author, Vikki Stark, describes “Wife Abandonment Syndrome” and offers practical tools for rebuilding shattered lives.

And here are a few insights from women who are coping with the pain of being suddenly abandoned by their husbands…

Coping With Confusion and Hurt When Your Husband Walks Out

Most of my articles about healing from a breakup or divorce focus on practical tips for moving forward. This time, however, I want women to see that they’re not going through the pain of abandonment alone.

A wife whose husband left without saying good-bye

“My husband left last Friday,” says A. “No word or anything. Just vanished. I was worried sick, and called friends and family. No one had heard anything. Finally, he called his family on Monday night to let them know he was okay. Did he ever call me? No. he still hasn’t called me and it’s been a week.”

She says that their marriage was more or less over, but he didn’t tell her he was leaving! He just walked out, leaving her to cope with more confusion and hurt than if he’d had to courage to sit down and say good-bye. He didn’t have the guts to end their marriage properly.

If your husband abandoned you without saying good-bye, you’re not alone! Read What Is Relationship Closure? Healing Without Saying Goodbye.

A wife whose husband walked out on marriage for a coworker

“My husband of only 3½ years left me for a co-worker,” says K. “He was her mentor at work. They texted for months and I asked him to stop. Recently I found a prepaid phone and all her text messages. He said he loves her, wants to be with her and wants a divorce. I’m 42 years old….I just had a miscarriage of twins a week before he began sleeping with this woman. I feel so lost.”

If your husband walked out on your marriage to move in with his mistress, you’re not alone. Read How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Another Woman.

A wife whose husband abandoned his wife and children

“I am heartbroken that he is choosing her over me and the kids,” says B. “My heart is literally broken, as of right now we haven’t split yet, this all happened yesterday. How do I stop all this hurt and confusion, all the tears? I just can’t believe he doesn’t love our family like I do.”

If you’re coping with confusion and hurt because your husband walked out on your marriage and your kids, you’re not alone. Read What to Do After a Break Up.

A wife who can’t detach from her ex-husband

“I’m having a very hard time detaching from my ex,” says C. “He has cheated on me through 17 years of marriage. I developed non-hodgkins lymphomia last year and he started talking to women on the internet. I lost my hair and he called me names. I divorced him but since then we have tried to work it out but I caught him cheating on me again. Why do I still love him? My heart and my spirit is broken and I can’t seem to find out why I feel this way.”

Reading about how other women have to cope with pain and confusion when their husbands walked out of their marriages may not make you happier, but it can show you you’re not alone.

Your husband walked out of your marriage – how do you cope with the confusion and hurt?  I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t offer personal advice or counselling, but I’m here to listen!

When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives is another excellent book on coping with confusion and hurt when you’ve been abandoned by your husband.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and free relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love
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  5 Responses to “Coping With Confusion and Hurt When Your Husband Walks Out”

  1. Dear Sandra,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through so much with your husband! Maybe it’s a blessing from God that you didn’t have children with him. I don’t know. I couldn’t have children because of infertility problems, and I believe God works everything together for the good. I believe He knows what He’s doing, and He loves us and protects us.

    I’m so glad that you’re getting counseling, and you’re reading scripture! I don’t know anything about your church, but I pray that it will give you healthy support and spiritual guidance.

    You are not alone. You and I have never met, but I am praying for you and thinking about you! I know you’re confused and hurt because your husband walked out – what a devastating email to get. But, I also believe that God loves you and cares for you.

    What is giving you peace and joy in your life right now? What specific activities or people are you clinging to, that make you feel better about your future?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    • Laurie,
      It comes in like waves…one time I feel ok, the next time I just want to die and disappear.. I think I’m still in denial..there are times I feel angry but I know it’s not full blown hate but more of “angry-hurt”…

      I went to counseling yesterday with a lady pastor and it’s a huge help in terms of facing what I’m dealing with in a spiritual level..and we prayed for healing and strength.

      It’s the early dawns when you wake up that hurts the most and reality hits you like being run over by a bus…it’s during these times when you realize…he’s really gone…

      I’ve been alone all my life and I’m tired of it…but I’m still trying to enjoy my own company whether it be watching tv or listening to my music while driving…

      As for the future, I know God has a plan even though we sometimes don’t understand why He let certain tragedies happen. I just live ea day as it comes and be grateful for the other blessings, loved ones and things I still have.

  2. This is the first itme I wrote on columns such as this. I have been married for 3 yrs..but my husband decided he doesn’t want us to continue and has asked me to let him go just over a moth ago via email. You see, he works overseas and will be gone months at a time..
    I know the distance will always give people the chance to not be faithful but he was the who really chose to work abroad rather than just stay with me and make us work.. I live in a country where there is no divorce. Anybody who would read his letter will find it very selfish as it is full of “HIM and HIS NEEDS”. We both married rather late..I in my late 30s and him in his mid40s..we don’t have kids yet but we tried for months with low success.

    I know his email PW then and 4mos prior to his goodbye letter, I found out that he got interested with a female co-worker and they regularly exchanged msgs. I thought of it nothing at first bcos my H is a really friendly guy and has the tendency to email and chat with people. But this Sept. I read intimate msgs bet.the OW (21y.o) and my H (49) about being in hotels and places tog. My heart sank..I couldn’t eat, sleep…lost 20lbs and would have occasional migraines.. I found out, too that they have been intimately messaging ea other thru Skype..I decided to delete my account so as to stop seeing them and help myself to heal…

    I am presently taking counseling from our local church and have been active in reading the Word. I don’t have any siblings and my parents are both very old (80s)…so you can imagine my sheltered life.. I only wanted to have a simple life..a loving home..a family…I don’t want to grow old alone… I’m taking ea day at a time but it’s not an easy journey… I miss feeling ‘normal’ again…and I feel so lonely…

  3. Thanks for sharing your story, Melissa. I know that your experiences will help give others the strength and courage they need for coping when their husbands walk out.

    I’m glad you’ve forgiven him – it sounds like you have so much insight into your relationship with him. And I’m super glad you have a relationship with God :-) I love God, and believe He is good all the time, too. Even when we don’t understand what’s happening in our lives.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  4. Yes, my husband of nine years walked out on me. I had no clue that he wasn’t happy we did everything together. He was my rock and I was his. But he chose to cheat on me with a woman he worked with that was also married, with a small child. He started coming home later not hungry, he was leaving earlier in the morning saying that he was going to hang out with his co-workers before work. My brother was one of his friends he said he was hanging out with. When I asked my brother about it he said he wasn’t coming in early. Turns out he was meeting the other woman before work and after work. Then clueless me was waiting at home thinking everything was fine. Then he comes in one night said he didn’t love me anymore and he was leaving. You could have knocked me over with a feather. So he had already got and apartment. She was moving in. She left her husband. They continued this world wind relationship had two babies. Something I couldn’t give him. Due to cervix cancer in the past and fibroids. But he knew all of this before hand. But now I look at him with his two children. He’s paying 900.00 a month for his kids. They are no longer together. She moved on to the next married man. He is working his but off to try to keep the bills paid and child support. We are friends now but no I wouldn’t take him back in a million years. I have forgiven him. Because in his life there was something that I couldn’t give him and that was children and now he is paying the price. I’m setting here with my 8 dogs all rescues. And I’m very content in my life. God is good.. He is good all the time. So if you think you can’t make it without a man think again cause women are strong humans.

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