How do you survive when the man you love proposes and marries somebody else? Here’s how to cope – these tips are inspired by a reader whose heart has just been broken.
“I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”
One of my coping tips is to turn to a book for wisdom, inspiration, and connection. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. I’ve read it, and highly recommend it – especially if the man you love has proposed to another woman.
What to Do When the Man You Love Marries Someone Else
Different tips work for different people. For me, reading is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published!
Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by tearing down your walls or tearing up your carpet – can help you move on after a hard breakup.
The trick is to distract yourself from the pain.
Find ways to distract yourself
Instead of focusing on the fact that you can’t stop loving the man you’ve been with for years, channel your energy into something productive and good for you. Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise regime, or start planning your next vacation.
The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself.
Accept that you and he were not meant to be together
I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.
Now that I’m 42 and happily married, I’ve realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures. If you’re struggling to cope with the heartache when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.
To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have.
Spend time with people who make you feel good
Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything good! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.
And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?
Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely.
Surround yourself with beauty
When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – it says Hope on it. Every morning when I reach bleary-eyed for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re still alive!
We have lots to mourn, but we also have lots to be grateful for. For more tips, read 10 Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup – Pamper Yourself!
And if you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please comment below. You might want to read How to Get Your Ex Back if you can’t let go.
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.