When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

These survival tips will help when the man you love is getting married to someone else. If you don’t think you can let go – if you know you’ll never be happy again – you need to start thinking differently!

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone ElseYou need to let go of him and move on – and one way to do that is to read It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.

The following tips for moving on are inspired by a reader. “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on Why Couples Break Up. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”

When the Man You Love is Getting Married

Different tips work for different people. For me, reading is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published!




Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by tearing down your walls or tearing up your carpet – can help you move on after a hard breakup.

The trick is to distract yourself from the pain.

Find ways to distract yourself when the man you love is marrying someone else

Instead of focusing on the fact that you can’t stop loving the man you’ve been with for years, channel your energy into something productive and good for you. Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise regime, or start planning your next vacation.

The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Accept that you and he were not meant to be together

I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.

Now that I’m 42 and happily married, I’ve realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures. If you’re struggling to cope with the heartache when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.

To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have.

Spend time with people who make you feel good

What to Do When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything good! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.

And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?

Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely.

Surround yourself with beauty

When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – it says Hope on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re still alive!

We have lots to mourn, but we also have lots to be grateful for. For more tips on healing after a break up, read 10 Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup – Pamper Yourself!


Do you need relationship help? I can't offer advice, but you can get FREE advice and a FREE marriage assessment from marriage coach Mort Fertel. No strings attached!


And if you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please comment below.

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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
Welcome - I'm glad you're here! I can't give advice, but you're welcome to share your experience below. I'm a writer in Vancouver; my degrees are in Psychology, Education, and Social Work. I live with my husband, two dogs, and cat. We are childless, & have made peace with it. It helps to love Jesus :-)

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21 Responses

  1. Amanda Jane says:

    When i was 26 i fall head over kills in Love with a man , i am now 57 , part of me will always care about him, i just got over him a few years ago… i finally got over him , only to find myself in love again with a another man ,we’v been friends for 6 years , we know everything about one another and we share so much in common , BUT ? he married another girl about 4 years ago… He didn’t want to merry her But he did, He said” he had promised her a year ago if she would quite using drugs , & prostituting ,he would marry her, Dumb promise , as he said… well they married , come to find out she ‘lied’ ,she NEVER stopped using ! He is very unhappy , needless to say,,, He told me he loves me and thinks i am the greatest woman in the world, amazing sweet and wonderful, one in a million, and if he wasn’t messed up with his current wife , he would marry me in a heart beat ! WHAT TO DO ?

  2. Amy says:

    He acted as if he loved me, he totally made me get addicted and finally He is telling me to marry someone else. I said that guy how much I love him. He is my first love. He is all I need. I don’t know wat to do.. I feel so broken from the day he stopped speaking to me. I hate my life. I love him with all my heart. He never understands .

    • Abinaya S says:

      I know it is easy to say… but forget him…. i lost my first love recently… but until i let go of the feeling i cannot really liberate myself from the pain…. the pain in ur heart kills u… tears are nothing but wasted over this… Dont be alone.. try and find the new you without him…. Every addiction needs a wearing off period… take it slow.. one day at a time… one hour at a time… wen u feel like crying just cry… but then make a hot cup of tea and try something new that u have never done before and practice to make sure you do it like a professional. This will give u a new aim everyday… it will keep you busy, occupied and it will also develop u. This is what i did. Mainly because i did not feel like talking to anyone… i felt like i had nothing left in my life that was me… everything in my life had him… still has to an extent… i am learning to live with that ghost… let go off that person forgive him so you don’t have to think about him… hating yourself or him… blaming yourself or anyone is only going to cause you more pain. LET GO… find the person in you whom you will love… and when you are out of all this then find another man whom you can connect and fall in love with. It will be beautiful sensible and true. All the best. I hope this really helps.

    • amanda jane says:

      Amy ? i was reading the last comment, and clearly the person has Never been IN LOVE … Believe me , you can NOT just forget the man you are in love with , honey you will always remember him, you learn to deal -with- it , so to say, the tears will stop in time, and the hurt will ease , i still remember my first love , i can smile now when i think of him :) it takes time…. just work and care for your self ,and when you lease expect it , LOVE will find you ! comforting hugs ….

  3. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to cope when the man you love marries someone else! It’s so painful, to lose someone you love.

    May you find peace and healing in your life. Look for people, resources, and books to help you see how to find the purpose of your life. Find ways to bring meaning to your life – other than this relationship. You are valuable, unique, and wonderfully made! You will find someone to share your life with – and you will heal from this disappointing breakup.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  4. Dee says:

    I started seeing a guy when my son was 4months old, he happens to be the 1st cousin of my sisters then boyfriend (now husband) we had known each other 5 years prior to us seeing each other, but I never entertained an idea of a relationship with him as he is 6 years older then me. We officially got together when I was 20, he was 26 & my son was 1.. My son doesn’t know his biological father as he was abusive & cheated on me & got another girl pregnant when I was pregnant.
    Entering this new relationship was like a breath of fresh air, he was completely different from my ex, our relationship was so strong because before anything else he was my best friend. We broke up after a year together. 5 months later we got back together. The next 17months were up & down.. He changed, he had the capacity to be a great boyfriend, then when we would get into a huge argument he would leave.. End of last year he convinced me things would be different.. I came into this year insecure because I felt like I was walking on egg shells because he was able to make me feel I was the cause of any issues 9/10. If I would say I wanted to leave he would call me a coward & that I should stay & sort things out instead of leaving the relationship. Beginning of this month we had a big blow up a couple days before my sisters wedding. I was maid of honour & he was a groomsmen, we saw each other but we didn’t speak. The day after we spoke & decided we were gonna make this work, start over & put past issues to bed. That same day I then heard he was seeing his ex fiancé, I asked him & he denied, the next day I asked again as I has heard more stuff, he denied that also, but got angry with me & told me I was “drama” & wanted nothing to do with me. I spoke to him a week&half after that.. He denied her again, but said he thought it was best if we drew a line under our relationship. I didn’t want to, but I had to respect his feelings. Only to hear this week that he proposed to his ex fiancé. This is the same fiancé that made him have trust issues with me over as she slept with his uncle & got pregnant for him & had an abortion. I was always willing to over compensate because I understood what it was like to not trust someone.
    So how did he go back to her & marry her after all I did?? How is it possible? How is it only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he loved me & wanted to marry me etc? He hasn’t even called/msgd me to explain, apologise or nothing. I feel so betrayed, broken, disgusted. I haven’t stopped crying. My son keeps asking for him, I feel so guilty. I don’t even want him back, I just feel like how am I supposed to move on!

  5. Linda says:

    It was 30 long years since I made a huge mistake and chose another man over my ex. The other guy turned out to be abusive, heartless, domineering etc. My ex was a kind and gentle man. How could I have been so blind? At the time my parents didn’t welcome my ex because of him being biracial. My mother told me not to take a ring from him. Like a fool, I listened to her. She told me they would not pay for my wedding. I lost any respect I had for either of them right there and then. Two weeks after my mothers comment I was presented with a beautiful diamond ring and a promise to be loved for ever. I turned him down. To this day I have regretted my decision. I am in a good relationship now and not with Mr. Abusive. I went to visit the man I tossed into the fray’s mom. I loved her dearly. We got along wonderfully. She told me he had gotten married. She showed me pictures of his wedding. I almost threw up from being so heart sick. The man I loved now was someone else’s. It turned out his new bride was pregnant with his child. That’s why he married her. We tried to have a baby but I couldn’t conceive. She had my man and now about to have his child. God… What have I done. I sunk into a deep depression that lasted for months until I knew I had to move on and let him go from my mind. 30 years later I was cruising in Facebook and low and behold there he was. I would know his face anywhere. My heart skipped a beat… Well several…. I sent him a message and told him of my mothers passing. He responded. I almost fainted. He gave me his cell number and I contacted him. We made arrangements to meet up for coffee and chat about old times. I met up with him. I was so nervous I could hardly breath. One look into his gorgeous brown eyes and that was it. He hugged me and it felt so good to be in his arms again. We talked about old times, his mom who has recently passed
    on. He kissed me and sparks flew. It was like a lightning bolt of passion all over again. But he is married….!! To someone else.. He told me his marriage was miserable. He has two grown kids and is now a grandfather. I made arrangement to visit a friend and ended up spending the night with him in a hotel. I loved every minute of his touch, kisses and warmth. But come morning he left to join his family. I watched him drive away and felt cheap for what had happened. He’s not mine, but hers. I found a picture of him and his family. I was outraged when I saw his wife. She wasn’t pretty. He had the chance to come after me when I chose another man over him, but he didn’t. I wished he would have. He told me he never stopped loving me and told me he stayed with his wife for the kids. Bad choice… I have met up with him about 5 times now. No sleeping together just to talk. He told me he wants to eventually marry me. I want to believe his intensions are hoberable but I know he is another’s man. I want to end this before it becomes a full blown affair. I love his company but it’s not healthy for either of us. To much time has passed and we are different people now. I never had children. I’m glad in a way I did this because now I know. I have taken a few more glances at his family picture before I deleted it for good. I sent him a very nasty text telling him of how he could’t come after me, but could make a baby with her… Oh well…. My heart will mend, I hope…
    This is for all the gals who made a bad choice and lived to regret it…
    Love to all…….

    • Jennifer says:

      Linda, I have the same exact story as you. What a small world. I’m also currently experiencing that pain especially while looking at pictures of his wife.

  6. tim says:

    I still find myself having an affair with my ex after he left me to marry someother person.We never made love while dating.

  7. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Vicky,

    I know it seems like your world is falling apart because your boyfriend is marrying someone else. It is terrible, heartbreaking, so painfully sad. It is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You are in shock, and you’re grieving the loss of the man you love. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    But you have to accept reality. You can’t change his mind — and why do you want to? He wants to leave you and marry another woman. It’s wrong and sad, I hate that it’s happening to you, but you have to face the facts. You are stronger than this, better than this, and healthier than this! You WILL rise above this, you WILL heal, and you will find yourself in this mess of emotions and grief.

    My prayer for you – and for all women who are coping when the man they love is marrying another woman – is for strength and courage. May you dig deep into the bottom of your soul and find a resilience and hope you never thought possible. May you pull yourself together for your child’s sake, and for your own sake. You are a survivor – and you need to let this man go. Let him go. Take a deep breath, and accept that he is not meant for you. Know that there is a reason for this, even if you never learn why you’re not in this relationship.

    I pray for healing of your heart and soul. I pray that you find supportive friends, and that you don’t let this breakup ruin your life….or your child’s.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  8. Vicky says:

    I have the same problem as Rosie. Me and him we been together for over 5 years we have beautiful baby girll together which she looks just like him. We been livjng together since her birth, and yesterday he told me he will marry someone else and leave us. I cant cope with him leave in trying to do everything I can for him to stay. I cant live with tahr fact that hes gonna marry somebody else that he dont even know. Ill die if he marries her. I cant even think how hes gonna be with her, when they got married and they start living together and sleeping in the same bed, doing things that we use to do, that hes going to come home from work like he use to come to me. I cant live with thag i wont be able to hold him and say i love you or kiss him. It kills me inside, I been crying since yesterday Im really depressed my baby dosnt know whats going on with me. I have to stop him somehome please someone help me. I cant lose him I love him so much please :'(

    • Linda says:

      Honey, let him go. You will be better off without him. There is another wonderful man out there for you and your beautiful baby. If he can do this now, what would he do in the future? The man I loved married another woman also. You will get through this… I’m still trying…
      Dry your eyes my dear, take an aspirin for the head ache you are sure to have. Pack up his stuff, give it to him and embrace your new life..
      Love to you and your baby…

  9. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Rosie,

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to accept that the man you love is marrying another woman. Acceptance and surrender to his marriage will bring you peace. Peace will bring you joy, and joy will make you strong and happy!

    I also pray that you find the strength that I know is within you to let go of this man. May you hold on to your self-respect and dignity, and not engage in a relationship with him after he marries the other woman. May you respect his marriage, his wife, and his family. May you be courageous enough to let him go, strong enough to act in honorable ways, and smart enough to know that if you continue seeing him after he’s married, you will hate yourself.

    May you find healing. May you grieve the end of this relationship, and may you begin the process of letting go, healing, and moving on with your life. I pray that you find the help and resources you need in people, books, websites, and even support groups. You ARE strong enough to rise above this breakup and move forward in your life. You WILL find another man to love, if you accept that this man is marrying another woman and there is no room in his life for you. I pray for acceptance and healing.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  10. Rosie says:

    Is there any hope he will change he’s mind

  11. Rosie says:

    My boyfriend of three and half years is entering into an arranged marriage he’s family have organized and although he told me from the start that this was going to happen one day l went ahead and we both fell deeply inlove .Its been one week since he told me about the girl they have found he has also shown me a pic of her ,lm devasastated all l do is cry l can’t function and although this site is telling me to let go l can’t .He has promised me that we will still be together after his marriage .I have agreed but will he still love me like before when at night he’s in bed with her,will he think of me when she’s doing things for him that l did for him before will he compare his wife with me .Hes indian and so is she l know that he has done this for his family and religion and to not bring shame in marrying outside culture and not pick the girl of his choise he just agreed .There is an age difference between us of 18 years but l don’t care lm older it’s never bothered him even still.Can someone please tell me how to go after he marries and won’t be next to me and will he be thinking of me on his wedding night .Loving me so much and lying next to someone he hardly knows help .

    • Hi sweetheart. I belong from india. I can heart your pain. Been in this phase in my life. Loved a guy. Though still loves him. He himself dragged me in relationship. Made me fall in love with him . And left me. He also promised he would keep contact. He won’t be able to forget me. But you know what. Just after his marriage he forgot everything. He wiped me off. Please stop expecting anything. May God bless you.

  12. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here D, and sharing how you’re coping when the man you love is marrying another woman. It sounds like you went through a rough time with it, but you’re starting to accept that he isn’t the one for you.

    I pray for strength and hope, courage and faith as you move forward in your life. May you find healing and inspiration, and love and joy in ways you never expected! I wish you peace, and a renewed connection with both your own self and with God. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  13. D says:

    I found this article to be very helpful. The guy I love is about to marry someone else in about 3 months. We are also very good friends so It is so painful to watch and I started to notice that I was starting to get crazy and stalk him with blasting him with all kinds of text messages and emails. I was driving him crazy. I realized my behavior was way out of line and stopped with the stalking text messages. I think the hurt and pain was making me do that. This article is right on and is helping me cope. I’m buying the book as well. I just need to come to grips that I was just not meant to be with him.

  14. Laurie says:

    Acceptance is the only way to cope when the man you’re in love with chooses to marry another woman. What else can you do, but trust that this was not the man for you. If he WAS the man for you, you’d be together.

  15. shan says:

    It is very sad when someone you love is in love with someone else, but there is nothing you can do.

  16. sugar says:

    My bf of 5 yrs did the same thing to me. He offered me marriage but told him to wait as i hv to consider things since he’s a muslim & i’m catholic. When i decided that i was ready to be a muslim & was going to the mosque it was then that he married someonelse from his culture, ghana africa without telling me. He threw me out of his haus so his new wife can come in. I feel betrayed & hurting so badly & he still keeps on saying that it will be us in the end…how? I am filled w/anger, jealousy, pain etc…

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