When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

These survival tips will help when the man you love is getting married to someone else. If you don’t think you can let go – if you know you’ll never be happy again – you need to start thinking differently!

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone ElseYou need to let go of him and move on – and one way to do that is to read It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.

The following tips for moving on are inspired by a reader. “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on Why Couples Break Up. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”

When the Man You Love is Getting Married

Different tips work for different people. For me, reading is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published!

Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by tearing down your walls or tearing up your carpet – can help you move on after a hard breakup.

The trick is to distract yourself from the pain.

Find ways to distract yourself when the man you love is marrying someone else

Instead of focusing on the fact that you can’t stop loving the man you’ve been with for years, channel your energy into something productive and good for you. Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise regime, or start planning your next vacation.

The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Accept that you and he were not meant to be together

I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.

Now that I’m 42 and happily married, I’ve realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures. If you’re struggling to cope with the heartache when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.

To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have.

Spend time with people who make you feel good

What to Do When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything good! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.

And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?

Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely.

Surround yourself with beauty

When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – it says Hope on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re still alive!

We have lots to mourn, but we also have lots to be grateful for. For more tips on healing after a break up, read 10 Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup – Pamper Yourself!

Is your marriage in trouble? Get FREE advice. And get a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached..

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And if you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please comment below.

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47 Responses

  1. Lucifer's pénélope says:

    Dear all,
    Where do I start with? I totally know that we all have faced such situations in our lives and that we have went through all the bads.
    I’ve been into a relationship with a guy for 5 years. It was initially an open relationship from his end to which I had accepted coz I really liked this guy. Let’s call it my first crush ever in 20 years of my life. After 2 years of us being together he for the first time said an “I love you” to me. I kept asking him if he loves me the same way as I loved him and he always said a “yes”. He started acting like a full fledged boyfriend of mine and got jealous and every small detailed act that a boyfriend would do. When asked he told me that he was my boyfriend.as days past he started getting possessive of me and I liked it. There were few nights that he wqieI am the perfect girl to get married to etc..
    Undoubtedly he was an amazing guy that I ever met but he definitely was a liar.
    Suddenly one day he almost stops talking to me and everything of his fades in me. He was getting married he said. He tells me that it’s an arrange by his family and that he met this girl a week before when the fact was he knew her from past couple of months and spoke to each other. I still let go off that and continued to be with him till he was married.
    One fine day I go to his place as usual and I caught him with his ex girlfriend to which he’d told me that they weren’t even talking to each other. He lied! This lie of his led me to be suspecious and in some way I found out that he was with more 4 to 5 girls when he was with me(excluding his ex and n number of f**k buddies)
    I was shattered!!!
    I was completely inappropriated by him all these 5 years. Now the question rises how did yu not know that he had so many girls in his life? The answer is I TRUSTEd HIm , I DID! Never stopped , questioned or disallow him for anything. It started with being an open relationship then why he had to make it so serious if he wasn’t???
    This was that all..
    After that he got married.
    I’m still over it. I couldn’t move on yet but one day I’m sure I will. Coz that day I’m off of him and it’ll be his turn to regret and be shattered.

  2. Shweta says:

    We were together for 4 years. It was a perfect relationship. He is the best man a girl can have, i am sure about. Respected me a lot, loved me crazily. Wanted to marry me but my parents weren’t ready. He waited quite a long. But then his mother started to fall ill. He is 6 yrs elder to me. My parents wanted time and actually didn’t give him an answer for almost 1.5 yrs. He started to get a tough family pressure of getting Married. He then finally took a decision of moving on as he wasn’t getting any answer from my parents. I tried my best to convince them. Fought hundred times. And now, he’s getting married in the first week of December and I’m in such a bad phase. I cant sleep. I miss him so much. Her was the best thing happened to me. How do I handle this situation. I love him a lot but l feel helpless today. Really helpless. I wish l could change anything.

  3. Ana says:

    I am stuck in this situation where i am in love with a guy who is 27 and i am 21. He is an amazing person and we hav spent some good time with eachother. Its been few months since we are together and yesterday he told me that he cant marry me because his parents would probably accept someone from the same caste and not me.
    he is very devoted to his family but still he wants to continue with me still not sure about the marriage.
    i am a vey emotional person and i get attatched very quickly.
    i dont know what to do i want to hold upon him i really want to be with him.
    he is very loving and respects me alot but whenever i am talkng about marriage he ignores me change the topic or just simply says “u knw baby i cant marry you”.. i feel so broken and aline sometimes. What should i do about it?

    • Shweta says:

      If he doesn’t even wanna try, i would suggest you to leave him. Otherwise later you would be make it worse for you to move on. I am goin through the same these days. And u see, its 4.30 am and i cant sleep.

      • Ana says:

        Thanx shweta.. yes i also think you are right because in these past few days i hav tried my level best. I even changed myself and after my hours of crying he agreed upon talkng to his mother about me bt now he seems to be so cautious about everything.. he is not even saying that he loves me..
        i guess i should move on.. and suggest same for you..we are holding upon someone who dont want to be in connection anymore.. and when the person on the other end is strong enough to let us go then i think we should be strong enough to just let it go.. whats not ours can never be ours.. despite of repeated efforts when nothing seems to work i think we should leave it the way it is..
        So be strong.. this is not about giving up.. this is about starting a new chapter n staying happy because thats the most important thing.. tc.

  4. priya says:

    my marriage is fixed, it is in march 6th 2015 after 2 years relation, but the sad part is that he told me he do not want to be physical with me for a year aftr mrg as we had intimate rltn before and until he gains trust on me that I am a good girl, and had not hidden anything about my past relation or my x-bf, like if I have dated or a virgin yet, he also told me he do not like me anymore , just marrying just for deep rltn, he is vexed at me and I shl hv to stay with his parents most time, I am so much depressed, can not express my feelings and take any decision of breaking up as he is never telling that he wants to broke up.He is just behaving rudely so blame does nt come upon him as all marriage preparations are already taken.On the other side it is really hard to forget our romantics moments and tell no as he is not telling no for marriage.Since being a girl,my emotion is so strong.I have done b.tech from a reputed college and did not searched job in private since he told to not to do it,he now and then insults me I am not good looking as I am not fair and good in studies, he wants better m.tech girls and etc, please help me, can not take decisions…

    • Amanda says:

      You need to break up and don’t marry him! He doesn’t respect you now, he will never respect you and it will only get worse. He will cheat on you too probably. You don’t deserve to be treated like that and insulted. Get out of the marriage NOW!!!

  5. avni says:

    My story is also similar where my guy getting married in few months.Actually we came together when I was going on a stress while getting legally separated from my hubby.I never thought these two years will bring me so close to him.But now when he has opted to marry other gal I feel I am lost completely.He still says till he gets married will be together.When I asked him to marry me he says he never promised me that he will marry me.Still I consider him my best friend and we r together.But don’t know how will face it once he gets married.Just few more months left for his marriage and completely getting myself lost.

    • Amanda says:

      My situation is very similar. He is getting married first week in december. He wants to see me until then. But I knew he was engaged when we got together. It just happened, neither one of us meant to fall in love. Just curious, is he african? And was he already engaged when you got with him?

      • Avni says:

        Life teaches lessons to us. And time keep teaching how to come over all these hurdles. I went to meet my guy for the last time in the weekend. We spent one of our best time ever . just tried to have best time to cherish for my life time. In spite of controlling could not control my tears. Finally am out of control. Cried out to the core like never before. He was still there holding me in his arms. Consoling me will be there as a friend for ever. These boys never understand the sentiments of gal.he has called me for his marriage. Since he is our family friend even my uncle and cusines are planning to join for marriage. It’s in the first week of December. I am trying my best to be strong and come over this relationship even though it is very difficult to forget him even for a moment. I am planning to attend his marriage as well. Don’t know to what extent I can make my self strong to face all these things.

      • Avni says:

        Amanda he is Indian.We are of different cast.One of his reason when I asked why he cant marry me is how will I communicate with his family.He was not engaged when we both met.He is younger than me for eight years.He lied to me saying he is some three years younger to me which he doesn’t look like.And he always had in his mind that I still look younger than him.There were many reasons from his side not to marry me for which I was helpless.

  6. Be patient says:

    To all the broken hearted girls! Move on! Dont think about him, hes not worth your time and energy. Be strong, Be happy and trust in Gods plan. Everything happens for a reason. Surround yourself around people who love you. And remember if it doesnt happen, it wasnt meant to be! Please take good care of yourselves and enjoy your life! Keep smiling :)

  7. vinolia says:

    Dea lilly i undrstnd d pain ur undergoin its very very difficult when the man you love is marrying someone else bt still u need 2 let it go ul gt a bttr guy fr u once trust is brokn it can nva b the same agn….. In your free tym read the bible which wil mak u feel mch bttr n closer 2 god….. Cling 2 him n he wil shw u d way….. Me n my bf hd a brkup cz of my fmly membrs n it took 8 mnths fr me 2 recovr frm it n i ws under medication i can jus say trust in d lord n he wil guide uu… Hop so ul recovr frm dis pain n agony soon
    Luv vinolia

  8. Lily says:

    My first true love we dated for three years……we had awesome time of our lives but then two months ago he told me he was leaving soon …..warning me that he had to marry someone else to help his brother for papers……..I offered to do it but he like no to not get involve in it…..the lady is old women who 35 and he 23 ……she called me one day and texted me what I was for Douglas and I said his gf and he warned to not answer random texts ……she has him controlled…..when she found out the truth ……she changed his number…and when I found out the truth I was crying and dying still am in the inside…… recently he would email me but suddenly he stopped……I was gonna work where he was and I demand answers as to why he doing it and he just said u know what I told you….I was feeling bad in my first day of new job and he kept asking if I’m okay…..he offered me food….and gave me hug out of nowhere when our coworkers weren’t looking…..he also called me by our nickname when noone heard as and offered to help me with the trash….he also made me be later to wash trays just to see me I guess…then I quit that job recently bc I thought of it that it better to move on …….then his email stopped working ….I guess the lady found out….. I don’t even know if he really loved me or not…..I have doubts in my mind why would you hurt the person you loved the most???…..I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m alone…..I sometimes don’t want talk to anyone …..but it helps to relief the pain …. the pain of seeing someone with someone else …..also that women send me pictures and we three way called ……..and she threat him to came and he knows why……I just know that the lady is the issue to everything of our problems …….it hard to move on and realize they might have not loved you at all….:(:(:(

  9. Divya Mishra says:

    the same problem, I am suffering from. After a cheating( my first love . I was cheated just for a bet) in college time, when I was in pain He(My hero) Took care of me. I was in dream-world. World’s happiest girl. I thought at last after a bad dream I found my hero with whom I was dying to spend my life. I did everything for him as much as I could do. after 3 years of relationship,Our wedding was almost fixed. Both families were happy . I was busy in my wedding’s shoppings,n suddenly he said ” i don’t love You, m in love with someone else. I want to marry her not you” I was shocked, speechless. I tried a lot to make him remember each n every good moment we spent. All the sorrows n laughter we shared. I msged that girl ,i reqsted her to leave him coz he was mine bt she also ignored. All the memories related with me were vanished from his mind. M just crying from these 3 months.nothing to do , that girl has taken my place. She is living my dream. M just crying , don’t want to live. It is very difficult to live without him. From that day he never ever try to contact me. M in depression now. Doctors told me to recover soon. What should I do? Plz help me.

  10. Neha says:

    I have been in relationship for past 6 years. Most of it in live in. I loved my man with my while heart. Did everything for him what a man would deserve from his wife. I am a Hindu and he is a christian. All of a sudden on Christmas this year he went home and said yes to a girl of his parents choice. He asked me to run away from my house. I did not agree for that coz I wanted to talk to his family and my family and take their blessings and running away would have meant taking his parents curse and living with it for the rest of my life. I told him that I would talk to both set of parents but he said he will have to face wrath of his entire family. Prior to this home visit everything was perfect between us. Our life was moving on very smoothly. No insecurities no complaints. He got engaged to that girl immediately the next month. I have been crying each day for the last 5 months each day now. We work in same office and I see him daily behaving as if their was never a thing between us nicely chatting and bluahing . I am told each time that I dint give him assurance that I’ll marry him thats why he did this. Where he never tried to persuade his parents. Dint let me do mine, neither even once said that he will talk to my parents. Rather said he never knew talking to my parents was ever an option. I am reminded that in any case he will.not marry me and it’s over. I am 27 and he is 32. I am in too much pain. No matter how much I try not to think about him I still do. I cry. I was united with him in flesh n soul and I don’t understand how did he move on so casually without any guilt. I need help girls. I have been depressed to an extent where I want to end my life. My colleagues at work told me to msg that girl on FB and tell her everything but if I do that its not going to bring him back to me and lord Jesus says we should forgive one another as he forgives us. If I do such thing in revenge same thing will happen to me. I am trying but no matter how much I try I still cry. I am tired of hoping and waiting and crying. I don’t want to die coz I know that will leave many people who love me behind me hurt. But its very difficult to see him.behave this way and still live with it. I don’t know what should I do. I prayed each day to Jesus to give h back to me but nothing in this world works against his will. I need your inputs ladies coz I have given more than what I could. But this guilt has burdened my heart so much that I have lost the zeal to live. I just keep on thinking about him each time. Will he be missing me. Will he be remembering me.

    • weng says:

      We have the same story, the man I love is marrying someone else. I dont know how to cope up from this situation. Im a roman catholic and he is a muslim. He’s going to leave me soon back to egypt and He said his family fixed a marriage for him. Im loosing my mind. I dont know what to do too. We work in the same place i dont know how am i react when i see him back at work. I feel so helpless. May God strengthen us on this situation.

    • Amanda says:

      Same story here, a little different. I am american, he is african from ghana. We work together. In july we started talking as friends. I knew he was getting married, it is an arranged marriage. He has never met the girl just talked on the phone. Even tho i knew he was getting married he invited me to his house on 4th of july, just as friends. One thing led to another. He told me he loved me and i fell hard for him. He says that if he wasn’t already engaged he would want to marry me. But if he breaks up with this girl his family will disown him and he will never be allowed to go back to his country again. He gets married in december, just 2 months from now. After he gets married the girl has to wait like 9 months before she can come here. He says he will still see me until she comes. He had been engaged to her almost a year before we started our thing, and i am the only girl that he has been with or even been in his apartment since he got engaged. He says he didn’t plan on being with anybody but something about me carried him away. I know it sounds like bs but he has been honest with me the whole time, he has never said he wasn’t going to get married, he has maintained the whole time that he has to get married but that doesn’t change the way he feels about me. But stupid me fell for him. It’s so hard cuz i have never loved anybody the way i love him. He is such a good guy, he treats me with respect, the way a man should. I dont know how i am goibg to be able to see him at work without breaking down. I love him so much. It takes everything in me not to break down every day, knowing in two months he will leave me and be with somebody else. Dont know what to do.

    • Rutuja says:

      Hi Neha,
      I can understand your pain dear..just keep in mind Everything happens for reason. God is with you. Just let him go.. He have cheated himself. Just live your life, there are so many frnds, who loves you, your parents, siblings etc.you are only responsible for your own happiness and yeah if u want to feel better then just call him and get married and go to hell.There are many deserving guys are waiting for you. You have to first love urself dear and forgive him. Actually i feel pity for those loosers who cheat there partners bcoz they are so confused with there own feelings. Its better u are saved on time or else it would have disaster after marriage. Infact Thanks god that u are saved. And yeah why do you want such man who cannot take stand for their girl.i knw its not easy to forget but you have to move on for yourself and for your loved ones. They cant see you in this way.

    • F says:

      Neha, your story is heartbreaking. You sound like a lovely girl, so believe me, you are his loss. He is not yours. You need to pull yourself out of this place of wishful thinking. The what if feeling is only going to make you feel worse and prevent you from moving on. It is my belief that no amount of praying is going to bring a man back to you if he is not the one for you, in the eyes of God. God will unite you with the right man, in the right time. Try to keep yourself as distracted as possible and realise that you deserve someone who has no doubts about you being the one for you. My relationship of over 8 years fell apart and I have tried really hard to focus on the fact that God knows what is best for me and my life is in the best hands. Stay strong love, and don’t try to twist fate. What is yours will always be yours.

  11. Priyanka says:

    Hi all……
    I was in relationship with my boyfriend from past 8.5 years and then he got married to someone else…… After very first day of marriage he called me and told about this…… From that day we voboth are fighting….. The girlTheir went to her home after 3 days and now after 2 months she has come to know about all this….. Now she is also fighting about all this. …… Now my boyfriend has said that he will give divorce to her n marry me….. It’s been 2 months of his marriage….. I am really confused….

    • Bee says:

      Probably its too late to answer Priyanka(its also my sisters name :-)) but i would say once a cheater always a cheater . Sorry for what you had to go through but these douchebags are not worth our time. You might feel good that he is coming back to you but if he really loved you he would not do that in the first place and what if you did the same with him ? would he accept you after your divorce? There are many fishes in the pond. You have already wasted enough of your time in this and he he dint even think twice before moving with someone else. I have gone through something like that too..we lived in for 2 years while were studying in US and after we broke up i came back to india and it dint even take him a month to get engaged. thats how insensitive assholes we loved. But trust me sister its all for good.
      God Bless you
      Take care

  12. Sd says:

    We kept our relationship a secret. It was hard.
    It wasn’t as hard when I was happily seeing him but when I was left unwanted, alone, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I met a friend. Her husband cheated on her and she was on the other side. Listening to her helped me from disturbing his marriage. I hung out with this friend until I realized that she was subconsciously placing me as the other women and herself as the victim whenever she saw me. She demanded update on my conversations and interactions with him. Even though I knew it was because she was partially concerned for my sadness and loss, she wanted to hear about the other side….the missing part from her story that she can’t get. She did say that she tried to befriend the actual ‘the other woman’ and told me that I am very different, but I can’t help feeling that she’s wanting information from me to gain insight, to control me. She does eventually tell me to do this or that and I follow her directions because I somehow indirectly feel bad towards her even though it’s not her husband that I want.

    I just wish that he felt bad for approaching me and disposing me as he pleased.

    He seems so happy all the time. I don’t see an ounce of regret or sadness from him.

    • Sd says:

      I am tired of hearing ‘it’s not time yet. ‘
      I waited eight years until this fool came along and ruined my life.
      How much longer do I need to wait?
      I am so tired of waiting.
      I do better in life when I am in a good relationship
      I know myself and that I will get over all of this once I meet someone better

      Question is how? When?

  13. Amanda Jane says:

    When i was 26 i fall head over kills in Love with a man , i am now 57 , part of me will always care about him, i just got over him a few years ago… i finally got over him , only to find myself in love again with a another man ,we’v been friends for 6 years , we know everything about one another and we share so much in common , BUT ? he married another girl about 4 years ago… He didn’t want to merry her But he did, He said” he had promised her a year ago if she would quite using drugs , & prostituting ,he would marry her, Dumb promise , as he said… well they married , come to find out she ‘lied’ ,she NEVER stopped using ! He is very unhappy , needless to say,,, He told me he loves me and thinks i am the greatest woman in the world, amazing sweet and wonderful, one in a million, and if he wasn’t messed up with his current wife , he would marry me in a heart beat ! WHAT TO DO ?

    • Amanda Jane says:


  14. Amy says:

    He acted as if he loved me, he totally made me get addicted and finally He is telling me to marry someone else. I said that guy how much I love him. He is my first love. He is all I need. I don’t know wat to do.. I feel so broken from the day he stopped speaking to me. I hate my life. I love him with all my heart. He never understands .

    • Abinaya S says:

      I know it is easy to say… but forget him…. i lost my first love recently… but until i let go of the feeling i cannot really liberate myself from the pain…. the pain in ur heart kills u… tears are nothing but wasted over this… Dont be alone.. try and find the new you without him…. Every addiction needs a wearing off period… take it slow.. one day at a time… one hour at a time… wen u feel like crying just cry… but then make a hot cup of tea and try something new that u have never done before and practice to make sure you do it like a professional. This will give u a new aim everyday… it will keep you busy, occupied and it will also develop u. This is what i did. Mainly because i did not feel like talking to anyone… i felt like i had nothing left in my life that was me… everything in my life had him… still has to an extent… i am learning to live with that ghost… let go off that person forgive him so you don’t have to think about him… hating yourself or him… blaming yourself or anyone is only going to cause you more pain. LET GO… find the person in you whom you will love… and when you are out of all this then find another man whom you can connect and fall in love with. It will be beautiful sensible and true. All the best. I hope this really helps.

    • amanda jane says:

      Amy ? i was reading the last comment, and clearly the person has Never been IN LOVE … Believe me , you can NOT just forget the man you are in love with , honey you will always remember him, you learn to deal -with- it , so to say, the tears will stop in time, and the hurt will ease , i still remember my first love , i can smile now when i think of him :) it takes time…. just work and care for your self ,and when you lease expect it , LOVE will find you ! comforting hugs ….

  15. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to cope when the man you love marries someone else! It’s so painful, to lose someone you love.

    May you find peace and healing in your life. Look for people, resources, and books to help you see how to find the purpose of your life. Find ways to bring meaning to your life – other than this relationship. You are valuable, unique, and wonderfully made! You will find someone to share your life with – and you will heal from this disappointing breakup.


  16. Dee says:

    I started seeing a guy when my son was 4months old, he happens to be the 1st cousin of my sisters then boyfriend (now husband) we had known each other 5 years prior to us seeing each other, but I never entertained an idea of a relationship with him as he is 6 years older then me. We officially got together when I was 20, he was 26 & my son was 1.. My son doesn’t know his biological father as he was abusive & cheated on me & got another girl pregnant when I was pregnant.
    Entering this new relationship was like a breath of fresh air, he was completely different from my ex, our relationship was so strong because before anything else he was my best friend. We broke up after a year together. 5 months later we got back together. The next 17months were up & down.. He changed, he had the capacity to be a great boyfriend, then when we would get into a huge argument he would leave.. End of last year he convinced me things would be different.. I came into this year insecure because I felt like I was walking on egg shells because he was able to make me feel I was the cause of any issues 9/10. If I would say I wanted to leave he would call me a coward & that I should stay & sort things out instead of leaving the relationship. Beginning of this month we had a big blow up a couple days before my sisters wedding. I was maid of honour & he was a groomsmen, we saw each other but we didn’t speak. The day after we spoke & decided we were gonna make this work, start over & put past issues to bed. That same day I then heard he was seeing his ex fiancé, I asked him & he denied, the next day I asked again as I has heard more stuff, he denied that also, but got angry with me & told me I was “drama” & wanted nothing to do with me. I spoke to him a week&half after that.. He denied her again, but said he thought it was best if we drew a line under our relationship. I didn’t want to, but I had to respect his feelings. Only to hear this week that he proposed to his ex fiancé. This is the same fiancé that made him have trust issues with me over as she slept with his uncle & got pregnant for him & had an abortion. I was always willing to over compensate because I understood what it was like to not trust someone.
    So how did he go back to her & marry her after all I did?? How is it possible? How is it only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he loved me & wanted to marry me etc? He hasn’t even called/msgd me to explain, apologise or nothing. I feel so betrayed, broken, disgusted. I haven’t stopped crying. My son keeps asking for him, I feel so guilty. I don’t even want him back, I just feel like how am I supposed to move on!

  17. Linda says:

    It was 30 long years since I made a huge mistake and chose another man over my ex. The other guy turned out to be abusive, heartless, domineering etc. My ex was a kind and gentle man. How could I have been so blind? At the time my parents didn’t welcome my ex because of him being biracial. My mother told me not to take a ring from him. Like a fool, I listened to her. She told me they would not pay for my wedding. I lost any respect I had for either of them right there and then. Two weeks after my mothers comment I was presented with a beautiful diamond ring and a promise to be loved for ever. I turned him down. To this day I have regretted my decision. I am in a good relationship now and not with Mr. Abusive. I went to visit the man I tossed into the fray’s mom. I loved her dearly. We got along wonderfully. She told me he had gotten married. She showed me pictures of his wedding. I almost threw up from being so heart sick. The man I loved now was someone else’s. It turned out his new bride was pregnant with his child. That’s why he married her. We tried to have a baby but I couldn’t conceive. She had my man and now about to have his child. God… What have I done. I sunk into a deep depression that lasted for months until I knew I had to move on and let him go from my mind. 30 years later I was cruising in Facebook and low and behold there he was. I would know his face anywhere. My heart skipped a beat… Well several…. I sent him a message and told him of my mothers passing. He responded. I almost fainted. He gave me his cell number and I contacted him. We made arrangements to meet up for coffee and chat about old times. I met up with him. I was so nervous I could hardly breath. One look into his gorgeous brown eyes and that was it. He hugged me and it felt so good to be in his arms again. We talked about old times, his mom who has recently passed
    on. He kissed me and sparks flew. It was like a lightning bolt of passion all over again. But he is married….!! To someone else.. He told me his marriage was miserable. He has two grown kids and is now a grandfather. I made arrangement to visit a friend and ended up spending the night with him in a hotel. I loved every minute of his touch, kisses and warmth. But come morning he left to join his family. I watched him drive away and felt cheap for what had happened. He’s not mine, but hers. I found a picture of him and his family. I was outraged when I saw his wife. She wasn’t pretty. He had the chance to come after me when I chose another man over him, but he didn’t. I wished he would have. He told me he never stopped loving me and told me he stayed with his wife for the kids. Bad choice… I have met up with him about 5 times now. No sleeping together just to talk. He told me he wants to eventually marry me. I want to believe his intensions are hoberable but I know he is another’s man. I want to end this before it becomes a full blown affair. I love his company but it’s not healthy for either of us. To much time has passed and we are different people now. I never had children. I’m glad in a way I did this because now I know. I have taken a few more glances at his family picture before I deleted it for good. I sent him a very nasty text telling him of how he could’t come after me, but could make a baby with her… Oh well…. My heart will mend, I hope…
    This is for all the gals who made a bad choice and lived to regret it…
    Love to all…….

    • Jennifer says:

      Linda, I have the same exact story as you. What a small world. I’m also currently experiencing that pain especially while looking at pictures of his wife.

  18. tim says:

    I still find myself having an affair with my ex after he left me to marry someother person.We never made love while dating.

  19. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Vicky,

    I know it seems like your world is falling apart because your boyfriend is marrying someone else. It is terrible, heartbreaking, so painfully sad. It is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You are in shock, and you’re grieving the loss of the man you love. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    But you have to accept reality. You can’t change his mind — and why do you want to? He wants to leave you and marry another woman. It’s wrong and sad, I hate that it’s happening to you, but you have to face the facts. You are stronger than this, better than this, and healthier than this! You WILL rise above this, you WILL heal, and you will find yourself in this mess of emotions and grief.

    My prayer for you – and for all women who are coping when the man they love is marrying another woman – is for strength and courage. May you dig deep into the bottom of your soul and find a resilience and hope you never thought possible. May you pull yourself together for your child’s sake, and for your own sake. You are a survivor – and you need to let this man go. Let him go. Take a deep breath, and accept that he is not meant for you. Know that there is a reason for this, even if you never learn why you’re not in this relationship.

    I pray for healing of your heart and soul. I pray that you find supportive friends, and that you don’t let this breakup ruin your life….or your child’s.


  20. Vicky says:

    I have the same problem as Rosie. Me and him we been together for over 5 years we have beautiful baby girll together which she looks just like him. We been livjng together since her birth, and yesterday he told me he will marry someone else and leave us. I cant cope with him leave in trying to do everything I can for him to stay. I cant live with tahr fact that hes gonna marry somebody else that he dont even know. Ill die if he marries her. I cant even think how hes gonna be with her, when they got married and they start living together and sleeping in the same bed, doing things that we use to do, that hes going to come home from work like he use to come to me. I cant live with thag i wont be able to hold him and say i love you or kiss him. It kills me inside, I been crying since yesterday Im really depressed my baby dosnt know whats going on with me. I have to stop him somehome please someone help me. I cant lose him I love him so much please :'(

    • Linda says:

      Honey, let him go. You will be better off without him. There is another wonderful man out there for you and your beautiful baby. If he can do this now, what would he do in the future? The man I loved married another woman also. You will get through this… I’m still trying…
      Dry your eyes my dear, take an aspirin for the head ache you are sure to have. Pack up his stuff, give it to him and embrace your new life..
      Love to you and your baby…

  21. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Rosie,

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to accept that the man you love is marrying another woman. Acceptance and surrender to his marriage will bring you peace. Peace will bring you joy, and joy will make you strong and happy!

    I also pray that you find the strength that I know is within you to let go of this man. May you hold on to your self-respect and dignity, and not engage in a relationship with him after he marries the other woman. May you respect his marriage, his wife, and his family. May you be courageous enough to let him go, strong enough to act in honorable ways, and smart enough to know that if you continue seeing him after he’s married, you will hate yourself.

    May you find healing. May you grieve the end of this relationship, and may you begin the process of letting go, healing, and moving on with your life. I pray that you find the help and resources you need in people, books, websites, and even support groups. You ARE strong enough to rise above this breakup and move forward in your life. You WILL find another man to love, if you accept that this man is marrying another woman and there is no room in his life for you. I pray for acceptance and healing.


  22. Rosie says:

    Is there any hope he will change he’s mind

  23. Rosie says:

    My boyfriend of three and half years is entering into an arranged marriage he’s family have organized and although he told me from the start that this was going to happen one day l went ahead and we both fell deeply inlove .Its been one week since he told me about the girl they have found he has also shown me a pic of her ,lm devasastated all l do is cry l can’t function and although this site is telling me to let go l can’t .He has promised me that we will still be together after his marriage .I have agreed but will he still love me like before when at night he’s in bed with her,will he think of me when she’s doing things for him that l did for him before will he compare his wife with me .Hes indian and so is she l know that he has done this for his family and religion and to not bring shame in marrying outside culture and not pick the girl of his choise he just agreed .There is an age difference between us of 18 years but l don’t care lm older it’s never bothered him even still.Can someone please tell me how to go after he marries and won’t be next to me and will he be thinking of me on his wedding night .Loving me so much and lying next to someone he hardly knows help .

    • sharmistha das says:

      Hi sweetheart. I belong from india. I can heart your pain. Been in this phase in my life. Loved a guy. Though still loves him. He himself dragged me in relationship. Made me fall in love with him . And left me. He also promised he would keep contact. He won’t be able to forget me. But you know what. Just after his marriage he forgot everything. He wiped me off. Please stop expecting anything. May God bless you.

    • Sabina1985 says:

      Just reading what you have written has bought tears to me eyes…its hasnt been long since my Boyfriend for 2.5 years has just done that to me,
      We’ve known each other since we were 12 years of age and have both gone through so much in life.. We moved away from each other for 7 years, while I was abroad studying and the both of us have been in some long time relationships too with other peo-ple..My first relationship lasted 6 years with another guy – my first love you can say. During which we even got engaged and stayed engaged for 2 years.Eventually, things didnt work out for us, we both realised we wanted different things in our lives..so we parted ways.At the time, it felt like the end of the world for me.Only to later learn that it was what Life was all about.Now this friend of mine (who later became my boyfriend) was there for me through thick and thin, he helped me out of the misery i was going through and at the time we never would have imagined we’ would one day be a couple.
      Everytime I came home for the holidays, we just got closer and closer, our bond became stronger (still as a friend) and We always knew we had each other no matter which part of the world we were in. We both always had each other.
      During the last 6 months before returning from abroad, It just hit me one day – that I was In love with him. I was so sure about it. I knew he was the one for me.After all thats happend in our lives – he had to be the one for me.After returning back,I got a job in the same company as him…I was so excited because..all signs were directing me to just one thing…being closer to him!
      Finally the day came when he asked me out…I remember later we were in the cab going home and I just couldnt stop smiling.I was ecstatic!!!I couldnt believe what had just happened and I could see he felt the same way too.I felt God was doing all this for a real good and strong reason!- We were meant to be.
      Things just got better after that..we travelled and experienced soo many things together as a couple and in my mind and soul he was already my Husband.
      We both came from different religions but similar cultures.And there was always this fear that our parents would never allow us to be together. But then the irony was that, his brother had married a girl from another religion, which bought his family alot of shame and they lost their reputation in the soceity, while the same thing happend in my family, My sister married the love of her life who was also from a different religion and my parents had initially disowned her. Now both couples are fine, even though the parents still talk about it, they have finally come to terms with their kids and their other halves.
      After all these coincidences….I knew for sure that these were all signs from GOD!I had such a strong Faith in this relationship and tried to stay as strong as I could.I tried to be his pillar when he went weak.
      2 weeks ago, he travelled back home to visit his parents for a cultural festivity, prior to that his mother had been pressurizing him for marriage- to which he kept saying NO – since he wasnt ready.
      He had spoken to his parents about me earlier – a couple of time and they obviously never agreed to it,- saying that how could he do this to them especially after knowing waht the first son had done.
      He was visiting only for a week- litreally just 1 week.-and for some reason I kept stopping him from going at the time telling him it didnt feel right.
      As the week progressed, he updated me on what was going on in the house with his folks and hopw the pressure was coming along-I sat and prayed day and night and so did he…Finally, on a Thursday I called him when I got to work to ask him how he was doing, I had previously spoken to him that morning and he sounded just fine anjd kept telling me how his parents were ignoring what hes been saying to them and are still going ahead with this marriage deal, since they already found and confirmed a girl for him.In the last few days he prayed so hard that he left it up to God to decide …later that evening when I woke up and called him, I could sense something wasnt right…He finally broke the news to me that He had just gotten married!….My world came crashing down…I was numb…I fell to my feet in the middle of the street and burst out screaming!…(just typing it gives my goosebumps)….
      I shouted at him,, screamed..cried…did everything I could…I hadnt slept properly all week because of the stress and that night I just lay still and numb and staired at the ceiling…..I couldnt move…couldnt function…didnt end up going to work.. and just laid in silence…
      When he returned after a few days- I could tell from his face that he had been crying too..I hit him and yelled and screamed..everything I felt at the time.We both cried…we cried together…He now tells me that He will always love me…and he that when that (his marriage) happened he was numb!- how can someone be so numb to let all that happen ?? he did this to keep his parents reputation in the society? I have so many questions in my head and I cant even start to comprehend whats happened to me!
      I dont want to listen to anybody,nor do i want to talk anf get any advise at this stage.
      He wants to be there for me and now after these 2.5 years he tells me he has realised the value of my love for him!!!! where was this realization when we were together… what has become of my life….along with losing him..I have lost my dreams and hopes…my Faith that I had held on it — all came crashing down!
      And after all this …instead of hating him I was still able to tell him how much I love him!

  24. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Thank you for being here D, and sharing how you’re coping when the man you love is marrying another woman. It sounds like you went through a rough time with it, but you’re starting to accept that he isn’t the one for you.

    I pray for strength and hope, courage and faith as you move forward in your life. May you find healing and inspiration, and love and joy in ways you never expected! I wish you peace, and a renewed connection with both your own self and with God. Amen.


  25. D says:

    I found this article to be very helpful. The guy I love is about to marry someone else in about 3 months. We are also very good friends so It is so painful to watch and I started to notice that I was starting to get crazy and stalk him with blasting him with all kinds of text messages and emails. I was driving him crazy. I realized my behavior was way out of line and stopped with the stalking text messages. I think the hurt and pain was making me do that. This article is right on and is helping me cope. I’m buying the book as well. I just need to come to grips that I was just not meant to be with him.

  26. Laurie says:

    Acceptance is the only way to cope when the man you’re in love with chooses to marry another woman. What else can you do, but trust that this was not the man for you. If he WAS the man for you, you’d be together.

  27. shan says:

    It is very sad when someone you love is in love with someone else, but there is nothing you can do.

  28. sugar says:

    My bf of 5 yrs did the same thing to me. He offered me marriage but told him to wait as i hv to consider things since he’s a muslim & i’m catholic. When i decided that i was ready to be a muslim & was going to the mosque it was then that he married someonelse from his culture, ghana africa without telling me. He threw me out of his haus so his new wife can come in. I feel betrayed & hurting so badly & he still keeps on saying that it will be us in the end…how? I am filled w/anger, jealousy, pain etc…

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