Comments on: How to Break Free From a Controlling Relationship

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:12:35 +0000

I just had my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years abruptly leave me and my two children. After living with us (he moves himself in within a month of dating) and taking LOTS of trips (California, Alaska, Caribean and Florida) he decided I didnt give him anything and he’s unhappy. His basic reason was I didn’t wear enough sexy lingerie and have enough sex (he wanted it every night no matter what was going on). From the second month of the relationship he’s talked about marriage and two weeks before Christmas gave me a $1500 pair of earrings. I wanted to leave him early on because he was ultra clingy and had to hear I love you as much as you could say it. I couldn’t even open the fridge without feeling like a monkey was on my back. What kind of messed up relationship was that?

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 22:03:42 +0000

Dear Julia,

Thank you for sharing your experience of how controlling this man was, and how hard it is to break free from him! You’re a strong woman — a survivor — and I know your words will help other women escape addictive love.

“Addictive love” sounds romantic, but it’s not. It’s manipulative, controlling, and abusive.

If you’re in a relationship like that, I hope you find the courage and strength to leave. Remember what Julia said: it WILL get better. It just takes time, patience, and perseverance.

Blessings,
Laurie

By: julia lacey

julia lacey — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 23:24:39 +0000

I left a lovely husband for a man I thought was better than my husband, this man was controlling abusive and at times violent, but I loved him and thought that I could fix him, how wrong I was. He was and still is like a Tsunami affecting every area of my life , to others he can appear charming and a doting father to our three year old daughter, and having a child with him will affect the rest of my life as he still tries to control through her to get to me. I have two other children from my marriage , my daughter was six when he came into her life, and was constantly jealous of her, and her taking any time from him , she is now 12 and I will spend the rest of my time trying to repair her, and remind her that all men are not like this when she gets older. I am sure like others of you out there I could write a book of horror stories, chapters of my life but we have to rewrite them as tomorrow is another day. After 5years and 7 house moves we are finally living a more settled life, but he rings to speak to his 3 year old daughter and is constantly in contact I know eventually this will get better, by closing my doors etc and not giving any reason other than his daughter to speak to me. What ever you do to try and please this type of man will never be good enough, we have one life and nothing will change unless we change ourselves.I look forward to the future , and not dwell on the past , and thoughts of we could of been so good together , someone told me you cant put a square peg into a round hole it just doesnt fit, so why allow your self too keep trying, face your fear , full on today, x

By: tamika

tamika — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 14:03:27 +0000

I have been with my husband for over 9 years, and married for 6.5…this is SO hard because I KNOW he loves me more than life. The problem is that I love myself enough to call him on his crap. He would gladly do anything I ask-he would be the perfect partner but he is always checking in on me, wants to go everywhere with me…and basically does not trust me. We watched a movie on abuse the other night-and he even admitted that EVERYTHING on the list of “how to know you are being abused” was him-all except for the hitting. He would never hit me. But he says things about how he would rather kill me than have another man in my bed. The hard part-I LOVE HIM…I really do, but not the way he needs. He is clingy and needs way more affection and reassurance than I can give. It is physically draining. I am so scared! We have split up twice before this since October (now being August) so I can say that I tried…but I cannot help think that all his suspicions are because he has a guilty conscious. I finally started moving things into my moms house yesterday and my 2 kids and I are moving there this weekend. There are NO programs to help a single mother who doesnt already have a job. I cannot get help with daycare until I have a job-and I cannot get a job until I have help. I AM STUCK…but I am hoping this time I wont let my fear keep me in a marriage that isn’t healthy…

By: Geraldine

Geraldine — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 09:36:11 +0000

ive been with this guy for about seven months already. During our first month, ive noticed that he’s not that serious. i thought of giving up the relationship that early. but i dont know why icant simply let him go, so i tried to give him a chance. Honestly. i dont like him because but it seems that i have to like him… Months passed and i feel that im attached to him, i dont like the way he is..it seems that he just want things from me. and then we broke up, i was so shocked by the incident. i was depressed. i was surprised actually. i admit did i love him that much, it was my first time to experience that kind of thing. i never had a boyfriend all my life.
after how many days, ive accepted that the realtionship is over. but then he kept on texting me.and make chat me on facebook. i was so confused why would he do it,.and then after 15 days. we back in each others arms i found out that he has a lot flirtations doing with the other girs.,he even courted a girl when he’s in a relationship. during our first break up.he said he was a sex addict. and then when we back togethr i asked him if its true, he said it was a lie. he kept on denying it. i resigned from my work,and we do not engage in sex. Now, he has nothing to get from me. he wanted to dumped me.i ve been informed that he just want my work. now i dont have it, he doent want me. my problem was, after all things, im afraid to let him go.. i love him but i think its wrong…and i had been informed too, that he doesnt want to do the break up with me..we both dont want to end it, is it love addiction??? or love?

i needed help, i think..

with best regsrds…

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:39:39 +0000

Dear Ashley,

I am so sorry you’re in a relationship with this man. He is controlling and manipulative — and it isn’t what love is all about.

Yes, you CAN walk away. You need to find a source of power and strength before it’s too late.

Start spending as much time as you can with your friends and family, without him. Give yourself a chance to be away from him, to breathe on your own.

You deserve better — you don’t need to change. You need to find ways to get strong and encouraged, so you can take your life back.

Come back anytime, and let me know how you’re doing.

BLessings,
Laurie

By: ashley

ashley — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 22:37:37 +0000

i been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a half evrything was fine but recently he has an anger problem and gets a little carried away, he blames me for evrything! i have no say in anything he accuses me of cheating and jumping the fence and screwing the neighbor he calls me innapropiate names and sometimes in public he trys to control the way i walk im petite and i have big curves and booty i mean if he sees that my hips are moving to much he would say your trying to hard turn off! your a slut and even the way he treats i cant walk away hes my first and its hard because im the kind of person that would take the hurt but kill myself inside

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:04:24 +0000

Thanks for sharing about your controlling relationship here, Superstarr42. You inspired me to write this article, and I hope it helps you:

Why Do Women Stay in Loveless Marriages and Bad Relationships?

I think you need to surround yourself with women – or at least one woman! – who has left her controlling relationship or bad marriage. You need support — and to find a way to stop feeling ashamed or caring what people think.

I guess this is the bottom line: is this how you want to live the rest of your life?

By: Superstarr42

Superstarr42 — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 17:48:45 +0000

after 21 years of marriage I discovered that I was in a controlling relationship. I never liked the word controlling nor did not ever think that was what i was being put under but indeed I was. Once it was discovered I strongly rebelled. it only made the relationship get worst in this following 2 1/2 yrs. I say I want to make it work but I’m regularly told by the controller that I’m doing nothing and that he has earned my heart therefore I should give it to him. I’m still in the middle and don’t know what i should do. Want to leave but the thought of that is too terrifying. I would be all alone and what would ppl say? I feel I’m dying a VERY SLOW death!!!

By: Am I in an Addictive Relationship? 7 Signs of Love Addiction

Am I in an Addictive Relationship? 7 Signs of Love Addiction — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 16:38:44 +0000

[...] Are you ready to break free from love addiction? Read Controlling Relationships and Addictive Love – How to Walk Away. [...]