How to Break Free From a Controlling Relationship
How Do You Break the Chains of Addictive Love?
Yes, you CAN break free from a controlling relationship – even if you feel addicted to love. Controlling love seems to grip and hold you tight; it’s not good for your mind, body, or soul!
Addictive love doesn’t make you feel happy or good about yourself…and these eight tips will help you break free from a controlling relationship.
Before the tips, a quip:
“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.” ~ unknown.
Finding the strength and courage to walk away is tough — especially if you have a history of falling in love with addictive or controlling people! If you’re confused about whether your love is true or an unhealthy addiction, read Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
And, here are eight ways to walk away from a controlling relationship…
How to Break Free From a Controlling Relationship
If you’re not sure what controlling love is, read 7 Signs of Addictive Relationships.
Make a list of reasons for breaking free
If you’re thinking about breaking up with someone you love — or someone you’ve been with for years — you may be tempted to obsess about the best parts of your relationship. Or, you keep thinking the relationship or your partner will change and things will get better. You may magnifiy your partner’s strengths — and forget about his or her controlling behavior. Instead of obsessing about your ex, make a list of the reasons your life will be better if you walk away. Keep this list with you, and read it every time you you feel lonely, scared, or sad.
Figure out what keeps you addicted or controlled
Why are you in this relationship? It’s not just about your partner…there’s something in you that is drawn to addictive love or controlling relationships. Reading books like Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love can help you figure it out. Talk to a counselor — even just one session can help you figure out what’s going on in your love life!
Fortify yourself with a strong support system
Ask your friend, sister, or someone you trust to be your “go to” person. Then, when you feel yourself falling back into your old relationship patterns, call your “go to person” instead. She will help you remember why you need to walk away from this controlling relationship and how happy and healthy you will be! You just need to find ways to get through the hardest first stage of breaking up.
Learn different ways to find support – music, art, dance
People are an important part of a strong support system — but there are different ways to heal from heartache! For instance, listening to the best songs for broken hearts can be an important part of leaving a controlling relationship. Taking art classes and expressing yourself creatively can help — you don’t have to be an artist to be creative! Learning how to dance for exercise or self-expression (dance therapy) can help you heal from addictive love.
Do something different — make a change in your life!
Take a scuba diving class, go on a singles cruise, or join a hiking club in your city. Do something unexpected, something you’ve always wanted to do but were too busy or scared to try. Find ways to meet new people and expand your horizons — it will increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. And, the better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to walk away from a controlling relationship.
Cleanse your life: out with the old, in with the new
To move on after your relationship ends, you need to cleanse your life. This means putting, throwing, or giving away everything that your ex gave you or left behind. Deal with everything that you accumulated as a couple, or that reminds you of your ex. This tip serves a double purpose: you’ll declutter you home at the same time! 
Take a vacation from your daily life
You may not be able to afford a trip to Maui or Belize, but you might be able to take a day trip to a nearby city or town. Getting out of your every day surroundings is a great way to walk away from controlling relationships and addictive love because it pulls you out of your normal life! A vay-cay can challenge you to take risks and reach outside your comfort zone, which will make you feel good (in the long run).
Get and stay physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy
Taking care of yourself means staying away from the carton of ice cream (a classic way to heal from breaking up with someone). Instead, stay in the “sweat zone.” Don’t give up on your fitness routine — you need to nourish your body with exercise, food, and sleep. When you’re getting over a controlling relationship, you need to stay physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong.
If you’re struggling with love addiction in marriage, read Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay – Help for Failing Marriages – it’s a best-selling book on Amazon.
And if you have any thoughts or questions about controlling relationships, please comment below…
Category: Breaking Up, Letting Go, Separation & Divorce
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Sites That Link to this Post
- Am I in an Addictive Relationship? 7 Signs of Love Addiction | July 17, 2010
I just had my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years abruptly leave me and my two children. After living with us (he moves himself in within a month of dating) and taking LOTS of trips (California, Alaska, Caribean and Florida) he decided I didnt give him anything and he’s unhappy. His basic reason was I didn’t wear enough sexy lingerie and have enough sex (he wanted it every night no matter what was going on). From the second month of the relationship he’s talked about marriage and two weeks before Christmas gave me a $1500 pair of earrings. I wanted to leave him early on because he was ultra clingy and had to hear I love you as much as you could say it. I couldn’t even open the fridge without feeling like a monkey was on my back. What kind of messed up relationship was that?
Dear Julia,
Thank you for sharing your experience of how controlling this man was, and how hard it is to break free from him! You’re a strong woman — a survivor — and I know your words will help other women escape addictive love.
“Addictive love” sounds romantic, but it’s not. It’s manipulative, controlling, and abusive.
If you’re in a relationship like that, I hope you find the courage and strength to leave. Remember what Julia said: it WILL get better. It just takes time, patience, and perseverance.
Blessings,
Laurie
I left a lovely husband for a man I thought was better than my husband, this man was controlling abusive and at times violent, but I loved him and thought that I could fix him, how wrong I was. He was and still is like a Tsunami affecting every area of my life , to others he can appear charming and a doting father to our three year old daughter, and having a child with him will affect the rest of my life as he still tries to control through her to get to me. I have two other children from my marriage , my daughter was six when he came into her life, and was constantly jealous of her, and her taking any time from him , she is now 12 and I will spend the rest of my time trying to repair her, and remind her that all men are not like this when she gets older. I am sure like others of you out there I could write a book of horror stories, chapters of my life but we have to rewrite them as tomorrow is another day. After 5years and 7 house moves we are finally living a more settled life, but he rings to speak to his 3 year old daughter and is constantly in contact I know eventually this will get better, by closing my doors etc and not giving any reason other than his daughter to speak to me. What ever you do to try and please this type of man will never be good enough, we have one life and nothing will change unless we change ourselves.I look forward to the future , and not dwell on the past , and thoughts of we could of been so good together , someone told me you cant put a square peg into a round hole it just doesnt fit, so why allow your self too keep trying, face your fear , full on today, x
I have been with my husband for over 9 years, and married for 6.5…this is SO hard because I KNOW he loves me more than life. The problem is that I love myself enough to call him on his crap. He would gladly do anything I ask-he would be the perfect partner but he is always checking in on me, wants to go everywhere with me…and basically does not trust me. We watched a movie on abuse the other night-and he even admitted that EVERYTHING on the list of “how to know you are being abused” was him-all except for the hitting. He would never hit me. But he says things about how he would rather kill me than have another man in my bed. The hard part-I LOVE HIM…I really do, but not the way he needs. He is clingy and needs way more affection and reassurance than I can give. It is physically draining. I am so scared! We have split up twice before this since October (now being August) so I can say that I tried…but I cannot help think that all his suspicions are because he has a guilty conscious. I finally started moving things into my moms house yesterday and my 2 kids and I are moving there this weekend. There are NO programs to help a single mother who doesnt already have a job. I cannot get help with daycare until I have a job-and I cannot get a job until I have help. I AM STUCK…but I am hoping this time I wont let my fear keep me in a marriage that isn’t healthy…
ive been with this guy for about seven months already. During our first month, ive noticed that he’s not that serious. i thought of giving up the relationship that early. but i dont know why icant simply let him go, so i tried to give him a chance. Honestly. i dont like him because but it seems that i have to like him… Months passed and i feel that im attached to him, i dont like the way he is..it seems that he just want things from me. and then we broke up, i was so shocked by the incident. i was depressed. i was surprised actually. i admit did i love him that much, it was my first time to experience that kind of thing. i never had a boyfriend all my life.
after how many days, ive accepted that the realtionship is over. but then he kept on texting me.and make chat me on facebook. i was so confused why would he do it,.and then after 15 days. we back in each others arms i found out that he has a lot flirtations doing with the other girs.,he even courted a girl when he’s in a relationship. during our first break up.he said he was a sex addict. and then when we back togethr i asked him if its true, he said it was a lie. he kept on denying it. i resigned from my work,and we do not engage in sex. Now, he has nothing to get from me. he wanted to dumped me.i ve been informed that he just want my work. now i dont have it, he doent want me. my problem was, after all things, im afraid to let him go.. i love him but i think its wrong…and i had been informed too, that he doesnt want to do the break up with me..we both dont want to end it, is it love addiction??? or love?
i needed help, i think..
with best regsrds…
Dear Ashley,
I am so sorry you’re in a relationship with this man. He is controlling and manipulative — and it isn’t what love is all about.
Yes, you CAN walk away. You need to find a source of power and strength before it’s too late.
Start spending as much time as you can with your friends and family, without him. Give yourself a chance to be away from him, to breathe on your own.
You deserve better — you don’t need to change. You need to find ways to get strong and encouraged, so you can take your life back.
Come back anytime, and let me know how you’re doing.
BLessings,
Laurie
i been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a half evrything was fine but recently he has an anger problem and gets a little carried away, he blames me for evrything! i have no say in anything he accuses me of cheating and jumping the fence and screwing the neighbor he calls me innapropiate names and sometimes in public he trys to control the way i walk im petite and i have big curves and booty i mean if he sees that my hips are moving to much he would say your trying to hard turn off! your a slut and even the way he treats i cant walk away hes my first and its hard because im the kind of person that would take the hurt but kill myself inside
Thanks for sharing about your controlling relationship here, Superstarr42. You inspired me to write this article, and I hope it helps you:
Why Do Women Stay in Loveless Marriages and Bad Relationships?
I think you need to surround yourself with women – or at least one woman! – who has left her controlling relationship or bad marriage. You need support — and to find a way to stop feeling ashamed or caring what people think.
I guess this is the bottom line: is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
after 21 years of marriage I discovered that I was in a controlling relationship. I never liked the word controlling nor did not ever think that was what i was being put under but indeed I was. Once it was discovered I strongly rebelled. it only made the relationship get worst in this following 2 1/2 yrs. I say I want to make it work but I’m regularly told by the controller that I’m doing nothing and that he has earned my heart therefore I should give it to him. I’m still in the middle and don’t know what i should do. Want to leave but the thought of that is too terrifying. I would be all alone and what would ppl say? I feel I’m dying a VERY SLOW death!!!