Sep 082011
 
5 Things to Do Before You Fall in Love Again

Travel is the number one thing I’d do before falling in love again…

Before you fall in love again, you need to get emotionally healthy. Even if you haven’t been in love for a few years – or if your last relationship was healthy – you still need to take your emotional temperature before you fall in love again.

And that’s what these tips are all about. But first, a quip:

“It is impossible to love and be wise.” ~ Francis Bacon.

The reason you need to get healthy before you fall in love is because you aren’t thinking straight when you’re falling in love. If you’re ready to fall in love again, read Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate. Learn how to recognize the right reasons for falling in love before you meet someone special.

And, here are five tips for getting emotionally healthy before you fall in love…

5 Things to Do Before You Fall in Love Again

“When you’re on the rebound, your new relationship isn’t about itself,” writes J.M. Kearns in  Better Love Next Time: How the Relationship that Didn’t Last Can Lead You to the One that Will. “It’s about the old one.”

Falling in love too fast, making rash decisions, and tolerating behavior that you wouldn’t normally are possible signs of a rebound relationship.

To stop rebound dating and fall in love for the right reasons, you must…

Deal with your loneliness, isolation, desperation

It may be hard to admit that you’re lonely, isolated, or even desperate to fall in love again. It’s embarrassing to be lonely – I know! But if you want to fall in love again, you need to be honest with yourself.

Many of us have dated people we have nothing in common with or who we don’t even like — and who may not even like us. Many of us date out of desperation, which is a surefire way to create a rebound relationship. If your heart is still broken from a past relationship, make sure you’ve taken time to heal and process your loss. Get emotionally healthy is the first thing you should do before you fall in love again!

Make sure you’re not hiding from the past

If you’re hiding from the past – or running from it – then you’re not emotionally healthy enough to fall in love again. Rebound relationships occur when past relationships dictate what happens in current love relationships.

“We plunge into a new relationship, not because we are paying attention to the past, but to avoid listening to it,” writes Kearns in  Better Love Next Time. “We use the new relationship as a distraction.” If you’re dating or even getting married to distract yourself from the past, then you’re not ready to fall in love again.

Be clear on what went wrong in your last relationship

Try to understand why your last relationship didn’t survive. Be honest and objective, and don’t make a hasty diagnosis or decision about why your love didn’t last.

Kearns says if you don’t correctly identify the reasons your last relationship didn’t last, you’ll set yourself up for failure and heartbreak. “You misidentify the factors that made the last relationship sicken and die, and armed with that false vaccine, you set you to avoid the same infection in the future — and you walk right into it.”

Accept the role you played in your last love relationship

Most broken relationships are caused by both partners – it’s rarely just one person who is to blame. Instead of blaming your ex for causing all the relationship problems, accept the role you played. This doesn’t just help you get ready to fall in love again, it’ll make you emotionally healthy and strong.

Again, you need to be honest with yourself. To accept the role you played in your last relationship, you need to know your weaknesses and quirks!

Let go of the person you loved

This last thing you should do before falling in love again is to make sure you’re over your past relationship! Only you know if you’re over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, and only you know if you’re emotionally healthy and ready for a new relationship. Listen to your heart, and deal with whatever you need to before you pursue new love.

“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” ~ Jonathan Carroll.

If you want to speed the “falling in love” process, read Can You Make Him Fall in Love With You? 6 Ways to Enchant a Man.


Fix Your Marriage

What do you think about these things to do before you fall in love again? Comments welcome below…

I welcome your thoughts, but I can't give personal advice or feedback. It may help you to share your experience in the comments section below - writing often brings clarity and insight.

  3 Responses to “5 Things to Do Before You Fall in Love Again”

  1. I agree whole heartedly, and I also believe that one must cultivate their own life, start living an authentic life. Being in love with one’s self is the first step to being emotionally healthy, and happy. We spend a majority of time on our own, and thus we must be our own best friend. I also think that many look to a partner for happiness, and to “complete” them. I think this is where the trouble lies, one must complete themselves first, and once you truly love yourself and know your own worth and value is when love can truly enter, and the “right” type of healthy love.

  2. Thanks for your comment, George! I think the first and third tips are the most important things to do before you fall in love again. Get healthy emotionally and physically – and learn how to be happy on your own.

  3. These 5 tips are emotional gold nuggets.

    If more people were to actively put them into action they would greatly improve the chances of their next relationship being much more successful.

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