Apr 062012
 

Here are a few signs you’re emotionally, mentally, and physically ready for a new relationship. Your breakup may be days, months, or even years old, and yet you still may not be ready to commit to a new man.

“I am not ready for another relationship,” says Stacy on How to Avoid Rebound Love and Start Fresh With Someone New. “I am on my depression meds and seeking counseling. My question for you is should I tell another man what happened between my ex-husband and me? I am so scared my past will scare him away, but there is nothing I can do to what happened. I just hope that someone in this world will forgive me and not judge me and still see that they could spend the rest of life with me. I have one guy who knows everything and he still likes me. He said you learn from your lessons, but I’m not interesting in having a relationship with him.”

The way I see it, there are two questions here: how honest can you be with a new dating partner, and how do you know if you’re ready for a new relationship? To answer the first question, I wrote How Much Should You Tell Your Fiancé About Your Past?

And here are a few thoughts on the second question…

How to Know If You’re Ready for a New Relationship

If you’re still hung up on your ex, read Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Forget about trying to win your ex-boyfriend back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. This breakup is the best time to change your life for the better.

And, part of changing your life for the better is knowing if you’re ready to make a commitment to someone new…

You know you could be happy with or without a love relationship

I really believe that the healthiest relationships are made of two people who are confident enough to be alone. They love being in a relationship, yet they could live alone if they had to. They don’t depend on their partner for love, guidance, affirmation, confidence, or financial support.

If you feel like you could be happy single or happy committed to someone, then you may be ready for a new relationship. The more confident you are in who you are, the more you’ll bring to a new partner.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get a free marriage assessment and relationship advice.

If you're dealing with a breakup, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love
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You are emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy

Of course you can fall in love and have a fantastic relationship even if you’re not healthy emotionally, mentally, and physically – but dis-ease muddies the waters and complicates relationships. If you’re struggling with depression, health issues, or problems that are making your life, job, or social life difficult, then it may be better to take care of those before thinking you’re ready to start a new relationship.

You’re over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend

You never really forget the people you love, but you’re not ready to move on with someone new unless you’ve healed and moved on. If you’re obsessing about your past or your old relationship, then you need to find closure and heal before you start with someone new.

It’s really important to put your old relationships to bed before you start new ones – or you won’t be giving yourself or your new partner a chance to find love and happiness.

Know the signs you’re ready to start dating

Here are some fantastic signs that you’re ready for a new relationship, from TwOfUs.org:

  • Can you speak of the relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the breakup?  This kind of reaction may be a turn-off to potential new love interests and may indicate you are still grieving.
  • If your ex wanted to get back together, how would you respond?  If your impulse is to take him/her back, you might not be ready to open yourself up to someone new.
  • Do you find yourself continually talking about the relationship or your ex?  If conversations you have with friends and family typically leads to a story involving your ex, you may need more time to before you’re ready for a new relationship.
  • Can you respond to memories of your old relationship with a positive outlook?  Reminiscing, accepting the relationship for what it was and learning from it is often a sign you are moving on. If you get knots in your stomach whenever you see your ex, you might need more time.

“The key to dating again after a breakup is to go at your own pace,” say the authors of Am I Ready to Date Again After the Breakup?  “No one should be pressuring you into seeking out a new relationship. Take time for grieving, but then encourage yourself to let go of the hurtful breakup and move on. Once you feel you are ready, try dating for fun without needing a relationship right away.”

If you’ve already embarked on a new relationship read Is He Right for You? Signs It’s Time to Quit Dating Him.

And if you have any thoughts on whether or not you’re ready for a new relationship, please share below!

About Me

quips tips love relationshipsI'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.

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