Q: I must be sick in the head to stay with a man who cheats again and again. I’ve been with my fiance for a little over three years. We broke up once for 10 months. About 2 years ago I was in a tragic car accident and lost my 3 year old son, my mom, my dad, and my sister who was also my best friend. My boyfriend and I somehow reconnected after that and have been together ever since. He said he’d be there to help me through my pain and be there for my daughters (from a previous relationship), and for the most part he has been. But does it really count if he keeps cheating on me? He lies about every and anything possible. Four months ago I gave birth to our daughter. I didn’t think it would fix us but I thought and prayed things would get better. He says he loves me and would do anything for our family but his actions are clearly the opposite. I’m so insecure because of the accident, and I can’t walk much with my broken hip and pelvic bone and two metal plates. I want to walk away but I love him more than ever. But when I look at him, I don’t see the person I fell in love with – I see a stranger!!! He only admits to one affair but with everything I’ve found it’s clearly much more. I’m broken and lost and feel so lonely. I need help. He was supposed to help me, not make me wish I had died along with my family. I’m so confused, I still want his touch, his kisses, his arms around me.
You’re Not Sick, You Just Want to Be Loved
A: I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. That car accident sounds horrific, and you’re definitely a survivor in more ways than one! You’re a mom to a new baby, raising daughters, and trying to save your relationship.
I don’t think you’re sick for staying with a man who keeps cheating on you. I think you’re protecting yourself and your daughters from further pain and heartache. You’ve lost the people closest to you, and you want a stable, healthy relationship for you and your daughters. This is a normal, healthy response – after all you’ve been through! And you have a baby, which makes everything more challenging.
You need to find in-person support, my friend. A grief support group, counselor, or some sort of women’s group will give you the strength and courage you need. I don’t know what you should do with your life and relationship, but I do know that something needs to change. You know that too, else you wouldn’t be here.
Call a women’s help or distress line, and ask what resources are available in your area. I know it’s difficult to get around, but maybe they’ll be able to send someone to your home to help you. You need to talk about your relationship, your fears, and your reasons for staying with a man who keeps cheating on you. You’re not sick for loving him – you just have a healthy need for love.
If you know in your heart it's time to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
You may find You’re Scared to Be Alone, But Know You Need to End Your Relationship helpful. Read the comments; you’ll see you’re not the only one woman who stays with a man who keeps cheating on her!