7 Ways to Build a Better Marriage – Secrets of Happy Couples

These ways to build a better marriage are based on a reader’s question on my Tips for Surviving an Emotional Affair article. She asked for secrets of happy couples, and ways to save her marriage. If you’re in the same boat (and many of us are!), these seven ways to build a better marriage may help you reconnect with your spouse.

First, here’s marriage advice from Ann Landers:

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest. Good [arguments] are healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.”

That’s one secret of happily married couples: they know how to disagree without letting it become a problem in their marriage. And, here are more secrets…

7 Secrets of Happy Couples – Build a Better Marriage

In “Tips for Surviving an Emotional Affair”, my reader not only recognizes she’s in a bad cycle with her husband – she wants to learn how to break the cycle. This is one of the first steps to saving your marriage: recognizing the contribution of both partners to the unhealthy parts of the marriage.

Talk about your marriage (an obvious “secret” of happy couples)

This seems like an obvious way to build a better marriage, but it’s surprisingly difficult to talk about your relationship! A psychologist taught me that talking about your relationship can make it better – even if you don’t solve your problems immediately. Just talking about your marriage brings you closer together. Or, it can help you realize that you may not want to save your marriage after all…if so, you might find 7 Ways to Tell if Your Marriage is Over helpful.

Recognize when you’re pulling away emotionally and physically

I know when I’m disconnecting emotionally and physically from my husband, and I know that it doesn’t help our marriage! To have a better relationship, my advice is to recognize when you’re pulling away and do the exact opposite. So, instead of retreating to your shell, tell your partner why you’re retreating. No blame or guilt trips: just honesty.

Decide together if marriage counseling is an option

Couples therapy is an effective way of building better relationships if both partners are committed. One partner can’t save a marriage alone. This is one of my favorite bits of marriage advice: get an objective third party to help you resolve your marriage problems and save your marriage. When you’re in the thick of things, you can’t see if you or your partner is being unreasonable (usually, it’s a little of both). An objective third party — a marriage or couples counselor — can help you have a better relationship by bridging communication gaps and helping you see your marriage clearly.

Figure out what you need from your marriage

To build a better marriage, each partner needs to be clear about their hopes and expectations. For instance, the reader who asked for relationship advice may need her husband to stop sending text messages to his woman friend. He may have unmet needs; he needs to figure out how to express those needs to his wife so she can figure out if she can meet them.

Decide what you can give to your marriage

Perhaps the best way to build a better marriage — and one of my favorite relationship tips — is about what you can give to your marriage (not necessarily what you can get). A secret of happy couples is to be clear about your needs, but it’s equally or perhaps more important to figure out where you’re dropping the ball. How can you build a better marriage by improving yourself?

Learn how to argue in healthy ways

Building a better relationship with your spouse means you need to stop blaming, criticizing, or belittling your partner. Regardless of how your husband or wife treats you, you need to communicate with love and respect. For help, read 11 Tips for Fighting Fair in Marriage.

If you want to get your marriage back on track, you may find Save My Marriage Today helpful — it includes how to avoid the most common reasons for divorce.

For marriage advice from Dr Phil, read Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner.

For more ways to build a better marriage, read Secrets Husbands Keep From Their Wives, Plus Marriage Tips.

If you have any thoughts or questions on this advice about building a better marriage, please comment below…

Category: Love, Marriage