These signs of a bad relationship will help you figure out if it’s time to pack your bags.
Be honest with yourself – the sooner you face the truth, the sooner you can start over.
Before the tips, an excerpt from Winnie the Pooh:
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ~ A.A. Milne.
One of the best parts of being in a loving relationship is feeling sure of your partner without having to ask for reassurance! Secure, happy, fulfilled, and protected.
If you’re in a bad relationship with an unhealthy partner, read Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can–and Should–be Saved.
And, here are ten signs of a love relationship gone bad…
10 Signs of a Bad Relationship
I think the first sign is the worst one…
You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret
If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him, then it’s time to get out of that bad relationship. You’re not just with the wrong guy…you’re being the wrong type of woman.
Your partner wants you to change
If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are, run for the hills! This is one of the most important signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re rich or poor, big or small, or here or there. You know it’s time to get out when you can’t be yourself.
Your partner doesn’t trust you
Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your love. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.
Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others
If he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, then he’s no good for you! You’re better off to break up with him and start getting over your broken heart.
You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship
Does your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of a bad relationship, and a sign it’s time to get out.
You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals
If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same focus.
Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves you
Believe his nonverbal behavior (his actions) over his verbal behavior (talk is cheap!). Read 4 Ways to Tell If Your Husband is Lying About Cheating for help identifying verbal versus nonverbal behavior.
You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship
This love tip is based on the quip from Piglet and Winnie the Pooh above. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy. If you’re not happy, you know it’s time to get out of a bad relationship.
Your family and friends are supportive of your relationship
I don’t think we should choose our boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but I do think we should take their opinions into consideration! If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.
You’re wondering about the warning signs of a bad relationship
The most important warning sign of love gone bad is your gut feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? Would you want your sister, best friend, or daughter to be in this relationship? To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave a bad relationship, you may need to talk to a marriage counselor.
You might also be interested in reading You’re Scared to Be Alone, But Know You Need to End Your Relationship - I wrote it for a reader who knows his relationship is bad, but fears being alone.
What do you think – is it time for you to pack your bags and get out of a bad relationship? Comments welcome below.
Dear Alessandro,
I’m glad you’re leaving your relationship, because a woman who says things like that to you doesn’t deserve you! Those aren’t loving words, and the sooner you get out of that relationship, the better.
I wish you all the best, and hope you know that you deserve a woman who loves and cares for you.
Blessings,
Laurie
The last 4 or 5 comments have been from men – I didn’t write this article specifically for women. Since I’m a woman, I tend to gear my articles towards women. But I believe the tips apply to human beings in general. Can’t men and women benefit from the same article on bad relationships — and the same comments section?
Maybe it would be helpful for men and women to see each other’s perspectives by talking.
But to answer your question, Jarrod, I don’t know of any websites specifically for men and their relationships. I’m sure they exist; I’m just not aware of them.
Hi everyone, Ive just decided to leave an unhealthy relationship with a woman who made me feel bad about my past experiences,
she was not telling me the whole truth about the problems she had, and at one stage she even told me that I’d have no chance in getting another girlfriend, because I didn’t have what it takes..
When the author says “accept you as you are” does that mean “as you are” or “what you’ve let” yourself become?
I’ll go to the most extreme example. She goes from a size 2 to a size 10. Who’s being unreasonable? Her allowing herself to become obese? Or him losing attraction to someone who became obese?
Sorry – but “love me no matter how bad I let myself go” is WAY too far of a stretch.
Also, women who shut off the sex machine and expect the husband to be both HAPPY and FAITHFUL are just deluded idiots too…
Well I typed in Google “signs of a good or bad relationship and came to your site……seems like great advice but I’m a man and it appears the advise is predetermined as only for women. I need help as a man where can I find it?
Great tips. It seems like common sense to look for these signs yet people repeat these behaviors time and again. Perhaps the key is to do something different (and positive) and stick to it until it becomes the new way of doing things.
also to add… it was her sister..
hi all.. im a man with my whole life in a mess.. i did this to myself.. i have 3 kids… 9yrs now workin on rebuilting trust but seems way to far
I love the advice about being self-sufficient! It’s so important to retain some independence in your marriage, even if you are totally secure and certain it’ll last forever.
Another really important tip is to get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as possible. If you’re grounded and stable, you can cope with a bad relationship…and possibly even turn these warning signs around, and make them the basis of a better, stronger marriage or partnership!
Hi, been married 21 years, 4 kids, all boys, been a stay at home mom, two youngest are still in elementary school. I’ve felt trapped for a long time, emotionally abused, disrespected, unloved and taken advantage of. It’s been really bad living with someone who blatantly shows no love or caring. I don’t want to bore you will all the events but the last straw was a month ago sitting alone crying in my car after I had my uterus biopsied, in pain, when he promised he would be there with me. These times have been too many. I beg to be touched, when I talk to him he turns and walks away, he’s turned the tv up too. We’ve been to 2 marriage therapists but he won’t do the work. I know I want out, he knows I’m stuck, staying home all these years I have no job and no skills.no where to go. So I stay, living a silent life, my own hell. And it continues , it really hit me when i read, if I had a daughter would I want her to have my marriage, there’s no way! Unfortunately,I have no family. To my fellow sisters , pls pls pls, make yourselves self-sufficient, don’t allow someone to take care of you.
Hello. I have been in my relationship for the past 11 years. During all that time my boyfriend (and father of 3 children) has been using (all sorts of things). Early on in our relationship, he cheated on me. We broke up for a while but I ended up getting pregnant and we started to have kids and because of my background, I didn’t want my kids growing up without their father because all mine did was send money to support me. I have used over a time to, but have grown tired of it and I now have health issues so I have decided to stop completely over a year and a half ago because I got a government job and was tired of spending money on something that only lasted a short time and my kids are WAY MORE IMPORTANT (not due to my using- due to problems I have had that never got checked while growing up) Anyways, to make a very long story short, my boyfriend has no parental rights to his first child because he could not stop using and because my family (my side) is crap and has done everything to get my kids taken from me, I no longer talk to them. But my story is I am told daily how I NEED TO CHANGE, HOW MY ATTITUDE IS BAD (I have thyroid problems right now as well) and how I took him away from his best friend (which is a girl) he had made. He constantly says we are not a couple and he doesn’t trust me. But then in the same instance, with his mom knowing what was going on and still continuing to enable him, says that she will make sure that my kids are taken from me. This is not right so I have started to formulate my plan to get out WITH MY CHILDREN. They have seen too much that they don’t need to see and I have worked too hard to lose them, especially to someone I have supported staying home for the last 8 years because he could not hold down a job. I, on the other hand, have always been able to work but continued to enable him as well because during our relationship, I waited a while to get back and when he was treating me badly, I decieded that was the time (before our 3rd child was born, he cheated more then once before we had children while I lived with him and his parents). I had been working so much and he would play his video games for up to 12 hours a day. He’s not as bad now but he just recently quit using because we had to move back home due to my family going back on their word and being crap to me. So I basically have no other support. But since we have been home, I have been constantly told that I have already lost him, he’s not exclusive to me, that he wants to go out and screw some hot girl, but would involve taking MY VEHICLE I PAID FOR AND IS IN MY NAME. He does not have a license right now. But then when his mother threatened to take MY CHILDREN, that’s when I decided I have had enough. Since we had our falling out almost 5 years ago, it has been a constant battle and its not fair for my kids to have to be witness to it. I guess I am looking for advice on what else to do or how to formulate my plan without anyones knowledge. I am so tired of hurting and feeling bad and feeling like I do nothing right. He gets annoyed easily at me over small things and goes off to make calls to this girl at times or exchanges emails and texts constantly. I have been denying it for a while but I think he’s in love with her because he calls her his best friend. Am I wrong to think that I should be??? I am prepared to fight for my children because I have held a job, had a roof over their head, taken them to doctors appointments, dental, surgeries that have been needed and so on. Her son has no rights to his first born, she is ALL MINE!
Carolyn,
Thank you so much for encouraging us to get out of bad relationships and into healthy ones! I really appreciate your taking the time to comment, and I know readers will be inspired and motivated by you.
I am so glad you are in a healthy, happy relationship now
Blessings,
Laurie
This is so heartbreaking to read about all you lovely women who love their men so. I hope it works out for you. I’ve had some horrible, horrible, horrible men that I loved too much, but I’m in such a wonderful relationship now, it restores your belief that yes, it is heartbreaking to leave the present and launch into the unknown and be more selective in finding a calmer guy with a good reputation, but it’s worth it. Move on, move on. Occasional love is no good, my guy treats me right ALL the time now, he is attentive to my every word or he stays at home if I need him that bad. He used to drink and get mean and I said it’s the drink or me. Choose. Then I left for a long while and I guess he missed me.
Dear Melanie,
I’m glad you’re not alone. I’m sorry your relationship isn’t great, but hope you gain strength and courage by knowing that other women are struggling with the same relationship issues!
A relationship is only “bad” when neither partner is willing to work on it, and make changes. If both partners can see their mistakes and patterns of communicating and relating, and if they’re open to making their relationship better, then their love can be revived. It can even be better!
The problem is that working on a relationship is hard, and takes time and energy.
I don’t know if anyone who comments ever comes back to see what others post afterwards but if “KIM” comes back…your comment hit so close that i could have written it, at one point, I thought “why don’t I remember writting this?” ….I didn’t think anyone would be going through the EXACT same thing as me !!!! wow !
Dear Kim,
Toyota is funny
Don’t you wish you could pry open his brain and see what’s going on inside? It’s hard to communicate with a guy who doesn’t say what he’s feeling or thinking. And, it’s hard to live in uncertainty.
Have you tried asking him about how he feels? Maybe tell him how it makes you feel when he pushes you away, without blaming or accusing him.
***i have no clue why auto correct choose Toyota lol it’s suppose to say “toss up”
I have no clue anymore, I have some of these problems sometimes, it’s like a Toyota in my house. I just wish it wasn’t so hard. Sometimes I think I have the best of the best, he works hard, is an amazing dad, and is pretty dang sexy…lol but other time I feel like things are so hard. I am a very affectionate person by nature, the first thing I want to do each morning is love and kiss my husband, but he is either up and out of bed playing on his iPad already or he moves away from me or gets annoyed at my touches or kisses. It’s like everyday he’s a good guy, but everyday I don’t feel good enough for him to share an intamit bond with, we have sex every couple weeks and its good sex but emotionally I feel like its just happening because I ask so much. I have tried going periods where I just laid off and didn’t ask for any emotional or physical attention but it turns out if I don’t ask nothing happens. I love this man with all my heart I just feel so, empty and unsure of what’s next. I would give anything to have his love and affection again. It was great when I had it.
Dear elizabeth,
I don’t know if there is any way a relationship “should” be. Different couples live with different types of communication styles, habits, norms, etc.
The question is: “Are you happy in your relationship and life the way it is right now?”
my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 year we been through a lot ! Now its just us with 4 kids .we harley go any where when we do I notice we don’t talk , he don’t go out with friend when we go to any of my families house hes quit doesn’t say hi and if I tell him something he say he didn’t hear them , his body language tell a lot but he says just cuz I’m not smiling or saying anything I’m mad then some time he get mad cuz I ask that . He act like that with me at home too . He don’t trust me and I can’t trust him . I want to go back to school cause I’m tired of living week by week and no support there I don’t go out I have no friends . I barley see my family when I do I get home and he has that awkward face again , I need a break and he always say why. Is this how it should be ?
Dear SMTG,
If you let money keep you in a bad relationship, then you’ll never leave.
It’ll be difficult to support yourself if you leave your husband…and life is difficult with him!
Which difficulty would you rather live with for the rest of your life?
I am with my husband for 6 years and married for 4. We have just had another row – a constant in our relationship. I constantly feel sad, low and unloved. Sex happens about three times a year, since we stopped trying for a baby (which I now realize is good for any potential child we would have had!) and I am constantly watching what I say. When I let my guard down I say something and he attacks. I am constantly anxious and angry with him. Most of the time I think I hate him, but if he is nice to me at all, the love I initially felt returns. I should have seen the signs – he has no friends at all (and thinks that is normal), only one previous girlfriend before me (and he was in his mid 30s when I met him), weird relationship with his family, secretive. When we were about 6 months together we went on our first holiday and he attacked me (verbally) for interupting him when we were talking to someone and this has been a constant. He says he cannot trust me, that he cannot talk to me as I argue with him, that I have issues (who hasn’t?) but will not accept that he might be part of the problem – it is all down to me. About 6 months ago he told me he never wanted to marry me although he got down on one knee to ask me! It is since then that I realised that I had made a huge mistake. I waited until my 40s to marry and now here I am.
However, we are in a predicament – we owe a fortune and own three properties in negative equity. I am working part-time for myself and we really struggle. I think I want to seperate but I can’t survive without his income – I don’t know what to do, and would appreciate some advice. The only positive is that there are no children involved.
every last one of these signs r my relationship.
this is for anyone that is in a bad relationship or doesnt feel right about it well heres how my relationship is going k well today he didnt talk to me like he thinks its fine because i never told him how i felt and i just dont know how to solve this like he just wont make a move and if you agree that all men sholud make the maove and not the women please post your thoughts and that isint all we have been dating for 17 monts and he hasaent told me ge loves me or anthing i feel lke we are just friends and not even a couple anymore
for all the under age on this site,under age twenty 21,7 days is not a relationship,children haveing an raising children is to young to even know about life or love,children raising children an trying to have an adult relationship with another child,these relationships rarley work out because you are to young.life experience helps you to mature,this means before you have children learn to care for your self first,pay your own rent,buy your own car,pay your electric,water,insurance,find a job that has medical insurance for your self an pay your medical bills,once you know how to care for your self then you can begin to care for another,this is difficult an i know people in their 50′s who haven’t learned how to do this on there their own an because they don’t know how to care for them selves they had children an those children are unable to do for them selves. create live that isn’t a drain on society.
I tick at least half of those boxes. My problem is not that I am scared of being alone… I am scared of being without someone I love very deeply. I love him so much but I don’t believe this is a healthy, happy relationship. What should I do?
Good relationships are difficult to achieve and require some skill and effort. Times have changed, and people often tend to test run sexual and personal compatibility before offering commitment. The emphasis on sexual intimacy tends to blur the picture and create confusion. once sex enters then logic tends to depart and it can take a while to realise whether the two of you are suited. Likewise, the rules of dating and relationships have changed to the point where young men hit on older women as a source of income and sexual release. By middle age many people are reluctant to risk being hurt again after a failed marriage and the chances of finding a suitable partner without collateral damage diminishes. Be clear about who you are and what you want and try to find someone who matches your wish list instead of trying to change someone into someone they are not. Work on yourself first… and this may increase your chance of having a healthy adult relationship.
I have been in a relationship w my boyfriend for 9 months he has been a great father to my 8 year old son and the best man I have ever had really. I am 27 and he is 23 says he wants a family all the same values but always felt he was too young to feel that way! He wants to spend every second w me does not go out or go anywhere fot that matter by hiself other than to wotk! I recently found the dating site we met on log n to my phone it popped up a couple times and decided to put a password I knew he wuld use sure thing got in. the whole 9 months was conversations how he moved to fl w me from al lookin to meet friends he lives w his girl but u know how relationships r blah blah. I was so hurt and baffled cus this whole relationship he has accused me and ive put 1000 % and whole time it was him. He denys it says it was his brother using his page but its a lie u sign in from my internet so no way that would be locked in the username? Im no dummy every other man has done the same I was w my sons father for 8 yrs he did the same and had a child w another woman. Im so hurt cus I thought this was the one I truly found. How u could b so caring loveable nothing ive never had and be devious just like the rest. Im a great woman cook clean rub his feet back have a great sex take care of any need he wouldnt have to look for in the street. I just dont understand where things went wrong w now or past! Is it me? Or all men jus cheat get bored? I asked him to just be real make me feel better was it pire entertainment? I jus dont really feel in my heart he acted out on this but I do believe it was him on the messages talkin
If your husband goes behind your back and takes a woman 400 to her work without asking the wife her letting her know. years later says it is because she got a divorce, yes, she had a job. Also he stuck hundreds of dollars down the jeans pocket of female worker. ask for same waitress gave her 100 at one time, just he and a kid was eatting, vey little, he gave her large tips after that too. He says it was helping them out. one he gave 40o, one about 1200, other no telling but think several hundred. What do you think, was he just helping. Forgot to mention the 400 woman he went to church with and called her couple of times after church, to talk bout a grandchild of his and the woman doesn’t even know the parents.he doesn’t give her the money at church, he goes by her work to give it. please give me your opinion as to whys,
Wow! Let’s get this straight. First off if you’re 16 and you cheated on your boyfriend numerous times then you really should just slit your wrists. Remember up and down not side to side. If you weren’t so busy giving mouth parties to Johnny, Joe, and Jimmy maybe you would of had more time to concentrate on your spelling.
Conversely to those of you who say, “My husband / boyfriend is always bothering me for sex and he is always in a foul mood, well duh!. You make it out to be such an ordeal. How about just giving him head or handjob for 5 minutes. If it takes longer than that then you’re doing it wrong. Don’t acted suprised if he disinterested in you. If your beloved dog died and won’t play fetch or stinks of death, then you’re not going to keep feeding or petting it.
If you’re with a man that is married or has a drug problem, well you are a loser as well. So quit trying to find sympathy for the issue when the underlying factor is you’re selfish reasons to get involved with an obviously emotionally crippled person just so that you can control them.
Dear Bea,
I don’t think couples counseling will help you help your depressed boyfriend! Couples counseling is helpful in bad relationships, but if your boyfriend has emotional health issues, then couples counseling isn’t what he needs.
Your boyfriend needs professional help right away, especially if he’s talking about ending his life! You need to call a depression or suicide hotline, and find out what you can do.
Here are two articles that may help:
How to Help a Boyfriend Who Cuts and Self-Harms
Is Your Boyfriend Depressed? How to Act and What to Say
The second article has several comments from girlfriends in your situation, which may help you.
In your case, the issue isn’t a bad relationship…your boyfriend has emotional health issues that are affecting your relationship and his life. He needs to find the strength to deal with his health.
I wish you all the best.
Laurie
Im in a relationship with a guy who is extremely depressed. I didnt know this until a few days ago when we were arguing and he said he constantly thinks about ending his life. I thought it was a bad relationship since he sometimes abuses substances and he knows I am absolutely against it. Ive thought about leaving him, mostly when he smokes, but I recently found out about all the things that worry him, that are weighing on him and I cant just leave. I know he needs help, and I know there’s only so much I can do, but I love him and care about him, and would love to encourage him on going to see someone. Maybe couples therapy? I dont know.
My man & I have been together for 18mths (we’re both mid 50′s). We live together in my house, he pays rent to me, mows the lawns & contributes to the food when home, I pay all the other costs. He is FIFO mine worker and I’m self employed. After 18mths, I would expect a bit more committment from him but he is still technically married, has made no moves to divorce her apart from one email request in March. A lawyer client advised me to give him a rent receipt to protect my property. My partner has several properties of his own, jointly owned with ex-wife, shared Super fund with her, bank accounts etc. Whilst he says he doesn’t want to go back to her, why doesn’t he divorce her. I advised him that whilst he has now set up a new Super fund in his name only, through the eyes of the law, that is still partly hers too. He denies this. Should I give him a time frame to start the divorce proceedings so we can then start making our plans for growing our relationship? He says he loves me but there’s not a lot of action!
I’m in a relationship that was not bad at first until we moved in together. Once we moved in he began not trusting me, monitoring my where abouts, and wanted me to leave all my friends alone… My family loves him but they aren’t aware of his actions. I can leave I have before but because I’m stuck on how he once was I come back. He does everything for me. He helps me financially and with my car troubles. But makes me feel crappy afterwards.
My bf has never said he loves me. He outright denies that there is anything to be concerned about but I have read his messages to other girls and he claims we split up even though he denies everything.
Now that I am questioning his intentions he tries to pull me closer but I am just about ready to say farewell.
He noticed my feelings before I was ready to admit to them, I would smile and kiss him. Thinking to myself I know you are right just go with it.
I want to believe he is only withdrawing as a man thing. I will wait for some alone time with him let him know what I expect out of our relationship and see what he is willing to do to save it or call it over.
i wonder that if i am on this website definitely,its coz i smell smthng bad in my relationship..every men,when they strive to find success in their affair,do anything for their girl..but once the girl starts lovig him back,things start turning upside down..i am an 18 year old..n he lved me for 5 years seriously..i acccepted him this january..n i feel i had the best of time..but nw,thngs are not the same..nw i am begging to him..to lv me back..girls are sensitive creatures,once they get love,they do anything for their loved ones..please dear sisters,never fall in flowery promises…
This is for venessa the girl who is 18 with a 2 year old Hi venessa I am in your shoes I had my kids at 16 and 18 years old I’m no 26 and still with their dad If I can say one thing to you it’s get out I wish I could my partner and I fight all the time he has hit me to ment times treated me like shit and still I’m with him I can’t do anything or go anywhere I’m sorry I stayed with him this long I’m still trying to get out don’t be a fool like I am and get out why u still can I gave up everything for him friends my life everything I don’t fell 26 I feel 56 life is to short I have just left him a few days ago and I don’t even think he cares well hun good luck in what ever u dicide to do I hope iv helped you with my story
I dont know what to do I’m wth this boy called Ryan and I don’t feel like where close we met at cadets coz ma dad is making go and we neva really talk at cadets and we’ve been together for like 1week and all we have done is kiss once and hug once and I think I really like him Crnt stop thinking of him and its wierd the last 3 night I’ve
hade 4 dreams about him 1 on monday night about us kissing Tuesday night about him splitting up wth me then 2 on Wednesday night what does it meen and what should I do should I tell him I wanna b closer or just wait a thew weekday and if we still Arnt close dump him I really dnt know coz we haven’t even like cuddled or out
I dont no if i am in a bad relationship my partner always say ur a bad mom and when i dont want to have sex he goes in a mood with me then calls me all names under the sun i been with my partner for 10 year since i was 15 i am 25 now and i just dont want him to leave i love him in a way but not luv him luv him i dont no what to do i dont want to finish with him because he has no where to live and feel sorry for him but my heart hurts so much when he says all the thing he wants to say exspecially about sex. He says he loves me all the time but i dont feel like he does he just want me to make his drink and food and give him sex when he wants and that like everyday and i think like i have to give him or gonna be in a mood with me i tellin all this but i no its a bad relationship but dont know how to say leave me we are over thanks for reading this and any advice will be great
I understand how majority of these women feel. I’m 16, me and my boyfriend have been together since i was 13. I’ve cheated on him a lot! He has took me back a lot! I feel like i can’t live without him, i’m not sure what to do. Any more he has been a jack a** (donkey) and we’ve fought over one little thing i said last night that was no big deal, i’m sure every woman has done this for there man.. I’m talking about pleasing them when we don’t really feel up to it. He made that such a huge deal. Everyone has told me he will be a lowlife, and he has long hair and has to cut it to stay with me. Our hair stylist said that he will never cut his hair because he is a mommies boy, and she loves his curls. He got soo pissed off at me and started cursing at me. I told him if he cant be a donkey then dont bother texting me, goodbye. that was at 6 pm today, it is 8:30 no text, i talked to my ex’s sister and she told me to let him text me first, and that i deserve better than him.. if anyone has any advice i’d love to hear it!
hey I’m 18 year old and I have a 2 year old I being with my partner for 4 year now he like couple year older then me ….but thing is we always aruging and I’m just so tried of it we really don’t under stand each other no more …..there some time that I feel ever I do is just my fault and that making me feel really depressing I have to much in me that just don’t know if should just live him or stay with him ……but I that come come in my mind I feel scared idk why….please can some one help me plz……
I am having a hard time telling if I’m in a bad relationship. Yes, we argue but we don’t break up. We just stick it out.
But when we are happy, it’s the best thing. It’s just that when it’s bad, it’s horrible. I don’t know what to do! We have a daughter who is eight months and I don’t feel like starting over. But man, sometimes I feel like leaving and just leaving all my stuff there & taking my daughter just because I can’t stand it sometimes.
This article focuses too much on the majority. I find this way too easy to read, too simplistic and is objective rather than subjective. It does not give the individual enough information to allow them to devlop or work on issues within a relationship. Sometimes some of these alleged top 10 in my opinion nonsenses are due to deeper issues within one or both parties in the relationship. I believe love exists within those willing to work and develop a relationship and formulate strategies to work on both partie’s mentalities. Alternatively, you could leave your relationship under the above advise and it could be the right decision or it could just be that you have given up on a rlationship that needed time, effort, understanding and most of all the devlopment of a communication system that both parties understand. Most humans are reasonable and can learn to live and love another if they have the enthusiasm and drive to be with that other person. If a person expects to get to know there partner and develop a relationship sheerly by existing next to them, then you literally get what you paid for, currency=energy.
I am currently writing an advice book. It is open minded and gives you the individual a chance to work out WITH your partner what it is you both want and how to communicate that without either one of you getting frustrated or misunderstanding. We are all individuals, for every individual there is an individual communication system. To overcome this we must develop a communal and new system between two individuals, sucess of this massive energy consuming task will I believe result in harmonious existence, at least by comparison to prior experiences.
Thanks
Dear Jess, if you and your boyfriend don’t do things in person together, then yes you should be worried about your relationship! Why have a boyfriend if you never see each other?
Dear Meeka, I wrote this article for you:
Are You Doing All the Work in Your Relationship? How to Stop
I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts on it. Do you think your boyfriend will change? Remember that YOU can’t make him change…you can only change yourself.
Blessings,
Laurie
hi, i’ve been dating this boy for about a month and we bearly speak to each other in person, only on the phone,should i be worried?
This article helped me a little. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, he is a freshman in college, and I just graduated high school, but recently he has told me that he doesn’t feel close or comfortable around me like he use to. He makes me feel like everything is my fault. However, I work hard in our relationship every day to prove to him that I am committed and there for him but he doesn’t do anything to show me that he cares. He is busy because he works and is a student but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Someone please help.
Dear Dee,
I wrote this article for you:
You’re Pregnant and Unhappy With Your Husband – Should You Leave?
I can’t tell you if your relationship is “bad” or not, but I wanted to give you – and other women in similar situations – a few things to think about.
I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Laurie
I think if these are the signs then you do need to close up shop. If wht you’ve given him he is not thankful for, even if it is the best money has to offer then he needs to go.
If he is too stupid for his own good then he will not change for you.
I think women can easily see the warning signs of bad relationship but they just ignore them because they’re scared of leaving.
Dear KIM,
I’m really sorry to hear about your husband mistreating you but to me this sounds like he may be an addict. My best friend was dating somebody very similar. It’s the cycle of addiction. It doesn’t mean he is bad person, he just has a problem. Lying and stealing are very common symptoms. Chances are he won’t even listen if you try to talk to him about it. My advice would be for you to do some research and look up local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or Narcotics Anonymous. (Alanon.com) Until he is ready to talk about it or admit it you should just educate yourself in the field of addiction studies. If nothing changes or gets better, however, then you MUST tell a friend or family member and get out. Think about your children and what’s best for them. It may hurt a lot but you deserve better.
a
I’m not sure what to do. I can agree with most things on this list most days, but other days it’s wonderful. I love my common-law husband, we’ve been together 5 years, have a two year old son and another baby due at the end of July, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he loves me, he says he does, he seems like he does most days, but there are times that I’m unsure. He’s a huge part of my life, I always felt like something was missing, until I found him. Now I feel that feeling again, and it scares me. He doesn’t trust me, he won’t forgive me for some of the things I’ve done, but he stayed through it all. He makes me happy, not all of the time, but when he’s gone I feel like I’ll never be happy like that again. I can’t forget all of the terrible things he has said, and continues to say… I just don’t know. I feel helpless and useless, he doesn’t listen, and when he does he just flips everything around and I end up feeling like it’s all my fault anyways…
Dear Kim,
I don’t know how you can think you’re a horrible person! You and your husband are going through a really rough patch, and of course you feel sad and depressed.
I wrote this article for you:
What to Do When Your Husband is an Alcoholic or Drug Addict
I hope it helps…and I encourage you to talk to your friends and family about your husband. I know it’s hard and embarrassing to share what’s going on, but it’s so important to get support from people who love you. What they think of your husband is less important than taking care of yourself – and part of taking care of yourself is leaning on people who love you.
Blessings,
Laurie
As I write this I’m so confused, I don’t know if I’m crazy or I’m a nightmare, horrible person. I love my husband very much but I’m so depressed and sad I can barely stand it. I don’t know if I’m out of my mind or not. We fight a lot, about many things. From my point of view, here is what I see, he drinks for hours, several days a week. When he is sober he is a wonderful, sweet, funny, loving guy. Our fights are basically when he has been drinking and I am sober. I really only have a drink or two a week, maybe. Anyway, when we fight, he walks away, yells, rolls his eyes, tells me to get a job, (i’m a stay at home mom), he’s gonna sell the houe, we can rent, then we will be on “level playing field”. I’ve hurt my back a couple times in the last year and been given pain killers, he’s taken at least half of my perscription each time. Tonight I was looking to take 1/2 a tablet I had left on my nightstand. I asked him about taking my medication, he said yes he took it and I tried to explain that when I take them, I actually need it because my back is hurting, he said, “dont” when I tried to discuss. I walked away, because I didn’t want to fight in front of our son. I don’t tell my friends any of these stories, I don’t tell anyone, I don’t want there opinion of him to change…I could go on…I think I need help…do you have any comments or suggestions? Thank you.
My boyfriend is in another crew and then my cousin is in another i live in the other side and my boyfriend is from the other side. So on my boyfriends birthday i found out my cousin got jumped by the crew of my boyfriend. I was really mad and i endend up breaking up with my boyfriend, but i still feel unhappy i think i ruinend my happiness for my cousin what should i do ? Please Message Me And Tell Me What Should i do .! melanierocks01@yahoo.com
I am in a failed relationship but he just cannot see how bad it really is. We have 2 children. I do love him but I think it’s only memories from when we met. I was sure at the time he was my soul mate but this is now not true.
Distrust – reads my texts, emails, watches everything I do.
Name calling, shouting, fighting, etc….over noting, but he says he Loves me. How can this be Love.
I am finding it difficult to leave as I do Love him and think I will miss him just like a real Loss but on the other hand he is making me miserable…I can finally see it!
Friends, Family never took to him so no support there.
When children are involved you want to make it work but my Gut is telling me if I don’t do this now I will be in the same place in 5 years time.
any help out there?
I been with my boyfriend 8 yrs we just had a child together last year. I have been a stay at home mom since having our son. I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids from previous marrages. The last 6 months have horrible we fight mainly about his 14 yr old son that is very direspectful he lies steals and has hit me, to the point I just can’t handle dealing with him. Eric (boyfriend)says its my job to deal with it and he calls me horrible names, says he hates me its gotten physical but mostly verbal abuse. I have decided to sleep on the couch for 2 months and have told him I want to leave that i’m not happy. That’s when he makes it clear that when I leave he will take my car phone and not let me take my belongings. Im miserable and scared to start all over but this is getting bad
I am in a bad relationship with a guy who ive been with for 7 yrs and have a son with,but he is controlling,holds me back from doing what i want in life,is lazy and who disrespects me,but i find that im having trouble kicking him out!
Dear Sarah,
I know how you feel! My sister isn’t mentally challenged, but she’s picked some major losers in her life.
I wrote this article for you:
5 Ways to Help Your Sister or Friend Who is With the Wrong Guy
I hope it helps, and that your sister comes to her senses soon.
Blessings,
Laurie
This article kind of helped me but not totally. You see my sister started dating this guy and he constantly txts her and if she doesn’t answer back within about 5 seconds he calls her. They were going out for not even a week and were already saying i love you and having sex and he always buys her a lot of things. She is mild-mentally retarded and she wont listen to me or our other sister that he is only using her from our point of view. She broke up w a guy she had been goin out with for about 8 yrs because he didnt want to have kids and her current boyfriend said he liked her. She has been going out with her current boyfriend for almost 3 weeks now and she is talking about moving in with him and his parents and getting married and having kids. He is also incompedent but is on a much higher level than her and Im really conserned and so is our other sis but she wont listen to us. I also just got out of a bad relationship that lasted two years and i have a kid who is one already. Ive been in her shoes and I am trying to get her to see what I see and I know its not just me being parinoid because it happened to me. My oldest sister sees what happened to me happening to her also. Can someone please give me so advise to help her?
I agree, Natly…to get out of a bad relationship, we need to first learn how to avoid getting into it in the first place! And that involves increasing our self-confidence and esteem. If we feel good about ourselves, we don’t have to worry about getting out of a bad relationship…we won’t get into it to begin with.
The big question is: how do we get involved in these relationships in the first place and how to avoid falling in the same trap the next time somoene comes along?
Has a lot to do with the self estime we have for ourselves and the way we feel inside, we are not always aware of that unfortunately.
Great article!
your article is male dominated and sexist.in my relationship I’M the boyfriend (theoretically) even though i’m the female.so MY actions matter NOT his.
Well, I should have posted my story here! How true. I just think so many women by and large don’t think this could ever happen to them. I know I didn’t because I live by treat others as you want to be treated and hang around like minded people who don’t like throwing wool over others’ eyes. Well, I live, I learn, I win some and lose some but how do I respond is the real question. Thanks for giving concise and simple thoughts and suggestions to the readers by making the brain think outside the oooh and aaaah bliss that can come from relationships.