Comments on: A Childfree Life After Infertility – 7 Ways to be Happy http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility Want to get pregnant? Fertility tips, plus inspiration for living a childfree life. It's all here! Fri, 25 May 2012 12:53:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: clairey http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-6172 clairey Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:22:16 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-6172 Hi message for jane i too am in the situation that my husband has children from a previous relationship although he does try it is very hard as aside from all the pain from what is going on i feel very sad and lonely that he will not be able to understand the feelings i am dealing with at all, we can not share the joy of having a child together and now we cannot share the pain of not being able to(to make it worse it now appears the problem is his side now so i dont want to get to emotionally messed up in front of him and him to feel terrible.... also his last girlfriend aborted his child!). so i am very much by myself, you could say i am lucky as i have children in my life but they are teenagers and so obviously not mine -there is no unquestioning love that i see between father and child all the time and i am not expected to care for them or rather am expected not to care-it is not my place. im sorry i started hoping i could be supportive and show you you were not alone but it has turned into a bit of a whinge. one thing i do know is that sometimes pretending to be someone that can deal with it all is the only way to deal with day to day and advenually it will become a little easier i hope! i count my lucky starts everyday for the good luck in life that i do have- this is much more than some people have in the world i know. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. with understanding and every best wish. x Hi message for jane
i too am in the situation that my husband has children from a previous relationship although he does try it is very hard as aside from all the pain from what is going on i feel very sad and lonely that he will not be able to understand the feelings i am dealing with at all, we can not share the joy of having a child together and now we cannot share the pain of not being able to(to make it worse it now appears the problem is his side now so i dont want to get to emotionally messed up in front of him and him to feel terrible…. also his last girlfriend aborted his child!). so i am very much by myself, you could say i am lucky as i have children in my life but they are teenagers and so obviously not mine -there is no unquestioning love that i see between father and child all the time and i am not expected to care for them or rather am expected not to care-it is not my place. im sorry i started hoping i could be supportive and show you you were not alone but it has turned into a bit of a whinge. one thing i do know is that sometimes pretending to be someone that can deal with it all is the only way to deal with day to day and advenually it will become a little easier i hope! i count my lucky starts everyday for the good luck in life that i do have- this is much more than some people have in the world i know.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
with understanding and every best wish. x

]]> By: Christina http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-5835 Christina Tue, 30 Aug 2011 14:17:19 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-5835 My sister and her hubby have three kids and can't stop complaining and/or bragging about them. She boasts while she's pregnant, then gives birth and boasts for longer for several months--until she figures out how much difficulty she'll have with the child. Then she complains. I honestly doubt my older niece and nephew realize that she loves them--but then, my sis and I don't have a chummy relationship and therefore I am unable to be involved in her kids' lives. I am one who personally would rather have kids in spite of what parents say (ie. "enjoy your intimacy now," and "kids make it worse."). On one hand, I'm not naive enough to think having kids would "fix" things. On the other hand, even if I am changing diapers and cleaning poop, I always dreamt of becoming a mom, and infertility has robbed me of that dream. After more than 3 years of trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt, I'm at a point of giving up and looking at childfree living as our choice. Infertility treatments would be too difficult for us--emotionally and financially--and my DH doesn't feel comfortable yet with the idea of becoming a foster parent (I'm not sure i could handle it, either, to be honest). So it is looking like childfree living is going to be our best bet, even though the thought still devastates me. I just wish people could see how it feels to live for three years waiting for that baby to come who never shows up--neither through pregnancy nor adoption--and would realize that sometimes we have to reach that dream in order to realize that it's not everything it's cracked up to be. My sister and her hubby have three kids and can’t stop complaining and/or bragging about them. She boasts while she’s pregnant, then gives birth and boasts for longer for several months–until she figures out how much difficulty she’ll have with the child. Then she complains. I honestly doubt my older niece and nephew realize that she loves them–but then, my sis and I don’t have a chummy relationship and therefore I am unable to be involved in her kids’ lives. I am one who personally would rather have kids in spite of what parents say (ie. “enjoy your intimacy now,” and “kids make it worse.”). On one hand, I’m not naive enough to think having kids would “fix” things. On the other hand, even if I am changing diapers and cleaning poop, I always dreamt of becoming a mom, and infertility has robbed me of that dream. After more than 3 years of trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt, I’m at a point of giving up and looking at childfree living as our choice. Infertility treatments would be too difficult for us–emotionally and financially–and my DH doesn’t feel comfortable yet with the idea of becoming a foster parent (I’m not sure i could handle it, either, to be honest). So it is looking like childfree living is going to be our best bet, even though the thought still devastates me. I just wish people could see how it feels to live for three years waiting for that baby to come who never shows up–neither through pregnancy nor adoption–and would realize that sometimes we have to reach that dream in order to realize that it’s not everything it’s cracked up to be.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-5173 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:41:27 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-5173 Dear Beauford, Thank you so much for your comment! I think parenthood is so difficult, and yet very few parents can honestly admit how hard it is. Thank you for your honesty. I included your comment in this article: <a href="http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/childlessness-and-happiness-why-im-ok-with-being-childless/" rel="nofollow">Childlessness and Happiness – Why I’m OK With Being Childless</a> Blessings, Laurie Dear Beauford,

Thank you so much for your comment! I think parenthood is so difficult, and yet very few parents can honestly admit how hard it is. Thank you for your honesty.

I included your comment in this article:

Childlessness and Happiness – Why I’m OK With Being Childless

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Beauford http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-5170 Beauford Thu, 23 Jun 2011 08:05:29 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-5170 The grass is always greener. I love my kids but having kids makes your life suck. Enjoy your freedom. Kids have a way of zapping all the meaning out of life. You have to clean up poop all the time, your back hurts all the time, you can't go anywhere, you lose intimacy, you go broke, they do stupid things, your house gets destroyed, they get you sick all the time, vacations are more stressful than your job... Enjoy your freedom. If it feels like something is missing in your relationship, examine the relationship. Kids won't fill that void, only complete honesty can do that. Kids only make it worse. Parenting is different than people think it is before they have kids. Yes you love your children forever, but everything else in in life ends up sucking. I'm not a jerk, I'm just honest. Hope this helps. The grass is always greener. I love my kids but having kids makes your life suck. Enjoy your freedom. Kids have a way of zapping all the meaning out of life. You have to clean up poop all the time, your back hurts all the time, you can’t go anywhere, you lose intimacy, you go broke, they do stupid things, your house gets destroyed, they get you sick all the time, vacations are more stressful than your job…

Enjoy your freedom. If it feels like something is missing in your relationship, examine the relationship. Kids won’t fill that void, only complete honesty can do that. Kids only make it worse. Parenting is different than people think it is before they have kids. Yes you love your children forever, but everything else in in life ends up sucking.

I’m not a jerk, I’m just honest.

Hope this helps.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-4841 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Mon, 16 May 2011 16:50:59 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-4841 Dear Katie, Thank you for your comment! I understand exactly how you feel: there are good and bad days when thinking about a life without children. I, too, would much rather have kids than not have kids...but I don't want to live in misery because I didn't get what I want out of life. So, I too pray for happiness and acceptance no matter what happens. Children or no children. Never give up hope, my friend. My husband doesn't have any sperm, so we have no chance of conceiving (unless God gives us a miracle!). But still, we hope and pray and think maybe one day....and if not, it's okay. Like you, we didn't want to go for treatment after treatment -- I tried IUI six times, but it didn't work. I'm 41 now. Anyway, thanks again - I really appreciate your comments! Blessings, Laurie Dear Katie,

Thank you for your comment! I understand exactly how you feel: there are good and bad days when thinking about a life without children.

I, too, would much rather have kids than not have kids…but I don’t want to live in misery because I didn’t get what I want out of life. So, I too pray for happiness and acceptance no matter what happens. Children or no children.

Never give up hope, my friend. My husband doesn’t have any sperm, so we have no chance of conceiving (unless God gives us a miracle!). But still, we hope and pray and think maybe one day….and if not, it’s okay. Like you, we didn’t want to go for treatment after treatment — I tried IUI six times, but it didn’t work. I’m 41 now.

Anyway, thanks again – I really appreciate your comments!

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: katie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-4817 katie Sat, 14 May 2011 17:55:50 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-4817 ...oh and i should have mentioned that i'm 35..almost 36, have been ttc for 3 years and was also 'diagnosed' with unexplained infertility and had 1 failed IUI a year ago at which point we decided we didn't want to be a couple that went for treatment after treatment and decided not to go for any further treatments and just see what life brings us. x …oh and i should have mentioned that i’m 35..almost 36, have been ttc for 3 years and was also ‘diagnosed’ with unexplained infertility and had 1 failed IUI a year ago at which point we decided we didn’t want to be a couple that went for treatment after treatment and decided not to go for any further treatments and just see what life brings us.

x

]]> By: katie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-4816 katie Sat, 14 May 2011 17:52:10 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-4816 Thanks Laurie for your 7 ways to be happy with a childfree life after infertility. This is exactly what i'm going through right now - my aim for this year is to be happy as we are...happy with the life we have and try not focus on what we have not got. I had already started to think about number 1 - the benefits of not having children...it was like a light bulb moment for me when i thought about it and having worked as a nanny some years ago i realise how much time and effort kids can be and i now try to believe that perhaps in a way it is best for me to cope with infertility than to cope with being a parent if perhaps i'd find that even more difficult.....well it's one way of looking at the whole situation anyway and in many ways it can make it easier. (i'm by no means saying i'm completely ok with it all the time, there are still good and bad days) Up until this year i prayed for a pregnancy.....now i pray for happiness in whatever life brings us. xx Thanks Laurie for your 7 ways to be happy with a childfree life after infertility.

This is exactly what i’m going through right now – my aim for this year is to be happy as we are…happy with the life we have and try not focus on what we have not got.

I had already started to think about number 1 – the benefits of not having children…it was like a light bulb moment for me when i thought about it and having worked as a nanny some years ago i realise how much time and effort kids can be and i now try to believe that perhaps in a way it is best for me to cope with infertility than to cope with being a parent if perhaps i’d find that even more difficult…..well it’s one way of looking at the whole situation anyway and in many ways it can make it easier. (i’m by no means saying i’m completely ok with it all the time, there are still good and bad days)

Up until this year i prayed for a pregnancy…..now i pray for happiness in whatever life brings us.

xx

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-3017 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Sat, 06 Nov 2010 16:39:17 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-3017 Hi Tanya, The only way to find out if you can have a child is to keep trying to get pregnant, and to get fertility tests from a doctor. Also, get your husband's sperm checked (male infertility is just as common as female infertility!). And remember that it takes a year on average for most couples to conceive a child. Blessings, Laurie Hi Tanya,

The only way to find out if you can have a child is to keep trying to get pregnant, and to get fertility tests from a doctor. Also, get your husband’s sperm checked (male infertility is just as common as female infertility!).

And remember that it takes a year on average for most couples to conceive a child.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Tanya http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-2983 Tanya Thu, 28 Oct 2010 09:00:58 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-2983 Hi There, I am married for a year and i am 27 years old. I have regular cycle (34 days cycle). Now i am trying to conceive last 1 year with no success. I do ovulate last month as i gave up & checked using OPK. I also using pre-seed. Is it possible for me to have child? What can do next? Thank You. Hi There,

I am married for a year and i am 27 years old. I have regular cycle (34 days cycle). Now i am trying to conceive last 1 year with no success. I do ovulate last month as i gave up & checked using OPK. I also using pre-seed. Is it possible for me to have child? What can do next? Thank You.

]]> By: Josie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/ways-to-be-happy-with-a-childfree-life-after-infertility/comment-page-1/#comment-2975 Josie Wed, 27 Oct 2010 02:13:53 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=415#comment-2975 No problem :) No problem :)

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