Aug 222011
 

These tips will help you cope with disappointment, frustration, and depression when it’s taking too long to get pregnant. This article is inspired by a reader who is having trouble with how long it’s taking her to conceive a baby.

Taking Too Long to Get PregnantFirst, let’s get practical. Are you tracking your ovulation? The Combo Pack Ovulation Tests and Pregnancy Tests will help you know when you’re ovulating, so you can have sex at the right time. And of course the pregnancy test will – hopefully – tell you that you’ve been successful!

If you’ve already tried the ovulation predictor kits and you still don’t know why you’re not getting pregnant, a book like Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility will help. It covers many different scenarios and offers different solutions, and has received over 75 positive reviews on Amazon.com.

The other option, of course, is to get tested by a gynecologist. And, make sure your partner has his sperm tested as well. If it’s taking too long to get pregnant, it could be your guy’s sperm that are slow or even nonexistent (like my husband’s!).



Has the Fun Gone Out of Trying to Get Pregnant?

Here’s the reason I wrote this article. A reader said: “I’m almost 21, and my fiancé and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 2.5 years,” says S. on Why Can’t You Get Pregnant? “We’ve both been checked to see if everything is in working order, and it is. It’s frustrating! I’m at the point of giving up trying to get pregnant, but I don’t. I guess I just need a little guidance, to maybe hear other people’s suggestions so we can have a lil one of our own.”

My husband and I stopped trying to get pregnant because it’s not medically possible (my husband has azoospermia, and you can’t get pregnant without sperm!). But we tried for over a year. When we felt like it was taking too long, we got tested…and found the problem. It was not good news, but at least we knew why it took so long to get pregnant.

Since I don’t know what you’ve already tried to get pregnant (ovulation predictor kits? losing weight? fertility yoga? books for getting pregnant?), I’ll list a few different tips for making a baby. But remember – to get specific medical advice on getting pregnant after years of trying, you need to see a gynecologist or fertility specialist in person. There are no easy answers about why it’s taking so long to get pregnant on the internet (or in person, for that matter). By the way, if you like to drink wine or other alcoholic beverages, read about how alcohol affects fertility and getting pregnant.

Okay, on to a few coping tips when it’s taking too long to get pregnant…

5 Ways to Cope When It’s Taking Too Long to Get Pregnant

Remember that some fertility issues are hard to detect. Doctors make mistakes, overlook possible reasons it’s taking so long to get pregnant, and fail to see the obvious. Doctors, like us, have brains that can only hold so much information and they only have so much time to learn about all the new pregnancy and fertility research. Further, they’re affected by their own lives, health, and problems. This is why it’s so important to get a second opinion, and to get multiple health tests done!

Remember that our health changes daily, weekly, and monthly. For instance, a man is always creating new sperm. He could get tested one month, and all is normal. But give him a test two or three months later, and he may have different results. It’s the same with female health tests. So, don’t hesitate to get a second test done – even if you’ve already had it.

Focus on something different for a few months. My second baby making tip is to take some time off – especially if you’re 21 years old! I’m not saying give up on your dream of getting pregnant, nor am I saying “just relax – you’ll get pregnant when you’re ready.” I encourage you to redirect your energy towards something different for at least three months. Give your mind, body, and soul a rest. Get involved in a project, class, volunteer commitment, home renovation task – anything that you’re interested in, that makes you happy. Round out your interests. Explore other aspects of life. Try to just BE without wanting, hoping, yearning, craving a baby.

Learn why it takes some women so long to get pregnant. Different women have different issues when trying to conceive: obesity, endometriosis, prescription medications, smoking, health problems. If you haven’t had a gynecological examination lately, book one today. If your husband hasn’t had his sperm tested in the past three months, get it tested now. Different women need different baby making tips, which is why it’s so hard when readers ask me for help! All I can do is offer textbook advice, not personal medical tips.

Taking Too Long to Get PregnantThe Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant by Jean M. Twenge Ph.D. is a good resource on how to get pregnant – especially if you’re tired of being disappointed by negative pregnancy tests every month.

Take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. “Another reason it’s so heart aching is because it seems that everyone around us who doesn’t want a kid is getting pregnant,” says S. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, but I’m just frustrated that it’s taking so long to get pregnant.” I really want to get pregnant, too. So do the thousands of people who visit this website every day. It does make me feel better to know I’m not alone – I’m not the only one who is taking so long to get pregnant! And, I’m 42 years old, so my baby making days are dwindling.

Remember that it’s not just women who get frustrated that it takes so long to get pregnant. “Men get depressed about infertility, too,” says J. on How to Overcome Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant. “My wife and I are having a hard time getting pregnant, and we’re not getting any younger. Both of us were in our 30′s when we married. So, the clock is ticking.” He says that his heartache that it’s taking so long to get pregnant comes and goes in waves. “I’m grieving the loss of never being able to participate in the creation of life,” he says. “I’m grieving the loss of passing on the family name…I am the only son of six children. I’m grieving the loss of many, many things that comes with bringing your own biological children into this world.”

Remember the one thing worse than taking a long time to get pregnant. The only thing worse than taking a long time to get pregnant is never getting pregnant at all…and living in bitterness, defeat, pain, and heartbreak. I want to be a resilient, strong woman who coped with infertility and filled her life in other meaningful ways. I don’t want to lose myself in the negativity and blackness that infertility can bring.

too long to get pregnant

“Taking Too Long to Get Pregnant” image by Andre_Rau via Pixabay, CC License

How do you want to live your life? It’s your choice. I say keep your chin up! Keep the faith – because just because it takes a long time to get pregnant doesn’t mean it’ll never happen. I still hope to get pregnant, even though I refused to try fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization.

And if you’ve been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and are motivated to keep trying, make sure you read all the tips for making a baby.

One of my favorite ways to cope with stress when it’s taking too long to get pregnant is yoga. Not fertility yoga per se, just healthy yoga several times a week. And long walks with my dog :-)

I recently wrote 13 Tips for Getting Pregnant Without Taking Fertility Drugs. It might give you some new ideas, but it’s not about coping when you can’t get pregnant. It’s about how to get pregnant faster!

If you have any thoughts on these ways to cope when it’s taking too long to get pregnant, please comment below.Note that I can’t offer medical advice! If it’s taking too long for you to get pregnant, please see your gynecologist or family doctor in person.

  51 Responses to “5 Ways to Cope When It’s Taking Too Long to Get Pregnant”

  1. Is it taking too long to get pregnant because you’re under too much stress? Research from Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that women who have trouble getting pregnant may be under too much stress. According to these researchers, women who had the highest levels of stress actually took 29 percent longer to get pregnant compared to other women, and their risk of infertility doubled. Researchers tracked 501 American women ages 18 to 40 years who were free from known fertility problems and had just started trying to conceive, and followed them for 12 months or until they became pregnant.

    “This is now the second study in which we have demonstrated that women with high levels of the stress biomarker salivary alpha-amylase have a lower probability of becoming pregnant, compared to women with low levels of this biomarker. For the first time, we’ve shown that this effect is potentially clinically meaningful, as it’s associated with a greater than two-fold increased risk of infertility among these women,” said Lynch, the principal investigator of the LIFE Study’s psychological stress protocol.

    The full study is called Preconception Stress Associated With Increased Risk of Infertility, and here’s the link: http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/mediaroom/releases/Pages/Stress-Fertility.aspx

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