A glimpse into surrogate motherhood — and how and why women get pregnant for infertile couples. Here, a surrogate mother describes how she helps couples coping with infertility have their own families.
First, a quip about motherhood:
“Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” – Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul.
It may seem impossible to go through a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and give the baby to another couple to raise…but that’s what surrogate motherhood is all about! Mother love extends beyond loving one’s own children to providing the opportunity for infertile men and women to have their own families.
Below is a glimpse into surrogacy; for more information on surrogate motherhood, read Surrogate Motherhood: Conception In The Heart (pictured).
Surrogate Motherhood – How and Why Women Get Pregnant for Infertile Couples
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen: How old are you, are you married, and do you have kids of your own?
Surrogate mother: I’m 35, but the doctor says I have a uterus of a 21 year old, so can we say I’m 28? I’m not married, but I’m okay with it – I really have no desire to be. I’ve been in a long-term relationship for about five years and my gentleman before that passed away when I was 25. I have the most beautiful blue eyed artistic son with the new found freedom of a driver’s license, and a gorgeous brown eyed ladies man new to teenager’hood. I also have a perfect pink princess, who is two.
What made you decide to be a surrogate mother?
God gives everyone gifts; the only one I’ve found is I can get pregnant and deliver healthy babies. I’ve had a medicated birth and discovered it isn’t for me, so the rest have been natural. It hurts just as much as any other birth, but it’s worth it when the baby goes to its parents.
You go into the pregnancy knowing that it’s not yours, so that makes it easier when you give the baby back. People make weird comments and reactions when they ask about the pregnancy and I tell them that it is not mine! I just tell them I’m just the microwave. :-)
How did you connect with the infertile couple you were the surrogate mother for?
Online and through the doctor’s office. Also, some women find surrogate mothers through an attorney. There are websites that are for surrogates - but not all offer the right information about surrogate motherhood.
Whose sperm and egg did you use, and did you go through a fertility clinic?
For the baby I am carrying now, I have cut off contact as the intended mother has become too stressed! By cutting contact, I mean I only get 50 texts a day instead of the 400 I was getting before. Her contact with the doctors has become totally unreasonable, and they’ve asked not to be involved, and I don’t blame them at all. She thinks daily ultrasounds and blood tests are necessary. It seems that they have been trying to conceive for over ten years and don’t know how to react now that it is happening! I’ve heard of this happening, but didn’t expect this at all and definitely not to this extent.
Why are you willing to keep being a surrogate mother?
Because I know the joys that a child brings, and I couldn’t image not having that.
How much did this surrogate motherhood experience cost the infertile couple?
For the surrogacy, the first gentleman I worked with covered the expenses and a few extras. I am not big into the money but I think he spent about $30,000 on medical tests and such. He used a separate egg donor and he is paying storage fees for unused embryos.
In Tips for Surrogate Mothers and Intended Parents, this surrogate mother offers her advice for infertile couples.