Signs of Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant

    Numbness, fatigue, sadness, anxiety, and inability to focus are a few signs of depression when you’re ttc or can’t get pregnant. It’s normal to feel depressed; not conceiving a baby after months or years of trying to conceive is a major life stress.

    feel depressed because I can't get pregnantThe sooner you recognize the signs of depression, the sooner you’ll be able to deal with depressed feelings due to not getting pregnant. Reading books like The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness can be extremely helpful and powerful ways to deal with depression when you’re tcc or can’t get pregnant because of infertility. Don’t struggle with depressed feelings alone! Find ways to help yourself through the process, to heal, and to get emotionally healthy.

    Not everyone recognizes the signs of depression right away. The following signs of depression include behavioral, emotional, and physical symptoms, and will help you figure out if you need to get help.

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    And remember that getting pregnant and delivering a baby doesn’t necessarily erase every drop of depression! Here’s what Brooke Shields said about dealing with post-partum depression: “I just felt as though I would never be happy again, and as if I had fallen into a big black hole.”

    Actress Linda Hamilton agrees, saying, “The lows were absolutely horrible. It was like falling into a manhole and not being able to lift the lid and climb out.”

    Signs of Depression When You’re TTC or Can’t Get Pregnant

    These lists include a wide range of behaviors that could be signs of depression. If you exhibit more than one or two in each category, then you may be dealing with depression. If you exhibit just one or two signs of depression overall, then you may simply be sad that you’re having trouble getting pregnant (which is normal).

    If you’re not sure if you’re depressed, talk to a doctor, counselor, or fertility specialist for help figuring it out. You need to stay positive if you’re trying to conceive.

    Physical Signs

    • Fatigue, low energy, exhaustion are often signs of depression
    • Poor sleeping patterns – waking early, not sleeping even when exhausted
    • Loss of appetite or, occasionally, increased appetite
    • Loss of sexual interest

    Behavioral Signs

    • Withdrawal from people, work, pleasures, activities is one of the first signs of depression
    • Spurts of restlessness can be signs of depression
    • Sighing, crying, moaning
    • Difficulty getting out of bed is a sign of depression
    • Lower activity and energy levels
    • Lack of motivation – it’s a physical sign of depression when everything feels like an effort

    Emotional Signs

    Signs of Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant

    Signs of Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant

    • Consistent sadness, misery, and gloominess  are clear signs of depression
    • Overwhelmed by everyday tasks (eg, cooking dinner)
    • Numbness or apathy
    • Anxiety, tension, irritability
    • Helplessness is a sign of depression
    • Low confidence and poor self-esteem
    • Disappointment, discouragement, hopelessness
    • Feelings of unattractiveness or ugliness
    • Loss of pleasure and enjoyment

    Cognitive Signs

    • Inability to make decisions
    • Lack of concentration or focus
    • Loss of interest in activities, people, and life
    • Self-criticism, self-blame, self-loathing
    • Pessimism can be a sign of depression
    • Preoccupation with problems and failures
    • Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

    Help Coping With Depression When You’re TTC

    Different reasons for depression can trigger different signs of depression. And, different signs or symptoms require different treatments. The first step is to talk to your family doctor or a fertility counselor. Reaching out to people and being as honest as you can is the primary way to get help with depression – and start enjoying life again.

    Are you open to different ways to start a family? Read Options for Women Who Can’t Get Pregnant.

    If you have any comments on depression when you can’t get pregnant, I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to share how you feel.

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    39 Responses

    1. Ayai says:

      Here is a summary of my story..I never thought it would happen to me. Doctors used to say I could have 10 kids easily!! But now look at me..yuk!! After a miscarriage back in 2002 (thanks to my ex fiance and his sister for doing black magic on me – yes they wanted my child to die they told me to my face), I have been trying to conceive, seen just about every fertility doctor, have done every medicine and exercises and diets and have done hsg 4+ times hoping the fluid would open up my tubes due to bilateral hydrosalphinx. I have insomnia, chronic suicidal depression thanks to this lovely gift called imfertility. Everyday I cry and beg God just for one child, I want to lnow what it feels like to have a babu grow inside me I beg to feel the pain of delivery and I want to know what it feels like to breast feed my baby while s/he looks in my eyes. Everyday I have begged for death and cut myself when my period comes because I hate my body so much. I left my two abusive ex husbands because they would tell me that I am not a woman because I cannot conceive and that trash has more worth. My current husband does the same and cheats on me saying he enjoys sleeping with other women because their bodies are beautiful because they are fertile and REAL women not a dog like me who cant conceieve even if I had all the semen in the world inside me. I feel so worthless I hate what infertility has turned me into. I just want to be a woman and have my health and worth back. I wish life would end soon :(.

    2. abbhie V says:

      Im reading this now and I felt exactly the same.. my hubby and I went to a Fertility Doctor for help and we were doing all the treatment for the past 4 months it was really depressing and I dont know how to handle this emotional situation. Im trying to hide my sadness to my husband and showing him that I will be fine but continuing my everyday seems to be the greatest struggle. Im not the person that I used to be. I distance and start to pity myself I need hope and mercy so I can hold on. My life now is like a circus and this month I was scheduled to see my Doctor all I can do is wait and pray that everything will be back to normal and I can fix the broken pieces left in me.

    3. A.A says:

      Every time I get my periods I go into a depressive phase, I just cannot accept it. my husband has infertility issues but he is even tired of treatments nothing is working. I know he even feels very bad inside I dont know how to accept the fact that I may not concieve ever! I’m trying to accept the fate but its hard, I’m, 25 and seeing my friends getting married and having babies. everytime I see any of my cousin or friend having a baby I feel very very depressed and Want to shout to God that why isnt he accepting my prayers! Its hard and very hard!

    4. Jay says:

      I can copy and paste almost all of these posts into my comment and it would describe what my wife and I are going through. Had one child ‘easily’, had a miscarriage on second, can’t get pregnant, specialists say chances are slim to none. My wife is sad, and mad that she’s sad when we have a healthy child, and isolates herself from everyone because she’s mad and sad, ad isolates herself because everyone nosy old woman she runs into says stupid stuff like “He needs a brother or sister…why do you only have one?…blah blah blah”. It kills me to see her so hurt and to see all of you hurt as well.

      So allow me to give the non-a-hole husband perspective. You are NOT taking anything from us. This does NOT make you less of a woman. We do NOT want to leave you because of this. You ARE still beautiful.

      We just want to you be happy. Men really are simple and I don’t mean that in the ‘stupid’ sense. Most of the time, we just roll with the punches. It is what it is. We know that a child would make you the happiest. And we really do know that society and years of evolution tend to place too much emphasis on child-bearing as standard for a woman’s self worth. It’s not that we think you shouldn’t be sad about the situation. It is unfair beyond description because there really is no rhyme or reason for it most of the time. You have every right to be sad. But PLEASE, do not compound the issue by blaming yourself and feeling that we, your partners, think less of you. We love you.

    5. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

      It gets easier if you hold on to a core of peace, faith, and joy. Fertility treatments and trying to get pregnant is easier if you believe you are loved by a God who is full of compassion, love, and kindness.

      It also gets easier if you realize that pregnancy isn’t a special dispensation, and infertility isn’t a punishment. God isn’t withholding a baby, or judging you, or only giving favored couples the blessing of a child.

      Infertility is painful and sad, just like cancer or mental health issues or addictions. We all struggle with painful things in this world….and the only way it gets easier is to build a healthy, strong relationship with Jesus. If you offer your heart and your life to Him, you won’t get everything you want…..but you will be able to handle whatever comes along.

      So I guess yes, it does get easier if you hold on to the most valuable thing in the world: God.

      I wish you all the best as you try to get pregnant, and I pray for protection from depression and anxiety. May you trust God, and build a relationship with Him that surpasses everything else.


    6. Louise says:

      I’m sitting here reading this right now, I feel so alone, but a little less after reading other people are in the same place. My heart is literally breaking. We are coming up to four years of trying. I’m just not sure how long more I can do this. Every month is another blow, it’s just so hard. I want to keep going but I just feel so low, like we don’t deserve a baby, like we’re not meant to have a family.

      We’re about to start assisted. I’m terrified. The whole process has me petrified. Please someone, tell me it gets easier?

    7. Roo says:

      My partner and I have been trying for the best part of 7 years. He has four kids from two previous relationships so I know its not him. He’s 31 I’m 33. I’m falling apart more every day and he’s just angry at me. Doesn’t know why I can’t just snap out of it. I have all of the above symptoms and just in general don’t have much feeling for anyone or anything anymore. I feel so all alone. Even the smallest things are difficult and require so much energy. Even writing this comment is exhausting. I just wanted to write to say I understand and truly know how heartbreaking it is to be woman and not be able to perform your basic anf primary purpose for being. To create, nurture and givr birth to another human being. I hate myself for not being able to do this and can’t understand why …

    8. rii says:

      ive been trying for 5years and its hard, i cry allot, it depressing.
      my hubby & i are falling apart.
      im sorry i cant give him a baby, he loves kids so much. am 29 and he’s 31 and its killing me.

    9. XOBabies says:


    10. Laurie says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience with depression and not getting pregnant. I don’t think the sadness and disappointment about infertility ever goes away. For me, it comes and goes. Some days I feel depressed that I can’t get pregnant, and other days it doesn’t bother me at all. It helps to be passionate about some other aspect of life, whether it’s work or a hobby or travel. Anything that brings us alive can help us cope with depression when we can’t have a baby.

      My prayer for you is for peace and healing. May you accept this part of your life, and surrender to the possibility of happiness and even joy! There are benefits to not having kids – and I think it helps to embrace and stay focused on the good parts of being childless. But first, we must grieve our infertility. Without the grief process, there isn’t much hope of getting over depression.

      I will keep you in my thought and prayers, that you are able to surrender to what is and move forward in your life, with passion and love.


    11. anonymous77 says:

      I’ve been trying to conceive for the past twelve years. I’m 38 years old. Depression is an under statement. I’m upset with myself because I was married for 9 years and he all of a sudden said he didn’t want kids. I left. Known him for 22 years. Meet a new guy and he hardly wants to have sex. I’m frustrated with men altogether. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want another relationship. The men these days sickens me. It might be time for me to purchase my first cat.

    12. Laurie says:

      Dear Mark,

      I’m sorry to hear your wife is experiencing such sadness and depression about not getting pregnant. It’s a very difficult disappointment to overcome, and some women need support and help coping with the signs of depression.

      I think it’s important for you to talk to someone professional, such as a counsellor, to get a firm foundation for yourself. If you can learn ways to walk alongside your wife, you’ll be able to help her — even if she won’t do anything to work on her depression. You can’t force her to cope with her infertility sadness, but you can get information and support for yourself. The more solid you are, the better able you’ll be to help her.

      I wish you all the best – I wish I could be more helpful!


    13. Mark says:

      My wife and I are trying to have a baby for four years now. We’re on the second round of IVF (2 retrievals and 3 implants.) It’s been hard but I feel the relationship between us is really falling apart. I believe she’s extremely depressed, not really showing any of the physical signs, but rather emotional and social.
      I am a very outgoing person and I like to have people around me all the time. We’re at that time in our age where most of our friends are having kids and it’s an absolute disaster at home when we find out that one of them is pregnant. My wife is entirely isolating us from all of our friends and family (at least for the time of pregnancy and sometimes beyond)
      I’m at the point that I cannot deal with this anymore, we talk a lot about her behavior, but she seems very stubborn and shows no signs of intent to work on her depression and what’s worse, is denying to seek any help.

    14. Frank says:

      have been trying 7 years now…and had so much hope until this morning when once again i was smashed to the ground…i am so over this.

    15. Laurie says:

      Thank you Ashley! My friend recently became pregnant, too, and it does hurt. I’m happy for her, but it makes our infertility a bit harder to bear.

      I’m glad you’re adopting. One of my other friends adopted two boys who are biological brothers, and my friend couldn’t love them more. She was depressed that she couldn’t get pregnant, but she decided to open her home and heart to kids who don’t have parents.

      I wish you all the best in your journey to having your family — of the heart!


    16. ashley says:

      I am glad i stumbled across this site, i wish the best for all of us. I had medical issues which caused me to have to have my tubes tied just before my 18th birthday, today my husband and i are 27 and have been struggling with my infertility for almost ten years. The self doubt and jealousness expressed by everyone else are absolutely the same things i struggle with daily. All my friends also have babies, my best friend is currently pregnant with her second, another with her third and so on. All the baby showers and birthdays are more painful than i can explain, but you all know that so well. It is nice to not feel alone. As we get older i also feel so sorry for my husband, if he chose someone other than me, someone that was not broken he could easily have a family and i feel like by loving me he has to make the highest sacrifice and it’s just not fair. To know for sure it will never work is so hard, i wish i could hope and try at least that would be something. But i did not come on here to complain i wanted to offer some hope…. we have recently decided that adoption is how we are going to have the family we so desperately want. For years i thought about all the negative aspects of adoption but as i now go through the process my life has the meaning i so desire. It is honestly an incredible and fulfilling journey and my children will be loved so very much. I would encourage everyone to at least consider adoption and even if it does not seem right now it may in the future. It is not settling, it is choosing to give up on the hopelessness and embrace something different. There are so many children out there that so badly need parents and we are all parents without children. I read this quote on an adoption website and it made me cry, i would like to share it with you….. “adopted children were not grown in our tummy, they were grown in our hearts”
      Best of luck to all of us 🙂

    17. Lala says:

      I am so glad and sad at the same time to see that there are other women going through the same thing and feelings as me. My hubby and I have been married for nearly 8 years and together nearly 10. We have been trying since we got married and nothing. I was always taught to do the right things, be good to others and help every person in need that crosses your path. I feel I have done that and yet feel I still haven’t been blessed with the one thing I want. A child. I see my sisters, cousins, sister in laws, and even my 15 year old niece all have children around me, and some of them under some horrible circumstances, yet I still can’t give my husband a child. I cry a lot. I have always been very career driven, but early this year it just all got too much for me and I had to stop working. I feel bad that I can’t help my husband financially, but I find it a huge struggle to get out of bed. Im really not doing too well right now.

    18. Tay says:

      Me and my husband have been trying to get conceive for 3 years now. I am now 22 and all my friends have kids and my parents are ready for me to have a baby. I always avoid the question because truth is I have been trying for over 3 years. It is very depressing for me to go through this. My ultimate goal in life was to become married and have kids. I love kids and I want kids of my own. I cry ALOT! I keep my feeling on the inside and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have one friend who has 3 kids and is expecting again and I try best to feel happy for her but deep down I wish I was in her shoes. This is the worst pain I ever felt. I pray and ask God to give me strength and help me to find happiness in this sad time in my life. I sit in my room and imagine what life would be if me and my husband had a children. Please pray for my strength as I will pray for yours!

    19. Kahlie W says:

      My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have been trying since we got married. Im not sure why we havent been able to but its the worst feeling in the world that we cant all I want is to be a mommy. Im a really happy person so its very hard for me to be in this place I hate myself for it. I see all these pregnant women and new babies and it takes me everything not to cry. All my friends who have kids all say it will happen when its suppose to but thats really easy to say when you have kids its something different when you want them and cant have them. I pray all the time and ask God to bless us with a baby and I feel like my prayers are going unanswered. My husband tries to understand but its diffrent for him hes at the point where he gets upset with me for being upset and sad and I know he doesnt mean anything by it but it hurts so bad. Im so mad at my body for not working the way its built to I HATE IT!!!! for not working like its suppose to my body is built to carry children and to give birth and it doesnt work. Im so tired of people telling me to wait and to stop trying and then it will happen I honestly want to hit them when they say stuff like that. Im so tired of being asked when im going to have a baby and not being able to answer. Im glad I found this site it was nice to know that im not the only women that is going this right now I dont feel so alnoe now. I just wish the pain would go away so I can go back to being happy please keep me in all of your prayers!!!!

    20. las says:

      I feel for everyone who has commented on this subject..I too am ttc with no luck..I have been with my hubby for 13 26 I had our beautiful son..who means the world to us..a year ago we found out we were expecting again…a suprise to we were not trying..but I was sooo excited..we went to our first ultrasound and found out the baby had passed..I was devistated..and had to go through a d and c..i remember being at the hospital and thinking why me..but with support of others who went through it I thought ok I will be fine..we will wait our 3 months and try we did..with no luck month after month..I tried the don’t worry it will happen when its supposed to happen..but now 9 months later..and month after month of ovulation tests and making sure I eat right..nothing but period after period..I am so depressed and can barely function..I cry everyday because all I see are pregnant women and newborn babies..all my friends are preggo so I have pulled away and even hiden their posts on fb because I just can’t stand reading their daily updates about how they hate being preggo and how miserable they sucks so bad to know you are is such an ugly trait but its a human trait..I hope and pray every the end of this month I have to attend the memorial for the baby I lost and was hoping so bad that I would have something to look forward the tradgedy of losing that baby wouldn’t be so bad..all I want is to be whole again..thank god for my hubby who supports me so much..he holds my hand through every tough moment..even though I know he is hurting as much as I am 🙁

    21. Tei says:

      I’m glad i found this site and read about every one of you it was healing in a way for me. We have been married for 16 years and we were not interested in have kids at all our focus was our studies and career, vacations and free lifestyle as a childless couple. But we dont expected that at our 38 birthday we start talking about our future and how we will be alone for the rest of our lifes. Something in our head just click and our perfectly planed life start feeling to be wrong. Now we cant get pregnant and we are so upset and frustarted that we didnt wanted early and now we cant and there are so little probabilities to get because of our age…i feel so guilty!!! What were we thinking. Now we need to start all over again and accept the fact that maybe we cant and it is hard….

    22. Diana says:

      My husband and I have been married for 2 years and unable to get pregnant. I get so depressed that I go off on him as soon as he does or says something that I don’t like. Idk why I do it I sometimes think its because I want him to leave me. His sister is now pregnant and having her baby this month I’ve never liked her and now even less I feel anger and hatred towards her because she’s always been an alcoholic a trouble maker and a big pot head and I that am healthy very successful have my own children’s charity and can afford a baby and want one so bad can’t and feel miserable nobody understands the feeling or what I’m going through. My cousin just had a baby and I feel extremely family keeps asking why we don’t have kids and I tell them BC I’m too busy when they don’t know that I can’t 🙁 brings so much sadness and tears. Also my coworker gave me the news a couple of days ago that she is pregnant I smiled and congratulated her and I tried to fight back the tears and to be honest I sometimes think of suicide cause I feel less of a woman. This is driving me crazy I see people not caring about their children where if I had one noone would love their kids more then myself.

    23. Sam says:

      Hey me and my hubby have been trying for a baby for two years now but nothing people say its because I’m 19 years old but I don’t think so but I have went to the doctor nothing’s wrong with me and people say if you try for a baby u won’t get it but if u don’t you will is that true but also I’m do damn depressed that all my friends are pregnent and having there babies when they can’t handle it or pay for it but I can I just want to not be a live it hurts so much and can u still get pregnent if ur really depressed

    24. Elizabeth says:

      I just turned 26. My husband and i have been married for 6 years and we have been together for 9 years. We have been trying to conceive with no luck. Im the only one in my family who hasn’t had a baby. My friend have all had babies and I am so depressed about it. I am jealous and heart broken because of this. I keep telling myself I don’t want kids because I think that would be easier instead of getting dissappointed every month when I have my period which i may add is not always monthly so that makes it hard too when you think you might be pregnant. Couple years ago we got custody of my neice and so we have her but its just not the same I have no bond with her you know the kind of bond women get when they are pregnant. Sometimes I am mean to her which make me even more sad. I feel the most bad for my husband. I knwo he wants a baby and im afraid he will leave if we dont ever get pregnant. I have gasined alot of weight because i just dont want to do anything. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    25. lisa says:

      Hi im not really good on saying how I feel but here I go. I have one little girl the light of my life I love her so much:)… I got pregnet again with twins lost them at 24weaks I almost died and they did not make it. my sister was pregnet at the same time as me so when I got out of the hospital I hated her so much I didnt tell her that but I was mad cuz she got to keep her baby that she didnt even want. so what im geting at is its been its been 3years now and I have been trying for 2years no luck 🙁 all my sisters and friends are having kids and dont even want to be pregnet I do omg its killing me I want a baby so bad now I just dont even want to be with my husben or around im he does not understand how much this hurts I dont want to do anything anymore but cry. I should be happy that I have one kid but im not I feel like I should be a mom to more then one kid I dont know sorry im all over the place with my writing but what should I do.

    26. Sven Cooke says:

      Depression can be brought on by not being able to conceive. My wife suffered from it. The feeling of not getting pregnant seemed to spread to all other aspects of her life, in a part taking it over.

      In time with self help processes she was able to conpartmentise the feelings and eventually we succeeded. It was painful experience at the time.

    27. Aimee says:

      My husband and I have struggled to have a baby for 15 years. Mothers Day is coming up and I dread that day. All my friends and family will be celebrating with their kids. Found out a friend of mine is prego and my heart just sank ! I see so many people having kids for all the wrong reasons. Why does it have to be me ! Nobody knows what I am going threw !

    28. Beatrice says:

      I’m extremely depressed for having tried for a baby for 7 years with no results. I know my husband cant give me a child & I’m afraid of disappointing him, yet his mother keeps abusing me for not having beared his son a child. My husband tells me if I leave him for another man, he will commit suicide, kindly help me I’m Kenyan Lady aged 33

    29. Coco says:

      We have been trying to get pregnant for years and no signs of baby on the way. I feel depressed most of the times. Among all of my friends, i am the only one without kids. I really don’t know what I should do anymore. I feel sad, frustrated when hearing other people conceiving

    30. Yuri says:

      I had a miscarriage 5 months ago. It was hard and heart breaking. But I thought I was ok, and now I think I’m losing my mind. I count the days, I see symptoms, I lie to myself. Im unhappy.
      My BFF is pregnant, and I’m beyond happy for her, but can’t help to think that I’m less lucky, or that I don’t deserve as much as her. I’m miserable.

    31. Marina says:

      Im 30 years old yet to have a child. Out of all my friends and family Im the only one without a child. Weve been trying for some time now and nothing. This past couple of years I shared this pain with couple friends who had the same issue. Now they are pregnent and having babies of their own. I do my best to smile and be happy for them. The biggest disappointment came with the news of my husbands youngest brother expecting. They were never trying nor wanted a child. I grew so jealous and despressed watching her belly grow. Then having my husband rub her belly and feel a kick. Just broke my heart. Having to shop for baby clothing and taking about baby showers. I couldnt understand why not me ? I went to baby shower in support for my partner only. It was the worst holding tears trying to be happy. The birth of the baby was just as bad. Seeing my husband hold the baby so happy. I smiled and took pictures just thinking I need to pull it together. I didnt want to hold the baby nor wanted too. As soon as we walked out the hospital doors I begin to cry like Im crying from my soul. All my husband could do is hold me to try to confort me. I feel so bad for him because I know he feels so helpless. Hes caught between my pain and the joy he should for his brother. Now theres word of him being the godfather to their baby. I was at a loss for words. I dont know how to get over how I feel.

    32. Dear Nicole,

      Thanks for sharing your feelings about not getting pregnant. I totally know how you feel – it’s so disheartening, frustrating, and sad to want a baby but not be able to conceive. And it’s even more painful when your best friend is pregnant – it must be a bittersweet feeling that you have for her.

      I don’t know how long you’ve been trying, but remember that it takes most couples a year on average to get pregnant! So, you’re normal if it’s been about a year…and your best friend is extremely lucky to get pregnant after only a month. No wonder you’re depressed – I would be too!


    33. Nicole says:

      I am so depressed over not getting pregnant, I’m besides myself. Whenever I see a pregnant woman or a baby I can’t even bear to look at them I’m so jealous. Worst of all my best friend is pregnant after trying for 1 month !! She thought she was pregnant and called me asking to come over to her house as she’s nervous to take the test alone. I went to her home she went to the bathroom and in less than a minute she was shrieking with happiness that there’s two lines on the test, she’s pregnant. I’m happy for her but I felt like my heart was being ripped out. I fought back the tears and jumped around the room with her celebrating. My best friend being pregnant really hit close to home I’m filled with jealousy and sadness, thinking of myself as damage goods, I was even jealous of her morning sickness, its pathetic I know. I’ve been trying to get pregnant way before she even knew she wanted to have a child and everything goes perfect for her and not me. She’s even having her baby in October around her birthday and her other half’s birthday she has all the luck. Don’t get me wrong I love my friend very much but I’m jealous of her she doesn’t even know it, I could never tell her how I feel as I fear I would damage the friendship I hold so dearly. She’s having her baby shower next month and I’m gonna have to shop for the baby that’s going to be so hard on the day of actual shower will even be harder but I will grin and bear it. We’ve always done everything together I feel so left out, I hate myself for feeling this way. My other half knows how I feel and he’s advised me to distance myself from my pregnant friend just a little to spare myself the pain, I know he’s hurting too but he remains strong emotionally just for me. I pray daily and ask God to bless us with a child, I’ve always done everything right throughout my life I eat right, I’m at a perfect weight for my height, I’m in my 20s, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I take vitamins, have a beautiful home and other half is an extremely successful business man. I don’t know what else to do, I’m desperate for a baby my other half jokingly says “maybe we’ll get a positive pregnancy test for christmas” I hope so too.

    34. Dear SR,

      I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Secondary infertility is just as disheartening and depressing as primary infertility, and yet it’s often not taken as seriously. After all, you already have one child, right? You should be satisfied and happy, right? Wrong.

      I wrote this article for you:

      What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant With Your Second Child

      I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts here or there.


    35. SR says:

      I was SO happy a couple years a the birth of my son. Then I wanted another and it hasn’t happened…he is now 4 going on 5. I gained a bunch of weight, started drinking, and had CPS called me. I’m so low and don’t know what to do now. We don’t have the money for therapy and am so lost. God, I hate everything and the only thing keeping my nose above water is my son. I had felt bad and just attributed it working long hours and/or school. Now that I’ve been out of work and not longer have a job and now I know it is much, much more than that. I am empty and don’t have a clue how to get my motivation back ad return to being a real person. I’ve tried the “pull yourself up from your boot straps and it worked for maybe 2 days. What do I do now? I used to be a strong woman and lost her some where along the way.

    36. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

      Kelly, thanks for your advice on coping with depression when you can’t get pregnant. You’re right: depression needs to be taken very seriously! And, the very act of taking any type of action can help with depressed feelings.

    37. Kelly D says:

      When we were in the middle of our infertility journey I knew I was depressed and could admit it. However, when I had those babies in my arms I wouldn’t admit I was depressed and didn’t believe I was – how could I be? I finally had my babies.

      My advice, take it seriously and get help quickly.

    1. October 18, 2013

      […] fact, depression expert Rich Naran recommends never using the words “cheer up” in any way!  Infertility depression is a very serious emotional health […]

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