Signs of Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant – and Help
When You're Depressed Because You Can't Have a Baby
But, not everyone recognizes the sad signs of depression right away. These signs of depression include behavioral, emotional, and physical symptoms, and will help you figure out if you need to get help.
Here’s what Brooke Shields said about dealing with post-partum depression:
“I just felt as though I would never be happy again, and as if I had fallen into a big black hole.”
Actress Linda Hamilton agrees, saying, “The lows were absolutely horrible. It was like falling into a manhole and not being able to lift the lid and climb out.”
The sooner you recognize the signs of depression, the sooner you’ll be able to find freedom and happiness! For more info on dealing with depression, read The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness.
And, here are several signs of infertility sadness…
Signs of Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant
These lists include a wide range of behaviors that could be signs of depression. If you exhibit more than one or two in each category, then you may be dealing with depression. If you exhibit just one or two signs of depression overall, then you may simply be sad that you’re having trouble getting pregnant (which is normal). If you’re not sure if you’re depressed, talk to a doctor, counselor, or fertility specialist for help figuring it out. You need to stay positive if you’re trying to conceive.
Physical Signs
- Fatigue, low energy, exhaustion are often signs of depression
- Poor sleeping patterns – waking early, not sleeping even when exhausted
- Loss of appetite or, occasionally, increased appetite
- Loss of sexual interest
Behavioral Signs
- Withdrawal from people, work, pleasures, activities is one of the first signs of depression
- Spurts of restlessness can be signs of depression
- Sighing, crying, moaning
- Difficulty getting out of bed is a sign of depression
- Lower activity and energy levels
- Lack of motivation – it’s a physical sign of depression when everything feels like an effort
Emotional Signs
- Consistent sadness, misery, and gloominess are clear signs of depression
- Overwhelmed by everyday tasks (eg, cooking dinner)
- Numbness or apathy
- Anxiety, tension, irritability
- Helplessness is a sign of depression
- Low confidence and poor self-esteem
- Disappointment, discouragement, hopelessness
- Feelings of unattractiveness or ugliness
- Loss of pleasure and enjoyment
Cognitive Signs
- Inability to make decisions
- Lack of concentration or focus
- Loss of interest in activities, people, and life
- Self-criticism, self-blame, self-loathing
- Pessimism can be a sign of depression
- Preoccupation with problems and failures
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Help Coping With Depression or Infertility Sadness
Different reasons for depression can trigger different signs of depression. And, different signs or symptoms require different treatments. The first step is to talk to your family doctor or a counselor. Reaching out to people and being as honest as you can is the primary way to get help with depression – and start enjoying life again.
For help overcoming depression, read Dealing With the Disappointment of Not Being Pregnant.
If you have any questions or comments on depression when you can’t get pregnant, I welcome your thoughts below…
Category: Health & Wellness, Infertility Depression & Anxiety, Stress Management Tips
I had a miscarriage 5 months ago. It was hard and heart breaking. But I thought I was ok, and now I think I’m losing my mind. I count the days, I see symptoms, I lie to myself. Im unhappy.
My BFF is pregnant, and I’m beyond happy for her, but can’t help to think that I’m less lucky, or that I don’t deserve as much as her. I’m miserable.
Im 30 years old yet to have a child. Out of all my friends and family Im the only one without a child. Weve been trying for some time now and nothing. This past couple of years I shared this pain with couple friends who had the same issue. Now they are pregnent and having babies of their own. I do my best to smile and be happy for them. The biggest disappointment came with the news of my husbands youngest brother expecting. They were never trying nor wanted a child. I grew so jealous and despressed watching her belly grow. Then having my husband rub her belly and feel a kick. Just broke my heart. Having to shop for baby clothing and taking about baby showers. I couldnt understand why not me ? I went to baby shower in support for my partner only. It was the worst holding tears trying to be happy. The birth of the baby was just as bad. Seeing my husband hold the baby so happy. I smiled and took pictures just thinking I need to pull it together. I didnt want to hold the baby nor wanted too. As soon as we walked out the hospital doors I begin to cry like Im crying from my soul. All my husband could do is hold me to try to confort me. I feel so bad for him because I know he feels so helpless. Hes caught between my pain and the joy he should for his brother. Now theres word of him being the godfather to their baby. I was at a loss for words. I dont know how to get over how I feel.
Dear Nicole,
Thanks for sharing your feelings about not getting pregnant. I totally know how you feel – it’s so disheartening, frustrating, and sad to want a baby but not be able to conceive. And it’s even more painful when your best friend is pregnant – it must be a bittersweet feeling that you have for her.
I don’t know how long you’ve been trying, but remember that it takes most couples a year on average to get pregnant! So, you’re normal if it’s been about a year…and your best friend is extremely lucky to get pregnant after only a month. No wonder you’re depressed – I would be too!
Blessings,
Laurie
I am so depressed over not getting pregnant, I’m besides myself. Whenever I see a pregnant woman or a baby I can’t even bear to look at them I’m so jealous. Worst of all my best friend is pregnant after trying for 1 month !! She thought she was pregnant and called me asking to come over to her house as she’s nervous to take the test alone. I went to her home she went to the bathroom and in less than a minute she was shrieking with happiness that there’s two lines on the test, she’s pregnant. I’m happy for her but I felt like my heart was being ripped out. I fought back the tears and jumped around the room with her celebrating. My best friend being pregnant really hit close to home I’m filled with jealousy and sadness, thinking of myself as damage goods, I was even jealous of her morning sickness, its pathetic I know. I’ve been trying to get pregnant way before she even knew she wanted to have a child and everything goes perfect for her and not me. She’s even having her baby in October around her birthday and her other half’s birthday she has all the luck. Don’t get me wrong I love my friend very much but I’m jealous of her she doesn’t even know it, I could never tell her how I feel as I fear I would damage the friendship I hold so dearly. She’s having her baby shower next month and I’m gonna have to shop for the baby that’s going to be so hard on the day of actual shower will even be harder but I will grin and bear it. We’ve always done everything together I feel so left out, I hate myself for feeling this way. My other half knows how I feel and he’s advised me to distance myself from my pregnant friend just a little to spare myself the pain, I know he’s hurting too but he remains strong emotionally just for me. I pray daily and ask God to bless us with a child, I’ve always done everything right throughout my life I eat right, I’m at a perfect weight for my height, I’m in my 20s, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I take vitamins, have a beautiful home and other half is an extremely successful business man. I don’t know what else to do, I’m desperate for a baby my other half jokingly says “maybe we’ll get a positive pregnancy test for christmas” I hope so too.
Dear SR,
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Secondary infertility is just as disheartening and depressing as primary infertility, and yet it’s often not taken as seriously. After all, you already have one child, right? You should be satisfied and happy, right? Wrong.
I wrote this article for you:
What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant With Your Second Child
I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts here or there.
Blessings,
Laurie
I was SO happy a couple years a the birth of my son. Then I wanted another and it hasn’t happened…he is now 4 going on 5. I gained a bunch of weight, started drinking, and had CPS called me. I’m so low and don’t know what to do now. We don’t have the money for therapy and am so lost. God, I hate everything and the only thing keeping my nose above water is my son. I had felt bad and just attributed it working long hours and/or school. Now that I’ve been out of work and not longer have a job and now I know it is much, much more than that. I am empty and don’t have a clue how to get my motivation back ad return to being a real person. I’ve tried the “pull yourself up from your boot straps and it worked for maybe 2 days. What do I do now? I used to be a strong woman and lost her some where along the way.
Kelly, thanks for your advice on coping with depression when you can’t get pregnant. You’re right: depression needs to be taken very seriously! And, the very act of taking any type of action can help with depressed feelings.
When we were in the middle of our infertility journey I knew I was depressed and could admit it. However, when I had those babies in my arms I wouldn’t admit I was depressed and didn’t believe I was – how could I be? I finally had my babies.
My advice, take it seriously and get help quickly.