Tips for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant

These tips for couples coping with not getting pregnant will help you deal with the monthly curse of not getting pregnant when you really, really want. Infertility isn’t just heartbreaking for you as a woman or man, it’s hard on your marriage.

Before the tips, a quip from actress Reese Witherspoon about being pregnant:

“I was surprised when the ultrasound revealed that I was having a girl. I was convinced I was having a boy,” says Witherspoon. “And I was completely confounded by the fact that I wasn’t in control of the situation; that I was being introduced to a different individual coming into my life.”

If you’ve been trying to get pregnant for awhile, or if you’re coping with infertility, then you know all about not being in control of the situation! For help with infertility, click on Iris Waichler’s Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to Educate & Inspire. And, read on for tips for couples coping with not getting pregnant…

Tips for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant

These tips, though published in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster, are originally from an article by Dr. Patricia Mahlstedt called “The Psychological Component of Infertility.” 

1. Accept different styles of coping. “Although few people see divorce as a consequence of infertility, many couples report increased hostility and anger,” writes Waichler in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster. “This fighting is usually about the other person’s feelings or attitude…couples argue about feelings because they make assumptions about what the other person’s feelings mean.” Two partners probably won’t cope with or feel the same way about not getting pregnant – and expecting each other to cope with infertility the exact same way is just asking for trouble!

2. Listen to how infertility is affecting your spouse. “If necessary, couples can set aside a specific amount of time each day (10-30 minutes) to talk about feelings,” writes Waichler. “Some may set a timer and stop when the time is over. Of course, this routine is not to be used on a day when the couple gets especially discouraging news.” For more marriage tips, read Talking About Infertility With Your Partner.

3. Take responsibility for your feelings. “Only you can determine what kind of support you need and when and from whom you need it. Likewise, feeling responsible for taking away a spouse’s pain is fruitless,” writes Waichler. “One can only listen and be supportive.” Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and offer exactly the type of support you need when you need it. Do you need a hug, a little distance, a bottle of wine, a foot massage, or a vacation in Hawaii? When you’re coping with not getting pregnant, figure out what you want and be honest with your partner.

4. Share with others. “Couples must share with others and ask for what they need from them,” writes Waichler in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster. “They must widen support systems and broaden their bases of information.” If you’re part of a couple coping with not getting pregnant, reach out to your family and friends.

5. Nurture your marriage. “Learn to live for what is present and not for what is missing in your relationship,” writes Waichler. She recommends going on dates and talking about the love you feel for each other. “Having fun and creating a balance between the stress of infertility and the joy of being married lessens the burden.” Read Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Strong in Infertility.

For more information about expressing your feelings and listening to your partner, read 11 Tips for Fighting Fair in Marriage.

If you have any thoughts or questions on these tips for couples coping with not getting pregnant? I welcome your comments below…