How Infertility Can Affect Your Marriage

Infertility can affect your marriage in many ways – from divorce to creating a stronger bond than ever. Here are specific tips for specific problems that many couples coping with infertility face.

Before the tips, a quip:

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love,” said Ann Landers. “Good battle is objective and honest–never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.”

To learn more about healthy marriages, click on You Don’t Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage by Dr Max Vogt. And, read on to learn how to cope with specific marriage problems that infertility brings.

How Infertility Can Affect Your Marriage

1. Emotional disconnection. Many couples struggle because one partner wants to talk about feelings, while the other thinks there’s nothing to talk about! Often, it’s the husband who is emotionally distant. He may not feel there’s anything to talk about, or he may be embarrassed or even ashamed if he’s dealing with male factor infertility. She, on the other hand, needs to talk about the options, her feelings, his feelings, and their future. To deal with emotional disconnection in marriage, talk about each partner’s needs (I know that’s easier said than done!). It may be helpful to see a counselor who has experience with couples coping with infertility.

2. Money issues. Paying for IVF (in vitro fertilization) treatments, surrogacy, genetic testing, or simple fertility tests can put a strain on the strongest of marriages! Two coping tips for money issues: 1) budget for fertility costs; and 2) decide together whether you’re willing to go into debt to get pregnant.

3. Different family goals. I’m content if we never have kids – I’ll be sad, but not devastated. My husband wants children more than I do; he’ll feel the pain of a childfree life more than I will. Our different perspectives can lead to friction because we don’t always agree on how far to go with infertility treatments. Working this out is different for every couple coping with infertility, but the bottom line is that both partners must agree on their family goals. Compromise is inevitable, but it can lead to stronger bonds!

4. Stronger bonds. Not all couples coping with infertility are destined for disconnection or divorce! Some actually learn to communicate better and get to know each other more deeply than if they’d never faced infertility. On one infertility message board, I read that a couple going through infertility “never splits up.” I don’t think this is true, but I do believe that some couples are stronger after coping with infertility.

If your marriage is in serious trouble, consider Amy Waterman’s Save My Marriage Today mini-course. Don’t let your relationship slide — the longer you let your problems fester, the worse they get!

How has infertility affected your marriage? I haven’t covered every possible way infertility can affect a relationship, and I’d love to hear from you below!