Feeling Guilty Because You Can't Get Pregnant? Forgiving Yourself for Infertility

Some couples coping with infertility also struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. These tips for forgiving yourself for infertility might help if you think you made past choices that are now causing you to have problems getting pregnant.

Before the tips, a quip:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes.

Are you imprisoned by chains of guilt, blame, anger, or regret because of something you did in the past, which may or may not have lead to infertility today? Let it go, my friend. You did the best you could back then, and you’re doing the best you can today. For more help with forgiveness, click on How to Forgive Ourselves — Totally: Begin Again by Breaking Free from Past Mistakes. And, read on for five tips for forgiving yourself for infertility…

Feeling Guilty Because You Can’t Get Pregnant? Forgiving Yourself for Infertility

1. Learn what “you did the best you could” really means. You made choices in your past that may have affected your fertility or ability to get pregnant today. You did the best you could back then, which means you made the best decision based on your circumstances, personality, past experiences, the people surrounding you, and what you thought was right. You didn’t know what long-term consequences your decision would have…you were just doing what you could.

2. Accept that forgiveness is a daily task. Forgiving yourself for infertility is something you may have to do every day, until you eventually let go. We don’t just forgive ourselves and are magically free from guilt, regret, shame, or self-flagellation. It takes time and dedication to forgive ourselves for things that may have caused us not to get pregnant today! If your struggles with infertility are affecting your marriage, read Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Strong in Infertility.

3. Remind yourself that it’s in the past. This tip for forgiving yourself for infertility works for any past mistake: remember that you’re not doing that activity today. You wouldn’t choose it today. It’s part of who you are today, but it’s not who you are today. Maybe you made a mistake; acknowledge it and move on. You owe it to yourself to choose to be healthy!

4. Remember that you’re not alone. Other individuals or couples coping with infertility are dealing with the same regrets, guilty feelings, or unfortunate choices. Nobody is immune to making mistakes affect the future! Sometimes it helps to remember that you’re not the only one who made certain choices or mistakes, and you’re not the only one who is struggling to forgive yourself for infertility. Many people struggle with guilt, regrets, and shame. If you think you might be falling into depression, read Overcoming Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant. 

5. Talk to a counselor. If you can’t stop struggling with regret, blame, or shame – if you can’t forgive yourself for “causing” your infertility or problems getting pregnant, go see a counselor. Talk to someone who understands, who can help you see that infertility isn’t your fault. A fertility counselor can help you see your life and choices more objectively. For more help, read Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility.

If you have any thoughts or questions on these tips for forgiving yourself for infertility, please comment below…