Before the tips, a quip:
“If we give up the notion that everybody’s life but ours is perfect, we would be a lot happier,” says psychologist Dr Joy Browne. “Nobody’s life is perfect.”
Even if you did get pregnant right away, your life wouldn’t be perfect, my friend. If you’re stuck in despair or self-pity, click on The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life (and the Eight Realities That Will Save You) by Dr Joy Browne. And, read on for several tips on overcoming infertility depression…
How to Overcome Infertility Depression
Stop the pity parties. Feeling like a victim and blaming other people keeps infertility depression alive and kicking. Instead of thinking about how lousy your life is – and how sad you are – find ways to empower yourself. What does a survivor look like to you? Figure out who she is, and be her.
Listen to what works for other people. Do you have any friends, family members, or acquaintances who overcame infertility depression? Talk to them. Seek different perspectives, other people’s opinions, and sound advice.
Let go of the words “never” and “always.” Just because you’re not pregnant now doesn’t mean you’ll never get pregnant! Just because you’re struggling to overcome infertility depression now doesn’t mean you’ll always feel sad or anxious. Accept that there are few absolutes in life.
Drop the “If you loved me, you’d know” method of communication. Instead of expecting your partner, friends, or family to figure out how you feel, try volunteering information about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t make people guess or pry it out of you. For more communication tips for couples, read Help for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant.
Remember that problems aren’t always obstacles. I once thought the cost of ovulation predictor kits were a huge obstacle…and now I know that they’re just a little problem. To overcome infertility depression, don’t take life’s everyday challenges (the cost of pregnancy tests or temperature gauges, for example) and make them into huge obstacles. Accept that life bring challenges.
Let go of the need to control. To overcome infertility depression, let go of the urge to be in control of all situations at all times. Don’t feel like you have to always be in charge of everything from how your husband’s sperm is doing to the month in which you want to give birth.
Remember that you’re not alone on the infertility roller coaster. You’re not feeling feelings that are all that different from everybody else, my friend. It’s not you against the world. Other couples coping with infertility do understood what you’re going through and they speak your language. To overcome infertility depression, unite with with other people.
If you find quotations helpful, you might like Inspirational Quotations for Couples Coping With Infertility.
If you have any thoughts or questions on these tips for overcoming infertility depression, please comment below.
Thanks for this article. I don’t have children, and I’m not suffering from infertility depression. But my sister won’t leave me alone about it! She thinks that having kids is the most important part of a woman’s life, and doesn’t believe me when I say that I’m okay with being childfree.
Carrie
While this may be helpful information for people early on in the process, for couples suffering from real infertility, much of this insulting. Sometimes “never” is the truth. We’re not worried about paying $20 for OPKs, we’re looking at $25,000 for an IVF donor egg cycle that may or may not work. And I urge you to try to find one truly infertile woman who is concerned with which month she gives birth.
These sound like complaints that come from someone who has been trying to get pregnant for three or four months and has been unsuccessful. True infertility brings devastating emotions beyond description, and no woman should be made to feel guilty or weak for experiencing them.
Thanks for your comments, Carrie and Kat!
Carrie, I’m glad you’re okay with being childfree…whether people believe you is less important than what you believe, and how you feel.
Kat, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for four years. We’re looking at “true” infertility and thinking we may never have kids — and that doesn’t always bring devastating emotions beyond description. For some couples coping with infertility, there’s more to life than having kids. Some people can roll with it better, I think. It depends on personality, environment, lifestyle, family — lots of factors affect whether or not a couple is overwhelmed with infertility depression.
You’re right; no woman should be made to feel guilty or weak for experiencing painful, devastating emotions.
Laurie
“Just because you’re not pregnant now doesn’t mean you’ll never get pregnant!”
How do you know that for sure?