Comments on: Dr Phil’s Tips for Women Obsessed With Having a Baby http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/ Infertility doesn't have to sink our spirits or dash our dreams! Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:28:22 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1608 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Thu, 18 Feb 2010 21:25:27 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1608 Hi Marcia, Thanks for taking the time to comment -- and your venting is no problem! In fact, it was fascinating :-) I totally agree that Dr Phil's standards have sunk to Jerry Springer or even Maury Povich's level! It's very voyeuristic. When he first started, I loved how he'd counsel people about eating disorders, relationships, work problems, etc because there seemed to be something for everyone. But now it's much more soap opera-ish. I'm sorry to hear about the friend of your family, who couldn't get pregnant and was berated on Dr Phil. That's too bad, that now she's devastated and probably confused about whether she should keep trying to get pregnant, or give up and focus on other things...that's sad. I hope she finds someone wise and supportive to talk to, whether it's a counselor or woman who's made peace with infertility, or a mom who kept trying to get pregnant and succeeded.... Take care, Marica, and I hope to see you again in cyberspace! Laurie Hi Marcia,

Thanks for taking the time to comment — and your venting is no problem! In fact, it was fascinating :-)

I totally agree that Dr Phil’s standards have sunk to Jerry Springer or even Maury Povich’s level! It’s very voyeuristic. When he first started, I loved how he’d counsel people about eating disorders, relationships, work problems, etc because there seemed to be something for everyone. But now it’s much more soap opera-ish.

I’m sorry to hear about the friend of your family, who couldn’t get pregnant and was berated on Dr Phil. That’s too bad, that now she’s devastated and probably confused about whether she should keep trying to get pregnant, or give up and focus on other things…that’s sad. I hope she finds someone wise and supportive to talk to, whether it’s a counselor or woman who’s made peace with infertility, or a mom who kept trying to get pregnant and succeeded….

Take care, Marica, and I hope to see you again in cyberspace!

Laurie

]]> By: Marcia http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1598 Marcia Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:05:48 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1598 Hi Laurie, Even though it's an older article I would like to comment on the Dr Phil show you wrote about concerning getting pregnant at any cost. Although I DO NOT watch Dr. Phil, I believe he has lowered his standards to Jerry Springer's level of entertainment "TRASH TV", he has an up coming show that I will be watching. A friend of our family was asked to come to the show because they are not having success becoming pregnant. The couple was asked to get websites of baby supplies to provide to show representatives. They were led to believe Dr. Phil was going to assist them with their hardship and possibly provide the couple with some nice gifts. Instead he berated them for trying so hard to get pregnant. That they should consider counseling. This is a complete 180 from the Sept 09 show you have listed on your website. She was devastated. I wonder what friend he was promoting on this show? Needless to say our friend is now dealing with the scars he left..So now she has two hardships in her life. She is so sweet, a genuine person that would be a terrific mom. For him to treat her in that manner is inexcusable. Just wanted to vent to someone. Thanks for listening. Marcia Hi Laurie,
Even though it’s an older article I would like to comment on the Dr Phil show you wrote about concerning getting pregnant at any cost.
Although I DO NOT watch Dr. Phil, I believe he has lowered his standards to Jerry Springer’s level of entertainment “TRASH TV”, he has an up coming show that I will be watching. A friend of our family was asked to come to the show because they are not having success becoming pregnant. The couple was asked to get websites of baby supplies to provide to show representatives. They were led to believe Dr. Phil was going to assist them with their hardship and possibly provide the couple with some nice gifts. Instead he berated them for trying so hard to get pregnant. That they should consider counseling. This is a complete 180 from the Sept 09 show you have listed on your website. She was devastated. I wonder what friend he was promoting on this show? Needless to say our friend is now dealing with the scars he left..So now she has two hardships in her life. She is so sweet, a genuine person that would be a terrific mom. For him to treat her in that manner is inexcusable.
Just wanted to vent to someone.
Thanks for listening.
Marcia

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1583 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:39:35 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1583 Hi Purplebrick, Thanks for your comment -- I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend getting pregnant. I don't know if it's a formal psychological condition (being obessed with having a baby) -- that's an interesting question! But what really matters is what you're going to do with wanting to get out of a relationship with a pregnant girlfriend. If she decides to keep the baby (which she probably will, being obsessed with getting pregnant and all), then you have a moral, ethical, and legal obligation to help her care for the child. I don't know what this will look like -- every couple is different. You need to sit down with her and figure out where your relationship is headed, and what role you'll play in the baby's life. It's very sad that she got pregnant against your will (that's not morally or ethically right -- and yet you have to live up to your moral and ethical obligations! doesn't seem fair). But, the bottom line is that it's not the baby's fault. That kid didn't ask to be born, and is totally innocent. It's up to you and your girlfriend to provide a stable, loving, safe environment for him or her. You don't necessarily need to marry her or even stay in a relationship with her to do that (thought two parent homes are really good for kids -- depending of course on the type of parents and the environment!). Who can you talk to, to review your options? Maybe you could call Planned Pregnancy or even a local help line...they'll be able help you find the right resources and decide what your next step is. I wish you all the best, and hope you let me know how things go... Blessings, Laurie Hi Purplebrick,

Thanks for your comment — I’m sorry to hear about your girlfriend getting pregnant. I don’t know if it’s a formal psychological condition (being obessed with having a baby) — that’s an interesting question!

But what really matters is what you’re going to do with wanting to get out of a relationship with a pregnant girlfriend. If she decides to keep the baby (which she probably will, being obsessed with getting pregnant and all), then you have a moral, ethical, and legal obligation to help her care for the child. I don’t know what this will look like — every couple is different.

You need to sit down with her and figure out where your relationship is headed, and what role you’ll play in the baby’s life. It’s very sad that she got pregnant against your will (that’s not morally or ethically right — and yet you have to live up to your moral and ethical obligations! doesn’t seem fair).

But, the bottom line is that it’s not the baby’s fault. That kid didn’t ask to be born, and is totally innocent. It’s up to you and your girlfriend to provide a stable, loving, safe environment for him or her. You don’t necessarily need to marry her or even stay in a relationship with her to do that (thought two parent homes are really good for kids — depending of course on the type of parents and the environment!).

Who can you talk to, to review your options? Maybe you could call Planned Pregnancy or even a local help line…they’ll be able help you find the right resources and decide what your next step is.

I wish you all the best, and hope you let me know how things go…

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Purplebrick http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1581 Purplebrick Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:16:16 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1581 I am certain that my girlfriend got pregnant out of an obsession with having a baby and that this was against my will. Now I am feel trapped and I want out. I just don't know what to do? This is a different kind of obsession and I would like to know whether there is a know psychological condition for this? Can someone help with some comments or stories to share? I am certain that my girlfriend got pregnant out of an obsession with having a baby and that this was against my will. Now I am feel trapped and I want out. I just don’t know what to do? This is a different kind of obsession and I would like to know whether there is a know psychological condition for this? Can someone help with some comments or stories to share?

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1471 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Wed, 03 Feb 2010 02:57:51 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1471 Tania, thanks for your thoughts -- you sound like a kind, reasonable woman! I wish you all the best in your decision whether or not to have kids...I don't think I'll have children, and I don't feel that bad about it at all. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother. Maybe that's why Dr Phil's advice to women obesessed with having a baby struck such a nerve with me! Belinda....I'm sorry to hear about your mom going for in vitro fertilization at this stage of her life. What a sad situation. I don't think you can take any legal action against the fertility clinic, to prevent her from getting pregnant. I actually don't think you can do anything to stop her. But, the chances that she gets pregnant through in vitro fertilization at her age are quite small. This isn't very empowering news, I know, but she's a grown woman, even though not a very mature or responsible one! You might want to call the fertility clinic and talk it through with a nurse or doctor there, but I honestly don't think you can do stop things from happening. If your mom does get pregnant and have a baby, you'll have to draw the line at babysitting for her. You'll have to set boundaries and stick to them...but don't worry about that bridge until you come to it! Blessings, Laurie Tania, thanks for your thoughts — you sound like a kind, reasonable woman! I wish you all the best in your decision whether or not to have kids…I don’t think I’ll have children, and I don’t feel that bad about it at all. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother. Maybe that’s why Dr Phil’s advice to women obesessed with having a baby struck such a nerve with me!

Belinda….I’m sorry to hear about your mom going for in vitro fertilization at this stage of her life. What a sad situation. I don’t think you can take any legal action against the fertility clinic, to prevent her from getting pregnant. I actually don’t think you can do anything to stop her. But, the chances that she gets pregnant through in vitro fertilization at her age are quite small. This isn’t very empowering news, I know, but she’s a grown woman, even though not a very mature or responsible one!

You might want to call the fertility clinic and talk it through with a nurse or doctor there, but I honestly don’t think you can do stop things from happening.

If your mom does get pregnant and have a baby, you’ll have to draw the line at babysitting for her. You’ll have to set boundaries and stick to them…but don’t worry about that bridge until you come to it!

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Belinda http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1459 Belinda Tue, 02 Feb 2010 03:44:12 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1459 My mother is 52 years old and trying to get pregnant through invitro fertilization. I am 27 years old and I have 2 sisters, 24 and 25 years old. My mother didn't take good care of us when we were little even though she had the money to do so. She has 3 grandkids, ages 7, 4, 16 months, and 13 months which she does nothing for. She can't even handle watching them. Shouldn't there be some research done or a psych evaluation by the doctor before allowing someone like this to have this procedure done? She also has MS and is an alcoholic. Is there some legal action that I can take towards the doctor? I ask this because if she had a baby, my sisters or myself will end up being the ones to care for it and we are all struggling to care for our own children. With her age alone there should be some kind of restriction on this. My mother is 52 years old and trying to get pregnant through invitro fertilization. I am 27 years old and I have 2 sisters, 24 and 25 years old. My mother didn’t take good care of us when we were little even though she had the money to do so. She has 3 grandkids, ages 7, 4, 16 months, and 13 months which she does nothing for. She can’t even handle watching them. Shouldn’t there be some research done or a psych evaluation by the doctor before allowing someone like this to have this procedure done? She also has MS and is an alcoholic. Is there some legal action that I can take towards the doctor? I ask this because if she had a baby, my sisters or myself will end up being the ones to care for it and we are all struggling to care for our own children. With her age alone there should be some kind of restriction on this.

]]> By: Tania http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-1453 Tania Mon, 01 Feb 2010 09:24:05 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-1453 As a 26 year old girl who is thinking about being childless I do agree with you on some points that being a women is not always about being a mother. I myself find it annoying how motherhood is glamorized and seems to be the pinnacle of happiness (yeah right!) but I think I do have to disagree at one point. Even though I am happy to be without children and blissfully content in being just married one day I still think it is a very personal choice. A lot of woman really do want children desperately they have the 'yearning' thing going on which can be unbearably powerful (which I have never felt and hope I never do)and for these people having a child is what makes them happy. I mean the choice we make to be childless is a choice we make because in the end we believe it will ultimate makes us happy. Their choice to have children is as powerful as our choice not to have them and we need to respect that. I think the people Dr.Phil has selected are people who really, really want children and not people who have this idiotic unrealistic gaga fantasy of what motherhood/parenthood would be (at least I hope so)I think there are honest to good people out their who realize that having a child is not a walk in the park and they want to be pregnant and they can't. A lot of anguish and hurt would be caught up in that and I think Dr.Phil was just trying to help. As a 26 year old girl who is thinking about being childless I do agree with you on some points that being a women is not always about being a mother. I myself find it annoying how motherhood is glamorized and seems to be the pinnacle of happiness (yeah right!) but I think I do have to disagree at one point. Even though I am happy to be without children and blissfully content in being just married one day I still think it is a very personal choice. A lot of woman really do want children desperately they have the ‘yearning’ thing going on which can be unbearably powerful (which I have never felt and hope I never do)and for these people having a child is what makes them happy. I mean the choice we make to be childless is a choice we make because in the end we believe it will ultimate makes us happy. Their choice to have children is as powerful as our choice not to have them and we need to respect that. I think the people Dr.Phil has selected are people who really, really want children and not people who have this idiotic unrealistic gaga fantasy of what motherhood/parenthood would be (at least I hope so)I think there are honest to good people out their who realize that having a child is not a walk in the park and they want to be pregnant and they can’t. A lot of anguish and hurt would be caught up in that and I think Dr.Phil was just trying to help.

]]> By: Carrie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-859 Carrie Wed, 23 Sep 2009 19:27:23 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-859 I don't have children, I saw Dr Phil's show, and I agree that he put far too much emphasis on getting pregnant and having babies. Obsession with getting pregnant isn't healthy. I don’t have children, I saw Dr Phil’s show, and I agree that he put far too much emphasis on getting pregnant and having babies. Obsession with getting pregnant isn’t healthy.

]]> By: Laurie PK http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-836 Laurie PK Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:41:08 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-836 Ellen, I hope you see the fertility doctor as soon as possible; four years of trying to get pregnant without success is a long time! Best of luck, and come back anytime of you have questions or thoughts to share... Laurie Ellen,

I hope you see the fertility doctor as soon as possible; four years of trying to get pregnant without success is a long time!

Best of luck, and come back anytime of you have questions or thoughts to share…

Laurie

]]> By: Laurie PK http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/quipstipscouplesinfertility/health/dr-phils-tips-for-women-obsessed-with-having-a-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-835 Laurie PK Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:39:27 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/?p=882#comment-835 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Carrie! And I agree with so many things you said -- I don't know what it's like to have such a strong need (or obsession) with getting pregnant and having kids...and giving people the benefit of the doubt is good advice. I'm glad you commented :-) Laurie Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Carrie!

And I agree with so many things you said — I don’t know what it’s like to have such a strong need (or obsession) with getting pregnant and having kids…and giving people the benefit of the doubt is good advice.

I’m glad you commented :-)

Laurie

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