Mourn the disappointment, but stay hopeful for the future! (image by clala1220, flickr)
Life brings illness, loss, broken relationships, death – but another negative pregnancy test is one of the most disappointing things of all time.
Recovering from the disappointment and heartache should get easier the older we get, shouldn’t it? You’d think it would, since most things are easier as time passes.
Heartache comes in all shapes and sizes (from finding out that you failed a test to learning that you can’t have children), and we don’t survive setbacks as easily as we’d like. Sometimes the tragedy stems from other people: they dump you, get really sick, die, or perform evil acts. Sometimes you bring heartache on yourself by making poor choices or acting irrationally, self-destructively, or just plain meanly.
But the bad news of another negative pregnancy test isn’t easy to recover from…especially if you fear that you’ll never get pregnant.
Regardless of where the bad news came from, dealing with it can be more important than how or why you ended up there in the first place. Once you’ve bounced back, then you can look back and learn from your experiences.
It may feel like you can’t bounce back from the sad news that you’re not pregnant…but you can.
How to Recover From a Negative Pregnancy Test
Accept that you’re in a bad place
I’ve been feeling listless and sad for about a month now, which is highly unusual for me – I’m a positive, optimistic, happy woman by nature. Yesterday I realized that I’ve been hit with a couple of doozies in the past month (my sister broke up with me and we’re struggling with infertility). Of course I feel listless and sad; I’ve been hit with some pretty harsh news.
Mourn your sadness and disappointment that your pregnancy test is negative…but try not to remember that you CAN keep trying and that you WILL get pregnant one day!
Mourn your loss
Instead of fighting sad, angry, disappointed, hurt or frustrated feelings, let them wash over you as they bubble up. It’s definitely not fun to feel those bad feelings – in the midst of it you might feel like you’ll die or go crazy but trust me you won’t. Feeling those nasty overwhelming emotions is much better than shoving them down or expressing them in other ways, such as overeating, drinking, doing drugs, or treating others inhumanely.
Let yourself feel what you feel the disappointment of not being pregnant. You may also want to think about these signs of fertility problems in women – is there something your body is trying to tell you?
Stay connected to your partner
Don’t give up on your relationship. When you’re facing heartache as a couple, you may be tempted to pull away or initiate fights – but when you do that, you perpetuate the problems. Staying connected with loved ones could involve painful honesty, nonjudgmental attitudes, self-acceptance, and even counseling.
Maybe it’s as simple as holding one another when you cry over the negative pregnancy test, or going for quiet walks together. The most important thing is to stay real and honest about your feelings, even if it’s just to yourself (because not all feelings have to be shared).
Change your focus for a little while
Take a break from the heartache of another negative pregnancy test and the disappointment of not being pregnant.
Distract yourself with funny movies, vacations, new restaurants, different yoga classes (like laughing yoga), new recipes, watercolor classes at the local school or college, new hobbies, road trips, belly dancing lessons, and so on. As important as it is to feel the heartache, it’s also healthy to take a breather every once in awhile. The best way to recover from disappointment of another negative pregnancy test is to pull away from reality for a little while.
Stay healthy for your future baby
Get enough sleep, eat nutritiously, move your body, and breathe out the stress! The more physically fit your body is, the better you’ll feel emotionally and mentally.
Here’s a new book for couples trying to conceive that may help you avoid the disappointment of another negative pregnancy test: Yes, You Can Get Pregnant: The Diet That Will Improve Your Fertility Now & Into Your 40′s.
If you have any tips for recovering from another disappointing pregnancy test, please comment below…
Dear LadySheena,
Thank you for your tip about not testing too early! I thought I was pregnant because I missed a full month, but it turns out I had an intestinal parasite
I didn’t want to get too excited because I thought it would be a negative pregnancy test….and it was. It’s always hard to take.
I’m here trying to find encouragement and strenth from others. I’ve been trying for 3.5 years, and lost a pregnancy in the second trimester almost a year ago. Thank you for the courage to share what most of us feel when it’s difficult to conceive. One tip I will share to others, don’t test too early. if you test too early you’ll spend the next week in pure emotional agony waiting for AF. And who knows, it could be a false negative. It’s better to spend that week in hopefull anticipation rather than bitter disappointment.
I made the mistake yesterday of telling a woman to relax, she will get pregnant soon! But she has been trying to conceive for only 3 months…it takes most couples a year on average to get pregnant.
We know we cannot have kids, and we decided not to try IVF. But every month when I get my period, I feel disappointed and sad. I always hope that it will happen one day…
I have tried to have a positive outlookand envisioned myself having beautiful kids with my husband, but still nothing has happened. We have been trying tlfor two years now and I get upset, depressed, and pissed off when I hear when someone else is pregnant before me, and it is usually the people who should not have kids!!!!! I am just tired of people telling me that I need to relax and not worry about it.
Hi Amy,
Thanks for your comment – I agree that a positive outlook is essential! I know how disappointing it is to get yet another negative pregnancy test…but staying hopeful that you WILL get pregnant one day is really important.
But, part of me is cautious. Sometimes infertility can’t be changed, no matter how positive or even prayerful you are.
It is essential to keep a positive outlook regarding becoming pregnant and giving birth to healthy children. To do this, you must change the inner picture of yourself. Instead of seeing yourself as infertile, see yourself conceiving and giving birth to healthy children! This will take some mind renewal, but the reward of a precious baby is well worth the effort.