Overcoming infertility depression when you can’t conceive a baby is an ongoing process. You’ll never be totally over it, but you can learn how to live without getting pregnant.
Before the tips, a quip:
“If we give up the notion that everybody’s life but ours is perfect, we would be a lot happier,” says psychologist Dr Joy Browne. “Nobody’s life is perfect.”
Even if you did get pregnant right away, your life wouldn’t be perfect! Whether or not we get the desires of our heart, there will always be wrinkles and blemishes. If you’re stuck in despair or self-pity, read The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life (and the Eight Realities That Will Save You) — it’s a great “reality check.”
And, here are several tips for overcoming infertility depression…
How to Overcome Infertility Depression When You Can’t Conceive
Stop the pity parties
Feeling like a victim and blaming other people keeps infertility depression going strong. Instead of thinking about how lousy your life is – and how sad you are that you can’t conceive, and how you wish things could be different – find ways to empower yourself. What does a survivor look like to you? Figure out who she is, and be her.
Listen to what works for other couples who can’t get pregnant
Do you have any friends, family members, or acquaintances who overcame infertility depression? Talk to them. Seek different perspectives, other people’s opinions, and sound advice.
Let go of the words “never” and “always”
Just because you’re not pregnant now doesn’t mean you’ll never get pregnant! Just because you’re struggling to overcome infertility depression now doesn’t mean you’ll always feel sad or anxious. It may help to remember that this is a stage that won’t last forever. Something will change in your life.
Stop the “If you loved me, you’d know” method of communication
Instead of expecting your partner, friends, or family to figure out how you feel, try volunteering information about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t make people guess or pry it out of you. Be clear and honest about how you feel, and don’t expect people to know what you’re struggling with.
Remember that problems aren’t always insurmountable obstacles
Sometimes problems are just bumps in the road. For instance, I once thought the cost of ovulation predictor kits were a huge obstacle…and now I know that they’re just a little problem. To overcome infertility depression, don’t take life’s everyday challenges (the cost of pregnancy tests or temperature gauges, for example) and make them into huge obstacles.
Let go of the need to control life when you can’t get pregnant
Let go of the urge to be in control of all situations at all times. Don’t feel like you have to always be in charge of everything from how your husband’s sperm count and motility to the month in which you want to give birth. Getting pregnant isn’t always something you can control.
Remember that you’re not alone on the infertility roller coaster
You’re not feeling feelings that are all that different from everybody else, my friend. It’s not you against the world. Other couples coping with infertility do understood what you’re going through. To overcome infertility depression, unite with with people who have experienced the same things.
If you have any thoughts or questions on these tips for overcoming infertility depression, please comment below.