I am in a similar situation to you. My husband, who is also older by 10 years, does not really want anymore children for various reasons. He is a great father to his children now, but also due to divorce, etc., he just doesn’t know if it’s in the cards for him to have one more child. I am 36 years old and I definitely feel my clock ticking from time to time. It is very hard sometimes for me because I’d love to share this experience with him and experience the joys that he does now. However, I also realize that if this does not ever happen (and it looks that way), that I have a lot to be thankful for. You can always try to look on the bright side that you married a man that you totally love and can do other things like travel, etc. without having to worry about children. Sometimes I really resent people who are like, “Oh my gosh, my kids are my life… blah blah blah…” And yes, sometimes it’s hard to be around, however, I just have to trust that this was not in the cards for me and that I have to embrace the positive that I do have in life. It’s good to know I’m not the only person with this situation though. I hope this helped.

Isn’t that one of the worst parts of being gay — lack of natural procreation? That’s really hard to deal with, especially if you want to have kids.

Our neighbors are a lesbian couple, and they have two little kids. While I haven’t asked how they “got” their children, I suspect they had fertility treatments. One of them gave birth to the children. Admittedly, this is easier for women than men (to get pregnant via in vitro fertilization!)…but I think a gay man can enlist the services of a surrogate mother. So, there’s your first option!

And our other neighbors, a few houses away, are a gay couple. They’re in their 60s, and spend quite a bit of time and money on “adopting” kids from different countries. That is, they pay for the kids to come to Canada, learn English, and transition to a college or university either in Canada or their home country. They’ve helped almost a dozen kids this way, and feel like parents to those children.

In When You Can’t Have Kids – Options for Infertile Couples, I describe a few possibilities. Not all will work for you, but they’ll give you something to think about…because most of the things that infertile couples face are the same as what a gay couple will face.

I hope this helps!

Blessings,
Laurie

I’m sorry to hear you can’t have children, but glad that you’ve accepted it. We can’t have kids, and I’m not interested in adoption or sperm donors either.

I agree that you should tell a new partner fairly early — but it really depends on your relationship and the guy. I have so many tips for you, I had to write an article!

Here’s what I think….

I Can’t Have Children – How Do I Tell My Partner?

I hope it helps, and invite you to let me know what you think about what I think

Blessings,
Laurie

Your comment gave me so much to think about, I had to write an article about it. Here’s the link; if you have any further comments or questions, I’d love to hear from you.

Living Without Children in a World of Families

Best wishes,
Laurie

I don’t think we can escape our mammocentric society. Rather, we have to learn to live happily amongst families, women trying to get pregnant, and sad couples who can’t cope with infertility.

Similarly, it’s hard to teach body image acceptance in our (North American) society, which is so heavily laden with skinny beautiful models and movie stars!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts — I appreciate your feedback.

Laurie