Comments on: How to Help a Woman Cope With IVF Fertility Treatments

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 23:02:22 +0000

Thanks for your comments, Tony! It sounds like you’ve had some personal experience with infertility treatments. I like your quip “promise you the moon, and give you a spoon.”

For some couples, the gamble of paying for IVF treatments is worth the risk of not getting pregnant. I wasn’t willing to take that risk, because I didn’t want a baby that badly. I also didn’t want to mess with my health. The money was a minor concern, but we were fortunate enough to have the cash to pay for IVF if I wanted it.

Some men do know how their wives feel about IVF, and others don’t. I guess the best way to help a woman cope is to ask her what you can do to show her you love and care for her. Don’t assume you know what she needs.

By: Tony

Tony — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 04:01:42 +0000

I hate to say it but most men who are going through IVF know exactly what there wives are going through including all the anguish, agony and feelings of loss. The one thing they can’t do for their partners is take their place when going through the frequently extremely uncomfortable and invasive procedures. Very little is written on how men might feel and I suspect most of us blame ourselves for it all happening in the first place. In fact you might even find that your partner blames you anyway so save the time.

By the way all this new age crap about rubbing your head with cow dung or spending several hours contemplating your naval at full moon does not help people. I am fed up with the number of ‘cures’ that well meaning people spout when they find out your an infertile couple. I know they are just trying to help but it does not. Just accept it, nothing you say can make it alright, sometimes life is crap so get over it. If you wanted a better way of wasting money with more certainty of getting some value for money on your infertility back then get the same amount of money that you were going to spend on IVF and take it down to the casino and put it on black. You will have more chance of getting your money back.

The IVF industry (and it is an industry) make an awful lot of money by promising the moon and giving you a spoon. There are a lot of things that clinics will do to make their success figures look better than they actually are such as refusing treatment to the ‘hopeless cases’ or claiming a treatment is successful if there is pregnancy but no live birth. Enter the process with no rose colored spectacles and no expectations and you will be better off than thinking it will succeed just because x celebrity had a baby at 40 because they have a lot more money than you and probably used someone else’s eggs or you are using some relaxation technique taught to you by a shaman from the outer reaches of Bangalore.

By: Carol

Carol — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 20:25:15 +0000

My daughter in law just went through her second ivf process without success. I’m constantly checking sites to give the parents some insite on how to help because we feel so helpless. It’s very painful to watch your children go through this incredibly stressful journey. My heart goes out to all the couples who are trying everything in their power to have children.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 02:38:38 +0000

Thanks for your comments! Going through IVF fertility treatments is so difficult, but it helps when your partner is there to help you cope. Different women cope in different ways, which means you really need to know your woman in order to help her cope!

By: Mark @ MyLife Counselling Guelph

Mark @ MyLife Counselling Guelph — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 01:25:38 +0000

This is a great article to help male partners develop some empathy for the difficult process this is for their female partners. Thanks for sharing this info. – Mark

By: Lil

Lil — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:21:02 +0000

I am just beginning the IVF process. Really glad to find your blog–I have read so much today! This made me feel better about the mood swings. I can really relate to being fine not having kids one day and feeling destroyed by it the next day. I don’t think I am like most women. I am trying to find something out there that supports going thru with IVF even if you really don’t want to. It seems like everyone doing IVF is excited about it and wants to do it. I have to fake it. I am doing this for my husband–he deserves to be a dad. My family really pushed us too, so I guess I am doing it for them too. I have really bad endrometrosis so IVF is the next step. Thanks for writing.

By: Caron Smith

Caron Smith — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 18:41:03 +0000

Hi Laurie,
Thanks for a thoughtful blog. I have counselled people with fertility concerns, and have had friends with the same. With friends I found it was helpful to not bring it up unless they did. It was so tempting to ask, “How did your last treatment go?” However, I knew that if there was anything to report, they would do so. It was also important to meet them where they were, so that when they were hopeful and excited, I could support them. When they were dejected, if they felt like crying, I could be with that as well.
Thanks again.
Caron

By: Jean-Paul Thuot R.Ac

Jean-Paul Thuot R.Ac — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:24:13 +0000

I have numerous fertility patients coming to see me. One of the things I strongly recommend is some sort of mindfulness practice, such as TaiQi, yoga, meditation or QiGong. I appreciate your perspective, have posted this on my FB page, and wish you the very best in your journey, no matter how it turns out.