Dec 302008
 

This help for couples coping with infertility are from real couples who can’t get pregnant. You’re not alone if you’re having trouble conceiving a child — and your marriage doesn’t have to suffer undue stress.

Before the tips, a quip:

“It’s okay to be down in the dumps – just don’t stay there too long,” said Catherine DeVrye.

And that’s one way for couples to cope with infertility: be sad, but don’t let your problems getting pregnant depress or distress you. For inspiration, click on Hope Happens: Words of Encouragement for Times of Change by Catherine DeVrye. And, read on for help for couples coping with the infertility roller coaster.

Help for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant





Concentrate on the present. “Focus on what you’re doing right now,” says Seth-Deborah Roth, a certified clinical hypnotherapist. “Don’t future trip: ‘if this doesn’t work, then what?’ Take it one step at a time, one procedure at a time. You can make you decision as to what to do next when you get there! Do the infertility procedure, and if it fails then think about what to do next. This made my 11 years of infertility and seven in vitro fertilization attempts more tolerable.”

Concentrate at staying strong as a couple. “The divorce rate is even higher for couples going through infertility than the average,” says Roth. “Just knowing this will give the two of you strength. My husband and I are much stronger than a lot of couples and we’re much better parents because of it. We’re also older parents due to the years of infertility and trying to get pregnant. It gave us the years to be more emotionally grown up before we had our child and therefore able to give our child more wisdom!” For more marriage help, read Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Strong in Infertility.

Host an ‘anti-Mother’s Day.’ “We dealt with primary infertility for eight years and secondary infertility after that,” says Alyson LaBarge. “Now (15 years later), we have one biological miracle daughter and two adopted miracle daughters. The hardest time for me to not be pregnant when I so wanted to be was on Mother’s Day, celebrated every May here in the US.  In an effort to decrease to pain and heartache that I felt over not yet being a mom, every year, when Mother’s Day rolled around we would plan a fun activity. We called it our ‘Anti-Mother’s Day weekend’ and it helped. We often invited some of our infertile friends to join us and we all had fun together over what would have otherwise proven to be a painful reminder of our situation.” For more help for couples coping with not getting pregnant, read Coping With Infertility on Mother’s Day.

Build a support network. “We also created a circle of friends with whom we could share our pain and frustrations,” says LaBarge. “For us, it worked to be very open about being ‘Fertility Challenged’, thus making it very easy to meet others who were going through similar experiences. We would get together on weekends and play games or just connect during the week. We shared our information on our cycles, doctor’s appointments and where we were in either the infertility or adoption process.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.”

Have a backup plan. “Going into a cycle, I always have a backup plan,” says Jamie Weitl.  “I try to plan ahead so that I will be prepared for the next cycle and have some type of a reward if the cycle fails.  I am currently in the midst of an in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle.  If this cycle doesn’t work, I’m going to buy myself a Nike+ and start the Couch to 5K program.  My doctor has advised me not to run during IVF so this seems like a good goal for me — something I want to do, but I can’t do during treatment.  I also plan to do another cycle this summer, if this cycle results in a negative.”

Accept a childfree life. “The hardest part for me is the expectation that a woman my age should have children,” says Karen. “I’m constantly meeting new people through my consulting business and travel. In the past few years, I am constantly asked if I have children, if I’m trying, if I’m married, whether I want to have children. I find it so intrusive. I have a very happy, satisfying life and marriage. Children would be a wonderful addition to it, but not a necessity. I also grow weary of media stories about infertility and the lengths women go to get pregnant or the desperation they feel. Not everyone trying to get pregnant is desperate and depressed. Thankfully, I have many women friends who do not have children as well as those who do.  It should be ok for women to accept infertility their lives and go on from there.”


Fix Your Marriage

Do you have any questions or thoughts on this help for couples coping with not getting pregnant? Please comment below…

laurie pawlik kienlenI'm Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - bookworm, travel bug, flute player, writer, blogger, warrior princess. :-) My husband and I live in Vancouver, Canada with our cat and dogs.

Are you happy? My Grade 10 Social Studies teacher always asked me that. And I am happy, despite a hard childhood (schizophrenic mom, no dad, foster homes), infertility, an eating disorder, and a chronic illness. The source of my peace and joy is God; I'm a Christian. Where do you find peace?

I welcome your big and little comments below, about big or little things. I can't give you advice, but writing can give you clarity and insight.

In peace and passion...Laurie

  6 Responses to “Help for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant”

  1. Thanks for your comments — I hope the book helps your girlfriend!

  2. I’m not pregrant, but there is some nice information in your text. I’ll recommend this book to my girlfriend ;)

  3. I really think the way your looking a couples not being able to get pregnant is unique. And choosing to get pregnant is sometimes a lot harder to do. Thanks for the information.

  4. Peggy, thank you for reminding us that coping with a childree life is a process. When you said you’re “learning to accept infertility”, it made me realize that we don’t just accept it one day and be done with it.

    Learning to live without kids requires continual acceptance and deliberate practicing of gratitude for the things we do have!

  5. We are also a family living without children and learning to accept infertiity. Thank you for posting about this book! It is good to know that we aren’t alone…

  6. I believe in using a hypnotherapist for many reasons.

    The first is to discover if there are any hidden subconscious issues that may be at play. The hypnotherapist has many tools in his or her belt to see things from different perspective, to release old fears or angers etc.

    Second, hypnotherapy can help with stress management and also with visualization of the successful procedures that one goes through. Our body responds on a biochemical basis to the thoughts we think !!! I often have my clients visualize the embryo sticking to the wall of the uterus. Welcoming the embryo. Hypnosis has been shown to affect many physical happenings in the body. Use this tool to assist your mental and physical self.

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