If you really want to get pregnant – or if you’re obsessed with having a baby, pregnancy, and all things baby-related – check out Dr Phil’s tips. He talked to three women consumed with yearning to have a baby.
I watched Dr Phil’s show on women obsessed with having a baby so I could share his tips — which I thought would be helpful I also was curious about what his guest speaker (a top fertility doctor) would say.
But halfway through the show, I was infuriated with Dr Phil’s advice to couples obsessed with having a baby! And I was mad at the fertility doctor, who kept telling the couples that they should go to his fertility clinic, that they’re good candidates for in vitro fertilization, and that fertility treatments are expensive but worth it. Sheesh. I hoped for more well-rounded, balanced advice!
Dr Phil encouraged all three couples to have kids no matter what the cost. Even if one partner was lukewarm about having kids (the husband in all three cases, for various reasons), he should keep trying to get her pregnant, keep trying to make her happy, and keep trying to fulfill her dreams of having children.
I think this is wrong. I think there’s a point where we have to stop trying — stop obsessing with having a baby! That’s why I recommend books like Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again - to help women find joy in other ways.
If you’re obsessed with getting pregnant but doing nothing productive about it, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health. It’s been the bestselling book on getting pregnant for a long, long time.
Here’s why Dr Phil’s tips for women obsessed with having a baby weren’t helpful at all – and perhaps even damaging.
Are You Obsessed With Having a Baby?
Dr Phil had one tip for women who want to have a child: do everything you can to get pregnant.
I thought this show would cover a variety of options for infertile couples…but the words in vitro fertilization, intrauterine insemination, and predicting ovulation were barely mentioned. They certainly weren’t defined or described! Nothing about adoption, fostering kids, or surrogate motherhood was mentioned.
The fertility doctor was advertising his services on Dr Phil
Every time the doctor was asked for his opinion, he talked about how great the chances of success for in vitro fertilization were, how he can help them get pregnant, and how simple infertility treatments are. I understand that Dr Phil’s experts have their own agendas…but this was the first time that I felt that an expert was trolling for business. This doctor didn’t offer any tips to help women obsessed with having a baby – he just wanted their business at his fertility clinic.
The central message was that life is all about getting pregnant
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I thought for sure Dr Phil would help these women see that there is more to life than having children! Sure, getting pregnant and having kids is exciting and fills a deep yearning for many women. Yes, I’d love to have a baby. But a woman’s life can’t revolve around having kids to the exclusion of all else! If a woman can’t get pregnant, she has to move beyond her desire for children.
And, I think she has to be open to the possibility of accepting a childfree life even while she’s trying infertility treatments and praying hard for a baby.
The roots of the women’s obsession to have a baby were not considered
Being obsessed with anything – getting pregnant, buying a bigger better house, advancing your career – isn’t a sign of emotional health. I’m obsessed with writing and building my blogs…and if I went on the Dr Phil show and he told my husband to buy me more laptops and do everything in his power to make sure I fulfill my dream of earning six figures as a web writer, then Dr Phil would be called an enabler. Millions of viewers would write in, shocked and appalled.
I tuned in to Dr Phil today because I was sure I’d hear about how women cope with fertility problems in positive, healthy ways. I thought I’d hear from women who tried everything to get pregnant and wanted to share what they learned.
Instead, all I heard was “do everything in your power to get pregnant, no matter how much it costs.” The message this sends to men and women is that getting pregnant is the most important thing in life. Forget about different, healthy ways to cope with infertility: focus on fertility treatments and having babies at all costs.
You can live a happy, fulfilling life even if you don’t get pregnant and have biological babies. Read Childlessness and Happiness – Why I’m OK With Being Childless for a healthy, happy perspective.
If you’re still obsessed with having a baby, read How Do You Get Pregnant When You Can’t Afford Fertility Treatments?
What do you think of Dr Phil’s tips for women obsessed with having a baby? I’d love to hear from you below…