Comments on: Accepting a Childfree Life – How to be Happy Without a Baby

By: Seven

Seven — Sun, 06 May 2012 20:42:52 +0000

Reading some of the comments here are deeply saddening. I’m married 21 yrs and WE are child free by choice. We originally considered having a child but as we watched our (now former) friends have babies and saw the terrible collateral damage having children created in their lives we opted out. Our former friends are all divorced some remarried but all became bitter debt ridden and resentful of their offspring. Of course at the beginning they all loved the attention they received while pregnant and they adored the infant/baby experience. Then reality hit: we have to buy a minivan…bigger house…more debt…have to keep up with the other families… It all became a misery loaded life and what suffered the most are the children. My husband and I are very caring nurturing people who have never held children as the center of our identities. We don’t hate children we simply don’t have any hardcore affection for them. We have a large authentic supportive network of friends that are our family. Understand that some people really really need to reproduce/parent/control and others do not. Live and let live. If you have children and are happy thats lovely but stop throwing your value system onto those of us who are also really really happy who do not have children. We aren’t catatonic with sorrow or loaded up on antidepressants pining for your life. To the contrary we are high functioning and able to contribute to society in more ways than over populating the world. Blessings.

By: MM

MM — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:01:51 +0000

Read Mask of Motherhood and other good books that demystify the pink cloud as it is tough, hard, and often miserable and yes also great and without is just as great just different. I decided to go without and these kind of books helped me to realize it does not make you more happy or more complete. It is just a different life once you move beyond the stereotype of thinking how life should be. Me andy partner are incredibly happy with our ability to prioritize and make life choices that fit us the best. You may be surprised to find out that a childless/free lifes may suite you well, very well I also went to lots of parties where parents were present, listening carefully to them. Try to look more objective and realistic. The thought that parenthood makes people more happy is one of the best kept illusions. Though of course for some who really have only one goal in life it may really be what they need to do. For many out there I don’t think it is. Have the guts and live your life as it comes and dare to choose or accept. I never expected to feel si hood about it. It’s great to move beyond societal pressure and expectations and to take care of yourself and from there for others. Let’s do it, let’s be free

By: Madonna

Madonna — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 13:06:01 +0000

Thank you Jennifer.

I really needed to hear that someone survived. When I signed up to this network, I was hoping to hear stories from people who had accepted that there would not be children. All the stories are from younger people who are still trying. Don’t get me wrong, I hope everything works out for them, however, I would appreciate hearing from people who are past the child bearing years and are child free, accepting it and are happy.

Thank you again.

By: Jennifer L

Jennifer L — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 05:27:30 +0000

After 7 years of trying to get pregnant- and at least 2 miscarriages that I am aware of- requiring hospitalization- fertility treatments, praying, etc.etc. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am not going to be a mother. It took a while to get to the point of acceptance that I am at now (or at least most days Giving up the dream of parenthood was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. However, now that I am on the other side I see that life can be beautiful, fulfilling and rewarding. It can be full of love and joy too!! It’s just different than what I thought it would be. Like Laurie- I too have finally accepted this is the thing in life- my thing- that’s difficult. We all have a cross to bear and this is mine- and that’s ok. Hang in there ladies- as one whose been through it- you can come out the other side stronger and happy.

By: Soem

Soem — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 16:24:57 +0000

Dears,

A quote I like to share with you all, from a friend who tried to boost me up of the fact that I can not have kids om my own.
“God loves all the women, the one who have a child and the one who can not”.
It is very hard to deal for yourself to be infertility and als the explaining to others. Other remarks like if you not have a child of your own your not a woman, grrrr… I hate it, but try always to be polite. It take years for me to cope with it, a lot of silent tears. Meditation exerices have helped me a lot. And take a son of my sister, as a 6 month baby, in house is a blessing to us. He is now 15 years old and in his teens, but I still enjoy having him around.
So, mums-can-not-be I hope I cheer up you a little with sharing above quote with you.
greetz
Soem

By: Tina

Tina — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 21:43:26 +0000

Carol,
I know my parents were upset when I told them that my husband and I wouldn’t be having children. However, when I explained to them the cost of trying to do fertility and the cost of adoption, they understood a little more. We may still try to adopt down the road, however for now we would like to save up money and be sure we are in a good financial position before doing so.
Some people are willing to pay the price at any cost to have a family of their own–it seems like your son and his wife have decided not to. Please be a parent and stand by them and help them through this. It was difficult for me at first and I just asked my Mother to stand by me as it was difficult enough to take it all in and she’s been there for me to lean on when I’m having a down time. As hard as it may be for you to not having grandchildren, know that it have to of been just as hard for your son and his wife to make their decision. It’s difficult at first, but I hope in time you will all be able to realize why they have made the decision they have.

By: Carol

Carol — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 06:11:28 +0000

My son and his wife have decided not to have a family.(Or should I say, she has decided and he now thinks that is what he wants also). I am devastated, heart-broken and consumed with grief. Help please !!

Carol

By: Madonna

Madonna — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:03:11 +0000

Thank you. Finally someone who is actually happy without having to have a baby. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting children, as I certainly did, however, I’m now 51 and my husband and I were not blessed with children and am growing tired and depressed of reading all the posts about how unhappy and depressed people are because they don’t have children.

When I logged on to this site, it was for support, and not to be made more
depressed.

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 01:50:53 +0000

Cathy,
Did your best friends daughter have her twins already? My husband and I are willing to adopt and I would never want to split twins up!
Please let me know and we can get in touch! We would be willing to travel to Florida, we live in Wisconsin and around 30 yrs of age, and if she would like recommendations, we can get those as well!
My thoughts and prayers go out to you in hopes you can find some comfort as well as your best friend and her daughter! My husband and I can’t naturally have children and the cost of IVF is outrageous.

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:22:27 +0000

Dear Rony,

Thanks for your comments.

I agree that there is a reason for everything, even if we don’t know what that reason is. And life is so much easier and better if we can flow with what we’re given, instead of fighting it.

Blessings,
Laurie