I can’t believe I missed your comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with infertility.

Our lives will never be in vain and worth nothing, simply because we are decent, hardworking people. Having children does not guarantee that our mark on the world will be good, passionate, or valuable.

Blessings,
Laurie

I cannot and will not ever be able to have a child of my own — both because I cannot conceive and I cannot afford adoption. There are days that I move forward with no thought on the matter and other days it cuts me to my core. I once had a woman absolutely and totally stop talking to me once she learned I do not have children. As a college professor, I’ve had students tell me I would change my values (as I haven’t had TV since 1996 in my home) if I had kids and refuse to acknowledge that my life is worth something to future generations because I do not have a child. My mother even said once, “I don’t understand. I went through so much to have you. What is my purpose in life if you cannot have children?” I know the question was more about her struggles to have babies, but at the time I felt like she did not value me or see I could have any impact on the world even though I’m an educator and have taught over 1000 children in my lifetime.

As far as “trying” to conceive, I have never been in an income bracket to afford treatments, and several years ago I needed an emergency hysterectomy (which I made $100 a month payments on for over a year, even with “good” insurance). As a result, all options were gone for me forever at that moment. I got a life — my own — and that is all I can hope for. I wish desperately that adoption was inexpensive for those like me who are good people (I have a master’s degree, honors for citizenship and community work, not so much as a speeding ticket) but I’ve been told because I’m a Jew and my husband is an agnostic that most private agencies do not want to give us a child (because they want the child brought up in a religious household and they believe my husband would never agree with me, no matter what we say).

So, here I am, only 40 years old and resigned now to being childless. One artist friend said, “We say ‘childfree’ because we didn’t ever want children.” Oh, how I wish I never wanted a little one to share my loved ones with and pass my family’s love, history and stories onto. I do not want our lives to be in vain and be worth nothing to the future of the world, because we are decent, hard working people who believe in equality, education and kindness for all (regardless of whatever is popular in some religious and political circles). Wouldn’t it be better to have more children in the world who were taught this way?